Like Burnt Offerings said, I cannot really say I have "Quit" Meth. I use it from time to time, but I make sure to keep my job and my family does not know or really suspect. (I don't think). I know this is spoken like a true addict, but I feel like I have it SOMEWHAT in check. Let me explain!!! Forgive my rambling as I'm a little spun as I type this all on my crappy phone.
I am a 23 year old guy living in one of the Midwest are hillbilly states.
not rural area at allbut I recently spent a year in Prison. I got out on parole about 5 months ago. The few years leading up to my incarceration were literally what any NORMAL person or non tweakers (or as I always called them "muggle" people) could imagine as ROCK BOTTOM. BUT AT THE TIME I WAS SO "ATE UP" that in my fantasy "Dope game" world I was living the dream!! A little bCkground on my area.... I live in the state that is they refer to af meth capital of the USA.... And in said state I live in the county that has most meth in state!!!! Literally an epidemic, literally are NO OTHER DRUGS IN THIS TOWN.... And Tweakers walk the streets with hoodies up, and sunglasses at all hours, sporting headlamps and backpacks full of electronics like its a damn fashion statement!!!!! I SWEAR TO YOU.... This whole town, which you WOULD KNOW if I said the name (very very popular FAMILY vacation destination) Is a Methhead colony after dark. I was born in this town, and Went all through school here, and been here my entire life.
And so I got involved in this whole "dope game" scene. Details bot important. I remember the first few times I used, I'd tell myself, "JUST this ONCE l! This ain't weed"!!!!! I smoked for a couple days straight and then broke my pipe (glass dick, pizzo, etc). After a COUPLE HOURS PASSED , I realized I was digging it out of trash to scrape the pieces....
Literally went on auto pilot. Didn't even FATHOM what I was doing was not good ifea. The addiction was swift and insane. I Can't explain to anyone who hasn't experienced the crazy, twisted way meth addiction works..., just Seemed like one long day.... Like I Was going in auto pilot, and begore I accepted it I always felt this crazy twisted evil presence come over me, and my mind would get twisted badly, I was ATE THE F UP. Insane Weird evil and perverted thoughts. when I finally had a "REALITY CHECK" (If u are/been hardcore meth user u kno what I mean by that) I had been homeless for 2 years.... ... Doing nothing but smoke meth, in Wendy's bathroom stall, often times with people right outside. Wasnt couch surfing. Everyone I knew robbed me. Noooo. I mean at first id sit 4 days and nights inside 24 hour mcdonalds coloring on my backpack, and finally crashing when I couldn't smoke enuf to stay awake. I'd stay hi so I didn't need a home. Wander around all night, no need for a bed or food. .... Eventually got kicked out of everywhere and sat up a tent in woods behind a walmart. I Would have to Pick up dirty, wet, abandoned clothes off the side of road, and dry in resteraunt bathrooms hand dryers to have something warm to wear. I LITERALLY surviving on nothing but shoplifted candy bars and dr pepper, and meth.... would eat out of the trash (when I DID eat), and panhandle for meth money with cardboard signs. I did that at the SAME INTERSECTION EVERY SINGLE DAY, for the entire 2years straight that I was on the streets. ALL OF THIS WAS an INCREDIBLY FUN adventure TO Me!!! Cops, snitches, hidden cameras, shadow people, guns, paranoia, hookers, strange cars passing by, conspiracys, and everything was a big joke!!!!!!!!! I made begging a LITERAL profession... Easy money, even easier than hustling!!!! I would dress in different roles, had multiple aliases each with crazy extravagant background story's so I could always be seen like a helpless victim. I Had hundreds of cardboard signs with things like "Homeless, but not HOPELESS, thank god! Or Need a miracle, anything helps, or stranded no as card or birth cert. etc etc. keep in mind I lived in this town my entire life...., people I went throufh school with, my Parents and siblings, ex girlfriend, EVERYBODY knew that I was a strait junkie. which was like a freedom, or a relief to me.
And so EVERY SINGLE DAY
from sunrise to sunset in 2013-2014 u would find me sitting outside that walmart putting on my act, making $500 at least a day, often times food and gift cards and brand newcclothing..... . AND then EVERY NIGHT, as soon as it got dark I'd go to the woods, climb in my tent, and shoot a half gram of dope. Then EVERY NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD MYSELF BEFORE HAND.... ID SWEAR THAT PEOLLE COMING!!!! So the tweaker war games would commence. Id sneak, and crawl, climb way up trees, and run for my life.... from imaginary cops (called them Dream Police) and/or dealers, with shadow people and tree people. It got so real that I couldn't deny it. I've done acid and shrooms and NEVER HAD AS INSANE VIVID HALLUCINATIONS like i did In the woods, at night, on meth.... Sometimes shit got so real, I'd end up so scared if b crying hysterically,so sure i was gonna b killed or go to prison for 25 years, and end up desperately praying to whatever god would pisten, "MAKE IT STOP!!!! ILL NEVER DO METH AGAIn if u make this not real".... Sun finally comes up, I feel dumb, find my glasses case with my rigs and my phone that I threw in woods, repeat entire cycle. AND I MEAN LITERALLY...,,,,,
So now I had a year in prison clean and clear. decided to just smoke weed like I used too! Stoner!!! Well all was perfect and then I failed a UA for pot, yet was still dappling with meth an Only failed pot. So now u gotta do 4 Na meetings by this Tuesday (it's 2am Sunday ) all for the POT!!!!! It's 2am I have to work at 6. I go in high as hell all the time and nobody notices!!!! I'm a housekeeper and so it works out alriht! My mom is my supervisor, and was a meth junkie for 8 years, and tho she's been clean for 15 now, she knows how to diagnose a twackstar!!! And so far so good!! I go to work 5 days a week, wether I'm spun or or coming down.
You CAN stop on your own. Will just take some clean and clear time.... The drug is crazy and manipulative.
GOOGLE "I.v.r.t. Recovery", book (don't remember author) or just research the " inner voice recognition technique". Read it in the joint, and I think it's exactly what you are looking for. They really bash AA and 12 step programs, and say the answer is simpler. RecogniZing the addictive voice in yourself.
SORRY GUYs!!! Ramble. RAMBLE. If u read this all u RCA trooper.
SINCERELY,
Just another faceless person on this forum.
