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Dangerous New STD Linked to Phish Phans

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blowjay

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
367
EDIT:link removed because it did not work for another poster, quoted text of article found below...

It seems Ebola has a contender...
 
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Troubling New STD/LSD Hybrid Immune to Penicillin
By: Dr. Wilson Carini, PHD – W.I.T. Staff Science Reporter

<W.I.T.> Scientists and research analysts at a joint Government / W.I.T. study are closer to discovering a cure for a dangerous new sexually transmitted disease originating from and centered within The Phish community. The Center of Disease Control and Prevention (cdc.gov) issued a health alert last month after the spread of Lysergic Venerial-Neisseria (LSV) reached dangerous levels.
The STD is gonorrhea genetically mutated with Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) to cause a highly contagious hybrid infection. The first known case of the disease was indeed mistaken for common gonorrhea. The infected teenaged male caused ripples in the medical and scientific community when normal gonorrhea treatments failed to quell the rate of infection.
LSD, better known by the street slang “acid,” is the drug of choice within The Phish realm. The mood-lifting effects of the hallucinogen are very popular. The drug causes increased sensory enhancement leading to the before mentioned hallucinations stemming from an increased awareness of music and visual stimuli.


LSV first appeared during the 1997 East Coast (The Phish Destroys America) Tour, immortalized with a crispy boxed set release of the Hampton / Winston-Salem shows. The first cases are believed to have incubated within The Phish LSD community among fans (or “phans”) who anally ingested the drug, a method of drug consumption better known by the street term, “butt-dropping.” Unprotected fornication then led to the metabolism of coagulated genetic super bacteria into the present mutated form leaving scientists baffled until the recent breakthroughs.
The Phish is a psychedelic space funk trip group with noodling guitars and exhaustive musical interludes which attract elements of society open to the long ago debunked hippie outlook on life. The phans are open to frightening levels drug abuse. They are sexually promiscuous with hostile attitudes toward cleanliness, a perfect storm for an outbreak of this sort.
W.I.T. scientists have concluded the high dosages of LSD required for acid tolerant Phans to experience the drug’s euphoric “high” combined with the incessant twirling common to hippie dance formations provides the conditions for this hybrid disease to grow and infect others. The disease is now epidemic to those partaking in dangerous life choices at The Phish concerts or drum circled lot celebrations.
Those suffering from LSV soon develop pubic onset gonorrheal-pelvic distress syndrome, commonly known as crotchrot. Sores and lesions begin appearing on the body, mostly around the sex organs, anus, and other areas of the body where the initial coital contact with an infected partner occurred. Victims having contracted the disease through oral sodomy develop flaking around the mouth and lips. The infected areas will then change colors. Epidermal scabbing will morph from brownish hues to orange sunshine shades. In some case, a pus discharge is present.
Experts are reportedly very close to isolating the biological structure of LSV. Further research is still needed, however, to bring infection levels down. With disease now rampaging through The Phish drug culture, parents are advised to refrain from allowing their children to attend their concerts.
 
I posted the quote from the whole article, link works fine for me, I will probably just edit the link out to save trouble anyways.
 
Hmmm, I must be tired. I can't tell if it is satire or not. If it's for real I'd have to say there was quite a motivation in writing it. What happened? Did the good doctors girlfriend run off with another guy and tour with Phish? 8) (I'll get you back!!!)
 
JackARoe said:
Hmmm, I must be tired. I can't tell if it is satire or not. If it's for real I'd have to say there was quite a motivation in writing it. What happened? Did the good doctors girlfriend run off with another guy and tour with Phish? 8) (I'll get you back!!!)
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Same here, I read it and was like umm, what?
 
blowjay said:
I always get the D!!~~

But yes this was a very funny find and I would love to know the backstory hahaha.
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It will be kept very secret.. you will need to infiltrate the wall of the prestigious Wyoming Institute of Tech. The best way to approach this would be to study your enemy:sus:

About WIT

Founded in 1943 as one of America’s first independently-owned nuclear science facilities , The Wyoming Institute of Technology has been at the forefront of scientific research and advancement in the United States for more than seventy years, serving as a leading voice in a wide assortment of fields, from environmental issues to medical science to consumer tech and beyond.

Our Mission

Our mission statement has remained the same since we were handed our very first government contract in 1943: “to always intrepidly seek answers to the greatest challenges of our day, employing scientific method and cutting-edge research to ensure only the highest-quality results at all times.”

Regardless of the agendas of our financial supporters on any given project, WIT staff work tirelessly to provide neutral, non-partisan, wholly accurate scientific research and data, using the latest and most innovative technologies to advance our understandings of the world around us and its inhabitants. That’s why companies like Halliburton, Exxon-Mobil, BP, and countless others count on WIT for all of their third-party scientific research needs.

Our History

Originally known as the Wyoming Institute of Education and Nuclear Energy Research, WIT was founded in 1943 by Dr. Matt Stone Sr. and Dr. Montgomery “Monty” Allen III, who were commissioned by the US Government to study molecular damage from long-term radiation exposure as a part of the Manhattan Project.

From August of 1949 through December 1951, WIT researchers made a number of key discoveries that would eventually lead to the invention of color television sets. They also filed three-dozen patents for new technology that would have allowed the private sector to develop what WIT called “smellovision,” allowing televisions to reproduce odors present on television screens, but the FCC, CDC, and FDA regulated those efforts out of existence. Still, WIT won several awards in that era for our groundbreaking research.

In 1959, WIT became involved in America’s space program, as one of the countless public and private organizations responsible for putting a man on the moon. Every human who has ever stepped foot on the Moon received in-depth training from, and contributed toward the research of, WIT. In fact, WIT’s original “space toilet” design is largely still in use on the International Space Station today!

The Wyoming Institute of Education and Nuclear Energy Research shortened its name in 1967 to simply “The Wyoming Institute of Technology.” That same year, we played a critical role in the early development of the Internet, alongside DARPA researchers and our then-partners at Brookhaven National Laboratory.

After having been commissioned in 1986 by the Reagan Administration to study how the government might infiltrate computers and disable them remotely, WIT researchers developed what some say is the world’s first computer virus in 1987. This “bug” was so effective that it completely shut down all of North America’s internet service on June 18th, 1987.

In 1989, Monsanto and DuPont commissioned WIT to study agricultural genetics, leading to our invention of the first genetically-modified crops in 1992. Our research was noted as fundamental in the cloning of Dolly the Sheep in 1997, as well as the creation of the world’s first 100% organic artificial nose, which was created for pop-star Michael Jackson in 1999.

In December of 1999, WIT literally saved the world, after our computer science researchers managed to stop the Y2K virus from spreading globally. The Y2K virus would have caused airplanes to fall from the sky, the stock market to crash, cars to stop functioning, cell phones to randomly dial strangers, and more. WIT’s tireless work led to several WIT researchers being awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 2000, and Presidential Medals of Freedom in both 2000 and 2001.

In 2006, ., to take WIT into the future. Since then, the company has been more profitable than it ever has, while advancing science in more fields, and in more ways, than any other privately-owned think thank in North America.

To date, WIT owns 471,393 patents, has offices in 19 States and 14 countries around the globe, and has contributed more than 960 million lines of code to critical computer systems for the governments of the United States, Great Britain, France, Iran, and Micronesia.
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http://witscience.org/about-wit/

get to know the founders, they are fucking geniouse...... "co-founder Matt Stone Sr. passed away, leaving his son, Dr. Matt Stone Jr " amazing opertunity here. Find a weakness.. there is no identified weakness, pretend and and charge.

Secret weapon.. its hot.. and dangerous.. it literally makes homely woman cry uncontrollably when used.. rage taken out on the poor fools that are their partners. Shit flows downhill and some of these fools are heads of the war machines.. shit flows downhill.. think of us all. extreme caution.

NSFW:
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Dr. Matt Stone Jr
 
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The STD is gonorrhea genetically mutated with Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) to cause a highly contagious hybrid infection.
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Ah! I see.
'Tis but a joke.
 
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