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Should I get married? Why bother?

nezo

nezo

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 2, 2000
Messages
2,690
Hey all,
Just wondering...what are people's thoughts on the whole concept of getting married? Is it an old fashioned institution and irrelevant in this day and age, or is still a true consumation of 2 people's love for another and a necessity if you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner?
And no, for those who know me well, we are not getting married...
 
If you need to ask if it's worth getting married, then you shouldn't ;)
Personally I never saw the point of it, until I suddenly felt like it was right (and so did my partner)! That was after about 5 years with my partner. I think you have to know that you are both compatible and aren't likely to grow apart before you make a decision like marriage. If you and your partners feelings for eachother are at all uneven (they have doubts but you don't, or there are any issues that you don't agree on), they you should definitely wait.
One positive thing I see about geting married, is simply that you are declaring to society that you and your partner are choosing to become "officially" family.
I still think it's bizarre that all those married people in the world happened to meet someone with whom they wish to spend the rest of their life. I'm sure it happens, but you'd think it would be extremely rare!
I don't think it's healthy to assume that you WILL get married in your life. Otherwise you are likely to find yourself with someone who isn't the right person.
I also find it a little embarrassing to admit, I can't call my partner my "fiancee" because there are so many idiots who get engaged for the hell of it! It's such a personal thing to admit to others...
Dont' see the point of a wedding ceremony.
Definitely don't need to get married to be with someone forever.
[ 04 April 2002: Message edited by: *chaoscat* ]
 
I think it's a very complicated, expensive, and frustrating way to get regular meals.
BigTrancer ;)
 
Personally I'm indifferent on the issue - if I was with a girl who wanted a weding then i'd go through with it, but at the same time I would happily not bother either...
I think it's irrelevant really, but a nice tradition at the same time...
Confused? You should be... ;)
 
I always swore that I would never, ever, ever marry. I even had a child to prove to everyone that it was possible to procreate without being married.
Then, nearly 2 years ago, I met a wonderful poster on another Bulletin Board, who resides in England. We fell in love across 12,000 miles. I have spent only 15 weeks physically with him, but he knows me better than myself. He is the masculine me, I am the feminine him.
I knew marriage was right as soon as I began my email relationship with stroppygob. We married in Cornwall UK in January this year. It was brilliant. Had the most wonderfully, wicked, laid-back reception ever. :)
He is still in Cornwall ... waiting for his Visa to come to Oz, but I am sure glad I married him.
:)
 
I see a wedding as a way of expressing your love and commitment to each other in front of your close friends and family. You've already agreed to be committed to each other (otherwise you wouldn't be getting married) but it's a way of saying to the world "we love each other and have agreed to a committed partnership together".
The legal reasons for getting married are kind of irrelevant now with defacto laws etc so it's becoming more of a traditional thing that two people want to do, rather than a necessity cause you want children or something.
Of course, if you're religious that would probably be the major reason why you'd get married. But for those of us who aren't, it's a celebration, a tradition, and a party with your friends and family cause you're so in love :)
 
^^ well congratulations, but i still think that's a bit odd (can't quite get used to the internet/long distance relationship thing).
getting married is something that hasn't even entered my mind at the ripe old age of 21. my parents were both in their 30's when they got married, so i figure i have plenty of time to be single or in relationships that aren't legally bound.
my uncle is in his early 50's, never been married, and i think the thing he regrets most is that he doesn't really have a family of his own. no kids, no long-term partner, it's a fairly solitary, lonely life. but whether you need to actually marry to have a family is contentious. depends if you're a Liberal voter or not ;)
 
I must admit, this thread didn't just pop into my head - I've been mulling over the whole idea of getting married for a while now. Personally, I think they're wonderful things and something that I would like to do, but at the moment I just don't feel the need. Amd I'm not sure if I ever will. You see, I already have everything a marrige could provide - people refer to me as being married already cause of the lifestyle that I lead. So what would be the catalyst for me to propose to my girlfriend (3 years, 10 months today)?
 
You'll know if it is ever right for you. If stroppy and I resided in the same hemi-sphere we may not have married and may have just lived together (as is usual for me). However, we do not and we did not.
It just felt right from the start. It blew me away.
 
Well its a lot easier to make a case for permanent residency if you're married to her...
 
where are my posts going???
that's the third post today that just hasn't appeared.
I was just cringing at my embarrassing display of romanticism :eek:
 
[Off topic rant ... sort of.]
You have NO IDEA how clueless and useless the people that work at Australia House in London are!!! They are PATHETIC.
You can not phone and ask how an application is going.
You can not email and ask how an application is going.
The office is only open for enquiries between 9.00 am and 11.00 am daily. But if you go and ASK how your application is going, they won't tell you.
It takes fucking 6 months to process a Visa for a spouse to join another in Australia. Just think, 200 years ago, all he would have had to do is pinch a loaf of bread.
[End of off topic rant ... thank you for your time.]
[ 04 April 2002: Message edited by: The Hen ]
 
i think miss aplles put it exactly the way i would...
a way of expressing your love and commitment to each other in front of your close friends and family. You've already agreed to be committed to each other (otherwise you wouldn't be getting married) but it's a way of saying to the world "we love each other and have agreed to a committed partnership together".
i would like to get married one day but im not thinking bout it too much. one of my ex's talked about it constantly (at the age of 17) and about having lots of kids etc. kinda made me wonder...i just think he was a bit clingy.
im slightly cynical about marriage because i have seen so many deteriorate in my family. i have seen my parents frightfully miserable for years as well as many aunties and uncles. out of all of my aunties and uncles, my parents are the only ones left married (on their first marriage at least). at the same time though this has made me realise the value of marriage and finding that certain someone that makes your heart soar. that someone who, when the time is right, you will be able to commit yourself to for the rest of your life.
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I think getting married is completely up to the persons involved (der.... thanks capatin obvious)
But what better way to say you are completely and utterly devoted to that person. What better way to say I love you with all my heart and soul? What better way to show your love to the world. YES today getting married is no longer NEEDED with todays defacto laws and so on..
But if two people want it then why not?
I myself said I would never get married, even when I was with someone I loved....
Or so i thought ;)
But now I know what the word really means then who knows what the future may bring? :)
 
8) Get a room you two ;)
Question - why should I wait till I get married to tell someone that I love them for now and evermore and with my complete heart and soul? I do it almost every day.
This thread is becoming sickenly lovey dovey - and I love it. :D Love rules!
 
You never know what the future will bring. That is the fun part of living.
why should I wait till I get married to tell someone that I love them for now and evermore and with my complete heart and soul? I do it almost every day.
No reason at all to marry unless you feel like it? (You could look at it in a mercanary point of view and look at certain tax minimisation schemes. But you are probably better off always remaining single.)
In any case, it is always good to tell your love-partner daily of your feelings. I do. :)
Click to expand...
 
Question - why should I wait till I get married to tell someone that I love them for now and evermore and with my complete heart and soul? I do it almost every day.
Who says you should? Marriage should just reaffirm what you already feel. Seems like most people who get married these days are already living as if married anyway.
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blech this thread is getting more sickening by the minute...and it's making me ill.
nezo...like I said, getting married doesn't mean that you haven't already said those things to each other and already made a committment to each other. you wouldn't be getting married otherwise.
but showing everyone else that you want to take the next step, that you are prepared to say to the world that you feel that way, that would be one reason to do it.
it sounds crass but it's almost like putting your money where you mouth is.
plus...from a girl's point of view...a wedding is pretty romantic. it's really the girl's day after all ;)
 
Well my partner of a bit over a year asked my parents last night if he could marry me.... my god did it start some shit! But we are going to, I'm 23 this year but i don't think age has anything 2 do with it.
 
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