I just had the biggest reality check then. It made me get this sudden burst of euphoria and I didn't even have a pill!
Let me explain.
I just realised why my whole attitude towards clubbing lately has sucked, why my comedowns have been bad and why I've been unwilling to take a break from pilling.
I was laying on my bed thinking about how it used to be when I first started clubbing. How every drop used to be magical. These days it just hasen't brought the rewards that it used to and now I've realised why.
When I first started pilling I wasn't too fussed about the quality of the pill because back then I was in it for the music, the dancing and the scene in general. So on the occasions that I did get an mdma pill I would be even more blown away than usual and it would raise me to a wonderful level of euphoria.
Then when I first started to go to pillreports my attitude became alll wrong. I started spending too much time on the hunt for that perfect ten out of ten pill every time I went out. I now realise that it was at that time (a few weeks before easter) that I lost the plot and my motives for rolling became all wrong. I started looking for that totally euphoric experience simply from the pill regardless of my environment or attitude. From then on I haven't had regular breaks or hardly any nights where I'd go out without ecstacy. Consequesntly that perfect euphoria that I had been searching for hardly ever occured anyway.
I've realised lately that I've lost the magic and it's because I haven't had regular breaks. You can't help but realise that here at the wonderful internet community that is Bluelight. Unfortunately I haven't been able to force myself to take a break and that is becuase my attitude has been all wrong.
I just realised that I can have a wonderful time without pills and then when I finally decide to drop again after having a good break it'll simply enhance the night. I have finally realised that the reason you should take breaks is not just to get your tolerance down or your serotonin back up. The main reason you should take a break is so that you don't become reliant on pills. You need the time to remember the simple things in life and the basic pleasures of clubbing. Once you do that your mindset becomes right again for your next drop.
My main point that I really want to make is this: If you can't have a good night without pills then you're probably not going to have a good night with them becuase if you aren't happy with the environment that you are in then the drop will not be that good anyway becuase your set and setting are wrong. Even if the drop is good while you are in this bad mindset the comedown at the very least will be shit. I can guarantee it.
Don't use ecstacy as a crutch. Use it as an enhancer to your night and that's where the euphoria will come from. I knew this all along but for some reason now is the time where I've actually come to realise the important truth behind it. From my own personal experience a pill will never make you euphoric. You have to be loving the place you are taking it at and the people that you are taking it with before you even drop.
Basically you can't depend on the pill to make you happy. You have to be happy to start with. Then the pill will take you to the levels you want it to once you are comfortable with yourself and the situation you are in. I just can't stress enough how I've suddenly realised more than ever before the importance of set and setting. This doesn't just apply to drugs but to your life in general!
My life from this moment forward has changed. I'm going to Passion this weekend in Canberra and I'm doing it drug free. I'm going to have a wonderful time just like I did at my first dance party where I didn't drop at all.
Just for the record if you don't believe what I've said so far then let me tell you about my first dance party where I did go straight. It was Twitsed generation in Canberra with Ferry Corsten last year. I had a better time there than I've had at some dance parties rolling on good imports.
I haven't really said anything new here that people don't already know. All I can say is I wish I realised this early before I started my obsession with pills.
Pills are great. I love them and will be doing them for as long as I can. Just remember that they should be used to assist you to have fun because they will not create the fun for you.
I'm just so happy that I've been able to take my mindset back to what it was when I was having a good time with pills. I probably sound like a rambling idiot and I'm sorry if I do.
Don't make the mistake I did of becomming drug dependent. Treat drugs with respect. Don't abuse them like I did and don't expect them to do anything for you. Take a mature attitude and use them wisely. Then they will work in the way that you want them to becuase you have control over them.
Take breaks. Look after your mind and body. Don't develop an obsession over pills. Take the time out to clear up your mind. Don't get depressed like I did. I can now see myself realistically taking that extra long break that I've needed to take for so long now. When I come back to the pills I'm going to have a lot of fun.
Does anyone think I'm strange, odd or otherwise incapable of holding a position in our society? If you think I need help tell me. By the way I'm not tripping either and I never have and probably never will. "Yeah right!" I hear you say. I just hope everyone understands where I'm comming from because it is a valuable lesson and it took me too long in my opinion for me to learn it.
[This message has been edited by Fine wine (edited 30 August 2001).]
Let me explain.
I just realised why my whole attitude towards clubbing lately has sucked, why my comedowns have been bad and why I've been unwilling to take a break from pilling.
I was laying on my bed thinking about how it used to be when I first started clubbing. How every drop used to be magical. These days it just hasen't brought the rewards that it used to and now I've realised why.
When I first started pilling I wasn't too fussed about the quality of the pill because back then I was in it for the music, the dancing and the scene in general. So on the occasions that I did get an mdma pill I would be even more blown away than usual and it would raise me to a wonderful level of euphoria.
Then when I first started to go to pillreports my attitude became alll wrong. I started spending too much time on the hunt for that perfect ten out of ten pill every time I went out. I now realise that it was at that time (a few weeks before easter) that I lost the plot and my motives for rolling became all wrong. I started looking for that totally euphoric experience simply from the pill regardless of my environment or attitude. From then on I haven't had regular breaks or hardly any nights where I'd go out without ecstacy. Consequesntly that perfect euphoria that I had been searching for hardly ever occured anyway.
I've realised lately that I've lost the magic and it's because I haven't had regular breaks. You can't help but realise that here at the wonderful internet community that is Bluelight. Unfortunately I haven't been able to force myself to take a break and that is becuase my attitude has been all wrong.
I just realised that I can have a wonderful time without pills and then when I finally decide to drop again after having a good break it'll simply enhance the night. I have finally realised that the reason you should take breaks is not just to get your tolerance down or your serotonin back up. The main reason you should take a break is so that you don't become reliant on pills. You need the time to remember the simple things in life and the basic pleasures of clubbing. Once you do that your mindset becomes right again for your next drop.
My main point that I really want to make is this: If you can't have a good night without pills then you're probably not going to have a good night with them becuase if you aren't happy with the environment that you are in then the drop will not be that good anyway becuase your set and setting are wrong. Even if the drop is good while you are in this bad mindset the comedown at the very least will be shit. I can guarantee it.
Don't use ecstacy as a crutch. Use it as an enhancer to your night and that's where the euphoria will come from. I knew this all along but for some reason now is the time where I've actually come to realise the important truth behind it. From my own personal experience a pill will never make you euphoric. You have to be loving the place you are taking it at and the people that you are taking it with before you even drop.
Basically you can't depend on the pill to make you happy. You have to be happy to start with. Then the pill will take you to the levels you want it to once you are comfortable with yourself and the situation you are in. I just can't stress enough how I've suddenly realised more than ever before the importance of set and setting. This doesn't just apply to drugs but to your life in general!
My life from this moment forward has changed. I'm going to Passion this weekend in Canberra and I'm doing it drug free. I'm going to have a wonderful time just like I did at my first dance party where I didn't drop at all.
Just for the record if you don't believe what I've said so far then let me tell you about my first dance party where I did go straight. It was Twitsed generation in Canberra with Ferry Corsten last year. I had a better time there than I've had at some dance parties rolling on good imports.
I haven't really said anything new here that people don't already know. All I can say is I wish I realised this early before I started my obsession with pills.
Pills are great. I love them and will be doing them for as long as I can. Just remember that they should be used to assist you to have fun because they will not create the fun for you.
I'm just so happy that I've been able to take my mindset back to what it was when I was having a good time with pills. I probably sound like a rambling idiot and I'm sorry if I do.
Don't make the mistake I did of becomming drug dependent. Treat drugs with respect. Don't abuse them like I did and don't expect them to do anything for you. Take a mature attitude and use them wisely. Then they will work in the way that you want them to becuase you have control over them.
Take breaks. Look after your mind and body. Don't develop an obsession over pills. Take the time out to clear up your mind. Don't get depressed like I did. I can now see myself realistically taking that extra long break that I've needed to take for so long now. When I come back to the pills I'm going to have a lot of fun.
Does anyone think I'm strange, odd or otherwise incapable of holding a position in our society? If you think I need help tell me. By the way I'm not tripping either and I never have and probably never will. "Yeah right!" I hear you say. I just hope everyone understands where I'm comming from because it is a valuable lesson and it took me too long in my opinion for me to learn it.
[This message has been edited by Fine wine (edited 30 August 2001).]
