Self discipline

I have a problem. Throughout my life has been the same repeating trend. I have lots of things I WANT to do, but I just CAN NOT bring myself about to do them, and if I get started on something, I can't stick with it for more than a few days. I'm becoming afraid I'll never learn, and thus waste my life in my own eyes.

I'm currently 23. I'm pretty happy, have friends, ambitions, hobbies. I'm not on any meds, never have been, no history of mental illnesses in family etc. I am a bit nervous and do have low self-esteem, although it's getting better.

Lots of people will say that I'm just weak willed, and that I could if I really wanted to. The problem is, yes it is weak willed, but I do really want to, I just can't bring myself to it. It's like there's some other side in me that has a much stronger will, and that side wants to do that shit tomorrow, and just watch some TV, eat snacks (always snacky) or go for a bike ride today. It's not that I can't get stressed about the things I need to do, but that doesn't make me do them. Instead I feel a reward when I procrastinate.

The problem is with anything that doesn't have an immediate reward it seems. Do any of you have any ideas what's going on in my brain, or possible solutions? Are there any drugs that will help it? Even if it's only a temporary solution, if I actually get a larger project done, I think that would flush my brain with dopamine, and then it will be easier next time.

Sorry if this forum is not for this kind of topic

Have a good sunday

Drugs are only a quick fix that will most likely make you less motivated / more scattered in the future. Your logic involving the "flushing of dopamine" making it easier next time is completely backwards.

Some people like fast and easy rewards and some people have more patience. You're not abnormal. However because you have identified these characteristics as a "problem" in yourself, you are the kind of person who would probably develop a problem / pattern of abuse if you tried something like amphetamines. I would advise not going down that road, as it could be a long time and a real mess before you hopefully find your way back.

Perhaps experiment with nootropic drugs. Advise to avoid stimulants.

I have lots of things I WANT to do, but I just CAN NOT bring myself about to do them, and if I get started on something, I can't stick with it for more than a few days.

Click to expand...

This isn't a problem that needs to be fixed with drugs.
Do a google search for "motivation tips". You just need to find some way to justify doing those tasks that you should, and saving sitting on your ass for later.

To be honest, if you can recognize you are procrastinating rather than doing assigned tasks, just get off your butt and do them. Even for just a little while. Segment your work and have a timer so you can do an hour of work and then have a 20 minute break, or something. Just don't let yourself fall into the trap of doing other shit.

Instead I feel a reward when I procrastinate.

Click to expand...

This is normal. Taking dopaminergic drugs will likely lead to you just sitting on your ass even more by enhancing this reward.

Another reason this could be happening is because you internally don't see these tasks as "important" or there's no consequences for not doing them.

ADD --> HL

Are you overweight? Exercise, regularly and progressive in intensity seems most fitting.

Potentially a drug like provigil could be suitable.......(unlikely)

Bluedolphin, the "flushing of dopamine" I'm talking about would be the natural one following completion of a hard task, not a drug induced one. Wouldn't that change it? If I'm about to use drugs to help this problem it will be only to START doing things. I don't know if that's a good idea either, although I feel like I could keep it under control.

I'm not overweight, and I do ride my bike fairly often, and I don't get on that to go slow. Do any of you know if bad eating / sleeping habbits can be a real part of the cause here? Half a year ago my doctor said my average blood sugar over the last three months had been actually slightly below the minimum value. I actually forgot that until just now.

If you find a solution let me know

I'm very much the same, I'm also 23 and I have a hard time finding motivation to follow through with tasks that take patience and time to complete.. I enjoy the instant reward which is probably why I'm an Internet junkie; I can get virtually any form of media almost instantaneously and I'm in constant update with the world around me.

I think this has a lot to do with this information highway generation.

It's created issues for me in regards to higher education and study because I find it hard to follow through with it..

But I've also experienced the extreme side of doing 'nothing/procrastination' and it's a dark hole that I hope to never fall into again, but maybe it's what I needed in order to realize the importance of effort and patience.

Sleep and diet are crucial to function at your most optimum, once you have those two down.. It's amazing how much easier everything seems to flow..

I have always been a procrastinator and I have a brain that just wants to daydream. As far back as I can remember this has been true. I have no trouble thinking up ideas, getting excited about projects, directions to take in life, etc. but I have a hell of a time actually putting them into motion. Having said that, I can tell you that I have learned to adapt to my spacey little brain and even to accept it with affection. Looking back over my life I can see that in fact I have accomplished quite a bit and the procrastinating was actually a motivator to do it with more energy in some instances and just plain necessary to the process in others. For example, one of the best and most satisfying series I ever created was a series of paintings done late at night by streetlight around my neighborhood and city. For fourteen years I had been driving back home at night looking at this one house and just soaking up all these details and loving everything about it, from the american flag curtain in the window to the orange streetlight. Finally one night I got up the nerve to go out and try to paint it in the dark. That painting energized my work, and me, in a way nothing else could have. I am positive that the whole process of seeing it swim into view night after night for years was part of the successful outcome. It just took a long time to germinate!

Procrastinating is such a familiar process to me that it almost feels necessary at this point. With things that have to get done by a deadline (work planning, projects, etc) I know myself well enough by now to know that it is that final rush of adrenaline in the form of panic that I need to push me into action and I do the whole thing at once. When I do it, I do it thoroughly and well, even if means staying up all night to get it done. I used to envy people that took small, even steps to achieve something without all the panic I bring to it but now I just accept that isn't ever going to be me. Again, I think accepting how you work and changing things that aren't working is a delicate balance and truly the fine art of living.

There are a couple of things in your post that I wonder about. Is there a possibility that you are in fact depressed? Nothing kills motivation like depression. the other thing you wrote that stands out to me as a possible problem is low self esteem. When you suffer from low self esteem it is safer not to risk doing anything because then you don't have to face failure. Failure is so important in life but in our culture we are taught to hide it, make excuses for it, blame it on someone else, etc. when in fact if you make friends with it, it is the best teacher you will ever have. Scientists and artists expect a lot of failure. Learning to forgive your failures as risks that you were willing to take and learn from is the key to motivation in my mind. I see a lot more fatalism in younger people than I saw growing up myself (almost 60) and I think a large part of it is that young people have so much pressure to succeed in the most narrow sense of the word, right out of the gate.

In the end, it does come down to self discipline but make sure that the self you are trying to discipline is a self you are at peace with.

Self discipline, starts with a healthy diet

^ I somewhat agree here.

OP, self discipline is something that is both taught to you when you're young and learned as you get older. If you never had a reason to be disciplined as a kid, chances are, it's very difficult to learn now.

It's hard to say exactly what keeps someone "motivated". I can say, though, that the things we like are typically the things we aim for.

So, maybe if you really want something, make a ton of notes on it. Post a new note on your wall every week about the things you really want and need to do for yourself. Write down what you want, how you can do that, and what good will come out of it.

Once you start to see results or feel better, post a note on your wall about it. Say "today, I feel stronger" if you're trying to gain muscle. Post-It notes work well, or you can just take a piece of paper and put updates on that. Almost like a journal, I suppose.

If anyone asks, you're trying to better yourself and keep it at that. If they make fun of you, ignore it. Learn about your motivations and you can learn to discipline yourself.

it sounds like it may be ADD. a lot of people only know about the Kid Who Won't Sit Still In Class variety, but an inability to finish projects is a hallmark of many manifestations of ADD.

i would recommend breaking tasks up into very small steps and making a list. that way, you can spend thirty minutes doing some small part of a project, cross it off your list, and feel like you've accomplished something. that psychological reward is very real, and it keeps you from falling into the trap of not having to time to do everything so not bothering to do anything. it's good to see things on the "big picture" level at the beginning, but if your vision of the finished, polished product is your only point of reference, you're never going to feel like you're getting anywhere.

bighooter said:

Self discipline, starts with a healthy diet

Click to expand...

I basically agree with this.
To gain self discipline, change to a very healthy diet.
To practice self discipline, stick with the healthy diet.
Exercise also helps tremendously.
Make a commitment - such as exercise X times a week - that is reasonable, and stick with it.
No matter what.
My weak self says "but I am tired this morning".
I respond "shut up, get up, work out"
My weak self says "but I want some chocolate, potato chips, and beer"
I respond "you'll get broccoli, and you'll like it!"
What is amazing is that, as long as I don't usually let my weak self win, I get stronger and stronger.
It is like going to the gym, and working out a specific muscle group.
It is hard at first, but the more you get used to working that muscle group, the stronger it gets.
Your self control is the same way. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Try, for practice, just dropping some desire, just when you could have fulfilled it.
Masturbate until you have almost come, but don't let yourself come, stop just beforehand, and forget about it.
Don't feel sorry for yourself.
Pick some food up to your lips, taste it in your mind, and suddenly stop. Put it down and walk away.
You will gain more and more self control.
Decide to only eat 3 (or 5, or 7) foods one day.
I had only brown rice and nori once, for 2 days, and it was intense.
I have also fasted several times, for 5 days at the longest. Very intense. But good.
Building up self control.
Emerge healthy, or healthier. Nothing to be scared of.
I meditated one hour a day for 14 months.
Wish I still did it!
But when I was doing it, I was really strong.
If you want it, if you push yourself, you can build up huge muscles from the most modest beginnings, amazing self discipline can come from someone who is weak-willed.
It is your choice, your decision. Actually, it is many many small decisions.

"Can I sleep late today?" "No"
Can I just eat/smoke/drink/snort/fuck this, just this one time? No.

Constant, steady perseverance is necessary.
Your will will waver, but you must have the strength to push yourself.
When you fail - because everyone fails at times - you will still be able to look backward and say "look how far I came".
I went X days without eating/drinking Y (etc.).

Each time you do it, you are building up the muscles, the discipline.
If you can only go 15 minutes without masturbating, because you are addicted to it, force yourself to go 25 minutes next time.
If you can only force yourself to work out 2 times a week, do 3 times the next week.

Only you can choose to take control of yourself.

Nobody can do it for you.

You can change your entire life by 5:00 today. It takes only one minute, one intensely firm commitment.
And then the follow through on that commitment, of course, as I described.
But the commitment, if firm enough, is sufficient.
And sometimes, it isn't firm enough, and you will fail.
Get up and try again.

Peace.

^nice.

Agreed, that was a great post SlimVictor.

One step at a time, one thing at a time. Break it down, complete one thing, make a new goal, complete, repeat!

Thank you for your kind words, Child-OTB and PastelCircus.
I felt quite passionate when I wrote that.
Now I can go back and read it myself when I need a kick in the pants!

I find music can really help motivate!

For mundane but tedious sort of tasks that don't take much though like Housework, or exercise if you find it boring, you just need something loud and fast like metal or techno to listen to while you're doing it, doesn't need lyrics or anything else really just needs to be"punchy".

To help overcome whatever stops you from diving into more difficult tasks or things that are really important to you in life you can listen to music with lyrics that inspire you before heading off to face those tasks (I could never listen to music whilst doing an assignment for example, need silence)Why are u feeling unmotivated? Maybe some set backs in the past have disillusioned you somewhat, or whatever, you'll have to figure out what it is that makes you feel like you can't be bothered because it's probably a different thing one time as it is the next time, and different for different people. What music you choose to help motivate yourself will have to be enjoyable to you personally so probably not the same as what I listen to to pump myself up, but I give you example just so you know what I mean... Sometimes only a single verse of a song is relevant to me as obviously I didn't write them but the... can't think of the word... atmosphere? it creates does the trick.

If I'm feeling unmotivated because I'm lacking confidence at the time I go for "tough guy" music lol, examples:
Eminem? "I'm a soldier - these shoulders hold up so much
They won't budge, I'll never fall or fold up
I'm a soldier - even if my collar bones crush or crumble
I will never stumble"

Hatebreed? "Face your torment and dismantle your doubt
Refuse this legacy of shame and deceit
Cause the only real truth in your life that you know is hostility
Your world is coming apart
Remain steadfast
Perseverance
Against all opposition
Crushing all limitations
Pure strength through solitude
Discipline and determination"

I don't know if this technique will work as well for everyone else as it does for me because I know I'm easily influenced emotionally by external stimuli. I cry watching Homos and Gays (that's what I call 'Home and Away' fyi), I started reading a Stephen King book once but then I had to stop and put it in the freezer, also that time I was watching texas chainsaw massacre and my fuckwit neighbour started up his quad bike outside I couldn't move at all for the longest time despite busting for the toilet! just couldn't do it lol.

bighooter said:

Self discipline, starts with a healthy diet

Click to expand...

this is true i think, considering how a healthy diet turns into a lifestyle, and takes more self awareness and appreciation.

and anything can become a habit

Yoga will make you healthy in every way simultaneously. Holistic as a mutha.

bighooter said:

Self discipline, starts with a healthy diet

Click to expand...

I second it, though it is not really easy to discipline ourselves if we are already used to something.

KamMoye said:

Yoga will make you healthy in every way simultaneously. Holistic as a mutha.

Click to expand...

Yeah when I think about stuff like curly fries and honey mustard ranch, I think about yoga then my dosha, and the idea becomes less and less appealing.

Learning your Dosha type and following the dietary and other suggestions is probably best idea to keep a strict routine, because it becomes so sensible. Along with yoga it has been for me.