Opioids Kind of clean, worried

Hi have been a user for quite a few months decided to make my first post, i have been trying to get clean for the passed few months, my habit is about 3-4 bags a day. Any way i had only been using for about 5 months on and off, started of smoking which didn't last long, i had it under control then decided i wanted to see what the big deal with IV was about!!!! Big mistake any way i used on and off which then turned into on, i was probable a every day user for about a month and last week i decided to stop before it got out of control! I managed to get clean for a week, it wasn't as bad as the movies just had a day of cravings followed by a day of sickness and not being able to sleep then a few days of being really weak and twitchy legs when trying to sleep any way on the 4th day i started feeling better just still really weak and down!
Any way on the 6th day i broke and thought i would just use for the weekend! i used for 2 days, 2 bags a day.
I then had one day clean that was yesterday, today i decided it would be a good idea to do a few more bags as i was clean yesterday, now i am worried, i know people will think its not that big a problem as i have only been using for about 5 months, My question is if i stop today, i have half a bag left what can i expect Cold Turkey wise? Will i get the sickness again or will i be ok as in theory i have only used for one day in a row? Yesterday i was just really tired so slept most of the day. Just my wife is starting to clock on with the sickness etc. Also i am worried that i am in the bad circle and i am going to be for the future just thinking i can use for a few days, which turns into weeks....
I don't want to be a full time user i want to get clean and stay clean, amy tips on tomorrow? i am thinking of giving all my cash to the wife(cards Etc) It just seems every time i stop for more then a few days i have a excuse to use again! I hold a full time job that pays well so i guess I'm not the Junkie robbing from shops to pay the dealer.
Any help appreciated, and granted there are people a lot worse then me, just i get the feeling this is the start of the downward spiral which i wanna stop before i fall to deep.

Cheers People.

Hope your all cool.

any help on this one?

This thread might be better suited to The Dark Side forum, you might find more help and support there.

So you used daily for about a month, you stopped for 6 days, then you used again for 2 days, then stopped for 1 day, and then started again for 1 day?

Whether you will get much withdrawals is hard to predict. It's different for everyone. But I would say it is pretty likely you will get at least some of the withdrawals again. Did you feel fine on the day you didn't use any (either yesterday or the day before I assume)?

It's only going to get worse and worse the longer you keep using heroin, so best to get it over with. It sounds like your withdrawals were really not very bad at all. Your bigger problem is the mental addiction.
You are right to be worried that you are getting into a pattern or rationalizing using often again. Usually once we get addicted we have to either use every day or quit completely, it's extremely difficult to manage using "one last time" or once in a while after you've been addicted. It's so easy for your brain to trick you into thinking that it'll just be one more bag, or this time you will have it under control. This is just your addiction trying to save itself.

I don't think it's fair to make your wife to be responsible for preventing you from using. You have to want to quit, and giving her your money is just going to cause problems between you because, like one guy said, "I can easily rob my wife" - if you want to use badly enough you will think of ways to get her to give you that money, or you will borrow money from someone or something. You really need to take responsibility for your own addiction. We can't control the cravings or the fact that we are already addicted, or the reasons behind why we were prone to addiction in the first place, but we can control how we react and whether we choose to act on those cravings. It's very hard of course, but it is possible.

I posted a thread on The Dark Side that I think you might find helpful. http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...-to-quit-addictions-and-improve-mental-health

My other advice would be to work on the reasons behind why you use in the first place (like is is stress? depression? pain? loneliness? etc) and do things that will make it easier to resist the cravings when they come up, like get rid of all your drug paraphernalia, erase your dealer's number from your phone, don't hang out with other people who use, avoid triggering situations/places, etc.

Hi thanks for getting back to me, i have been using for the passed 5 months just everyday like you said for the passed month, don't get me wrong the withdrawels were horrible and during them i was like saying to myself i never want to go through this again and this is a good enough reason not to touch the shit. But that obviously didn't work!
In reply to your question i felt better on the day i didn't use, but still didn't feel myself, before i used to go to the Gym 5 times a week and be a really active person, now when not using i feel drained and weak like i have no energy to do anything, i think this is what drove me to having some more as i had my sister visiting for the weekend and i didn't want to be all sleepy and tired not wanting to do anything as i guessed she would realise something is up! It seems crazy now but as soon as i have the hit i feel normal again, i guess this is what get people addicted for years, the drug that makes you high initially is there just tho make you feel normal! It seems so easy to write it out!
Well i had 2 and a half bags yesterday, and the other half bag i have just finished this morning as i have a day of work.
I will check out your thread on the dark side. many thanks
And the plan is to not use again i realise this is not a drug i can just mess with, i just hope i can get out in time before it gets to hard! i guess i have rambled enough now! thanks for the reply any way, i am off to read your thread!