Been Clean off dope for 3 months

Well fuck me.... I went and got more dope today and my brother found out and told my dad. So i get a knock on the door and hes like its maintenance to work on the apartment i guess. Well it was my fucking dad and he already knew what was up cause my brother told him and called him over here.. So he's like whyd you miss class today. I was like idk wasn't feeling good and i already did all my work for the class. He was like bullshit your back on heroin. I'm like no haven't done any since last week.. He's like don't lie. and kept asking when the last time was and for me too look at him. So i was like yeah.. i did some yesterday. Was wanting to try suboxone out again. Well hes not for that. And he says he wants me out of the apartment and to move out and drop out of school... I don't know where he expects me to go.... Idk. Totally didn't see all this happening

Good thing i have more dope left and i can try to forget about this whole mess until something happens... I am pretty upset though how he is trying to drop me from my classes cause "heroin addicts dont go to college" and he kept on calling me a fucking heroin addict. Its like fuck off man... i know this
Bastard even had the guts to tell me. Why don't you just go ahead and overdose already..

don't listen to him, you're not gone at all you have your whole life ahead of you. you should put that stuff down, i know its hard and i feel weird saying this cause i haven't experienced too much addiction in my life but you should maybe try going to a meeting or two, idk if you've ever been but you can see that there are worse things that can happen to you than not going to school for a semester or two. and your dad won't stop loving you, we're the same age and i know its lame to say this by from an outside perspective its easier to see. even tho it may not seem like it because of his word choices, he's only mad because he loves you

i would definitely put down the needle....

This is terrible to see. A youn man in college about to throw his entire future down the drain. I know how you feel I am having the same cravings as you.i know how intense it is. I know it's hard, but you have to dig down reall deep and find the strength to quit this shit. It is a vicious cycle and eventually it will not get you high and you will be chasing something that won't happen. It will never cure the craving you are craving a feeling that you can't get.

You are hurting yourself and everyone who loves you. I think your dad is so upset because he raised you your whole life and I have kids and it's hard. All we parents think about while our kids are growing is please grow up to be a good person and make the right choices. We sacrifice everything for our kids so that they can grow to be productive people chasing their dreams. And it is heart breaking after Raising your kids and working so hard for them to have everything and to help them grow and they throw all you worked for and did down the drain.

You parents are crushed. They thought they did everything they could and now they are feeling like failures so they are doing whatever they can to try and get you to realize you are destroying your life. You dad did not mean he wants you to die. He loves you and he is just hurting. If he didn't care he would have never made the trip to see you. He would have told your brother I don't care and ignored the situation. But your dad did NOT. He went there and talked to you and you lied to his face like all of us addicts do, and it hurt him so he hurt you back but he didn't mean it.

It was terrible for him to say yes, but he is human and we make mistakes. I bet your dad just doesn't know what to do. He wants the best for you and he is not in control and it's killing him. He probably left you and cried on his way home because he feels like you are killing yourself(you are)

You are young you have your entire life ahead of you. You have to wake up and realize that doing drugs is not worth the pain you are putting yourself and family through. You are better than this!!! You can't keep risking your life. You are in college do you know how many of us wish we hadn't made these mistakes and graduated college. I regret that I chose drugs over college.

Worst mistake of your life. Please don't do what do many of us already have done. How about you just pm me every time you get a Feeling to relapse and I'll try my best to talk to you until you are over it. We don't have to talk about drugs we can talk about anything. Just whatever we can do to get you to stay on track.

I don want to see you progessivly throw your life away and all of us are on BL watching you do it and it's scary.

Pm me lets talk more

I know he doesnt know how to handle it cause hes never seen heroin let alone done it. Hes so sterotypical when he thinks of "heroin" he thinks im gunna end up sucking dick for a fix and end up on the streets and be homeless and yada yada yada... FYI i dont shoot up.. I tried once and could have killed myself because i forgot to use a filter and forgot to flick it and make sure there were no air bubbles. I was really drunk and barred out.. Was a dumb mistake. Reason why i got clean in the first place back in July 4th, 2011. I know i am slowly killing myself... I just can't see my life turning out any better or see myself actually being successful in life... Idk its hard to think about. My dad's a real successful business man and sold his business. Hes a hard core alcoholic though.. We don't get along too well cause we are both so alike apparently. lol... Yeah i know i dont want to drop out of school either Just been making dumb decisions ever since i got back on the h-train. hah..

I called my counselor after all the bullshit went down.. man i was so pissed I just wanna be put back on subs.. it would be soo much easier. But he's all wanting me to go to rehab and try that whole thing out for a bit... I mean i would go but i dont want to fuck up my school.. So im not sure what is going to happen.. My dad is trying to figure something out. I can tell hes frustrated and upset, and hes tired of wasting his money on me and my addiction.. Idk. They have all about had it... It's sad

I just wrote some of my story on another thread called beginning of an opiate addiction. Will you take a look at it?

I sure will :] im messaging you back right now. ^_^ Then i will take a look at the thread
Oh and i know what you mean about when they quit working.. haha. Why i quit in the first place was cause i wasn't getting as high as i used too. Wouldn't nod out anymore and that was my favorite part about getting high on opiates. Was the in and out of consciousness feeling you get

That was my favorite to.... Even tho each time we could have died.

hah, true that...

I wrote you. Did you get it?

Yes i did! Happy to meet you :D

Nice to meet you to! glad we can keep each other on track and not have to lie when we fuck up like we do with people in person. It's always good to have a neutral person to talk to who understands what your going thru. Ya know?

For sure. Yeah im glad we talked :D Hopefully we can both benefit from this and stay strong! & yeah.. its nice telling the truth. Hate going behind peoples back trying to hide my usage and all that fun stuff..

Your choice..

It's ultimately up to YOU, not your parents, to get on Suboxone, is it not? You are legally an adult, yes?
I don't understand why there is even such an issue regarding getting back on Suboxone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH SUBOXONE?
Suboxone is a fucking miracle for recovering addicts, is it fucking not!? Why do your parents think negatively of it? I don't understand!

When I first got on Suboxone, I was 22 (and still am) and my parents did NOT know about my opiate addiction yet, and they never fucking found out about my Suboxone because that shit is confidential! No one has the right to know that shit!

However, one week after being on Suboxone, I did tell them about everything. They were SO happy that I was not shooting that brown gunk into my arms, and was instead putting an orange film under my tongue! What parent wouldn't be HAPPY about that swap?!

Why do your parents hate the idea of Suboxone? Have you told them that you feel that it alleviates your cravings, thus making you less likely to relapse (duh!)? I totally don't understand your parents' reasoning behind this.


Post script: Rehab doesn't do shit for you unless you really, REALLY fucking want to quit. Do you really want to be done with dope?
I REALLY fucking NEEDED to quit shooting that tar shit into my arms and legs and feet and hands, and I got deathly dope sick for two days..then I went to my (now) Suboxone doctor. The rest is history! Its NOT about the money, though. Don't get the wrong idea. It's not about "Who can recover the cheapest". It's about who can recover and prove to everyone that gives a shit about them that they're changing for the best.

Your right it does suck having to lie. This time around I am seriously trying I have been really good for about 8 months. For the past 8 months I have been working on getting clean by going on and off in the beginning and just raging away from people and cutting off contacts one by ones and then on nov 1 I committed to this suboxone and I have been doing really good.

To bad I am now addicted to my fucking suboxone. And if I take it late I go into withdrawal full opiate withdrawal but I think I just dont handle it well. But you said it worked for you, I hope your dad let's you get it eventually because it will really help. Maybe you could try saving up money and find a doctor and just go on your own... Or try to convince your dad.

But if you don't get on then you can get clean from all of it and be free of medication and drugs all together.. It's harder but worth it in the end. You did it before right? Clean without suboxone? That sucks about what happened during. Bristles break..... I would be so pissed at myself....

Hopefully we can do this together

I don't feel guilty or "unsober" because I take Suboxone. I AM sober from the drug that I wanted to die with, and that's really what matters, you know?
Don't let anyone try to make you feel like you're a piece of non sober shit just because you are legitimately prescribed Suboxone. You have to do shit for YOU.
You will never, EVER get clean if you don't start living for YOU

IDK why my parents are against methadone / suboxone. They would rather want me on subs cause they think everyone that goes to the mdone clinic are scum and junkies. But idk, arent we all? They are real sterotypical. lol... I got on h when i was 16 but had to quit cause i moved to california. So it wasnt really an option. But the reason it wasn't too difficult was because i just switched 1 addiction for another. Just got back on different opiates and benzos. lol... That's prolly why they don't want me on suboxone again. Cause it's just swapping out 1 addiction for another addiction. But i wasn't going to abuse it like i know some people do... I was just going to use it to taper off and then save them for rainy days when i am fiending or about to relapse. Just take a sub and calm down... But who knows whats gunna happen.. I think he doesnt want me back on the subs cause they are so damn expensive.. I can get on the free methadone clinic thing. But eh... I just wanted a script of subs so i wont have to resort to relapsing every couple of weeks... Cause i know once im clean for a month or so it will be easier and easier to cope.. Just these first few weeks are a bitch. I'm like a nervous wreck so fiendish D:
and yeah, thanks again kayla and everyone for all the support!

Yeah, but I think a lot of people would agree with me that Methadone has a tendency to be more abuse inducing than Suboxone.
This thread makes me so fucking happy that my parents are so understanding and respect my choices and don't try to be controlling. I feel bad for you, really. Stereotypes suck, by the way, but I am sure you know that! Your parents are really concerned about the "scum bag junkie" stereotype being slapped on you if you go to a Methadone or Suboxone clinic that HELPS you?! Sadly, some people never change, and continue to be stuck in their controlling, close minded ways. Maybe you can be different from your parents when you're their age.