On an informative note - visial distortions are normal. Stress, exhaustion, drug use and all sorts can lead to what you're describing.
If it's been persistent over a year or two, there's a chance you've got HPPD. Check out the thread Fetish Jester linked to for all the info you'll need.
If you think you do, I recommend you seek the advice of a professional psychiatrist. I don't want to discourage you, but finding one in Australia who deals with HPPD is like searching for a needle in a stack of needles.
[disjointed rant]
I feel ya. For 2 years I thought I was a fucking headcase in the making, soon to be locked in a room with padded walls and begging for "it" to stop. Well, it ain't stopped, but I don't think I'm insane anymore... I found out what HPPD is.
I see a layer of static across my entire vision. It does not change when my eyes are open or closed, nor is there any differentiation between glasses on/off. Not even when I blink is there any disruption in it's sickly smooth static flickering. It's just like static from a television set, only it's pink & green. It seems to come to a crux in the very centre of my vision in the form of a spiralling green & pink pattern. It changes shapes rapidly, and I often catch myself staring into space at it. I've been staring at it for two years, from the second I wake up till the second I go to sleep. It has never, ever gone away. Even as I type, it's following my every letter with my eye. Reading is a very, very trying task. If I blink while I'm reading, a negative afterimage is imprinted on my vision. As I move my head, it follows. Blink 3 or 4 times, and I have difficulty seeing through all the mess to the actual words. It's also so frustrating I give up quickly.
These are the worst effects I've had from HPPD. There's a trillion more (I see tracers off almost everything that moves quickly...)
Unlike Fetish Jester, I have a lot of difficulty living with it. Some days I wake up and I can't fucking face it. Sometimes I think it's all in my head, and I'm just playing games with myself. Either way, I get angry at it. Really easy. I grind my teeth, I get angry at people I care about because I just want it to fuck off... I figure, all things added together, that if I got uncontrolably angry at it I'd probably have a nervous breakdown. There's just nothing you can do about it. Scream at it. Cry. Get as rooted as is humanly possible. It just doesn't stop.
If I was going to be in an asylum, I'd be there already. So I suppose I'm doing ok, but I can't imagine the rest of my life like this...
To be honest, it's a really heavy burden on my day to day life. It makes driving 20x the task it should be, along with simply reading an email from my boss at work.
It's my fault. I took far too many hallucinogenic drugs far too often when I was far too young. I blame myself for this nightmare I've made my life into, and to be honest sometimes it gets really depressing to think I actually did this to myself.
I've got so much more to say, but as per fucking usual, no time to say it. This has been really badly written, I think I've changed tense 3 or 4 times.
I'm kinda worried a few people out there are gonna point the "shit talking wanker" or "crazy fuck" finger at me, but I don't care.
Thank you to anyone who read this.
[/disjointed rant]
[ 16 December 2002: Message edited by: apollo ]