I wasn't sure where to post this. It is drug related so I figured I would post it here. Everyone here seems pretty intelligent so maybe some of you guys can shed some light on what could be wrong with me.
I have been an opiate addict for about three years. Always oxy. In just last year I went to a sub doc and was put on 32mg Subutex a day. I only took like 0.5-1mg at a time though. So I saved up a lot of pills.
For some reason the only way I can take Subutex and it not totally knock me on my ass I have to snort it. I know it's supposed to be stronger when snorted but for me it seems a little weaker. When I took 4mg subs sublingually I was on my ass for like two days! Even when I took like 0.5mg sublingually it would make me very drowsy and out of it. Yet when I snorted it I felt fine. Not high but just normal. It helped with my anxiety and depression too.
So in November I start to feel just overall ill. Not completely sick but I had no energy no motivation to do anything. Around this same time I also could not have bowel movements any longer without taking an enema.
In December I continued to feel crappy. Still could not use the bathroom. My depression and anxiety completely skyrocketed!
My depression feels weird too. I have never been depressed like this before. I feel all spaced out and disoriented. I have absolutely no emotions also. I feel nothing. I feel numb. I don't know how to explain it but my head feels detached from my body.
I have also been taking Klonopin for the last couple of years for anxiety. 1mg a day. I would only take it at night time and never during the day yet when all this happened I actually started to need my Klonopin. It didn't help my depression at all. It actually worsens it a little actually although it can sometimes take away the disoriented feeling. Yet in the past few weeks it has completely stopped working for my anxiety. No matter how much I take it doesn't calm me down. I know I have built up a tolerance but even when I take more it doesn't help now.
So in January I started taking Milk of Magnesia for my constipation. It actually worked pretty well. Yet after a month of taking it on and off I started to get left sided pain and terrible bloating pains. Now I get pains on both sides. I thought it was my kidneys when I first got the pains. I have been to the emergency room a couple of times and they say it's not my kidneys and I'm fine.
I'm never hungry and always feel disoriented and anxious. I can't even explain it. I feel like I need to be committed to a mental hospital. I feel like I'm barely keeping it together. I'm always sick feeling also. I feel like I have lost my cognitive abilities. I rarely can just sit down and watch tv or anything. I can't concentrate or anything.
There is no escape for how I feel! I feel like I'm trapped in a broken body!
Could I just be going through some pretty severe depression and anxiety? I can't even explain how bad the depression is. That's why I think there might be something worse wrong with me. The depression just doesn't feel right. I feel like I have ms or something. Like I have brain damage.
I have tried exercising and taking vitamins yet every day I feel worse then the day before. I can barely eat. Last week I went on a vacation and I felt terrible the whole time. Nothing comes close to making me happy or even normal feeling.
I used to take celexa for depression and I am thinking of starting that again but I am so scared of the initial side effects. The way I feel right now those side effects could push me over the edge. I always feel like I'm just one step away from completely losing it.
I can't afford to go to a doctor and talk about any of this so that's out of the question.
I recently stated taking more Subutex but that was in January after a lot of symptoms have already started.
Could it be that I am sniffing my Subs? Like I am having some terrible inner ear reaction to sniffing my subs? I have always had terrible motion sickness and suspected that I had an inner ear problem before any of this. This is all I can think of. Maybe I could try to take my subs sublingually. I feel a little stupid for not trying this yet but when I took them sublingually before they put me out for a couple of days. Now I probably have a much higher tolerance to them though and I hope they slushy knock me out. If it means anything I rarely feel the crop in the back of my throat when I sniff my subs. I have also been using afrin on and off the last couple of months.
So what's everyones opinion to what's going on with me. I know it's hard to say after just reading the little bit I typed here. I also am completely alone and have nobody to talk about any of this to. The only thing my family thinks is I'm sick.
As of right now I am either extremely needs to be committed to a hospital depressed or I have a medical condition that's causing all of this. Like I said I have only been looked at by emergency room docs. I also paid for a basic health, thyroid, and h pylori blood test. All normal except for slightly high cholesterol. The only physical symptoms I have is left side pain. Sometimes I feel it on bot sides. I think that's just bloating from the milk of magnesia.
So any ideas?
I have been an opiate addict for about three years. Always oxy. In just last year I went to a sub doc and was put on 32mg Subutex a day. I only took like 0.5-1mg at a time though. So I saved up a lot of pills.
For some reason the only way I can take Subutex and it not totally knock me on my ass I have to snort it. I know it's supposed to be stronger when snorted but for me it seems a little weaker. When I took 4mg subs sublingually I was on my ass for like two days! Even when I took like 0.5mg sublingually it would make me very drowsy and out of it. Yet when I snorted it I felt fine. Not high but just normal. It helped with my anxiety and depression too.
So in November I start to feel just overall ill. Not completely sick but I had no energy no motivation to do anything. Around this same time I also could not have bowel movements any longer without taking an enema.
In December I continued to feel crappy. Still could not use the bathroom. My depression and anxiety completely skyrocketed!
My depression feels weird too. I have never been depressed like this before. I feel all spaced out and disoriented. I have absolutely no emotions also. I feel nothing. I feel numb. I don't know how to explain it but my head feels detached from my body.
I have also been taking Klonopin for the last couple of years for anxiety. 1mg a day. I would only take it at night time and never during the day yet when all this happened I actually started to need my Klonopin. It didn't help my depression at all. It actually worsens it a little actually although it can sometimes take away the disoriented feeling. Yet in the past few weeks it has completely stopped working for my anxiety. No matter how much I take it doesn't calm me down. I know I have built up a tolerance but even when I take more it doesn't help now.
So in January I started taking Milk of Magnesia for my constipation. It actually worked pretty well. Yet after a month of taking it on and off I started to get left sided pain and terrible bloating pains. Now I get pains on both sides. I thought it was my kidneys when I first got the pains. I have been to the emergency room a couple of times and they say it's not my kidneys and I'm fine.
I'm never hungry and always feel disoriented and anxious. I can't even explain it. I feel like I need to be committed to a mental hospital. I feel like I'm barely keeping it together. I'm always sick feeling also. I feel like I have lost my cognitive abilities. I rarely can just sit down and watch tv or anything. I can't concentrate or anything.
There is no escape for how I feel! I feel like I'm trapped in a broken body!
Could I just be going through some pretty severe depression and anxiety? I can't even explain how bad the depression is. That's why I think there might be something worse wrong with me. The depression just doesn't feel right. I feel like I have ms or something. Like I have brain damage.
I have tried exercising and taking vitamins yet every day I feel worse then the day before. I can barely eat. Last week I went on a vacation and I felt terrible the whole time. Nothing comes close to making me happy or even normal feeling.
I used to take celexa for depression and I am thinking of starting that again but I am so scared of the initial side effects. The way I feel right now those side effects could push me over the edge. I always feel like I'm just one step away from completely losing it.
I can't afford to go to a doctor and talk about any of this so that's out of the question.
I recently stated taking more Subutex but that was in January after a lot of symptoms have already started.
Could it be that I am sniffing my Subs? Like I am having some terrible inner ear reaction to sniffing my subs? I have always had terrible motion sickness and suspected that I had an inner ear problem before any of this. This is all I can think of. Maybe I could try to take my subs sublingually. I feel a little stupid for not trying this yet but when I took them sublingually before they put me out for a couple of days. Now I probably have a much higher tolerance to them though and I hope they slushy knock me out. If it means anything I rarely feel the crop in the back of my throat when I sniff my subs. I have also been using afrin on and off the last couple of months.
So what's everyones opinion to what's going on with me. I know it's hard to say after just reading the little bit I typed here. I also am completely alone and have nobody to talk about any of this to. The only thing my family thinks is I'm sick.
As of right now I am either extremely needs to be committed to a hospital depressed or I have a medical condition that's causing all of this. Like I said I have only been looked at by emergency room docs. I also paid for a basic health, thyroid, and h pylori blood test. All normal except for slightly high cholesterol. The only physical symptoms I have is left side pain. Sometimes I feel it on bot sides. I think that's just bloating from the milk of magnesia.
So any ideas?