finding spiritual/mental health..

So I guess this is really two questions..

firstly, I have been clean for 77 days today - longest time in three years yay me - but I am having a real hard time finding a higher power. while in rehab I thought I figured one out, but like everything that kinda just faded away and now I'm stuck with nothing. I used to believe in God but was never really religious. I sometimes wish I could be a blind believer and think someone will just take my addiction away, but I find that a bit silly now. I'm more drawn to Buddhism but there really is not a "god" like figure, so I'm not sure where to go from here. any suggestions on how to maybe figure something out, or maybe work towards something?

secondly, I have a slight anger problem. maybe just an emotional problem in general. I find that it derails my progress, screws up my relationship, and just makes me unhappy and contributes to my depression alot. I obviously handled bad situations and problems with using, but in the long run using just made me crazy and unable to handle situations further. my question is how do you stop yourself from answering RIGHT away and get your head on straight, defuse the anger, and just try to live a happier life? I just cant seem to step back and look rationally at a situation. I just explode. I cant talk about my problems I just scream to get my point across.. any suggestions?

re: "finding a higher power"
is there a reason you feel you -must- find a higher power and attach a name and dogma to it?
personally i believe there are forces at work in the universe but i don't believe humans necessarily have the capacity to "understand" although we can acknowledge that such a thing may exist on some plane. assignment of a name, god, buddha, jah, yahweh, w/e is pointless and redundant to me.
It is. or not depending on point of view.
pondering the meaning of life/death, the universe, higher powers, etc is all good but don't limit yourself. acquire knowledge from different beliefs, take what works for you, and live your life in w/e way is most productive and positive for you.
best of luck to you.
-izzy

i guess i'm looking for a higher power, because i feel i need help. it would be nice to believe in something greater then yourself to turn to for guidance and hope. i guess i dont need a higher power, but i guess im looking for something to help me in times of need.

do you not think that there are forces at work in the universe other than human, bigger than human, and quite possibly unable to be understood by humans?
i absolutely believe there is something far beyond human understanding. working in health care i have seen things science cannot explain, that can only be called miracles. i believe even though i do not understand what, how, why.
there are times of despair that i fall to my knees, tormented by grief and loss, and pray like my hair is on fire to something with no name to help me to stand, set my grief aside cuz i gotta get through the day.
just believe what you feel. learn w/e you can about what others think.
it is. and, for me, sometimes that has to be enough, y'know?
and hey, good all over you for the 77 days
-izzy

You need to find a fellowship that you can relate to.....unfortunately you may not find it in just any church you belong to.

I had good experiences going to a Vedanta Ashram.

to the OP and other posters - i have been in somewhat vaguely similiar situations in which i found the need to find some higher being to kind of throw my faith into to give me 'more strength'...

I feel like going to some church or something and praying to a god that i dont even wholeheartedly believe would just kind of be tricking myself...

Ive just kind of come to the conclusion that whatever higher being is out there in a human sort of way of seeing 'doesn't give 2 fucks about the struggles of some kid =P'...
but goddamn OP i can relate, i was raised in a judeo-Christian setting and a part of me in hard times just kinda wishes i could pray to god without questioning the damn belief so much..

i used to be spiritual. i mean my parents were severely hurt in a car accident. they were so injured that the nurses didnt think they would make it a day let alone a week. i turned to god then and somehow they miraculously got better and are still here on this earth today - for me to hurt for three years with my shenanigans. but somewhere along then i just stopped believing.

i just find it so incredible that people can just so blindly wholeheartedly believe that someone gives enough of a shit to listen to every small prayer they have. like there are billions of people, what makes you think it is going to listen to you.

the Vedanta Ashram is a good idea, i'll have to look more into that. i recently got into Yoga - which is good for mental health and such. any ideas on where i could go with that? and thank you, 77 days is not easy. i had to completely remove myself from my situation and move about 900 miles away from home. thanks for the suggestions..please keep them coming.

any ideas on a more stable mental health?

Vedanta has a very non-dogmatic approach, and its more self empowering, imo.

is there a good site for information, cause i'm not really finding anything that helpful on google?

any other ideas from anyone on either topic, would be helpful

Thicht Naht Hahn or however you spell his name, has some really good and easy to understand books.....he does not necessarily want to convert you to Buddhism, but he shares some insights which can be applied to other religions even.

If you are looking for something a little deeper and more esoteric, I would suggest looking for a book called 'Opening the Dragon Gate'....this isnt so much a religion or something to find peace of mind, but a dedicated practice for people who really want to master themselves and gain true wisdom. Its not for everyone.

If you just want a fellowship to explore these ideas, the Unitarian Universalits are always cool.