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I Can Still Roll, But I've Lost the Magic

Juice.

Juice.

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 18, 2009
Messages
130
I don't have a tolerance to MDMA. One pokeball will give me that familiar serotonin body high, two pokeballs will have me floored on the ground with my eyeballs wiggling left and right. I've lost the magic because:

1. Instead of making me feel incredibly euphoric and happy, MDMA makes me irritated, introspective, and depressed. I look at everything in my life negatively and I worry about arbitrary shit that doesn't even matter. I think about the wrong I've done to people and especially to some of the women in my life. Regardless of how great the vibe is, regardless of how fine everything in my life appears to be going, the rolls aren't pleasant. I have more fun going clubbing/raving sober these days.
2. The body high isn't unique or magical anymore. It's become just another high. Even on 160mg of MDMA, when I'm rolling so hard I can barely stand up, I'm certainly feeling it, but now I'm waiting for it to end already so I can get up and dance.

I've rolled a total of maybe 15 times since November of 2009, and I lost the magic around the 10th roll. I started off rolling every 2 weeks, but for the past few months i've rolled once a month. It's not an issue of tolerance, it has simply lost its magic in the purest sense.

MDMA used to be my favorite drug, and it has definitely helped me overcome some hurdles in my life. Before ecstasy I would never dance at raves, now I do it sober. Before MDMA it was difficult to start a conversation with random people, now it's natural. MDMA has definitely improved my life, but I'm done with it, I can't see anything positive coming from anymore ecstasy use.

Has anyone else experienced what I have?
 
I've lost some of the magic. I don't totally mind it though because it's make me realize i need to space our my rolls and it makes it very easy for me now.
 
Juice. said:
I don't have a tolerance to MDMA. One pokeball will give me that familiar serotonin body high, two pokeballs will have me floored on the ground with my eyeballs wiggling left and right. I've lost the magic because:

1. Instead of making me feel incredibly euphoric and happy, MDMA makes me irritated, introspective, and depressed. I look at everything in my life negatively and I worry about arbitrary shit that doesn't even matter. I think about the wrong I've done to people and especially to some of the women in my life. Regardless of how great the vibe is, regardless of how fine everything in my life appears to be going, the rolls aren't pleasant. I have more fun going clubbing/raving sober these days.
2. The body high isn't unique or magical anymore. It's become just another high. Even on 160mg of MDMA, when I'm rolling so hard I can barely stand up, I'm certainly feeling it, but now I'm waiting for it to end already so I can get up and dance.

I've rolled a total of maybe 15 times since November of 2009, and I lost the magic around the 10th roll. I started off rolling every 2 weeks, but for the past few months i've rolled once a month. It's not an issue of tolerance, it has simply lost its magic in the purest sense.

MDMA used to be my favorite drug, and it has definitely helped me overcome some hurdles in my life. Before ecstasy I would never dance at raves, now I do it sober. Before MDMA it was difficult to start a conversation with random people, now it's natural. MDMA has definitely improved my life, but I'm done with it, I can't see anything positive coming from anymore ecstasy use.

Has anyone else experienced what I have?
Click to expand...

You are the very first person that has described (perfectly, I might add) what I experience. Aside from the body high.. that was one of the last things to go for me. What you said minus still getting the body high.

It upset me and made me feel a bit bittersweet about the whole thing until I found mephedrone. Now I have all the magic back as if it had never left and I'm limiting my use of it to make sure I don't lose the magic on mephedrone (if that's possible). If you're done, then be done. Take a long break from it or stop it forever if you've gotten all you want from it. Best to just let it be for a long while than to continuously try to chase a high refusing to admit it's over.
 
i went through the same thing as you... i had a rave career that was about once a month for a year and then a couple times more for another year and i ran into the same thing... i would roll and just kind of trip out on my rolls and be disapointed about everything. I dont do drugs anymore and i dont regret anything ive done. some of the best times of my life were at events. Ive just moved on... i suggest u do too but its your life and its something not very easy to give up
 
AylaV said:
You are the very first person that has described (perfectly, I might add) what I experience. Aside from the body high.. that was one of the last things to go for me. What you said minus still getting the body high.

It upset me and made me feel a bit bittersweet about the whole thing until I found mephedrone. Now I have all the magic back as if it had never left and I'm limiting my use of it to make sure I don't lose the magic on mephedrone (if that's possible). If you're done, then be done. Take a long break from it or stop it forever if you've gotten all you want from it. Best to just let it be for a long while than to continuously try to chase a high refusing to admit it's over.
Click to expand...
Mephedrone is good substitute for imitating that MDMA body high (there are moments where I can't tell the difference), but it's missing that MDMA magic in my opinion. The magic of mephedrone is that it reminds me of MDMA.
 
Juice. said:
1. Instead of making me feel incredibly euphoric and happy, MDMA makes me irritated, introspective, and depressed.

Has anyone else experienced what I have?
Click to expand...
Thats weird that it makes you depressed it makes me so happy and gives me empathy. Feeling irritated and depressed mostly only happens when your coming down

And yes I have experienced this, not while rolling but on the comedown, I get EXTREMELY depressed and crave that empathy feeling when Im coming down
 
yeah.. i feel you
i abused it 3 years ago and the magic disappeared (i lost the magic far after my 10th pill though, so that kinda sucks that you lost it so early)
fast forward to last fall at monster massive 09, i rolled for the first time since that 3 year absence... and the magic was back

so my advice to you, is to take a break from mdma
 
Juice. said:
Mephedrone is good substitute for imitating that MDMA body high (there are moments where I can't tell the difference), but it's missing that MDMA magic in my opinion. The magic of mephedrone is that it reminds me of MDMA.
Click to expand...

In higher doses, mephedrone has the same magic and body high as MDMA for me. It only lacks the music appreciation (I think.. don't remember clearly enough).

MMMMKAY?! said:
Thats weird that it makes you depressed it makes me so happy and gives me empathy. Feeling irritated and depressed mostly only happens when your coming down

And yes I have experienced this, not while rolling but on the comedown, I get EXTREMELY depressed and crave that empathy feeling when Im coming down
Click to expand...

You haven't lost the magic =P You're describing how it works for someone that still has it 8)
 
Well, mindset is important on any drug. I don't care if anyone says otherwise, you always can help control the outcome. Don't expect it to do all the work for you
 
Juice. said:
I don't have a tolerance to MDMA. One pokeball will give me that familiar serotonin body high, two pokeballs will have me floored on the ground with my eyeballs wiggling left and right. I've lost the magic because:

1. Instead of making me feel incredibly euphoric and happy, MDMA makes me irritated, introspective, and depressed. I look at everything in my life negatively and I worry about arbitrary shit that doesn't even matter. I think about the wrong I've done to people and especially to some of the women in my life. Regardless of how great the vibe is, regardless of how fine everything in my life appears to be going, the rolls aren't pleasant. I have more fun going clubbing/raving sober these days.
2. The body high isn't unique or magical anymore. It's become just another high. Even on 160mg of MDMA, when I'm rolling so hard I can barely stand up, I'm certainly feeling it, but now I'm waiting for it to end already so I can get up and dance.

I've rolled a total of maybe 15 times since November of 2009, and I lost the magic around the 10th roll. I started off rolling every 2 weeks, but for the past few months i've rolled once a month. It's not an issue of tolerance, it has simply lost its magic in the purest sense.

MDMA used to be my favorite drug, and it has definitely helped me overcome some hurdles in my life. Before ecstasy I would never dance at raves, now I do it sober. Before MDMA it was difficult to start a conversation with random people, now it's natural. MDMA has definitely improved my life, but I'm done with it, I can't see anything positive coming from anymore ecstasy use.

Has anyone else experienced what I have?
Click to expand...

I can understand what you're going through. While I wouldn't say that I've lost the magic, I have to say that nowadays not every roll is the most awesome thing ever. When I first tried MDMA, it just blew my mind. I simply couldn't imagine that you could feel this way, I had an afterglow that lasted for months. Nowadays, MDMA isn't as mind blowing every time.

However, I've found that if I do it with the right people (people who understand you on a pretty deep level) and on special occasions when I would glowing with happiness anyway, the intensity of the experience is on par with some of my best initial rolls.

I think the key to being able to enjoy MDMA to the fullest is to do it a little as possible and only on special occasions where you'd be in a MDMA-type mood without MDMA itself.

Try taking a very long break from MDMA and do it on sort of awesome events when meeting old friends or something.
 
I haven't "lost the magic" but the comedown is so very sad for me, because being able to have complete emotional intimacy with my boyfriend is incredible, when i start coming down, it's so very bittersweet, because I know I need to go a long time before I do it again. It's physically really hard on my body and I know that I'll be down & moody for 2-3 days after.
 
lovechild89 said:
Well, mindset is important on any drug. I don't care if anyone says otherwise, you always can help control the outcome. Don't expect it to do all the work for you
Click to expand...

I agree 100 percent with you, I know way to many people know a days saying how they lost the magic, the magics always been there, you control the state in your mind, the drug just brings out what already is there
 
I've lost the magic completely
last time I did molly was 6 months ago, I had to be in a hottub with two sexy chicks in order to enjoy the roll. But I'm pretty sure I would have enjoyed it just as much sober.

I've probably done E/Mdma at least 50 times
 
first time was great, the second time, was trash

i felt like Number 1 up above.
depressed and chilled. i felt good when i got a car ride :)

i havent done it a third time....
 
Take a long break before its too late. When you come back, roll smart not hard...
 
iv had a similar experience. except i think i was getting mda which would explain the non loved up feeling. you may have too.

also my tolerance was high and so is yours most likely. give it atleast a 6 month break. get a test kit and some trusty rolls. then try again. if its good then just remember you should spare the good feelings and do it every once and a while.
 
Juice. said:
I don't have a tolerance to MDMA. One pokeball will give me that familiar serotonin body high, two pokeballs will have me floored on the ground with my eyeballs wiggling left and right. I've lost the magic because:

1. Instead of making me feel incredibly euphoric and happy, MDMA makes me irritated, introspective, and depressed. I look at everything in my life negatively and I worry about arbitrary shit that doesn't even matter. I think about the wrong I've done to people and especially to some of the women in my life. Regardless of how great the vibe is, regardless of how fine everything in my life appears to be going, the rolls aren't pleasant. I have more fun going clubbing/raving sober these days.
2. The body high isn't unique or magical anymore. It's become just another high. Even on 160mg of MDMA, when I'm rolling so hard I can barely stand up, I'm certainly feeling it, but now I'm waiting for it to end already so I can get up and dance.

I've rolled a total of maybe 15 times since November of 2009, and I lost the magic around the 10th roll. I started off rolling every 2 weeks, but for the past few months i've rolled once a month. It's not an issue of tolerance, it has simply lost its magic in the purest sense.

MDMA used to be my favorite drug, and it has definitely helped me overcome some hurdles in my life. Before ecstasy I would never dance at raves, now I do it sober. Before MDMA it was difficult to start a conversation with random people, now it's natural. MDMA has definitely improved my life, but I'm done with it, I can't see anything positive coming from anymore ecstasy use.

Has anyone else experienced what I have?
Click to expand...

<3 100% can attest to having the same experience.

I think MDMA is a beautiful things when treated with respect- but even then, I think "losing the magic" is unnavoidable for some. I've felt very dark, depressed and alone on MDMA. I've had panic attacks as well, and didn't want to talk to anyone.

I still highly recommend it to those who are interested- I know for me, even through the darker periods, it still has improved my view of life, my view of others and myself. I have unforgettable MDMA memories.

I found mephedrone to be similar but different to MDMA- in many ways, I prefer it. I like the clearer vision, I like the energy. The happiness and euphoria are not nearly as intense (but I've only had mephedrone once) as MDMA, but it's absolutely amazing for what it is.

I think Ayla's advice is spot on. It's a tough lesson to take- but tell yourself (if you want) in a year you'll re-visit MDMA. Maybe a long break will help.
 
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