these is my story with E

hello im an 18 year old female i used to be completely healthy an ocasional pot smoker and drinker and had some issues with sleeping when i was like 14 but it wentaway on his own then basically i lvoe drinking and smoking until i black out.

i know this aint e related but anyway drinking and smokign always caused me to blackout although in masive ammounts now everytime i smoke i just passout this happened onyl after i tried ecstasy and everytime i drink i will get very violent and so stupid shit usually end up with about 10 bruises and have my friends blabbing about it the next day and this didnt happened before i had tried E.

ive only done E twice the first time was about a month and a half ago i popped one pill and a alf at about 11 and had the worst night of like the peak lasted for about 2 songs..

i was in this gay club with this random ppl the guy i used ot date took mt there promising to have a blast and first i started dancing then i felt all chatty and sat with him chewing the hell out of my tongue till i realized my tongue was bleeding all over the place

then some random guys even flirted with me so this guy is a homophobe and saw all the gay guys who would flirt with anything that move taking of their shirts and sweating so like at 5 am left me there with this random ppl the drive was so fuckign scary the guy ad many drugs on him i was scared to go in the car with someone in that state also he had some pot and i refused i guess this was cuz i thought i would panick even more then we went to an after party also gay environment i looked at myself in the mirror and thought i was a complete fuckup at this point

i had spent all my money in water and had no money for a cab and also was in the worst zone of the city so then we get to the after and they all started looking like sick dead ppl al of them where so thin and pale everyone looked ugly to me

i felt lonely and fucked up and had many crazy thought we finally leave at around 7 pm and go to another random guys apartment,,it wa sso crappy anyway i found a bed and tried to sleep but was soso hot and got so paranoid started crying and there was a guy randomly there trying too comfort me but kiss me then i went to another girls house at this point started feeling better bought some gatoreda once again i tried to sleep and nothing..

i go back to my place and sleep around 10 pm anyway E gave me a bad experience so i said NEVER AGAIN also a couple of weeks later i started eating a lot this creeped me out i gained about 10 pounds somehow i managed to go back to the normal weight until i decided to buy another kind of pills

so anyway the other night i popped one all alone and it was really nice..couldnt sleep a lot but i dont complain of the xpieriene last night i bought 5htp and i do not feel bad like the last time havent felt extremely hungry tho just a little guess my body tries to recover..

i still have a nother pill left an di plan to buy a couple more for my friends graduation altho this time ill pop only half so i can get some proper sleep.the grad is around 8-7 dinner and then all the way to 7 inthe mourning so i guess i should be fine i also plan on drinking and if the plan goes along smoke weed i wouldnt mind balcking out as i mentione dbefore i love this but now i dont see E horribly like beofre.

.im glad i was able to enjoy it altho i admit i kind of went crazy for a while i took this pill like at 10 peaked until 2 then comedown from 2 to 5 slept like from 5 to 8 then spent the next day a little drained but notmal went to buy the htp started gettinc calmer.

.then watched some tv and i enjoyed it also i ate some popcrn and chips and it wasnt nasty and depressibe as they say i slept from 10-930 which was good now i feel ALMOST normal i also gotta say i have an anorexia-bulimia problems i would like u guys to help me to not go back to binge eating ?

i have an appointment at the stomach doctor on thursday this is because during the holidays(i live in mexico) i had severe binging and laziness i wouldnt even feel like drinking nor smoking cu zi had this mucus in th eback of my throat..anyway idk how i managed to overcome this issues to finally 2 days after taking e not feeling fat nor sick..

but im scared that the binge problem might come back! i had to live with it for liek 3 weeks and ive always been able to sto eating whenever i wanted to this shit was impossible do u think this wa sE related?or bulimia realated at this point idk what to think anymore but i think my issues are kind of going away

Dear gaga

I think you should speak to a therapist about your anorexia/bulimia problems. I doubt if it is e related.

yeah im already going to a therapist..altho i thought e woudl be helpful for it but its probably stupid of me to think this

^^what he said.
Also, please use punctuation, writing in one very very long sentence makes it very very difficult to read

sorry but i dont understand the story or what you are asking for .

sounds like your not doing so well,

yeah i know its crappy writing i feel kind of fried right now since my last e was on sunday..nightjust stared at the roof for horus and with the computer only one pill tho was fun doing it alone

Augusta B: sorry i tried replying to your message but until i get to the next light colour on here i cant send the messages to you so will post the reply here, i hope thats ok to do ? : Hey no problem about the response.. can i ask where-ish in North Wales? I love the place..
hope all is good with you ?
Tessa
I just didnt want you to think i ignored it! lol

thanksto everybody for ur help i think im not gonna do E many more times in my life gonnause my last pill eventually not sure wheni will only be takingone pill because i dont wanna be sick and depressed in the comedown thenprobably gonna do it later in life but i jsut dont wanna be hooked there id rather try some opiates or even coke..i jsut dont think E is the drug for me

Not so sure any controlled substances are the answer for you. Drugs are much better, much more fulfilling if used with the right mindset and right outlook on life. You need serious clinical help before your mind is ready for any sort of drug.

I gotta say the whole "smoke till you black out" thing doesn't sound healthy to me. In the right circumstances drugs can open you up to seeing the world & yourself in new ways, but used the wrong way they can mess you up real good. It sounds to me like you're looking for the wrong things from drugs. I would definitely advise against trying opiates or coke, they'll just be more of an escape than drinking & pot are for you; and when you come back to reality you'll find the ugliness you saw in the mirror gets worse each time. Spend some time being yourself instead of finding ways to escape reality. It'll be worth it in the long run.

You don't even know if what you consumed was really MDMA and it's my opinion that Ecstasy is a drug that is very dependent on the atmosphere and vibe around you.