• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Radical Acceptance...

Status
Not open for further replies.
InTherapy82

InTherapy82

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 30, 2008
Messages
837
Since there are probably a lot of people here feeling depressed and anxious, same here, I'm looking at something that can help me cope here.

Radical acceptance is trying to accept things that happened to you in the past w/o being judgmental about them. After all we can not change the past and only have the future to control. The current moment is exactly as it should be, given what's happened before it, therefore fighting it any way is like beating your head against a wall. Positive thinking really makes a difference.

I'm just wondering about this for myself. I have tons of stuff I'm so guilty about that I can't change, I blame myself and others for things that happened, etc.

Does anyone have a situation in the past that is still eating them up?
 
Last edited:
InTherapy, that sounds like an interesting perspective...
 
I highly recommend a book called "The Mandala of Being" by Dr. Richard Moss. It discusses staying present in the moment and not falling prey to our tendency to keep telling ourselves our stories about ourselves "oh, I'm horrible because...", "if only.... I'd be ok", etc.
The basic premise is buddhist mindfulness but he talks about it in a secular style of simply untangling yourself from your self judgments, self justifications, ties to the past and worries about the future, etc.
In a nutshell, when faced with overwhelming emotions tied to regret and such, simply experience the physical sensation of that emotion--perhaps it is a knot in your stomach, a great feeling of pain in your heart, etc--and do not tell yourself any stories about the feeling. Just watch it and experience it. Your mind will try to tell lots of stories about it and about who you are because of it, but just let these go and accept the painful feeling. After a while of simply letting the feeling exist within you, you will find that you are much more than your feelings and thoughts and you have no reason to run or justify. This leads to self-acceptance and thus greater self-knowledge and is powerfully healing.

It helped me a lot.
 
I have been learning about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for about eight months now. It's helped, but it seems that my approach to life, due to the fact that I have had to live with a mental illness all of my life (bipolar), already fits these therapies. I tend to "get it" a lot more than the other people in these groups in my therapy program and I've been told that I'm already employing a lot of the methods that they are teaching there.

I've learned a bit about radical acceptance, which seems to play a major role in DBT, and it definitely helps. Your feelings are your feelings, and there is no right or wrong in that. What happened has happened, and the way that you feel about it is perfectly OK. The thing that often needs changing is how you react to those feelings and those thoughts, but to remember that you are a human being and there is nothing wrong with feeling the emotions that you feel.

There is a difference between being really angry and punching someone in the face and just being really angry, then dealing with it in another, more productive way.

Sometimes when I look back on my past relationships and hospitalizations when I was a "know it all" stupid teen, unmedicated and very unstable in my moods, I regret a lot of what happened. I can't change it, though, and things really could have been much worse. Over time, looking back at things doesn't really phase me all too much. I tend to focus more on how well I have been doing since I realized that I really am bipolar, how lucky I am that my medications work so well for me, and that I've been doing pretty well since my last hospitalization. There isn't any reason why I cannot be successful in life and live contentedly.

I think it is important for those of us who have suffered a lot in life, due to mental illness, personality disorders, broken homes, drug use and such, to remember that we are stronger than a lot of people, much stronger than most people. When I think back to horrible things that have happened to me I think about what I have learned from those experiences and how they have forced me to grow and adapt as a person.

You brought up a lot of interesting points, Intherapy. I do regret a few things and I feel badly about them if I think too much about them. For instance, when I was 17 and all of the bipolar stuff first started to happen, I ended up pressuring my ex at the time into sex. If I focus too much on that it can make me feel so very shitty and it's easy to forget some of the very wonderful, long-lasting and caring relationships that I have been in since then. It can even be easy to forget that this only happened one time and that I wouldn't do it again.

Like I said before, when you go through a lot in your life and something like untreated bipolar disorder gets you doing really stupid things it's too easy to focus on the wrong. I try to remember that I did stupid things but that I learned from them, that I don't repeat the mistakes or hurt other people and that I'm not that way today. One of the hardest things for me to get over was when I did a lot of methylone one evening.

I ended up going online and inviting a stranger over for "stuff". Nothing happened, and I never would have done this in any other situation. I'm glad I didn't get raped or robbed or killed. I was so stupid. Similar things have happened to me involving my disorder, too. The most important thing to realize is that things like this are a part of my past and that I strive every day to improve rather than wallow in self pity about the dumb things I have done.

Do I really regret it today though? No. It's really not applicable. I just focus on improving myself, getting my education, being a productive member of society, and I stay the hell away from drugs like methylone because I know I cannot handle euphoric stimulants. As soon as I take them my judgment goes to crap.
 
my philosophy is to regret no past nor fear no future. getting up every day and resolving to do well instead of pitying myself is certainly better than hinging dependence on SSRI/SNRIs :|
 
h.a. said:
I highly recommend a book called "The Mandala of Being" by Dr. Richard Moss. It discusses staying present in the moment and not falling prey to our tendency to keep telling ourselves our stories about ourselves "oh, I'm horrible because...", "if only.... I'd be ok", etc.
The basic premise is buddhist mindfulness but he talks about it in a secular style of simply untangling yourself from your self judgments, self justifications, ties to the past and worries about the future, etc.
In a nutshell, when faced with overwhelming emotions tied to regret and such, simply experience the physical sensation of that emotion--perhaps it is a knot in your stomach, a great feeling of pain in your heart, etc--and do not tell yourself any stories about the feeling. Just watch it and experience it. Your mind will try to tell lots of stories about it and about who you are because of it, but just let these go and accept the painful feeling. After a while of simply letting the feeling exist within you, you will find that you are much more than your feelings and thoughts and you have no reason to run or justify. This leads to self-acceptance and thus greater self-knowledge and is powerfully healing.

It helped me a lot.
Click to expand...

Excellent. I also posted this in TDS a few weeks ago..This is very long...but worth the read. It was given to me by a good friend years ago. I always go back to this whenever I am encountering difficulty in my life in any shape, way or form.

NSFW:
Your Biggest Trigger

Your Biggest Trigger Is Your Greatest Teacher

You don't have to search very far to find your greatest teacher. He or she is already in your life now. Your teacher comes to visit you when you least expect it and shows up in the form of a "trigger". The trigger we are referring to is that which bothers you the most about your loved ones, colleagues, family and friends. It's that special thing that they say, do, react to, or constantly repeat which no matter what you do, always drives you bananas! Perhaps they act superior, judgmental, ignore you, are selfish, or just chewing their gum with their mouth open. Whatever it is that sets off that atomic reaction of upset inside you is here to teach you how to become so big and full of Universal presence that you transcend it. Each time you get triggered, you're being asked to grow beyond your normal limiting beliefs and discover a deeper cavern of peace at the very core of your being.

"When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful." ~ Gary Zukav & Linda Francis

If your mind is open, you can see that anyone and anything can be your teacher. A teacher is whatever points you back inside yourself, so that you may stop living on the periphery of your mind and its thoughts. Discovering how to approach a teacher-trigger is one of the most empowering and life transforming gifts you can give yourself. You see, all the beliefs, ideas and judgments that cause you to get angry, sad or simply freak out are doorways to the Divine. Each upsetting thought is only keeping you from experiencing each moment as sacred because you are not truly welcoming it and open to letting in the expansive lesson it has to teach you. Everything is pointing you back inside to seeing your Divine Nature because the Divine Source is within everything! How could it be otherwise? The mind may think the opposite, yet the truth is that the Universe ultimately wants you to experience yourself as outrageous love, radical inner peace and inspired creativity! By allowing yourself to really feel your triggered feelings you can honestly explore that exquisite divine energy that is within and beneath this now moment. The day you devote your life to revealing this powerful truth, you will start looking forward to the next time that special someone triggers you.

"We create a whirlwind in our lives so that when we sit back and chill our life feels that much better." ~Sri Eric Lee

By honoring and acknowledging these people who trigger you as teachers, their presence no longer offends you. The second you see them your heart opens and you can enjoy the precious teaching that is coming your way. Instead of projecting or blaming these people for being a certain way, ask yourself "How is this really ALL about me?" In this asking you will find so much richness, gratitude and self-realization that you will discover the divine depth of who you truly are. It is only through deep self-inquiry that you penetrate the illusions and judgments of the mind and can open yourself up to the infinite being you actually are. Only through owning that your judgments are always projections of something you aren't at peace with inside yourself will this perceived "negative" quality in them magically disappear! By bowing down to honor your triggering teachers you regain the power to sit back and observe any ridiculous reaction you may have pounded them with, instead of being enslaved by it.

"When sadness comes, just sit by the side and look at it and say, "I am the watcher, I am not sadness," and see the difference. Immediately you have cut the very root of sadness. It is no more nourished. It will die of starvation. We feed these emotions by being identified with them." ~ Osho

It's good to know that your triggers are often very sneaky slippery teachers. They will come in all forms and sizes, and can be difficult to see. You can spend months, years, or even decades letting a trigger run your life instead of realizing that it is the most holy of teachers showing you the way back home to yourself. The easiest way to notice that a trigger-teacher has graced you with its presence is to pay close attention to what happens in your body. Anytime your body becomes tense, contracted, and shut down, you have encountered an opportunity to learn a powerful freeing life lesson. So please, for the goodness of creating more peace on this planet, the next time you get triggered, sit down, close your eyes and look inside. Look for the deeper spiritual part of you that is already FREE from this horrific bodily contraction. If you do this, the next time that trigger arises it will be a tad less painful and contain a ton more spiritual awareness.

Here are 3 powerful techniques that will help you turn your triggers into teachers:

1. When triggered, bring all of your awareness to your breath. Breathing supports you in re-centering. By focusing on your breath you can remain distant enough to truly observe those deeper memories and negative feelings that are creating the trigger. The deeper and slower you can breathe, the more present you'll become to this divine being underneath it all. By watching the air move in and out of your body you are 100 times less likely to get trapped in your head making up some unhappy story about yourself and them. When you are tuning into your breath you are more capable of experiencing that which never dies (your soul) and transcend this old unconscious habit of negative re-programming.


2. In your mind, bow down and kiss the feet of the person who triggers you. If you really want to become 100% "trigger-free" actually physically kiss the feet of the person the moment they trigger you. Doing this there is no way you can continue with your old judgment and reaction. If your ego cannot bare to stoop down to this level, simply do it within your mind. Imaging you are kissing their feet tells your ego that they truly are your teacher and blessed guru. Then every message that they speak afterwards you will actually be able to hear the Divine teaching pouring through them.

3. Thank the person who triggers you. You can do this as well in your mind, yet it's 10 times more effective out loud. Each time someone makes you angry tell them, "Thank you". You are not thanking them for that mean thing they did or said, you're giving them appreciation for pointing you inside to see where YOU still need to grow. Whenever you send gratitude you stop buying into that enticing story that makes you a victim in your life, and you slowly unravel the illusion of your trigger and stop your ego from believing it to be true. Through gratitude you will see that deep deep down on a soul level, you signed up for this person to awaken you in this lifetime. You will remember that they have always been a friend on your side, here to wake you up out of your suffering. With appreciation, nobody can have power over you. Through honest gratitude, you are finally able to become the master of your mind and your life!

It's good to remember that you are this pure consciousness that can never be disturbed by someone else's thoughts, behaviors, or actions. You my friend can EASILY remember that you are this divine eternal presence everyday! Each trigger you receive only serves as a wake up call leading you back to realizing the vast Divine consciousness is who you truly are. So what a blessing to be triggered! What an opportunity to radically reveal the Divine light within you, and inside all of your loved ones. Enjoy!!
Click to expand...

 
I've done some fucked up things in my life and some just plain crazy things in my life (risking my life in a lot of ways), but the only thing to this day that I regret is injecting heroin intravenously. There was no going back after those first few injections. I've managed to stop, but to this day a cloud hangs over my consciousness that is rather dark and disturbing. It has never been the same since those few months of IV heroin use. The world is a little darker, a little more meaningless, a little more hollow.

I don't think this has anything to do with my psychology, but I think was brought about because of more fundamental biochemical changes in my brain.

Not all psychological problems have psychological causes.
 
I also still cringe when thinking of some of my heroin addict moments. Once my partner on his lunch break went to a parking lot (where I've seen cops chill), took some dope out and made lines to snort, took a few but not all, had it all sitting there on the passenger seat and nodded out for 1.5hr. All it would take to almost ruin our lives is for a cop to drive by him. I wish he never told me that.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top