Passive-Aggressive??

Passive-aggressive behaviour: is pretty much everyone a passive aggressive at times?

Passive-aggressive behaviors are those in which negative emotions -- especially anger -- are expressed indirectly through negative attitudes and resistance to reasonable requests. For instance, a worker resentful of another employee's accomplishments may be consistently late or disruptive in meetings or settings in which his or her co-worker is lauded. An employee angry at the boss for a last-minute assignment may purposefully botch the task in some way rather than directly telling the boss there isn't enough time to do it properly.

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Is it better to be an all out subtle-as-a sledgehammer assertive person when a problem at work, or here at BL, or in your personal life arises or generally be passive-aggressive and non confrontational?

I personally prefer the direct approach when I have an argument with someone and get it sorted out early without any niggling negativity that lingers on for ages.

Thoughts?

I think everyone can be passive aggressive...I know I had to teach myself not to be, and sometimes now it's still a conscious choice; but I also think it's the much better choice not to be passive-aggressive.

You can be assertive without being aggressive necessarily..

so totally agree with the last lne there!

One day I hope to perfect the art of being assertive at exactly the most opportune moment...sill needs work now and then but trying it is working well so far!

I used to be scared of confrontation, I had a 3 year long relationship in which we only had about 2 arguments, because neither of us would speak up and verbalise what we were feeling. Instead we would sulk, give the silent treatment etc. My next relationship I went the opposite way and we fought about everything, cos I wouldn't keep anything to myself, I would bring it all up. Hopefully, now I've learnt my lesson and I will be able to find a happy medium!!

At work, I am very non emotional. I am generally very accepting of the things that go on around me, but if something is really getting to me, I just say so. I really don't care about what those around me think of me, so I will just give my opinion and be done with it. And I have no qualms about going to those higher about me and telling them what's annoying me, rather than bitching to my coworkers, which results in nothing being acheived.

...im passive aggressive when i choose to be...

...so fucking what...

...kytnism...

Being passive aggressive is a bit of a guilty pleasure. It's like you know you're doing the wrong thing but jeeeez it feels good

I prefer the direct approach from others, but hypocritically, I don't always adopt it myself :D

*Puts on psychologist's hat* edit: I wish it was a wizard's hat and robe..... bloodninja fukn hilarious!
Passive-Aggressive is a useless diagnostic category for personalities- it doesn't even make it into the DSM-IV Personality Disorders as you said it's too broad and doesn't really tell you anything about behavioural problems stemming from underlying personality dispositions. Passive agressive behaviour as you describe it is better termed as pettiness.

While I much prefer to take a direct approach with anyone in any situation, the direct approach does not always work. Maybe the person you are having a conflict with is just a stubborn ass, maybe they don't care about your issues and are happy to trample over you no matter how much you object. Hell, they may even threaten to fire you (or similiar) if you keep objecting.

I can become passive-aggressive in these situations and I'm not ashamed of it at all. I will be passive-aggressive at a job while I look for a new job. Then in my final passive-aggressive act I leave them on short notice to sit in their own shit. Fuck them.

But that's only after I try the direct approach. If you resort to passive-aggressive tactics first that's lame

It's another one of those cases of 'damned if you do - damned if you don't'.

If you confront people about everything they do that you have a problem with, they label you a 'head-case'.

If you don't, then you're passive-aggressive or a back-stabber or spiteful, or a stupid fool who expects too much from the world without ever speaking up.

You get the idea...

I guess the act to master is balance.

Passive-Agressive = Scorpio Males
(oh god im going to get into a lot of trouble for that)

At work I usually try to still my hand and put up with whatever's annoying me while putting in half-arsed efforts but after a while it annoys me so much I have to vent. I'm just not built for the passive-aggressive approach.

What really gets me is people who have a problem with me but won't bring it up and pretend that everything's ok. I can tell when people do that but can never bring it up because that's usually when they ignore me for the rest of their life and love the fact they did it. This type of person also seems likely to be a serial killer.

MooShiE said:

Passive-Agressive = Scorpio Males
(oh god im going to get into a lot of trouble for that)

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actually no, scorpios in general are very passive agressive..




but as said before, assertiveness doesn't always equal aggression.. i'm very assertive in everything i do, and am not seen as agressive...

and a lot of people actually respect the up front approach.. it saves all kinds of games..

Being passive-agressive was the only way to survive in my household, even the slightest bit of agressiveness or assertiveness was just plain not tolerated by my parents. Still trying to break the bad habit now, makes people see me as petty.