Fears about death and dying

I know we've had threads about people's perceptions of death before, but I was wondering about a specific question: In your mind, what is it that scares you more: the actual act of dying, or the state of being dead?

Or to try and illustrate what I'm asking a bit more...for me, I'm not afraid of being dead. I would certainly much rather be alive, but if I have to die there's no point being scared about it. As far as I can see given my beliefs, there's only a couple of options anyway...either I go on to some happy afterlife where I get to eat all the chocolate ice-cream I like without getting fat, or my mind and body shut down and I rot away in the ground--in which case, I'll have no consciousness to worry about this morbid stuff anyway.

On the other hand, actually dying I think would be scary. Unless it happens in my sleep or REALLY quickly, I figure it'll be painful. Or at least unpleasant. Which I'm not a huge fan of.

--Raz--

yeah i actually think about death quite regularly....

i wonder what it would be like, knowing that you are about to go...

i quite often think about my own death, and wonder how and when it is going to happen.....

but i mainly have a lot of thoughts about executions.... wondering what is going through the persons mind, knowing the exact time and date of when you are about to go.... knowing that this will be your last meal.... that you will never see light again.... wondering what is going through their mind as they take their final steps towards the gallows / gas chamber / chair etc etc...


on a more morbid note, a friend of mine sent me a link one time to one of the iraq beheadings... since then i have found watching these things compelling.... i find it amazing watching life leave the person.. you can almost pick the exact moment when it happens.....

yes, i know that is rather sick and depraved, but yet i still find it fascinating...


but then again, i am a twisted individual at the best of times....


/end deep dark muzby


(i imagine i will come back and delete this post tomorrow....)



on a more positive note, i believe in re-incarnation, so death is not so much scary in the fact of not knowing what is to come, more sadness about leaving behind everyone i know....

I hate this topic

I'm hoping that when it comes time for me to die, I'm so tired and peaceful that it's not scary. Not in a REALLY decrepit way, just in a sort of accepting way. Not in a fiery inferno.

The being dead thing does scare me more though, it's too big for my small brain to handle. I don't like to think about it at all. Now I'm going to go to bed and have nightmares.

I guess I like the idea of there being an afterlife...so I'm not as fearful of being dead. The act of dying really gets me though, I hate thinking about it...how you can just die in the next hour or so...damn thats scairy!

i think i'm different to raz. i'm kinda scared about not being here because i have things to do. if i get to choose the point when i stop being here, that's cool and i'm not scared. but if i happen to find that i'm going to die *whenever* through no choice of my own, that's a little more stressful.

but the actual process of dying doesn't particularly phase me. sure, if i'm being painfully tortured to death or something, i won't be too pleased. but otherwise that part doesn't really bother me.

i'm not all that scared of death on the scale of things, really, i just hope that it doesn't get in the way of any goals if i ever get round to setting any.

I generally dont worry about dieing or give much thought to it, so I am not to scared about it. But when I get stoned sometimes I think about it and it scares the shit out of me. I think and wonder on how it is that I will die, and everyway I can think of terrifies me (when Im stoned, that is).

Death dosen't really phase me. But I'd have to say that the state of being dead scares me more than the act of dying.

The thought of actually dying frightens me. The thought that my last action as a concious being will be suffering some kind of pain that will cause my body to go beyond repair in some way.

The actual state of being dead doesn't bother me too much. I figure that If I live that I must die sometime. My life is not eternal and at the end of the day, when I'm all over I'll be a tasty meal for some earthworm that's found it's way into my coffin.

You'll be fine

Sometimes late at night, it's actually the living that scares me.

When I die, I hope it's not through burning, drowning, or shock. I hope it's natural, and that it's not preceeded by days/months/years of agonising pain. I'd prefer to be cut off than be the vegetable.

I have dreams where I begin to lose the dream and slip back into sleep. Usually my thought is, "I'm dying." With all the ways to go in the world, I don't think that would be a particularly bad one. To slip away. Maybe to open my eyes into another state... but who knows.

I try not to think about it. I've had a semi-close call to (what i thought was going to be my) death. I had a guy pull a knife on me one morning at a recovery when i was in the bathroom washing my face. All but one other person had gone to the shop. He walked in, pulled the knife out, ran his finger along the blade and said that i'd "failed the test" and that how did it feel to know that i was about to die. It was so real, i really thought he was going to kill me. I apparently screamed "Not today fucker!", kicked him in the balls and ran out. I saw him again about 2 weeks later when i was out, and he told me it was a joke and he only wanted to see the look on someones face when they thought they were in fear of their life (fucking c*nt). I replied that i was sure the psychiatric community had a name for his condition, and i suggested he seek out some therapy (and stay off the drugs). It may be funny to some, but i've never been so scared for my life, no have i ever wanted to live more. That scares me, dying of foul-play... that moment where you know you're going to die, and very painfully.

As others have said, if i die naturally, being "dead" doesn't worry me too much....what i'm not looking forward to, though, is the moments before i die, when i realise that i may not see the people i love ever again (will i even remember them?), and wanting to make those moments last forever. I also get the feeling that i'll miss being able to be with my loved ones...that's even if we're capable of thought in the after. Maybe those feelings don't matter? My jury is still out on the afterlife, i've seen things that i can't explain away rationally, but have no clue (obviously) what it's like when you're dead...

What does scare me is my loved ones dying. My husband was almost killed in a car accident in April, and from the time i saw the police pull up to my house (i knew something bad had happened, he hadn't come home that night), to the time they told me he was in hospital, alive, but in intensive care - I thought he was dead. I've never felt such profound sadness, such hopelessness, such an indescribable ache for him in my entire life. Never in my life have i wanted him arms around me more so much than at that exact moment. What scares me more than anything is that, that feeling was so... real, if that makes sense, and i know that that is how it's going to feel whenever anyone i deeply love passes away....i really really really don't want to feel that again, but i know i will.

The actual act of dying doesn't scare me nor does what could or could not lie on the other side - I'm more concerned and saddened by what I would miss out on if I were not here..... family members, friends, the changes in world etc etc.

I sort of figure that its gunna happen whether i like it or not.

Worrying about it cant affect it so why bother.

Whatever will be will be.

There are times when I just feel like screaming out.........


BRING IT ON MOTHER FUCKERS.

Its not that Im scared of dying so much... its more that you don't know for sure whats on the other side...

this is a hard one...

im a pretty positive person, i believe theres something up there, a force, god?... but i don't believe in a heaven, i kinda believe in when you're gone, you're gone... no heaven, no hell, just darkness... and too me, that's kinda nice, it's peace, no more suffering, non existance... just quiet...

of course, im afraid not being able to impact, or the given chance to make a impact... but i imagine death as letting go, free of ties and loyalities.. you're forever free...

the act dying? a horrible scary act... maybe, a quiet peaceful act... im not sure... but i am guess im afraid of leaving too soon, so im somewhat afraid of dying

sorry i can't be clearer...

I heard a quote just recently that is extrememly applicable to this thread.
It stated: "IT IS NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE FACED THAT FACT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO DIE THAT YOU CAN TRUELY START TO LIVE.
Certainly got my thinkin', although i'm not sure i've face dthat ultimate truth just yet (hey, i'm only 20 ).
I think i'm scared of the idea of not being alive... not being here to experience life, and the idea of leaving behind so many people, places, things etc.
All this talk makes me realise why the fuck should one be nervous about their decisions, after all it is best to regret something you have done than something you haven't.

Food for thought.
PEACE

I think about death fairly often, although not in a dark morbid way. I'm curious about what happens to the mind after death. I don't really believe in an afterlife, but at the same time I don't really believe that there is nothing at all either. So because of that in a weird way I think I would actually welcome death, purely for the satisfaction of my curiousity.

Having said that though, I have no desire to end my life prematurely, I plan to enjoy every minute I can.

I often wonder what it's like for people dying of a terminal illness. When you know you are going, you know there is nothing that can be done and it's only a matter of time. You often hear (and I have seen myself many times with relatives/friends who have passed away) people in this state that get to a point, and then seem to decide enough is enough, and simply switch off. I wonder how this happens and how much control they have over it.

What worries me the most about my own death is the impact it would have on those around me. Once you're gone there is no way (that I know of) to comfort those left behind. The grief that loved ones suffer at the uncertainty of whether the departed knew how they felt, whether they could have done something more to help, or the guilt of some action in the past that was never resolved, can tear people apart. It's this thought and feeling that has meant for me that even in my darkest hours suicide is not an option, I could never bring myself to inflict that torment on my loved ones.

So I guess in summary I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid of being dead, but I am afraid of leaving this world without everyone I know and love knowing how I feel about them, and how much I want them to be happy in my absence.

I'm not really worried about either...i welcome death, it would be a nice, refreshing change from life, i can say that much...

But if i HAD to chose, i'd say the act of dying because it could be sad, painful and drawn-out.

Being dead: well, to me this is the ideal state - i don't believe in the afterlife, reincarnation, ghosts etc etc, all i believe in is non-existence which to me would be a total lack of feeling, thinking, awareness...lovely!

re samadhi's post: IMO, losing your loved ones is always more painful than anything that can happen to you personally. I think we as human beings have an amazing ability to adapt to circumstances beyond our control, but usually it's the support of our loved ones that helps us adapt. Life is so much harder when they're no longer here..

re Pop Popavich's post: I totally agree with you on the "people with a terminal illness" thing....my mum had open heart surgery when I was 2, and she was in constant pain and poor health from that moment on until she died 4 years ago. But she always held on because she had goals that she wanted to reach. And when she'd reached the goals that were important to her, she let go. You could see it. The same happened with my Nan...she was hospitalised and spend the night barely hanging on, but she did hang on until her daughters and grandchildren could arrive to hold her hand while she died.

We do have an amazing ability to hold on to life when we really need to...

Raz said:

re samadhi's post: IMO, losing your loved ones is always more painful than anything that can happen to you personally. I think we as human beings have an amazing ability to adapt to circumstances beyond our control, but usually it's the support of our loved ones that helps us adapt. Life is so much harder when they're no longer here..

re Pop Popavich's post: I totally agree with you on the "people with a terminal illness" thing....my mum had open heart surgery when I was 2, and she was in constant pain and poor health from that moment on until she died 4 years ago. But she always held on because she had goals that she wanted to reach. And when she'd reached the goals that were important to her, she let go. You could see it. The same happened with my Nan...she was hospitalised and spend the night barely hanging on, but she did hang on until her daughters and grandchildren could arrive to hold her hand while she died.

We do have an amazing ability to hold on to life when we really need to...

Click to expand...

Much, much love to you, Raz

The same thing happened with my Nonna. She felt herself slipping, but held on till my Pa's hip got better....2 weeks. Then one night, she had a double-anuerism in the shower, they took her to hospital, and still she held on till my mum got there...noone else had arrived, and my mum had the most precious hour, laying on the bed next to my nonna, stroking her face and telling her how much we all loved her. Then she slipped away. The human spririt constantly amazes me.