Psychological addiction: anyone else in the same boat?

hi fellas
even tho i know this topic is something no-one really wants to ask themselves, i'm gonna ask anyway:
who else reckons they may be psychologically (or otherwise)addicted to e's?
u may have gathered by my asking if there is anybody "else", that i think i might be.
how do u define addiction tho? the oxford dictionary defines an addict as someone who "devotes or applies habitually or compulsively to a practice; takes drugs excessively and is unable to cease doing so without adverse affects"
well i reckon that description could cover a lot of us here - for me:
habitually - yes (prob once a month now, but a few months ago once a week)
to excess - ?? how do u judge this, i s'pose does it impinge upon my normal everyday lifestyle? yes to a small degree (ie short term memory loss, etc)
unable to cease doing so without -ve effects - i think i can definitely stop (but not now, i'm having to much fun!!). i don't believe i would suffer any harmful withdrwal symptoms, but i guess the definition is talking about physical addiction.
i was having a conversation on this topic with a friend a month ago at the last SSU. although i hadn't really wanted or planned to, i wound up dropping an e that night, purely cos i wanted to make sure that i had a great nite.
i KNOW i'm not physicaly addicted cos i don't physicaly crave the stuff - it's just a mental craving. i want that feeling of whole body euphoria, i want to be able to dance and not get tired, i want to be able to feel and experience the music and the vibe with my whole body and not just listen with my ears.
i don't NEED or RELY on e to have a good time. i can go out without it (although i haven't done this for about 6 months). i just WANT it.
i find this notion of psychological addiction quite frightening and i know i'm not alone on this
as orion says the party's over when the comedown overrides the high. but i haven't reached that stage yet, but i find myself in this scenario. maybe i'm just thinking to hard about it and should relax and enjoy.
??

Try going out without haveing any pills on you, and be in the mind set that it'll be a good night no matter what. Pot is the same, once you start saying that you NEED something you've got to start wondering about your addiction. This could be all just shite but take as you will.
fun

ahhh, if what you described is addiction then we are pobably not all gonna fit in the *boat*

ecstasy is a very peculiar drug, eh, in that the drug itself is not that addictive, but rather the "scene" is addictive...the people, the music...like all major cultural trends, ecstasy has it's own sophisticated media language, doof doof, which I think makes E's a contributing element (a major one, lets be honest) to the experience rather than being simply a drug.
so that also means, like you suggested space frog, that people become addicted to the scene rather than the drug....and i don't think any other drug really does that to you. with e's its location, music, people......
with bongs, per example, it's just suck em down, sit down.
Bucky
"I used to be with it, but they changed what _it_ was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary. It'll happen to you..." -- Abe Simpson

I'd have to agree with BuckE.....the 'scene' can be addictive (new friends, like-minded individuals, all pushing physical and mental barriers that nobody else seems willing to test, people who will stay by your side and spur you on for 12 hours at a time, people who might just actually LISTEN to what you're saying for more than an hour at a time and respond in kind?), but I doubt very much that the E is...
I'd try as suggested above...do go to a 'GC' or a 'Two Tribes' or 'SSU' with no drugs and see how you fare...
and one very important part of your words above..."not now though, it's too much fun"..
'Addicts' don't talk like that anymore...they say things like "I really want to stop (it's hard work finding the money and I'm killing myself and all my relationships here), but I just can't...the drugs won't let me"....
when you get to that stage, we have a different problem..
but for now, why not keep smiling (as I see you do) and enjoy the ride because, like all these things seem to, it WILL stop, Space Frog.... of it's own volition... and it's probably better to exit the gate smiling, than complaining that the ride was "too fast"?...
candyflip
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The latest Event info, Pill Tests and Club Listings, online: http://www.the-peak.com.au

yah, we all know it is not physically addictive, but it is physcologically addictive!
when you're on e, you can have a goodtime anywhere. things are different, the boring things you encounter everyday become interesting, your friends become closer, strangers become animate objects that are 3d rather than 2d specs on your daily canvas.
on top of this, there is that beautiful feeling that something special is happening or is about to happen, and you're a part of it because you've accepted the mdma into your blood stream.
most people don't roll forever though. we are all young.. i'm only 21 and have only been e'ing for 2 years but feel like an elder already.
the past weekend i abused e. i had too much.. and i suffered for it: slight post-depression and the midweek blues plagued me after sydney gatecrasher as it wasn't what i expected. however.. playing the tunes and speaking to friends about our next party has geared me up and the smile has crept back onto my face :-]
i've got myself pretty much planned out.. a big party every month or six weeks should keep the interest fresh, and my tolerance not too dented. going to clubs everyweek seems a waste to me.. there are much more interesting things i'd rather do than go and hang out at a club listening to tunes played simply to fill the dancefloor. (most places anyway).
once you have recognised the fact that you know enough about e to control yourself, you have to start planning your good times - you can't just rely on the e to do it for you. having a strong friendship circle helps, having lots of extra curricular activies and a healthy lifestyle does as well. as with all good things, you need a balance to increase the pleasure you receive.
i admit it, i am addicted to e. i simply cannot party as hard straight.. but then again *partying hard* is not something which i rely on solely for happiness. (although FUCK does it feel good to lose it on the dance floor! :-]) of course it provides me with weeks of everlasting smiles, but if i rely on it solely for happiness everything else will turn stale.
as usual.. preperation for e'ing is essential. get yourself mentally geared up, be more excited about the partying you will be doing rather than taking of the drugs. the music and the party essence is what is most important - how you get there, either naturally, through alcohol, through speed or through ecstasy is your choice - just make sure you are in control rather than having that substance control you!
and always remember that ecstasy is nothing but a salt of millions. it is not a happy drug nor a friendly drug, it is simply something which takes away the boundaries that you have around yourself and lets you see things as they really should be. for that, we should be grateful :-]

Does xtasy ever infringe on your happiness?
Thats my defination of a drug problem - habituation has nothing to do with it. I habituate with ciggerrettes and yes it'll have some health reprocussions but social ones? nah, im happy anyway. Same with heroin, pot, coke woteva - you decide whats good and whats not and keep ur eye out for it, and it doesnt matter wot other people think.

An addict is someone who wants to stop but can't.
Some people find alcohol addictive. I like a drink, but can take it or leave it.
As for E, thats a different matter. For the first 6 months, all I ever wanted to do was party. So continuing to take it was never an addiction. Yet lately, Ive been saying Im on a break, which never lasts for long. That means I want to stop and I cant. That is an addiction. It may not be addictive for everyone, but don't rule out the possibility of it being addictive - that's plain stupid.
Ever been to a pub and turned down a drink - yeah we do it all the time. Try going to a club and doing it straight - after knowing the highs that you can reach, you can bust your chops trying to find one. Lets face it...how many of us have had someone race up to us in a club and say "got any spares". It maybe coz they ran out, or didnt prepare. Or it may have been that they wanted to go straight and simply couldn't.
Is E addictive...well Ive officially quit.
Time will tell!!!

sorry but i have to disagree with buckE and candyflip; parties are far from addictive...i can pretty much guarantee you that they will lose their thrill but E wont. I have been to some amazing parties in some amazing places but if i didnt go to another i would have enough memories to get by on. but sitting next to mrs tranquilo or with some close friends and feeling high is something else. I'd like to think i'll be doing that when i'm 70 odd.
this is a powerful psycho-tropic we are using and unless you are one of those strong willed ones (and they are about) who have tried it once but decided once was enough then you are an addict to some degree.
the rest is a queston of semantics
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no one needs a smile more than he who does not have a smile to give

Well I am giving it away for 2 months....
i have been pretty down all week working through an issue and it was compounded by the post e depression (first for me)
I have been partying pretty hard recently and just need a bit of a chance to recover, financially and physically so am going to wait until my birthday at end of june to rejoin the scene

I'm with candyflip and bucke on this one. If all your friends are into the scene and the e and if that's what you have been doing for a while you meet other friends who you only get to see when you go out. Of course the going out requires taking E...to keep u up, to fit in, to feel better, to give you energy, to love you up etc...you know what I'm on about...
Tranquillo: you might have many friends out of the scene, but not all of us do and it makes it hard to see everyone unless you do go out. And like I said E is part of the scene as well...it's another friend to me...hihihi...
princehamlet

Although MDMA isn't physically addictive remember that more often than not pills have other shit in them eg- speed.
Methamphetamine (speed) is physically addictive, so even though you mightn't get hooked on the MDMA you might develop cravings for speed.
...just some food for thought.

thanx 4 ur thoughts
buckE, i think u might have pinpointed a very large part of what i find so attractive about the whole drugs, going out, partying deal...
i luv my friends, i luv the music, and i guess i've realised i luv my substances too...

I actually had to make a promise to my girlfriend that i wouldnt take an E ever again.
She is not against the E itself, but worries so much, and doesnt want her "future husband" taking something like that so amoungst other things its put her into a kind of depression!
I made the promise while half asleep 1 night with her crying on the other end of the phone line. Ever since then (2 days ago) ive been scared not knowing if i could keep that promise. I know i used to have fun at parties without E i went all last year to all the medium - big parties straight. But ever since new year, i havnt gone without pillin! All my friends will be eggin at Utopia and the thought of me going straight there just depresses me.
I know im not "addicted", if it came down to stealing, or my own life, i could stop with no hesitation and not feel bad! But in a situation like mine, its like it hurts on the inside not being able to take!
I suppose the thought of knowing that u could be having such a much better time is what causes this problem!
CUALLL8R!
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at night, rave near the guards compartment naked with a blue light

JAS some people might think your gf has no right to ask that of you. I disagree. She wants only what is best for you and her. I think you are lucky to have someone who obviously loves you so much without the need for chemicals - that is pretty special.
Lets face it - the whole scene is one huge fucking buzz. And who can do it without substances. I have tried it a few times, and its ok, but not the same.
Basically Im an adrenalin junkie. I need to feel pumped from everything I do. I need that rush. Only now I need to find natural ways to get there.

i am going through the dilemma that surely many of you have been through long before me! i love rolling and sponging up loud music with people that i like and fell comfortable with.............the scary thing is , that i CRAVE it so much!!! i enjoy doing it all on my own, just rushing and feeling the caress from the E alone ...........that's what worries me!!!! i get edgy sitting at home alone for one night and have this week decided to drop out of uni for this semester, due to poor attendance and performance record!!!! i am almost 37 years old, and should know better, and act accordingly!! but you know what??? i am having the best time i have had in the last 15 years and i want it to last a bit longer......................so i will return to former profession for a few months, to make a bit of money to support my decadent lifestyle............................and hopefully, in a few months the "new puppy syndrome" will wear off and i might be able to concentrate on studying again!!!!!!
errr, am i kidding myself?????????
big hugs to all!!!!!!!!!
mev
(OMG.......i feel like i am on Oprah, hahahahah)

Meth, don't worry, I guarantee that with a break you'll be back at uni.
When I started my best friend said I'd go on a 6 month binge. Of course I didn't believe him.
Sure as shit, for the next 6 months I was out Thursday night through to Monday morning - having a ball, chewing my way through heaps!!!
And now, several years later - I still give it a good nudge when I'm out, but the desire to go out has definitely dropped off. Well, almost!

Okay, firstly to Smurf - don't quit, just don't do it.
Secondly, I believe that it is about the party as well as the E's.
Like pills aren't always fun, amazing pills, Gold Ck's *real* Blue Loves *real* other MDMA filled pills have been wasted on me at house parties cause I just get so sick of them.
I only dump at raves and have speed at house parties now.
When you get sick of them, thats when you should stop...
But for this weekend, we have a wonderful choice of Yellow Butterflys, Beige Fish and White Mitso's or a Nautica, which.. will write report.
jaX*

Having finished writing this, I'm not sure if I should post it, but it may help someone some way, so here goes...
JAS. I went out with a lovely thing for about 2.5 years and continued to sleep with her for some time after. Every time I would go so much as near a joint she would denegrate, hound and generally bitch about what I was doing to her. We split up and in less than two months, she was into XTC and speed - I still was yet to try these substances. I'd had two and a half years of being told I was worthless and hurtful by the one I craved acceptance from. I couldn't leave because I honestly believed her when she told me these things and I was shitscared of being alone. Perhaps you or someone reading this knows how this feels? After all that shit, all she could offer me was a shrug and "people change." I'm not saying that you are in the same situation, but maybe you should have a decent 3rd party view of the sitch for a while. As Bono says "Love is blindness/ I don't wanna see..."
Here's my spin on this - please understand that I don't know you and it is just my experience based opinion. This woman loves you? Then she loves you just the way you are. If she doesn't love you just the way you are, and seeks to change you, including your flaws and vices, then by definition it is something other than love that she feels for you. Note the grey area of 'seeking to change' versus 'helping to grow.' If she coerces or tricks you into making promises down a phone line while you're half asleep and she's pouring on the grief. That's blackmail. Pure and simple. She is accusing you of hurting her while she is doing the same to you. Add hypocrisy to the blackmail claim. You deserve better than that. Words can't describe the sheer carnage that emotional dramas can play on an individual. Anybody who puts you in a position where you don't want to be (such as the ultimata you seem to be getting) does not have your best wishes foremost in their mind. I'm not saying she's a deceitful person or a shrew or anything like that. She's a human, most likely no angel and succeptable to all sorts of problems. Study her motivations without love's veil in the way. It's kinda important. She's your future wife, yes? Consider the psychological issues confronting those who fall for addicts. A good read is "The Road Less Travelled" by Scott Peck. Swear he wrote it about me and the ex I speak of. Most of all, remember that it is your blood, your life. Furthermore, as a human being you are an individual. The joining of two individuals still equals two individuals. The "closing of the circle" and "I finally feel complete" thing makes for a good movie but it rots your soul. 1 + 1 = 2.
Besides, if you have had a good cold critical look at your partner and she comes up trumps, at least when you tell her you love her you'll know that it's not some fading infatuation that you feel. This is important, yes?
Do your own things. Be yourselves. It's why you fell in love with each other. If you're compatible, the rest will take care of itself. If it doesn't work... There's over 3 billion more women to meet. Hows them figures? Better yet us guys are in the minority
Be as kind and gentle as your heart, mind and soul dictate. But be true to yourself and be proud of what you are and do. Don't get manipulated or brought down by anyone, letalone by those who have convinced you that they love you.

Syn...
what if the person you love started taking e's after you fell in love with them??? What if they were the ones that changed??? What if they were enjoying themselves and as a loving partner you were happy for them...but did not like the person that they had become???
i have a loving bf...and we discovered rolling together...but he has hit it a lot harder than i have...i want to slow down but he doesnt. What do i do???
it is a tough call...
jez
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...blondes have more fun...