love or career??

which would you choose???

would you give up a loved one to travel to another city for a job? if your career was becoming more demanding on you, would you sacrifice your love life? or would that time come from your friends?

i know love is quite important, but on the other hand, it is crucial to set yourself up for later in life by getting as far as you can as quick as you can, so you can ensure a secure future for you and your family...

i chat to a lot of people in my industry who are single, and who are only so because of their careers. they want to further their careers, their income etc, but at the expense of happiness with a partner.

i'm kind of the same... i've always been someone who has needed a significant other in my life, i've chosen not to pursue my career straight outta uni cause i was engaged to a girl (note to self, don't get engaged at 21. too young!), i basically worked retail plus night jobs to save money so we could travel.

anyway, a couple of years down the track, and i'm finding myself in a wierd situation. i've worked pretty hard to get myself into a great job, but the only problem is, it takes up so much of my time that i find it hard to secure a relationship outside of work. i'm constantly travelling around the country, working long hours, throwing a lot of my passion into my work.. but at the same time i'm hella lonely for a that feeling of love i havent felt in about 3 years.

its a little difficult for me as i've only just recently moved to melbourne, so i want to make my own friends, rather than just mutual friends of a partner, if you know wot i mean. yet, i work so much better, am more committed to my job and will absolutely blitz my work if i have a partner..

but then, at the end of the day, i don't want to be giving up my career (like finding a job that takes less of my time) as my partner is not going to further my career for me... and if we end up breaking up, i have lost everything...

damn decisions...

This was never a concern for me. Having my loved ones around has always been important enough for me to adapt my life to it.

For this reason I was shocked when my significant other voiced his fears that this would happen to us.

I'm a very driven person. I've worked hard educationally to get where I am, and am now studying a masters in a field where the end result will more than likely see me in a high paid, high stress job. As stupid as it sounds, I never ever considered that this would affect my relationship with me s/o. After thinking about it for the last few months, I have come to see that he's fears were not un-constituted.

I'd like to think that if one really wants something one can always make it work- the theory has worked for me my whole life. Its just a matter of adapting and understanding from both parties. I don't feel that i should ever have to give up my lover for my career, or my career for my lover. I just don't think it has to be that way.

I would choose love over career anyday!

I would rather come home to a warm body than a cold empty space!

Loved ones always come first. Always.

I assume that the "loved ones" are just partners - not family, etc?

I've never believed in putting family after anything, so that's a pretty straightforward question for me.

The other part I'm a bit hazy on. My opinion is that a really good spouse should be willing to make compromises so that you can get further ahead in life and vice versa. For example, my husband is currently working in a job that he doesn't especially like so I can flit around and get my degrees. After that, I'll go to work so he can finish his degree. In some ways, that could be seen as putting career before love - I'm prepared to see him in an average job so that I can get a better job later. But I'm also prepared to be the sole breadwinner while he works towards a career he loves.

Soo.. I think there are ways you can work with both career and love to put your relationship as a team in a better position. If you both have good job satisfaction because you've made lengths to further your career, your home life will be better. If you're able to buy nice things or go out for nice meals because you're a high flyer, your relationship will be less stressful (as long as you live within your means, of course). So I do think it's important to work together to improve your overall happiness and career movements, as a pair and not as two individuals. Especially when there are other people (kids) involved.

If you don't think you can compromise your position for your partner's advancement, or that you would jeopardise your relationship for the sake of a few extra dollars, that's different. Then I tend to wonder if you should look for a relationship at all. You have to nuture relationships, you have to make them work. If you don't have time, then don't start one or someone (probably not you) will get hurt.

Teamwork! That's what love is about.

Careers are over rated - love for sure

I'd like to think that if one really wants something one can always make it work- the theory has worked for me my whole life. Its just a matter of adapting and understanding from both parties. I don't feel that i should ever have to give up my lover for my career, or my career for my lover. I just don't think it has to be that way.

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Agreed.

I would chose love over career if i stopped being so career driven and actually looked for a partner.

That said, if i got an awesome job doing what i want to do, yes, i would sacrafice love. So maybe i would. Im too independent for my own good. I geuss though because ive never been in love, i cant make the judgement call that is what i would choose, because i just dont know.

Everything is situational.

To me love gives far greater satisfaction than a career could ever give. A career only gives materialistic rewards which are about as thin as a grain of sand in my opinion. The very few of us who are lucky enough to have one of their passions as their career that is slightly different, its giving up a personal dream for another person. I'd say I would still do so but they would have to be damn worth it...If its a good relationship though it would never become a choice.

I would hope that the person you love would make some kind of allowance for your career. Given the choice though, if I had met that special someone who I'd be prepared to stick with for their mortal life (I can never die), I would be quite prepared to call my career quits, and find something suitable to do in the mean time.

Money doth not bring me happiness. It just makes things easier. Love does.

I recently tried to choose love over career and got slammed!

Was going out with a girl i still have very strong feelings for back in Perth. Come Xmas time we split - me to come to Melbourne for work reasons, her to go live in the UK for life experience. It had been her dream for a whole year and was planned before we got together.

After 3 months apart i decided to take the plunge and go over, drop everything and live with her there. And she said no because she didn't want me to ever hold it against her that i had ditched my job and prospects for her. Too much hanging over her head, she thought. An attempted long distance relationship ended very soon after.

I'd still choose love over career, if it really was "love". Surely it's worth it. But i'd be very careful about it next time and not just follow romantic impulses.

my .02c

Ah, the bizarre corporate world :D

I don't work in a career which demands much of my time, and I guess in that way I'm lucky, because it suits me down to a tee. I'm perfectly happy working 9-5, with the benefits and drawbacks that entails. I've no desire to be a "success" in monetary or status terms; just comfortable and happy.

I admire those who are singleminded with their careers; I just don't understand it.

My ex-flatmate works in IT in the city and he used to say to me he had "no time for a girlfriend", and indeed he didn't - he'd leave for work at 7.30am and get home at 9pm at the earliest, often 11pm or even midnight. I thought he was a fucking NUTCASE. There is no way I could ever commit that much of my life to the pursuit of career: it just isn't my main source of satisfaction. There is so much more to life. So much more.

No question: I'd choose love - every time.

But Muz - also, on a personal note... don't jump the gun, you're overthinking this. You haven't even got the girl yet and you're wondering where a long term relationship will leave you in terms of your career. Baby steps hon! It could all work out peachy; you don't even have a decision to make right now I say just open up to the possibility and see what happens. Then cross your bridges as you come to them.

Re: Re: love or career??

Strawberry_lovemuffin said:

No question: I'd choose love - every time.

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Thats the sort of answer I was expecting from a name like yours! :D

hmm..

this is bringing up some interesting discussion


i spose wot i should add to my initial post is that yes, as SLM said, i haven't got the girl yet, i just have no time for a relationship atm...

but having been burned before choosing love and following someone instead of following my dreams and desires, i don't wanna get in that situation again...

geez i hope i'm making sense here...

I've never had to make the choice and hope I never do.

I'm not particularly career oriented although I do have a lot of responsibility and pride in my job and am doing postgrad study so am somewhat motivated career wise.

I would definitely move to another city for my partner - I'm a nurse and can find a job anywhere and my study is easy to move around too as its mostly off campus.

I would never choose a career over love - never. I just don't value work that highly - sometimes I think my social life is more important.

I mean, I have to work, and I need a career which interests me and keeps me motivated but loving someone who truly loves you back is the ultimate goal isn't it?

For me anyway.

*sunflower* said:

but loving someone who truly loves you back is the ultimate goal isn't it?

For me anyway.

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I wish i had that mindset I guess i was always braught up careerminded...

No ^^ you have a much more practical, independent mindset which will serve you better in the long run.

My upbringing didn't particularly encourage me towards any particular career goal I suppose. I'm basically a lazy cow anyway. If I was an heiress I'd never work. Most of my friends are quite surprised I chose such a difficult job and no-one ever thought I'd do postgrad. I've applied to uni every year since I graduated and backed out every time.

Its good to surprise people sometimes.

i'd choose love.