A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said, " Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
______________________
Ever wonder why that cute girl at the hospital that slips you extra meds is so bad at giving head?
She's a nurse, they always wait for the swelling to go down.
______________________
What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control?
A trip without the kids.
______________________
A drunk driver and his buddy were driving down the street. The driver said to his friend, "I think we're getting closer to downtown."
The other guy asked, "How can you tell?"
The driver replied, "We're hitting more and more people."
______________________
What do you get when you cross Rush Limbaugh with OxyContin?
An oxymoron.
______________________
A young man and woman on K started to have sex in a dark forest. After 15 minutes the man said, "I can't see what I'm doing. I wish I had a flashlight, or nightvision."
The woman said, "Yeah, so do I. You've been eating grass for the past 10 minutes."
______________________
A female police officer arrested a guy for drunk driving. She said, "Anything you say can and will be held against you--" At which point the inebriated man shouted out, "TITS!!!"
______________________
A man comes home to his wife high on cocaine and is confronted by his wife. He replies with, "You want to know why I've come home half loaded?! Because I ran out of money, that's why!"
______________________
A wife and her friends went out on the town Christmas Eve. All of them got quite drunk, and the wife decided to get a tattoo. She woke up the next morning, her husband scowling down at her. "What is
that?" he demanded.
She told him that she had gone to the tattoo parlor and had
MERRY CHRISTMAS on the inside of one thigh and
HAPPY NEW YEAR inscribed on the other thigh.
"Why on earth did you do that?" he asked.
She replied, "Because now you can't complain there's nothing to eat between Christmas and New Year's."
______________________
A father was passing by his son's fraternity house late one night when he decided to drop in. He knocked on the front door, and a young man replied, "What do you want?"
"Does Tommy Norris live here?" the father asked.
"Yep," the man said, "You can just leave him on the porch like everyone else does."
______________________
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
______________________
Two stoned kids were walking down the street when they saw a fly on a pile of manure. One said to the other, "Wow. He must of really had to go bad."
______________________
And now for the last, none drug joke.
A farmer went to see a movie. The ticket agent looked up fromt he cash register and asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The farmer replied, "Well, this here is my pet rooster, Clucky. Wherever I go, Clucky goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," the ticket agent said, "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The farmer went around the corner and stuffed Clucky down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He took a seat next to two old women. The movie started, and Clucky began to squirm. The farmer unzipped his pants so Clucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert," the first woman said.
"What makes you think so?" her friend whispered.
"He unzipped his pants and has his thing out," the first woman said.
"Well, don't worry about it. At our age we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so too," the first woman said, "but this one's eating my popcorn."
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I might be on mushrooms at the moment, but I still didn't get it 6 hours ago when I read it first.......
