Benzos Xanax Relapse

[silver_lining]

I made it 14 days clean & free of Benzo's (Valium) after a short taper from a years worth of 30mg average usage.

I relapsed on Xanax 7 days ago. Started with just .25mg, but quickly escalated to 3mg daily. Yesterday I took 4mg,

So in the last 7 days i have taken a total of 15mg Xanax.

I don't want to take anymore, i mostly reached for it because I didn't want to relapse on Valium. I went through some pretty serious WD's and was starting to feel much better, and then i slipped up with the Xanax. Only reason i took it was because I had to take a pain killer for a back injury, and it was the only thing i could convince myself to help chill out the effects (opioids are obnoxiously stimulating for me, hate it).

So here I sit, trying to figure out a game plan.

Tapering seems to be nearly impossible with Xanax for me, i just keep increasing doses.

Cold Turkey perhaps is my best plan of action.

 

[silver_lining]

well fuck it, i took 10mg Valium rather than any Xanax.

Fucking hell, i crave xanax and it doesn't work very well.

Atleast valium is a familiar hole i'll dig myself out once again.

I really hope this doesn't escalate. I'm pretty bummed i fucked up 14 days sober

 

[Electrum1]

Well, I don't have any advice but just wanna say I hope you get it under control instead of going the other direction

 

[silver_lining]

Well, I don't have any advice but just wanna say I hope you get it under control instead of going the other direction

Me too. I will. I don't want to be dependent and i've got strong will power. I enjoy "me" I just get sidetracked with my anxiety issues and we all know how much a benzo works..... at first.

I'm also very aware of the living hell of dependence w.d's and the difficult nature of rehabilitating my CNS. I'm a big fan of THC, and benzo withdrawal completely ruins it.

Honestly, 1 hr later I feel SO MUCH better with taking 10mg Valium than I would of taking any amount of xanax ( i was so close to just taking 4mg) -

I'll limit the usage, stretch out the doses & decrease doses in a accelerated plan.

Maybe just take an Ambien tonight instead of another Valium.

No Soma for awhile either. That's a tough one.

 

[JackARoe]

I really hope this doesn't escalate. I'm pretty bummed i fucked up 14 days sober

Hey SL not sure you already did but why don't you start a thread in the recovery forum? I find it keeps people honest. I am tapering kratom, was going to start a thread but not having many issues yet. But I may. Keep us posted.

Health and Recovery

Focused discussion on sobriety, healthy living, support groups, medications, etc

bluelight.org

 

[silver_lining]

Hey SL not sure you already did but why don't you start a thread in the recovery forum? I find it keeps people honest. I am tapering kratom, was going to start a thread but not having many issues yet. But I may. Keep us posted.

Health and Recovery

Focused discussion on sobriety, healthy living, support groups, medications, etc

bluelight.org

Thanks.

I think the thing i hate the most is that i feel totally myself, like i never felt fully me, until i discovered valium.

I'm really looking forward to getting past this. I want to start therapy & also use micro doses of psychedelics once again. Those where the happiest times of my life without benzo

Honestly if the benzos didn't have such a tolerance issue, I think we would all be much better off! 10mg is awesome on occasion.

100mg and WD's daily is just around that corner tho

 

[JackARoe]

I'm really looking forward to getting past this. I want to start therapy & also use micro doses of psychedelics once again. Those where the happiest times of my life without benzo

You'll get there with some patience. Keep at it. The body heals every day. Don't beat yourself up for a slip up. You know, get back on the horse if you fall off. (ok bad analogy )

 

[silver_lining]

You'll get there with some patience. Keep at it. The body heals every day. Don't beat yourself up for a slip up. You know, get back on the horse if you fall off. (ok bad analogy )

thanks. I just hate that i had to take the pill and feel better, but i feel better.

 

[JackARoe]

thanks. I just hate that i had to take the pill and feel better, but i feel better.

Years ago I would beat myself up for slipping. But this is a bit of a longer road for you. Seems normal to take a pill to feel better. That is the pills purpose. But instead of guilt, thank the pill for being there. I only say this because I can see how sincere you are about stopping. You can tell you want too. But the guilt has to go first. I for sure have made peace with my actions these days. Then from there continue to ease up. You got it though.

Thanks for posting, I always love seeing the Skull Fuck logo.

Edit: Forgot to say. Benzos are tricky. Take the knowledge from here. And yeah I would kick myself for stopping and then taking 15 mgs xanax. I can equate with opiates at least. But at some point we have to move on.

 

[snmfmy]

I made it 14 days clean & free of Benzo's (Valium) after a short taper from a years worth of 30mg average usage.

I relapsed on Xanax 7 days ago. Started with just .25mg, but quickly escalated to 3mg daily. Yesterday I took 4mg,

So in the last 7 days i have taken a total of 15mg Xanax.

I don't want to take anymore, i mostly reached for it because I didn't want to relapse on Valium. I went through some pretty serious WD's and was starting to feel much better, and then i slipped up with the Xanax. Only reason i took it was because I had to take a pain killer for a back injury, and it was the only thing i could convince myself to help chill out the effects (opioids are obnoxiously stimulating for me, hate it).

So here I sit, trying to figure out a game plan.

Tapering seems to be nearly impossible with Xanax for me, i just keep increasing doses.

Cold Turkey perhaps is my best plan of action.

See if you can get a prescription for Librium. It has has a half-life as long as Valium, but it isn't as potent and it doesn't have the same craving effect

It also is much more sedating than you would expect for such a long-acting low potency benzodiazepine.

I prefer it for muscle spasms as well as alcohol withdrawal.