Alea iacta est
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 12, 2013
- Messages
- 15
Bienvendo
Dunno if i'm looking for advice, information or whether I just needed to put this all done and evaluate it (feel free to do just that
)
I'm a frequent weed smoker (at most will only go 2/3 days without a toke) and would rarely take party drugs mostly MDMA, MDA ( or the delightful combo of both :D ) and cocaine (would go through phases of taking it twice/thrice a week albeit always below a gram then not touching it for a while). However every now and again, on the coke I would start and then not stop for 2 days, sometimes wondering if I've gone on for longer but my memory is appalling especially in such a drug fuelled state. However this hedonistic highway to hell, stopped 9 months when i was prescribed Zoloft. Although I continued with the 'erb i cut everything else out due to fear of sertonin syndrome.
Nevertheless, a few months a friend who is also on Zoloft informed me that coke actually feels BETTER on this particular AD and because coke acts primarily on dopaminergic pathways there's no adverse reaction. After a brief read, I found reports of similar reactions. However due to a huge increase in my workload (which has suffered in the past due to my party antics) and other prior commitments my coke use was kept to a low. Must admit my opinions of SSRI's have changed drastically. Despite being prescribed them when I was younger I never touched them as I knew a couple other kids on them and there was the geenral consensus that they "zombify" you and "fuck you up", etc. Anyway I took the plunge as my depression was getting increasingly worse and things were mostly great until last month when I was offered some MDMA at a party. Usually I would turn down such an offer (and had been consistently doing so for months) but being extremely drunk and having missed my daily dose (had only happened thrice in about 8 months) I stupidly reasoned it would be fine
BIG MISTAKE
Despite being on SSRI's for months there was definitely a muted yet indistinguable MD-esque feeling. In fact, i would say I preferred considering the set and setting. To make matters worse my old connect was there and he was offering an absolutely FANTASTIC deal on an 8th of MDMA (price discussion isn't allowed but believe me it was cheap) Although I didn't test it at the time, others praised the quality therefore I acquired and I confirm that it was MDMA (good stuff also) For the next 2 days i consumed about 2g. Despite taking so much, my mental comedown was virtually non-existent and I put down the whole experience down to a pothole on a long road.
Nevertheless since then my resistance to taking drugs has greatly reduced
Since then I spent 2 days on some extremely potent mephedrone. Proceeded to have an overnight stay in hospital
Alas!
For the last 5 days (with a break in between) I've been amphetamine base (the gooey stuff not crystal). Not sure how much I've taken to be fair as I just found good-sized stuff of the stuff in a very old jacket and stupidly gave it a try. I did manage to sleep 2 days into the binge but feeling very lethargic I decided to have a cheeky bump to give me a bit of energy and quite obviously this continued for another 2 days. I only stopped when I started getting visual disturbances (not proper hallucinations, like flashes of light and see stationary at my desk moving ever so slightly) and thinking I could hear people talking next door even though I know my neighbours are on holiday and that nobody is in. Decided enough was enough, smoked some dank-ass chronic, popped a valium and slept for around 10 hours.
To make matters worse, I haven't taken my Zoloft in the 5/6 days, is it safe to do so now? I'm having suicidal thoughts (won't act on em, had em before), feeling very impulsive and need to get back to normal ASAP (i'm self employed and i'm dreading checking my emails tomorrow) To make matters worse my time distortion has come back, I remember looking a the clock at 4pm, cannot remember a single thing until just after 2am when i was like "wtf" and checked the time
Anything else I should take to speed up this recovery?
Also, probably can't be answered defnitely but why the fuck do i keep descending into these destructive cycles? Whenever things are good (earned about a 1/3 of my years salary in 1.5 months due to a sound investment) I always seem to do something extremely reckless and set myself back at least 5 steps
Beginning the AD's masked the symptoms of my depression but the core is still there as these don't read like the actions of a happy man
Any advice please guys
(At best it can serve as remainder)
-----------------------------------------------------
Separate point but I speculate a relationship
Within the last year I think i've been displaying symptoms of schizophrenia. Not only does mental illness run in my mother's side of the family (mostly depression but an uncle with SEVERE schizophrenia and another close relative with bi-polar disorder) but some of my closest friends, family and even myself have noticed a change in me.
For example I find it increasingly hard to hold a conversation as not only can I not think of anything interesting to say or i'll meander about the point (which really pisses me off as I was known as very witty/funny as a teenager/young man) but sometimes I will go on off a loosely related tangent. Although I was still young when my uncle's schizophrenia started to take hold I distinctly remember him going off on unrelated tangents or only giving one word answers.
Also been getting plausible delusional thoughts (can't divulge or some people IRL will be able to identify me immediately)
Could be something else but the fear of getting schizophrenia seems to be paramount in my mind right now
Thank you for taking the time to read that rambling rhetoric x
Dunno if i'm looking for advice, information or whether I just needed to put this all done and evaluate it (feel free to do just that

I'm a frequent weed smoker (at most will only go 2/3 days without a toke) and would rarely take party drugs mostly MDMA, MDA ( or the delightful combo of both :D ) and cocaine (would go through phases of taking it twice/thrice a week albeit always below a gram then not touching it for a while). However every now and again, on the coke I would start and then not stop for 2 days, sometimes wondering if I've gone on for longer but my memory is appalling especially in such a drug fuelled state. However this hedonistic highway to hell, stopped 9 months when i was prescribed Zoloft. Although I continued with the 'erb i cut everything else out due to fear of sertonin syndrome.
Nevertheless, a few months a friend who is also on Zoloft informed me that coke actually feels BETTER on this particular AD and because coke acts primarily on dopaminergic pathways there's no adverse reaction. After a brief read, I found reports of similar reactions. However due to a huge increase in my workload (which has suffered in the past due to my party antics) and other prior commitments my coke use was kept to a low. Must admit my opinions of SSRI's have changed drastically. Despite being prescribed them when I was younger I never touched them as I knew a couple other kids on them and there was the geenral consensus that they "zombify" you and "fuck you up", etc. Anyway I took the plunge as my depression was getting increasingly worse and things were mostly great until last month when I was offered some MDMA at a party. Usually I would turn down such an offer (and had been consistently doing so for months) but being extremely drunk and having missed my daily dose (had only happened thrice in about 8 months) I stupidly reasoned it would be fine

BIG MISTAKE
Despite being on SSRI's for months there was definitely a muted yet indistinguable MD-esque feeling. In fact, i would say I preferred considering the set and setting. To make matters worse my old connect was there and he was offering an absolutely FANTASTIC deal on an 8th of MDMA (price discussion isn't allowed but believe me it was cheap) Although I didn't test it at the time, others praised the quality therefore I acquired and I confirm that it was MDMA (good stuff also) For the next 2 days i consumed about 2g. Despite taking so much, my mental comedown was virtually non-existent and I put down the whole experience down to a pothole on a long road.
Nevertheless since then my resistance to taking drugs has greatly reduced

Since then I spent 2 days on some extremely potent mephedrone. Proceeded to have an overnight stay in hospital
Alas!
For the last 5 days (with a break in between) I've been amphetamine base (the gooey stuff not crystal). Not sure how much I've taken to be fair as I just found good-sized stuff of the stuff in a very old jacket and stupidly gave it a try. I did manage to sleep 2 days into the binge but feeling very lethargic I decided to have a cheeky bump to give me a bit of energy and quite obviously this continued for another 2 days. I only stopped when I started getting visual disturbances (not proper hallucinations, like flashes of light and see stationary at my desk moving ever so slightly) and thinking I could hear people talking next door even though I know my neighbours are on holiday and that nobody is in. Decided enough was enough, smoked some dank-ass chronic, popped a valium and slept for around 10 hours.
To make matters worse, I haven't taken my Zoloft in the 5/6 days, is it safe to do so now? I'm having suicidal thoughts (won't act on em, had em before), feeling very impulsive and need to get back to normal ASAP (i'm self employed and i'm dreading checking my emails tomorrow) To make matters worse my time distortion has come back, I remember looking a the clock at 4pm, cannot remember a single thing until just after 2am when i was like "wtf" and checked the time

Anything else I should take to speed up this recovery?
Also, probably can't be answered defnitely but why the fuck do i keep descending into these destructive cycles? Whenever things are good (earned about a 1/3 of my years salary in 1.5 months due to a sound investment) I always seem to do something extremely reckless and set myself back at least 5 steps

Beginning the AD's masked the symptoms of my depression but the core is still there as these don't read like the actions of a happy man
Any advice please guys
(At best it can serve as remainder)
-----------------------------------------------------
Separate point but I speculate a relationship
Within the last year I think i've been displaying symptoms of schizophrenia. Not only does mental illness run in my mother's side of the family (mostly depression but an uncle with SEVERE schizophrenia and another close relative with bi-polar disorder) but some of my closest friends, family and even myself have noticed a change in me.
For example I find it increasingly hard to hold a conversation as not only can I not think of anything interesting to say or i'll meander about the point (which really pisses me off as I was known as very witty/funny as a teenager/young man) but sometimes I will go on off a loosely related tangent. Although I was still young when my uncle's schizophrenia started to take hold I distinctly remember him going off on unrelated tangents or only giving one word answers.
Also been getting plausible delusional thoughts (can't divulge or some people IRL will be able to identify me immediately)
Could be something else but the fear of getting schizophrenia seems to be paramount in my mind right now
Thank you for taking the time to read that rambling rhetoric x
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