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Wife of 2 years refusing sex, I am angry as hell!

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oxyboy

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Apr 15, 2007
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Both me and my wife are 21, and will be married 2 years on june 28th.

My wife has completly lost interest in sex with me, so even getting her to have sex at all is like pulling teeth. Then when we do have sex she just lays there and complains. She says things like can you please hurry or im so tierd. When i talk to her about it she says its not her fault she has no desire. I suggested if she wont take care of my needs she needs to let me go outside the marrige to get fufillment, which she freaks out!

I desperatly need advice on what to do. I am so angry and depressed from being sexually deprived that im actually starting to consider suacide. I am now taking 50-100mg of hydrocodone a day to lower my sex drive and deal with the emontional pain. The fact I have a beautiful wife who does not seem to care that she is causing so much emotional damage is really hurtful.

p.s this is what my body looks like...
67378401.png


Also i go out of my way to please her during sex. I am in no way sexually selfish.
 
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I'm sure a lot of people will suggest you try to talk to your wife to find out the underlying issues that may be contributing to this problem and attempt to work it out, possibly even with a counselor to facilitate communication between the two of you.

Being only 21, though, and knowing that life is short enough as it is without wasting your youth away with people you probably shouldn't be with, I'd suggest you separate. If physically separating for awhile doesn't jolt the both of you enough to re-evaluate your relationship for better or worse, divorce her.
 
I was was really high in Atlantic City and had a conversation with a hooker at a bar... I asked her why do the men pay for sex.... The Answer she gave me was the wife wont do it


You can try to ask her what will make her get into it more... If she is just set on what she is doing... You either deal with it,cheat, divorce, or get some kind of consoling...
 
hmmm... i just have a slew of questions...

is this an issue of different sex drives or something deeper? how often is she refusing sex? was there an event that triggered the disinterest in sex? has she begun a new medication? have you considered counseling to uncover the root of the issue? have you told her that men tend to express love through sex and her rejection of intimacy feels as though she's rejecting YOU?

oh one more: are there deep issues within your relationship that could be manifesting through your sex life?
 
FuturePig said:
hmmm... i just have a slew of questions...

is this an issue of different sex drives or something deeper? how often is she refusing sex? was there an event that triggered the disinterest in sex? has she begun a new medication? have you considered counseling to uncover the root of the issue? have you told her that men tend to express love through sex and her rejection of intimacy feels as though she's rejecting YOU?

oh one more: are there deep issues within your relationship that could be manifesting through your sex life?
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She says she has no sexual desire at all. I get "sex" 2 or 3 times a month. And i say "sex" that way because she just lays there and tells me to hurry. She only takes birth control. We are going to set up a counseling session in a few weeks to try it out and see if it helps. One of the first things I told her when talking about how her lack of sex was affecting me and our relationship was that men express love through sex. I also told her that I would be happy with 2 decent sex sessions per week. For a young 21 year old couple I think that is reasonable.
 
oxyboy said:
She says she has no sexual desire at all. I get "sex" 2 or 3 times a month. And i say "sex" that way because she just lays there and tells me to hurry. She only takes birth control. We are going to set up a counseling session in a few weeks to try it out and see if it helps. One of the first things I told her when talking about how her lack of sex was affecting me and our relationship was that men express love through sex. I also told her that I would be happy with 2 decent sex sessions per week. For a young 21 year old couple I think that is reasonable.
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how long has this been going on? did she have a desire before? i'm under the impression she's lost the desire either over time or there was something specific that has turned her off.

counseling can help but only if she agrees her current sex drive is unacceptable and is willing to change and if you can be patient enough to work with her. in other words, don't go expecting the counselor is going to side with either one of you.

how did she respond when you said her rejection is hurtful?

i've read for couples in LTRs, sex sessions average 2-3 times per week. what you're asking certainly isn't unreasonable, but she has to *want* it - otherwise it's just going to feel like a chore, which seems to be what it's developed into now.

are you having any other problems in your marriage?
 
I really feel for you. Dealing with a partner refusing sex is brutal at any age, but you're 21. This is a hell of a time for you to go through this.

I do agree with FP about having a few deep conversations to try to figure out what's going on with her. It doesn't sound as if she's even willing to label her lack of reaction as a problem. Unfortunately, she's fairly young and she may not know what's at the root of her discomfort with sex. So seeing a counselor a few times might be a good idea before separating.

But if she's resistant to changing, don't try to take on too much of her burden. You're too young to waste years in an unfulfilling marriage. And this situation is destroying you right now. If she isn't willing to make an effort, then research your options, get a good handle on your finances, talk to a lawyer and get out.

As it is, whatever is going on with her, she's acting incredibly selfish in more ways than one. And that part of her personality is unlikely to change dramatically over time. Try to go easier on yourself. It sounds like you're doing your best. Good luck.
 
This is what happens when you get married.

I am of the opinion that getting counselling is for those that are unwilling to admit defeat. When it is gone, it's gone. You're still young, is she in a position to screw you financially in a divorce?
 
This is NOT what happens when you get married.

Marriage at 19 is young. I could not imagine it for myself.
Communication is key.
Maybe she doesn't want to be married anymore and this is a method to push you away.
 
The birth control might have something to do with this. When I started it at a young age I totally lost my desire for sex. I mean, totally. My normal sex drive is a few times a week after 6 years of marriage. Is there any way she can go non hormonal. Like just condoms or something else w/o hormones in it. Try that first.

When did she start the birth control and did the loss of sex drive happen afterward? Just from my personal experience I would think it'd be something to look further into. Some people are just that sensitive to hormones in BC. Some people dont get effected by it. It might be as simple as that.

I would try to find a possible underlying cause before splitting or doing anything more drastic. But if you can't find an underlying cause, then a life with no sex especially at your age is gonna be one shitty life. It is not healthy for you at all. You are giving up a lot by being in this relationship. Sex is important. She needs to start making effort to fix this. I'd give this a few more months and if there is no change I'd consider other options.

Sex is one of those few pleasures in life that can be healthy in marriage. It's a special type of thing that needs to exist for a successful marriage. I don't care what other people say about it, its just my opinion. I would not wish a sex less life on anyone. It's one of the few things that when done in a monogamous relationship can bring us all kinds of positive effects, on the mind and the body.

For christ sake you are starting to take drugs and thinking of suicide. Dude, try a little longer to fix this but if it can't be fixed I'd leave. Sex is almost as important as food and other basics. If u don't get this straightened out soon then I don't see any good coming from this. Take care of yourself first. You don't have any children yet thankfully. Be careful that if she comes of birth control that she doesn't get pregnant. The worst thing that can happen here is for her to get pregnant. That would make ur situation so much more complicated. SO be careful. Give it a try and if it doesn't work then say bye bye and find a girl that will wanna fuck ur brains out all the time. Ur a hot guy. Me and my spouse have sex all the time, often everyday after six years of marriage so its definitely not normal what is going on with u guys. Good luck.

Oh and don't worry about getting divorced. I know there is stigma attached to it but people do it all the time. And the reason u have makes it totally ok. It is definitely something to get divorced over.
 
50-100mg of hydrocodone? Really? Are you sure you don't mean 5-10mg? If it's 50-100mg, that would have very serious consequences and getting treatment for that is much more pressing then solving the sex issue. You could permanently damage your liver if you don't extract the acetaminophen before taking the hydro.

There are two main reasons your wife could be refusing you sex like this. First, she could be seriously depressed and need medical and psychiatric help. Second, what goes on outside the bedroom almost always comes into the bedroom. Is she angry and resentful at you for any reason? Has there been some profound disconnect between what she thought your relationship would be and what it is now?
 
She only takes birth control.
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^^^ Ding ding ding! We have the *possible* problem here... Or at least maybe one of them.

Birth control made me dry as hell down there and have just about zero sexual desire. It also made me feel tired, bitchy, hormonal as hell and sick ALL the time. I'd say my sex drive dropped down to almost nothing on birth control pills. This doesn't happen for all women of course, but I've known other women it happened to as well. If this problem began at some point after she began birth control (or if she changed her birth control) this is something to consider. I don't take any form of birth control anymore because of how bad it fucks me up. What would be the point of being protected from pregnancy if you never want to have sex?

If it's not that, I don't know... maybe this marriage isn't meant to be. It doesn't sound like the two of you have any sort of loving or communicative connection.
 
Birth control could definitely be it. Could just be a case of the wrong brand of pill - she may need to go on a lower dose of estrogen or something.

THAT SAID....she is acting very immature about the issue - even if she doesn't want it, laying there and telling you to hurry up shows she has very little concern for your feelings.
 
^It's always the guy's fault. How dare he have expectations and needs in a relationship.
 
THAT SAID....she is acting very immature about the issue - even if she doesn't want it, laying there and telling you to hurry up shows she has very little concern for your feelings.
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Exactly, she's being an asshole to you. But that could also be the birth control.
 
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