Trigger Warning Why Is It So Hard for Someone Immunocompromised to Get an Infection? v No, I Don't Have Munchausen's

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

So I dug out a wound in my lower leg - maybe 3 inches in diameter - deep enough to go through all layers of the dermis, not just the epidermis, and left it exposed, thinking that would probably be enough to cause an infection, especially given I am both diabetic and immunocompromised, as well as having nerve damage and some vascular deterioration there. But nothing, despite picking at it (without washing my hands) over a period of over a week, consistently making it worse/deeper.
So 4 days ago I stuck a needle in dirt outside and poked it into the wound multiple times...nothing. So I.......and here's where you're gonna think I'm super-gross.....rubbed feces into the wound days ago. NO INFECTION.
Yesterday, I literally injected feces deep into the area. I even measured so that I injected some into the muscle (hoping for like a Gas Gangrene) and especially into the deep fascia (my IDEAL goal is Necrotizing Fasciitis), but there still seems to be no sign of infection? I do have nausea, diarrhea, malaise and sweating today, but I've also run out of opioids so early-withdrawal is likely the culprit.
N.F. symptoms usually appear within 24 hours, so I was hoping my leg would look like Marci's shaving scene* in Cabin Fever (2002) by now

*THIS: (minor graphic scene)

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

But WHY!? Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

 

[Jnowhere]

But WHY!? Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

I think she wants to be hospitalized, to avoid opiod withdrawals. She has tried to get hospitalized before, because of the UK's, NHS is stingy with opiods.

Please, don't harm yourself like this. You could really do some damage, and make your situation worse, or lose a leg.
Diabetes and messing around with your legs is super dangerous.

Diabetes and a bad leg infection could very well lead to amputation.

I am not fucking around. You could lose a leg or worse.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

But WHY!? Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

Actually, yes? But why would that be relevant? lol

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I get that you are defensive, but can you see where I am coming from?

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

I think she wants to be hospitalized, to avoid opiod withdrawals. She has tried to get hospitalized before, because of the UK's, NHS is stingy with opiods.

Please, don't harm yourself like this. You could really do some damage, and make your situation worse, or lose a leg.
Diabetes and messing around with your legs is super dangerous.

Diabetes and a bad leg infection could very well lead to amputation.

I am not fucking around. You could lose a leg or worse.

I don't wanna lose my leg necessarily...I figured probably IV antibiotics and aggressive debridement would save the leg?

And mostly yeah, 'cause my repeat prescriptions are post-dated and would still be delivered to my home so would pile up while I was in hospital, plus I'd get my meds while in hospital, plus extra opioids because Necrotizing Soft Tissue Infections (and subsequent debridement operations) are extremely pain [until the nerves rot, anyway).
I do like being in hospital, too. It's the only time anyone I know IRL is ever nice to me, and the only time NHS aren't stingy with meds is for inpatients. They'll always give me Zopiclone if I say I can't sleep or Lorazepam is I say I'm anxious etc. Plus, I've been seriously considering suicide for a while now, and while the NHS will NEVER hospitalize you for mental health stuff, no matter what, If I'm in hospital for physical illness, that might keep me from trying it.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

I get that you are defensive, but can you see where I am coming from?

I'm not defensive, I just don't understand the link?
Did you mean that Body Identity Integrity Disorder thing? Ya know, where people feel like a limb doesn't belong to them and desperately want it ampuatated?

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

Yes, exactly.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Yes, exactly.

Ohh, no, I don't have have that.
But I have nerve damage in my legs that causes severe pain and mobility issues, anyway, and have been told I'll probably be in a wheelchair within 10 years (well, 10 years as of 2-3 years ago) so if I WAS ta have an amputation, I wouldn't be put out over it, like not really a big deal.

 

[Jnowhere]

The doctors told me I had a year to live in December 2015, if I didn't get a liver transplant. I didn't.

Seriously, possibly losing a leg or your life, for opiods?

 

[jasperkent]

....not really a big deal.

I don't know what you're imagining life without painkillers to be, but it's nowhere near as unpleasant (and certainly not as dangerous) as what you're doing now.

 

[AHighRoller]

This... is why the "war" on drugs is really just a genocide.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

I don't know what you're imagining life without painkillers to be, but it's nowhere near as unpleasant (and certainly not as dangerous) as what you're doing now.

It kind of is, though?
It's been 15 years since I've gone without either alcohol or opioids, but there have been period of (once an entire 17 months) without either and being sober was.is an unbearable hell. It's actually been 23 years if you count being severely bulimic before all of that.

 

[pixies+]

@ChemicallyEnhanced I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling… but I definitely understand feeling desperate. You’re intelligent enough to know the risks involved with what you’re doing. You’re quite lucky you don’t have some sort of blood infection going on.
I hope nothing severe comes from any of this.

Please rethink this situation? If nothing “bad” has happened yet.. maybe take that as a sign and just stop.. Though I know life is rarely that simple.

I wish I had something real to add here. Some solid advice of some sort. Breaks my heart knowing you’re hurting so deeply.
But there’s got to be a better way?

I’ve done some pretty wild things to keep withdrawals at bay… but please… stop torturing your body and mind like this
From one human to to another, you’re far more precious than you know.

 

[deficiT]

It's a terrible idea to try to get yourself sick like this, and as such it's not something we can help you do or be supportive of.

There are alternative ways to get medical care. If this is simply about getting drugs, I would recommend looking into the methods that most everyone else in the world uses to get drugs.