cowardescent
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2017
- Messages
- 401
It sounds unbelievable but that's true. I'm almost 20 and ever since I started drinking two years ago, I've never gotten into a fight with anyone or verbally harrased them under the influence. I also have been taking diazepam and alprazolam (once every 3-4 months). I believe that these have actually kept me under more control and during this time, I never assaulted anyone unlike twice in the past with family members.
I should say something which is important. I have on and off homicidal ideation mainly along with suicidal ideation when I'm sober only that both started a while back in secondary school. Tried Abilify, Prozac, Seroquel but they haven't done anything really of worth value. Sure Abilify helped stoped the homicidal ideation but it caused extreme fatigue.
My psychiatrist seems to believe that drinking alcohol will increase my potential for violent behaviour in the future but I tell him if I haven't been violent at all during various amounts of intoxication these past two years, when will it start? I definitely know alcohol makes a fair amount of people do stupid shit and can cause intense rage but for myself, it seems to be the opposite. I'm not trying to appear as ''special snowflake kid who thinks drinking and drugs don't affect him the way others do'' but if you see me when I'm sober and when I'm slightly drunk, you'll find me (people find me anyway) a more relaxed, talkative and polite person. Not that I can't be those things when sober but my mind along with having homicidal thoughts raced at '100 kilometres an hour' with obsessions. I can barely focus on things. When I'm drunk, things don't become magically happier, but if something disappointing happness, I can power through it and get stuff done.
I should say something which is important. I have on and off homicidal ideation mainly along with suicidal ideation when I'm sober only that both started a while back in secondary school. Tried Abilify, Prozac, Seroquel but they haven't done anything really of worth value. Sure Abilify helped stoped the homicidal ideation but it caused extreme fatigue.
My psychiatrist seems to believe that drinking alcohol will increase my potential for violent behaviour in the future but I tell him if I haven't been violent at all during various amounts of intoxication these past two years, when will it start? I definitely know alcohol makes a fair amount of people do stupid shit and can cause intense rage but for myself, it seems to be the opposite. I'm not trying to appear as ''special snowflake kid who thinks drinking and drugs don't affect him the way others do'' but if you see me when I'm sober and when I'm slightly drunk, you'll find me (people find me anyway) a more relaxed, talkative and polite person. Not that I can't be those things when sober but my mind along with having homicidal thoughts raced at '100 kilometres an hour' with obsessions. I can barely focus on things. When I'm drunk, things don't become magically happier, but if something disappointing happness, I can power through it and get stuff done.
