Salem_is_tired
Bluelighter
Hello!
So it is an age old question, but since the topic started to get relevant in my life a few months ago, I got curious to hear other's thoughts on this, since I don't really know were I stand yet regarding "mothering" and kids.
My aunt has two little boy, the older being three years old and the younger only turned one a few weeks ago. Both adorable little demons, screaming their heads off, but also smiling and loving everyone around them - I like being with them for a few hours, but after that I feel like I have to be alone to "charging" for a bit before I'm capable of handling people again. I know they are "just" cousins and people usually treat their own differently, but I'm fear the thought that I will get bored my own child like this.
I also don't have the best pictures of fathers in my head - with my own, it was the classical "he left with the other woman" story, leaving me, my sister and my mother neck deep in shit and never looked back. My mother was understandably hurt and always told us (me any my twin sister) to "look out" and "don't trust man easily" - not her exact words, but similar in meaning. I totally understand now, as a young adult what she ment by this - don't be a fool and fall for a man, like she did, and never call out his toxic or dangerous behavior because "it always could be worst", like she did, but have standers and leave room for errors. The problem is, I grew up hearing this statements from a lot of woman in my life - not just my mother, but family friends and even teachers - and I'm at the point now, where if I think about my boyfriend (a sweet, understanding guy who of course has his own problems, but nothing deal breaking or "serious") asks me to marry him, I want to cry. And even as I understand what they ment by this (don't get tricked, don't let a guy walk over you, don't get attached too soon) there is this irrational fear in me, because I know not everyone is an asshole, but this little part in me just screams, this really stupid all or nothing mentality, that if I cannot know for 100% that my partner will be there for me, I don't even want to try it, try this whole family thing. I don't want to be an unhappy wife, let alone a single mother (my mother who was a single parent is a fucking hero in my eyes for what she did for us, just like every single parent is) because I know I could not handle one or two kids alone.
Attachment issues are a problem I know I have for a long time now, and when I can I plan to work in them with a professional. But I'm really interested in what you guys think about marriage, kids - why are you into them or not?
So it is an age old question, but since the topic started to get relevant in my life a few months ago, I got curious to hear other's thoughts on this, since I don't really know were I stand yet regarding "mothering" and kids.
My aunt has two little boy, the older being three years old and the younger only turned one a few weeks ago. Both adorable little demons, screaming their heads off, but also smiling and loving everyone around them - I like being with them for a few hours, but after that I feel like I have to be alone to "charging" for a bit before I'm capable of handling people again. I know they are "just" cousins and people usually treat their own differently, but I'm fear the thought that I will get bored my own child like this.
I also don't have the best pictures of fathers in my head - with my own, it was the classical "he left with the other woman" story, leaving me, my sister and my mother neck deep in shit and never looked back. My mother was understandably hurt and always told us (me any my twin sister) to "look out" and "don't trust man easily" - not her exact words, but similar in meaning. I totally understand now, as a young adult what she ment by this - don't be a fool and fall for a man, like she did, and never call out his toxic or dangerous behavior because "it always could be worst", like she did, but have standers and leave room for errors. The problem is, I grew up hearing this statements from a lot of woman in my life - not just my mother, but family friends and even teachers - and I'm at the point now, where if I think about my boyfriend (a sweet, understanding guy who of course has his own problems, but nothing deal breaking or "serious") asks me to marry him, I want to cry. And even as I understand what they ment by this (don't get tricked, don't let a guy walk over you, don't get attached too soon) there is this irrational fear in me, because I know not everyone is an asshole, but this little part in me just screams, this really stupid all or nothing mentality, that if I cannot know for 100% that my partner will be there for me, I don't even want to try it, try this whole family thing. I don't want to be an unhappy wife, let alone a single mother (my mother who was a single parent is a fucking hero in my eyes for what she did for us, just like every single parent is) because I know I could not handle one or two kids alone.
Attachment issues are a problem I know I have for a long time now, and when I can I plan to work in them with a professional. But I'm really interested in what you guys think about marriage, kids - why are you into them or not?
It reminded me to this one, even as they stand for different ideas. 
