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Why did he stop talking to me?

I

Iammystified

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 28, 2014
Messages
3
Several years ago I met this new guy at work we clicked the first second we talked to each other. It was natural as being shy around ppl and men naturally has made ppl think on the past I don't wanna talk but here is this cute coworker that seems to think I'm amazing.

We goofed off now and then at work and he was silly, touchy but sweet and a great listener. I adored him. One day because if budget cuts in my dept I was getting laid off I was ok with it. I only applied for other dept positions out of financial need but I was excited to be looking elsewhere. Then my manager asks me to take a position in the same dept the cute guy works in and that meant I would be working closely with him. I thought about it and said yes.

Days later the cute coworker asked I was happy to be working with him and I asked if he was and he said of course with a big smile. Then came my first day working with him and he changed. He barely talked to me. I went from being one of the few p he talked to into him talking to everyone in the company but me. I was sad.

I approached him after a month of being ignored and asked in a calm way about it. He said he didn't know what I was talking about but would try harder to make it seem like he wasn't neglectful. But it kept happening.

Then when I started to socialize with my old coworkers apparently he thinks they kept bothering me too much yet he would go around spend slot of time socializing with every body in the company


This led to a lot of arguments about nothing at all. Me mostly being the upset one, sometimes him. I just couldn't understand why he talked to everyone but me and all I'd get was one word answers yet he'd get all pissy if I talked to people especially men. It seemed that way.

Then when our boss quit he applied for it and got the job. He became the boss of our dept. he still acted social like normal but add in a little professional cause he had of course act like a boss.

He hired lots of ppl so now we were a big dept. as a year passed it's become more obvious he socializes with all of his employees but me. He was always nice to me and depend on me the most but he wouldn't socialize with me. Our dept is a close bunch but he's the only one I'm not close with but he is with the other employees.

I've never gotten a straight answer from him and he seems to act like I don't matter but ppl seem to think he's protective or favors me. How does he? He ignores me.

I want the old him back. The one I used to adore. The one who ppl seems to think cares about me but never shows it. I don't know what they notice but he down right ignored me, dis includes me and I'm the only one he hasn't had a lunch with.

How do I recreate communication with him? Sorry for the long story.
 
I also want to add that I did talk to a coworker about it one day (which he knows) and she says it's probably because of the type of position I have (he sees me as like an asst mgr type of position without actually being one) so I'm in a different pedestal to him than everyone else is. I told her it makes no sense. I'm an employee just like everyone else and just cause he's manager and I'm a coordinator and everyone else is a technician that makes me not worth talking to cause he sees me on a similar level as him?

She also said he's a shy guy and he forces himself to be social (which I kinda new) so I have to meet him half way and apprOach him and not wait for him. I told her I do and half the time he doesn't pay attention and if he does it ends up being 2 minutes long but with everyone else he seems actively engaged talkative funny.

I know sometimes I contribute to the mess because I focus on my projects all the time. But I only do that cause he won't talk to me and all the technicians are usually out in the field so it's just him and I alone usually. Even then like I said when I try I get nothing out of him.
 
Are you upset because you want to be romantically involved with him? If he's your boss, and he cherishes his job, then that may no longer be a possibility because he could lose his job. How is he being mire social with everyone else? How do you know the content of all of conversations with others. If he's a manager then he needs to spread his time over his whole department.

If you want to talk to him then talk to him, stop being angry and sad because he isn't the one initiating all of the conversations. You sound like you're being a little too needy with this guy. You're at work so you should be, you know, working. Stop being so obsessed with everyone else and focus on your work.
 
I know his conversations because he's loud all he does is go around excessively and socialize with them and joke ask about their lives. Stuff you'd do with friends.

He was like this with the ppl in our dept before he was a manager.

When my attempts at fixing the situation didn't work and he wasn't being a proper manager because even professionally he was neglectful. He admits to depending in me only but yet I still Don't know why he doesn't even give me the time of day personal or professionally but will to everyone else.

So I tried doing my work only he got pissy cause I barely talked. So I initiated more he barely listened. I talked to others he butted in all of my conversations.

What does he want because he keeps ruining any attempt I get to socialize with others and takes over the conversation with his jokes.

He went as far and to this dude to stop bugging me when the guy was new and I was just training him a few minutes (twice a week).
 
He sounds immature and it also sounds like he know nothing about being in management. If he isn't doing job then you should call him out on it and if he won't listen then talk to his boss or human resources. You should only bring up his issues about communicating aa a manager, leave the social stuff alone. If no one will listen to you then this isn't really a company that you want to work for, it might be time to move on.
 
purplefirefly said:
He sounds immature and it also sounds like he know nothing about being in management. If he isn't doing job then you should call him out on it and if he won't listen then talk to his boss or human resources. You should only bring up his issues about communicating aa a manager, leave the social stuff alone. If no one will listen to you then this isn't really a company that you want to work for, it might be time to move on.
Click to expand...

^ disagree

Sounds like he is great at his job actually.

Mystified you are clearly not functioning at that same level of interpersonal sophistication as your boss - as evidenced by the fact you don't understand why he doesn't AND CAN"T spend all day treating you like his girlfriend.

Further, the fact that you have discussed the matter with other employees is disgraceful and embarrassing. A failure in you role as assistant manager to maintain proper workplace boundaries and a huge failure to maintain confidentiality that is required with workplace liaisons.

The advice is:
Stop putting social pressure on him at work its totally the wrong thing to be doing on many levels.
Learn to do your part in maintaining an appropriate professional relationship with your superior. Then find ways he can interact with you risk free, or just wait until you aren't working together anymore before trying to take things beyond the platonic.
 
How is he a good manager when he gives her shit for not talking to him, gives her shit for training a new person, and spends his days being loud and socializing with all of the employees? A good manager wouldn't give an employee crap for doing their job and they wouldn't prevent an employee from doing their job either. They are both being fairly immature about the whole situation.
 
That sounds like too much tension. He's your boss, not your boyfriend. Just go back to doing your everyday work and stop stressing about the lack of attention you feel he's not giving you. You're there to do a certain job so stop talking about this to other co-workers, that's only making it worse for you.
 
One possibility is that he really likes you, and ignores you because. I know that sounds strange but I do it too. Or have. Emotions are strange. He may just need you to go up and say you have interest in him. Or like your friend said, never mind that he is "ignoring" you... meet him half way but maybe even go all the way to him.

If he is shy he may fear his strong feelings. You going to his department, might have him crazy in the head. Under, maybe he has already considered you the one he us attracted to. He may be exclusive to you, as much as he seems to exclude you. ...He may be playing hard to get.
 
this whole situation sounds like bullshit that i wouldn't want in my life.

he could be being weird because he fancies you a lot^ because that is a thing but ultimately you must look at behaviour patterns and how someone makes you feel.

if someone makes you feel shit before you have got it on with them then why would you want things to go further?

you need some alternative man attention in your life outside of work. thats is the problem because the two of you dont function when communicating together...
 
This is why they say not to mix business with pleasure.
You have said a few times that you "talked with other employees" about the relationship etc. And I can honestly say that if I were him that would make ME back off. Gossip is HUGE in office settings. You said he is the shy type and it probably makes him really uncomfortable that you are talking to people in the company about his private life- understandably so, it's YOUR private life as well- but it's his privacy, as well. Especially now that he is the manager of the department.
I know that it is hard to stop romantic feelings- but it's for the best to keep your feelings at bay; For your professional career, as well as having respect for him. People have a hard time finding a job they like going to on a daily basis and why make it even more difficult by adding unnecessary drama.
 
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