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Why are you addicted?

b4rd

b4rd

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 22, 2009
Messages
852
Location
The Bay
You know, I just don't like feeling sober. Everything bores me. Everything sucks. People are idiots.

When I'm high, I'm not bored, shit doesn't suck so bad, and I'm an idiot so I don't care about the other idiots.

I like feeling high. That's why I'm addicted. I like to achieve euphoria.
 
I think being bored was why I started to use drugs initially, but when I look back on when i really became addicted it was more sinister. It went from using to occupy that dead time where i didnt want to be productive, to finding that high that fit me oh too well, lead to some really great times..for a while then the delusions started rolling along, eventually convincing myself that i needed it to be a fun or interesting person all the way to the only way i could feel happiness anymore was to be up..i think its near impossiable to spot but the addictions and delusions go hand in hand
 
"Why are you addicted?" and "Why do you get high?" are two different questions.

I'm addicted because my drug of choice (or drug of need) has a strong effect on the brain's mesolimbic reward pathway by increasing levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. It's one of the most addictive, if not the most addictive substance available.

See here.
 
I agree with Sweet P in that for a lot of drugs, these are distinct questions.

I became addicted (physically and psychologically) pretty much each time as a result of frequent use and then realising (too late) that it really suck and be painful to quit, so I would delay the inevitable. There's not really anything unique about my addictions. They've all happened pretty much like with everyone else.

Why did I use so frequently? For me, it was less about boredom and more about escapism; I was terrified of the reality of being stuck as who I was, and using would give me temporary relief from that fear. I could get through the day without panic attacks, I could look in the mirror comfortably. I could talk with people, be confident in what I accomplished and did with myself. It made me (temporarily) forget what was/is a bunch of deep-rooted self-esteeem issues.

Even though I'm doing well to quit (again), I'm still terrified of having to once again come face-to-face with the underlying issues. Meaning that even though the physical pull is largely gone, each day I move away from knowing that physical pain, I have to find it elsewhere within me to know how to keep moving forward. Not easy, and the main issue I've always had with staying clean/sober. Hopefully this time will be different. Hopefully.
 
addicted to being high

b4rd said:
You know, I just don't like feeling sober. Everything bores me. Everything sucks. People are idiots.

When I'm high, I'm not bored, shit doesn't suck so bad, and I'm an idiot so I don't care about the other idiots.

I like feeling high. That's why I'm addicted. I like to achieve euphoria.
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You summed it up nicely, I am addicted to being high. which I have recently quit doing, so I realize this even more.
 
Initially it was to grease social situations. I'm introverted, and introverts tend to find ways to self medicate. (not blaming it, just saying it's why I started).
 
I think I'm addicted, because I am over sensitive to stimulus going on around me, and it makes me go crazy. I am over observant to the point of being annoyed.

Pop some vicodins and...... nods off*. I dont care about whats happening around me.
 
For me, I started out of curiosity. Then it became a social thing and a good time. Drugs are also an escape from my problems and reality. I think I have mental issues that I have been trying to self medicate. Sometimes it's to feel comfortable in my own skin or in social situations. I like to alter my state of mind. I like to be anything but sober. Drugs numb emotional pain that I have suppressed for years that keep trying to haunt me. Drugs numbs my feelings of failure and guilt. Drugs are my excuse for my fuck ups. They make things seem more interesting to me. When I'm sober time goes so slow and I feel like crap. Drugs give me that I don't care I'll do what I want and fuck everyone else attitude. Then I lose track of my goals and my life starts spiraling out of control. I don't know how to be sober. I have been fucked up for half my life. Sometimes it seems like it's a part of who I am. One of my favorite songs is "Junkhead" by Alice In Chains. He sings in the chorus "what's my drug of choice, well what have you got?". I use pain medication for pain but I also am at the point where I get sick if I don't have anything. I want to get high when I'm mad, sad, happy, whatever. I know they are a problem in my life and part of me wants to quit. The other part tells me I can do what I want. I am mad at myself for not being in school. I feel like a loser. It's a viscous cycle. Using makes depressed and when I'm depressed I want to use.
 
I am addicted because I use(d) too much. I started using because it (opiates) were given to me free on a daily basis from a coworker. I was curious and loved it. Soon, I began to pitch in and buy our pills. We shared and it was awesome. I felt incredible; happy, talkative, my issues (at the time I had an ED and depression/anxiety) disappeared or at least were masked. My tolerance was low so getting high was cheap and easy to hide. You don't get alcohol breath from taking pills ;) . I get high 'now' because I need to if I don't want to experience withdrawal (which I do not).

Using drugs is most of the time NOT fun for me.
 
I'm addicted because I'm an overly shy and introverted person. I have serious personal issues and I used to loathe myself. I discovered that some drugs (not all of them, only the ones I'm addicted to!) make me feel like a «normal» person - then I'm no longer afraid of social situations at university or at work. It's pretty lame...
 
I am addicted for several reasons, probably the biggest problem has been pain. I've had pain since I was 16 and it was hard to function because I found myself more and more hating the pain - it's like a punishment. Your brain percieves pain as something to avoid doing and my pain was chronic from arthritis and it was constant whenever I was standing/walking.

Over time I began to explore weed/alcohol. I enjoyed drinking, but it often left me feeling worse the next day. Smoking up didn't seem to have any negative consequences at first, and it would put me into a much brighter mood and distracted me from the pain. I found myself smoking weed daily and eventually the effects fizzled out. Then I tried a couple of percocets - I was in bliss! The removal of the pain was fantastic, and I felt like I had the energy to be the person that I wanted to be!! I was aware of the addiction potential but I had no way of obtaining opiates regularly so I was fine. Then I discovered kratom...

Kratom was the first opiate-like substance that I could get regularly. I used it sporadically at first but it didn't take long at all before I was using it once a day after work. I was addicted, but it wasn't too difficult to skip a dose. I'd usually feel tired and miserable when I skipped, but the high was always so much better after a break and it kept me from using ridiculous dosages to catch a buzz. I managed a kratom addiction for about 6 months before I tried poppy tea, and it's all been downhill from there.

I thought I knew what withdrawals were from kratom - poppy withdrawals are hell on earth. The intensity is like 5x worse than kratom was and the duration of the withdrawal was around 5 - 7 days, compared to kratoms 24 hours. It all felt sort of like a game for a while, oh I can quit if I want to, yeah I'm addicted but I don't use every day, etc. I was forced to clean up on a few occasions, but it never lasted and I always went right back within 2 weeks of getting clean.

It's been 18 months now and I'm pretty sick and tired of it all. I get sick so much faster these days, and I have insatiable cravings for that warmth/euphoria everytime I try to taper and quit. My pain is no where near as bad as it once was, and still I can't stop coming up with excuses to use. I realize now that pain isn't the worst problem I have, I have a lot of motivational and personality issues associated with my use and/or that I have been repressing with drugs. It all just makes me want to catch a nod and forget about it all for a while...

I want to make a go of sobriety this summer. I'm hoping that being able to spend time outdoors and feeling the sun on my face will help me to crack a smile and forget about opiates for a while.
 
I was being pretty pedantic in my original reply to this thread, so I'll reply again. I started meth after using other stimulants like MDMA. I enjoyed them. They made me feel more confident, energetic, productive and sociable. But my addiction developed quickly. I thought I could quit whenever I wanted to... but eventually I realised I couldn't. I was soon totally depended on it. I was smoking bowls of crystal throughout each day just to function normally - to get out of bed, to do housework, to go outside, and just to feel human. And of course, my tolerance got bigger and bigger till I was eventually needing up to 2 grams a day.

At that stage I also started IV'ing, which probably made the addiction worse. But now I'm slowly recovering. I entered my city's drug & alcohol service mid to late 2009 and have been making great progress since then. I'm no longer dependent on meth, but I'm not completely over the addiction. There are times that I slip up and score a bag, but overall my usage had dropped considerably. Problems with the law were also a big wake-up call for me. I recently realised that I'm now in my third year of meth abuse... in some ways it seems like only yesterday that I smoked my first puff, but in other ways it feels like I've been using for much longer.
 
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I recently realised that I'm now in my third year of meth abuse... in some ways it seems like only yesterday that I smoked my first puff, but in other ways it feels like I've been using for much longer.
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I know what you mean, the time really flies by and we don't always notice it. It doesn't feel like it was all that long ago when my addiction was only beginning. Then for the longest time I had been telling myself that I had been using for "about a year." The other day I did some calculations and was like holy shit - it's been 18 months now :!
 
It started as pure fun and curiosity. Slowly, it changed to feeling euphoria. I started to hope that my next high would be like the first. Then that it would at least be good. Then that I'd be high without the crash right after. Marijuana reverses on you if you do it too much. The negative parts of the high are always biased by your addiction. There are almost no positives after a while. To me it was avoiding withdrawal and brain-scrambling that kept me on it, for a large part. I couldn't function without it. And it clouded my judgement for when I should use it and when not to.
 
I'm addicted because I thought drugs would help me become more social, get rid of my anxiety, and help me perform better at work and school. While pain killers accomplished all of those things at one time, the feeling of being a better person to due drugs quickly wore off with progressing addiction, and soon all they did was make me hurt and nothing more.
 
Why am I addicted? Lot's of reasons I guess, #1 being I just have an extremely addictive personality, it doesn't matter what it is, if something stimulates me I get obsessive with it, it doesn't have to be drugs.

At first I got addicted to weed because I thought it made me more creative, and 16 years later I don't doubt that drugs have contributed to my growth as a creative person. I find life to be terribly boring completely sober, I don't like to be completely out of it, just altered in some way most of the time. I've always felt 'different' in some way and was attracted to the mystery of drugs, especially when tied in with music.

I definitely have depression and anxiety issues that contribute to my current addictions (opiates/benzos), but I've found staying busy the best way to minimize my addictions. But even when things are going great I always feel that need to alter myself in someway, that need for a head change. I don't think addictions are always bad if you can use them to your advantage in some way. If all you have in your life is drugs then yeah, that's bad news and going to get you nowhere quick. I try to keep music and creativity my main addictions but it's like walking a tight rope, but I guess that's life, regardless of whether or not you're involved with drugs.
 
My personality makes me addiction-prone. I usually have an "all or nothing" mindset. I'm either eating healthy and exercising daily, or binging on junk food and sleeping 5 hours a night. There's no middle ground. The same goes for drugs. I'm either sober or out of control. Doing drugs in moderation is difficult for me.

Opiates alleviate the feelings of emptiness and the anxiety that I often experience. Instead of dealing with what causes me to feel that way, I use opiates to gain a temporary respite. I realize that getting high will ultimately make my problems worse, yet I do it anyway.

I also had a desire to do something self-destructive. Well at least I succeeded at something! There's something masochistic in me that drove me to use hydrocodone and poppy pods until I was an addict. Any desire I used to have to harm myself is now gone. I want to be well; I've caused a lot of pain and grief to myself and my family. I don't want to cause any more.
 
I think the first poster answered the nail on the head. Drugs make life interesting, fun, not a chore. I actually have the effort to work on my art and have the temperament to be over the top helpful and nice to other people.

Without them, sleeping sounds like a better idea than any. Work 9-5 over and over...? I've been trying to get an actually meaningful job at a vet, I have experience...but the job market is abysmal. I'd love to use everyday...or every week maybe, perhaps that would make my office job more bearable. But today's state of living I think would push a lot of people to use. Especially those with insight. I mean geez, even elderly having illicit drug problems.

I'm just glad that I don't make enough to abuse continually 'till it's out of my hands and I'm broke or in jail. Also another good reason I use frequently? Mental illness.
 
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