why am i still alive??

[iseeunicorns]

ok so a few days ago i took maybe like 0.7g of heroin (compared to my usual 0.1 tops) and about 7mg of xanax. next thing i know i wake up to my mum knocking on my door, needle still by my arm, but my face was covered in blood (looked like it was coming from my nose but then went up towards my right eye).

I just wanna know how you guys think that could have happened since i was still pretty much in the same position?
i am also kinda curious to how i survived it??

 

[Tombs]

I wasn't going to say anything but I don't want to just leave you hangin.

Before I get started, nobody here can 100% know what you actually took (cut, etc) and so guessing as to what happened is a shot in the dark BUT....

Mixing benzos and heroin is a really bad idea, both substances are CNS depressants and commonly overdoses on both benzos and opiates are reported as simply "Opiate Overdose."

Now that that's out of the way -

Fam I ask myself that question everyday. Try to just be thankful that you're still here, I'd be willing to bet you got pretty close to tasting death. A lot of people don't have the luxury of waking up the next day and figuring shit out.

Again, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. I just want to help. When I was in the throes of addiction, I went through at least a dozen ODs and carried a suicide note in my pocket in case I finally succeeded. Then when I was in IDOC, my little sister tried H for the second time in her life and she died. We have the same genes, we grew up together, had the same diet, etc etc. The difference was I used my body like a dumpster and she was just dabbling. I'm still here and so I tell myself, I'm just lucky to be here. It could have taken me just like anyone else. You included.

Just be thankful yo.

 

[herbavore]

My question for you now is "what next?"

How long have you been using heroin? Have you ever tried to quit before?

 

[CosmicG]

Understand that there are people that have died for much less. Drugs or no drugs, people lose their lives all of the time due to tragedy for all kinds of reasons. Life is a beautiful thing to waste, but I understand drug addiction. Well, I understand what it is like to be addicted to drugs I should say. Addiction is complex and some are more prone to it than others.

Why did you take 7 times the amount of heroin you normally take? Were you trying to die?

 

[iseeunicorns]

I guess so yes, things have been tough the past year or two and nothing seems to be helping. Its hard man

 

[iseeunicorns]

Again, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. I just want to help. When I was in the throes of addiction, I went through at least a dozen ODs and carried a suicide note in my pocket in case I finally succeeded. Then when I was in IDOC, my little sister tried H for the second time in her life and she died. We have the same genes, we grew up together, had the same diet, etc etc. The difference was I used my body like a dumpster and she was just dabbling. I'm still here and so I tell myself, I'm just lucky to be here. It could have taken me just like anyone else. You included.
Just be thankful yo.

Fuck that's awful man Im so sorry for your loss ? I guess maybe I should take it as its some sort of miracle I'm still here. Just hard to see a way forward in tough times ygm

 

[freedom rings]

There were times where I should have could have died but the fact is if I really was destined to I would have.

I think the important question in a situation like this is to ask why do I keep doing things that nearly kill me?

Edit: You are entitled to ask what you desire, so let me respond you are still alive because your destiny was not to die in that situation.

Double edit: Not your final destiny in this life, I mean it wasn't your final destination in this life, dying in that situation wasn't.

 

[Chon]

Fuck that's awful man Im so sorry for your loss ? I guess maybe I should take it as its some sort of miracle I'm still here. Just hard to see a way forward in tough times ygm

This, there are other possible explanations but regardless of how it happened, you are lucky to still be here.

I've had my close encounters with death too. I hope you take it as a wake up call sooner than later. It's a painful path that only leads to more and more pain for you and everyone around you. It's never to late to change and turn things around.

 

[aihfl]

I've asked myself the same question many times. I should either be dead or in prison. Maybe the universe saw some reason to keep me around, or maybe it's just dumb luck, I don't know. If you figure it out, let me know.

 

[SoCal424]

iseeunicorns-
Hello - I'm glad you started a thread here on BL. I'm not a moderator, but instead I'm coming off methadone. I wanted to write this to you.
You asked: Why are you still here? You are here because you were given life, a chance at experiencing all things beautiful and great - like finding a mate you will never again be able to live with out - to share good and not so good times together. Maybe even a son or daughter who will be so attached to you (and you to them) that you will wonder how you lived without them. You are here because you are supposed to be here. Don't cut that time short intentionally - it is way too precious and you may never again have this life.
Think about the beauty of the stars at night - that great big universe full of wonder - there for you to ponder with all of us, and the great mountains, and how serene the surf is in the ocean. There is so much beauty in the world - and it is here for you. All of creation is here for you to discover and learn from - and to enjoy and grow in. You belong here now - please don't leave.
This all might seem abstract if you're only thinking about the next high, but it is all very real and it is better than any high.
It is hard to stop, but you can do it if you want to. Honest - if I can stop, you can stop, and find a whole new life for yourself. Sending you peace and understanding with heart.
I'm here everyday if you want to talk. If not, I'll be watching your thread.

 

[Pickledlemons]

Why are you alive? Because of survival bias. If you died you would not have the ability to ask the question " why did I die?" Consider yourself lucky and move on.

I survived against great odds before too. Did a quarter ounce of coke, hundreds of milligrams of Xanax, a couple oxy 80s, fentanyl and meth one weekend. I don't have any memory of the incident ( obviously from all the powder Xanax)... I actually don't know everything I took but this is my best guess based on what people have told me. Anyway, it put me in a coma for 10 days. I was in intensive care for a total of 3 weeks. From the time I was found dead in my bed until the ambulance arrived was 15 minutes. So I had no oxygen for a minimum of 15 minutes, possibly much longer. I should not be alive. My entire family was told there was a 98% chance I was going to die and a 2% chance I would survive and be a vegetable with permanent brain damage for the rest of my life. The possibility that I would make a full recovery was not even on the table.

So I have spent a lot of time wondering how the fuck I survived and the only answer that makes sense to me is " because I am here to ask that question".

 

[morbidlyschizo]

I too have been there my friend, I have asked myself this very thing on more than one occasion, and yes a couple I was trying, others I somehow managed to still come back after what I can only guess was definitely a trip to the other side and a very near end for me. I have watched the end for a few friends and I have experienced it myself quite a few times. I am now working towards cleaning my life up and figuring out why my ass is still here and what destiny truly wants from me.

 

[herbavore]

iseeunicorns, do you want to talk about what is hard in your life right now? It sounds like you have a lot of pain that you are trying to medicate away.

 

[LopLover]

Why are you alive? Because of survival bias. If you died you would not have the ability to ask the question " why did I die?" Consider yourself lucky and move on.

I survived against great odds before too. Did a quarter ounce of coke, hundreds of milligrams of Xanax, a couple oxy 80s, fentanyl and meth one weekend. I don't have any memory of the incident ( obviously from all the powder Xanax)... I actually don't know everything I took but this is my best guess based on what people have told me. Anyway, it put me in a coma for 10 days. I was in intensive care for a total of 3 weeks. From the time I was found dead in my bed until the ambulance arrived was 15 minutes. So I had no oxygen for a minimum of 15 minutes, possibly much longer. I should not be alive. My entire family was told there was a 98% chance I was going to die and a 2% chance I would survive and be a vegetable with permanent brain damage for the rest of my life. The possibility that I would make a full recovery was not even on the table.

So I have spent a lot of time wondering how the fuck I survived and the only answer that makes sense to me is " because I am here to ask that question".

I've had a similar experience, although I was only without oxygen about 8 minutes, but I was also in a coma in the ICU for several days, and came close to having the plug pulled. At another time, after getting sober, I developed a double pneumonia, both viral and bacterial, in both lungs, on top of severe emphysema. They wanted to intubate me in the ER, and I came to enough to tell them that I was a No Code and they couldn't do that. I told them if they could keep me alive with a Bi-Pap, then OK, but no tubes, no machines. I was in intensive care for a week or so, and in the hospital for another week after that. I didn't find out till later, but even after I was admitted, they didn't expect me to live. That was three years ago, and I'm still here.

I finally just decided that I'm still alive because there is something I haven't done that I need to do, or some lesson that I need to learn that I haven't yet learned. I try not to ask questions like that any more; it's kind of pointless...