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Who here never feels like finding a partner?

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
After never landing the girls I loathed and liked I have given up.

Cannot remember the last time I had a proper relationship.

Unfortunately at age 33 have gotten used to it and now I don't persuit it.

Occasionally I have the odd hook up but apart from that nothing.

It has me wondering if anyone else enjoys being alone?

Or how did you overcome it?
 
My first wife said she'd love me to the end, then took my grandmother's house from me, literally.

I went though years of what you describe. It was brutal, but none the less I feel it allowed me to concentrate on myself, my purpose, and where i might be going.

Eventually I accidentally ran into my current wife. She is my best friend although we don't have exactly the same values, we love each other and support each other.

Hang in there is the best advice I can offer :)
 
I am fine single and havent dated since my ex 4 years ago. He really changed me in a bad way.

Theres one guy but the distance is too far and it wont work.
 
I was traumatised by my last relationship that was 20years ago complete disappointment , normally people get over it but with me I have a memory like an elephant, photographic brain and don’t forget anything and never bothered with anyone since. Must be my Aspergers even though I don’t believe I’ve really got, I’m more socially anxious, I’ve been okay and depressed alone but I manage. I do want a relationship but she’s gotta be miss right this time. I can only wish can’t I.
 
This upcoming summer will be 20 years since my wife left me which completely destroyed me emotionally. I sort of briefly dated a girl (no sex) a year later and had one additional date that went bad the same summer. Since Aug 1999 I have not dated.

I still find women attractive but don't have an interest in dating...or as far as that goes ANY type of relationship.
 
Well, if that counts, I don't NEED a girl to be happy. I mean, if Im with a girl I realy like that's awesome, if I have sex with a woman Im only physicaly attracted to that's awesome too, but if I don't have any girls to play with (and yes, such periods come) I don't desperately want a girl.
I hate it when I see people almost hating themselves cause they can't find a partner. There's more in life than that. Love your self first and love from other people may come-or maybe not. But as long as you love your self, the love of others-or the lack of it- matters less doesn't it.
 
2 relationships and thats it, last one 4 years ago

honestly i think tv etc makes people think they always need to be with someone. yes its nice but actually it isn't everything

having a job u like is important, somewhere nice to live- these things to me are bigger and the icing on the cake is a partner

i would like one too yes and i'm 32 but you cant really force these things. some people are like flies- they will land on anything and it'll do for them, not for me

i'd rather have something decent and if not not be drawn away from my other hobbies /life goals
 
I was fed up and disgusted with men so I decided to delete my dating app. For a year I was single and focused on myself and taking care of my grandmother. I also developed faith in God. In the dark times is when I drew closer to Him and that gave me healing from past hurt.

Out of the blue is when someone came into my life and I never thought I could be this in love. Focus on yourself, but don't turn bitter about love. You never know when the right one will show up. Your time is coming.
 
Markomarkh said:
I was traumatised by my last relationship that was 20years ago complete disappointment , normally people get over it but with me I have a memory like an elephant, photographic brain and don’t forget anything and never bothered with anyone since. Must be my Aspergers even though I don’t believe I’ve really got, I’m more socially anxious, I’ve been okay and depressed alone but I manage. I do want a relationship but she’s gotta be miss right this time. I can only wish can’t I.
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You're letting something from 20 years ago ruin the moment you are in now. You have to let go of that and move forward. You've been a hostage to your past for far too long. Just because you had a bad experience, it doesn't mean it's going to repeat itself.
 
@Markomarkh @CoastTwoCoast

Indeed. Living with an eye constantly fixed on the past is surely a bout of sickness that can be overcome. But you certainly have to make the effort. I should be listening to myself on this as well but it is a difficult hurdle (mountain) to overcome (climb).

@noonoo

I suppose that's the thing you'll have to determine, whether you simply enjoy being alone/being on your own, or if you want to try to explore what is out there as far as long-term compatibility. If it's out of spite/frustration that you've chosen to fly solo, I'd say there might need to be a shifting of your mindset if it's a relationship that you (perhaps secretly) covet.
 
A change in mindset is absolutely necessary! What you put out into the universe is what you get back. You don't want a negative attitude if you are seeking a partner. You don't even have to try hard to seek a partner, but keep a good attitude anyway. Sometimes the harder we search, the more we are pushing what we want away. I've learned the right person will come along even when you are not looking.

Before I started believing in God, I read a book called The Power. It will get your mind moving in a positive direction and learn how to use the love inside of you to change everything in your life. Law of attraction is very real, but now I know it's not just the "universe" that is reacting to us, it is God. God is the Creator of the universe. The book The Power is very helpful to attract positivity into your life. Hopefully you will give it a try and good luck.
 
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First Post yay!

I was an IV Heroin / Xanax / what ever I could get addict for 6 years, I started around when I was 20. After being mostly sober for 5 years it has been a hard road back to finding someone to share my life with. I feel like I never really was good dating back as a teenager and now that im 30 it is overwhelming. I currently live with three roommates, two that have dated for 2 years and are going to be getting married and another that is playing the dating game. The only thing I feel seeing their expierences first hand is that I want no part of it. I have grown more accepting that I will be fine and enjoy life more on my own, but the fleeting glances of a couple in love still hits home hard. It certainly is a process, a journey in it self, to rediscover what you want, and while I dont know what my future holds, I guess it is important to figure out if you can be happy alone. The past is the past, it cant be changed, but you can certainly learn from it.
 
pofacedhoe said:
only a good relationship is better than being single. a bad one certainly is not
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Right on. Some people hold onto a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. It becomes familiar and comfortable even though it's toxic. I've been there in the past...So afraid of letting go. There was nothing to fear. Being alone is so much better than putting up with much less than you deserve. Also, the longer you cling to the wrong person, you are not making yourself available to that special someone coming your way.
 
Iv never been in a proper relationship. All of the relationships iv been on were based on drugs and sex. I dont think iv ever evan had a real friend all my friendships were based on using/being used for drugs. The last realtionship i was in ended with her fuckin the only person i considerd a good friend. Im not in a healthy mindset and cant blame it all on her....im a crazy addict...if it feels good im hooked. Idk i just dont ever want to put my emotions in someone elses hands ever again. Im 69 days clean i lost all my connects due to this last relationship and im bout to go to the hood and find sone shit . I cant do this sober shit its driving me nuts. And iv always been fine when im single and getting fucked up. But sober just dont feel good in a relationship or not
 
tuck3838 said:
Iv never been in a proper relationship. All of the relationships iv been on were based on drugs and sex. I dont think iv ever evan had a real friend all my friendships were based on using/being used for drugs. The last realtionship i was in ended with her fuckin the only person i considerd a good friend. Im not in a healthy mindset and cant blame it all on her....im a crazy addict...if it feels good im hooked. Idk i just dont ever want to put my emotions in someone elses hands ever again. Im 69 days clean i lost all my connects due to this last relationship and im bout to go to the hood and find sone shit . I cant do this sober shit its driving me nuts. And iv always been fine when im single and getting fucked up. But sober just dont feel good in a relationship or not
Click to expand...

if ur always on drugs no wonder your life is a mess
 
im 24, iv never been in a relationship. i don't really pursue being in one, i'm open to being in one because i like new experiments.

why i don't really pursue it is that i tend to be depressed and feel like a victim in this life. have no job or direction in life. i feel ashamed that i have had so little lasting dedication for anything.

i would like to embody the elements which i am attracted to in a potential partner, feel like i am aligned with my purpose, and that would attract a partner.

what i find attractive: self-confidence, practical-minded, optimistic, creative, able to be intimate, kind.

i don't think i could close myself off to the prospect of being in relationship with a girl in the future. i think for me it would be beneficial to have feminine energy around to ground me. like i would go a bit nuts alone forever

like i watched this video today about finding 'the one', and it really resonated with me, altho it is a tad cheezy ;p
 
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