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Where do you find friends?

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kayladelmo

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
66
I seem to have a hard time meeting new people. It has just been so hard to make friends lately! Everywhere I go not many people seem interested in talking. I'm starting to think maybe i have a problem.. I can be a little shy around new people but for the most part I am friendly. Where do you guys meet people at? Is it easy for you to become friends with someone?
 
Honey we're in the same boat.. I can count on 1 hand the number of good friends I got..I also am incredibly shy and don't let a whole lot of people in..thank god I have a gr8 man, he's my best friend!
 
You may find them in a sport club, in a shop, cinema, etc...however it would be better if you do not have tha aim to make friends with somebody - just talk to people who seem to be interesting for you and you 'll make friends easily;)
 
Well it always depens on the type of person. It takes so long to actually meet a new freind that you can call a friend.

How old are you? It might be easyier to find out if you told me.
 
I'm 21. I have only one friend who I contact regularly and enjoy talking to. A lot of people I meet at school and through acquaintances seem to be big on the party scene which I don't really care for..
 
i used to make friend in rave after-party...now i meet a lot of ppl in anonymous fraternity like AA. There is a buch of group to join if you search for it, try finding the one that fit your interest.
 
kayladelmo said:
I seem to have a hard time meeting new people. It has just been so hard to make friends lately! Everywhere I go not many people seem interested in talking. I'm starting to think maybe i have a problem.. I can be a little shy around new people but for the most part I am friendly. Where do you guys meet people at? Is it easy for you to become friends with someone?
Click to expand...

It gets harder when you get older, because people have their own lives and you can go around completely in your own world without being social. Then, when your current friends have husbands and kids and you are single, then it really sucks. lol

We've had a few posts like this, and I think it's just a part of life. When I was a part of a 4-girl circle of friends, we had the "planner." Actually, we had 2 planners, but without that one person to keep the group together, the circle falls apart IMO. When our planner got married and moved, our circle grew apart. We still chat and I have 2 of them on FB, but we don't go out anymore.

I've recently made semi-friends/acquaintances at my workout, but nothing where I would say "Hey, you want to go hang out?"

It's really hard to make friends with people after high school. It's even harder if you are shy or quiet.
 
^ Lysis, you forgot to add:

...And it sucks.

:(




I'm in the same boat... 24, have a couple friends, but none I see regularly... I dunno if I just come off as really fucking weird when I meet new people, or if it's just as Lysis said, that it's very easy to go around completely in your own world without being social. I noticed yesterday while standing in line for a show: The guy in front of me had headphones on 90% of the time and only spoke when spoken to. The couple in front of him were talkative with each other but showed no interest in outside conversation, even about the band--Same goes for the couple behind me. Maybe it's just me? *Sigh*
 
addictivepersona said:
^ Lysis, you forgot to add:

...And it sucks.

:(




I'm in the same boat... 24, have a couple friends, but none I see regularly... I dunno if I just come off as really fucking weird when I meet new people, or if it's just as Lysis said, that it's very easy to go around completely in your own world without being social. I noticed yesterday while standing in line for a show: The guy in front of me had headphones on 90% of the time and only spoke when spoken to. The couple in front of him were talkative with each other but showed no interest in outside conversation, even about the band--Same goes for the couple behind me. Maybe it's just me? *Sigh*
Click to expand...

lol no, it's not just you. I'm actually guilty of walking around with my iPod on. I'm not real approachable, and I know that's my problem and not others'. I'm social with people online, and then if it's cool, I'll meet them IRL.

I had an ex-BF tell me one time that I generally keep people at arm's length until I really get to know them. It makes me hard to get to know, and it makes it hard to judge if I hate them or like them or what. I still remember that conversation, because I hadn't realized it until he said something, and he was right.

I find I can make friends online, and I've met so many people I've chatted with online. Last year, a group of girls came from all over (Canada, Texas and Michigan) to hang out down here for a few days. It was tons of fun, and I think I generally have some friends for life even though they don't live near me. I think online "relationships" and friendships make it easier to weed out people you don't like, meet people with similar interests, and get to know someone before you go out with them.

But, like you, I also think that maybe I'm just a weirdo. LOL
 
Yeah making good friends is hard to do. I've got tons of friendly acquaintances, some of them I would even call friends. But good close friends? Very hard to come by. I'd say I have about 7 close friends that I would take a bullet for. Most of them are people I've known forever. Some are relatively new.

But when it comes down to it I don't think there are specific "places" to go and meet friends. Two of my close friends for example I met through random circumstances. This one guy I met working at a movie theater. I worked concessions and he worked the box office. Under normal circumstances we would have never met because he stayed out there selling tickets and I made popcorn all day. But as luck would have it one day I developed a cough and couldn't work with food so they sent me to the box office. Soon we were talking away about our favorite movies and traveling our two passions in life. We ended up going to Amsterdam together, rented a car and drove around Europe. One of the best most memorable trips in my life.

I guess the point I am trying to make is you never know and where and who you can meet in life. I mean there I was working a job I hated (mainly because of the shitty pay and asshole manager, I enjoyed the free movies lol) and the next thing you know I'm hanging out and getting drunk with a coworker watching Trainspotting and quoting it line for line together.
 
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freddy47 said:
Yeah making good friends is hard to do. I've got tons of friendly acquaintances, some of them I would even call friends. But good close friends? Very hard to come by. I'd say I have about 7 close friends that I would take a bullet for. Most of them are people I've known forever. Some are relatively new.

But when it comes down to it I don't think there are specific "places" to go and meet friends. Two of my close friends for example I met through random circumstances. This one guy I met working at a movie theater. I worked concessions and he worked the box office. Under normal circumstances we would have never met because he stayed out there selling tickets and I made popcorn all day. But as luck would have it one day I developed a cough and couldn't work with food so they sent me to the box office. Soon we were talking away about our favorite movies and traveling our two passions in life. We ended up going to Amsterdam together, rented a car and drove around Europe. One of the best most memorable trips in my life.

I guess the point I am trying to make is you never know and where and who you can meet in life. I mean there I was working a job I hated (mainly because of the shitty pay and asshole manager, I enjoyed the free movies lol) and the next thing you know I'm hanging out and getting drunk with a coworker watching Trainspotting and quoting it line for line together.
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I've met some awesome people through work. Like you, one of the most fun and interesting people I met was through weird circumstances. She was in college and 23 at the time, and I was 27. It was a small company and they didn't have a place for her, so they put her in the developer's room. She was a marketing intern, so two totally different mindsets. We soon bonded, and I found her to be outgoing and hilarious, even though her lifestyle was completely different from mine. She moved several years later, but she was one of my closest friends for a while. She took me to parties, and I let her live with me for a short while during a breakup she had. I really miss her. I have tried to find her since she moved, but I can't. I imagine she settled down and has kids now, but normally, I never would have met her except for the company just putting her somewhere. Most people are afraid of a software development team (we make fun of everyone and are generally sarcastic with a crude sense of humor), and she came in and won us over quick. lol
 
I have two good friends i would trust with my life, the rest are mostly acquaintances i meet here and there.

I do it to myself though.. i don't make an effort to be sociable; i can be rather charismatic when i feel like it in social scenario's.. but i think ultimately i'm driven by my own sense of freedom, which usually takes a backseat in friendships and relationships, and i can compromise if i believe it's worth it.. i've met some wonderful people, but im extremely independent by nature.. and prefer to do everything on my own rather then rely on anyone, perhaps there's trust issues beneath the surface. It can be a lonely existence.

I'm that guy who will walk into a social setting and already know where the exits are and have a plan if for some reason im left to my own vices. It's odd because i usually do see the best in people and always give them the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time i never over-extend myself.. which naturally creates a distance that makes it difficult for anyone to connect with me and vice-versa.
 
It really depends on how you are: I tend to walk around with music in my ears AND reading a book, not an attitude that makes making new friends easy.
Anyway: workplaces, university and 'hobby places' are for sure the best bets: the people are already there, they see each other more or less regularly and they share something.
I was NEVER able to even chat a bit with stranger when going to shows/concerts, though, and this always left me puzzled..
 
This is something I have been asking myself often recently. I'm 20 and my high school friendships are almost all (if not all) over. It's sad, but it is what it is. I've been trying to meet new people, but I've found that at night it's kind of hard to meet real people who will be willing to exchange phone numbers (you or them). The night scene is too laid back, just for the fun. Bars, concerts, you don't get to talk enough to somebody for you to be sure that you want seconds. During the day, well, meeting people by 'accident' actually got me some phone numbers, specially girls (I'm a man, I've found that women are easier to approach than men, probably the possibility for sex helps a lot). Long queues, bus rides, sometimes walking in the same direction is enough to start a conversation. You have to be a good small talker (which I'm not, but I've forced myself a couple of times with good -interesting- outcomes). Stuff like
You: "Is this the stop for XX bus?"
Her: "Yes"
You: "Oh, thats some great news! I was so lost before you came along!"
And you go from there..

Edit: You have to always smile. ALWAYS.
 
It is hard to make friends when you're not "forced to" like in high school. College/university, I found it easy enough to make friends through classes and work (which was at the college) and volunteering and school events and stuff. Although, I have lost contact with almost everyone from college.
My boyfriend is basically my best friend. I don't have a "best friend" besides him, but I do have friends that I meet up with at parties and stuff. I have one friend from elementary school that I still keep in contact with and that's about it. I mean, I'm friends with some people on Facebook, but that is it ... I don't even text or email most of my friends from school anymore. I'm mostly just friends with the people I party with. A couple of them have become really good friends though, and we hang out at other times.

Friendships take time to develop though. They aren't always overnight. (Well, maybe for some people, but if you don't have fifty gazillion friends right now then you are obviously not one of those people LOL).

Meeting people through school is the "easiest" way, I think. Also through work, mutual friends, volunteering, hobbies, activities, parties.
 
Do you go to college? I can tell you that with one exception, every good friend I keep in regular contact with is someone I met in college, or through a college classmate.

I'm not the best person to give friend advice on (I'm pretty shy, at least when sober ;) ), but I can tell what has always worked for me:

*Be a listener.
*Speak up when you really have something to say, and don't back down.
*Be friendly; people like people who like *them*.
*Go outside your comfort zone.
 
Lysis said:
But, like you, I also think that maybe I'm just a weirdo. LOL
Click to expand...

It's the internet, it's rare to find someone who is not "weird". And 98% of the world uses the internet, so we're all a bunch of weirdos :D (dont quote me on those statistics)

I reckon it's just generally easier to be yourself on the net, especially on forums and in IM, not so much on facebook, it's basically E-Life. I generally dont open up to people I know in real life until I know them really well. Not to mention you hardly have to worry about stuff like body language and doing activities on the net, you can just sit back and be you.

As for meeting people, well you wanna find people with common interests first. Since your not in the club scene, letting loose and being a fun social-light probably isn't happening. So start at something you enjoy, maybe even find a web-based community for that something, and then see if anyone in your area would be keen to do something.
 
TALK TO EVERYBODY.

The amount i get from talking to people...

I was once like you, couldn't talk to anyone and everyone never seemed to want to talk to me.

It's about energy- when you wake up think 'i'm awesome' and don't let that idea fade - as you walk around during the day smile at people... and keep thinking 'i'm awesome' - as you smile at someone think 'wow they're awesome'...

That person feels that and then they spread that kind of feeling or maybe just say 'hi'. People respond in kind generally.

funnily enough everyone has an interesting story - ask for it. The whole world opens up when you just talk to people instead of worrying about your own problems constantly.
 
Finding actual friends is difficult, especially as you get older and everyone around you becomes more family-oriented. In your teens and early 20s it's a little easier because there's less ego associated with just drifting about looking to connect with people, but as you get a bit older the walls seem to go up with most people, and those who seem open to friendship are often seen to have some ulterior motive.

I'd have to say realistically that I have 4 good friends and my partner, all of whom I've known for a very, very long time. I have lots of friends who I am close with, and I can open up to, but my good friends are people who I might see on a weekly basis. I have buddies who I party with. I met them through sports leagues. Then I have 'friends of friends' who are various people I'm cool with and might chill with from time to time, but don't see all that often.

It's really all about being approachable. Stay healthy and alert and on top of your shit and there's really not much else to it.
 
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