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When do you consider yourself "in love"?

E

EphemeralOutlet141

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 11, 2014
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I think nearly everyone has their own definition, I'm curious as to what other people consider love and when they've fallen in it.

Me personally, I see it in its simplest form: a chemical reaction in your head, no different than taking a drug. We as a society take it so seriously that it makes or breaks people. I think it's highly overrated. But sometimes I'm a cynical bastard, it's entirely possible that I could meet someone who changes my perception one day.

Share your thoughts/experiences.
 
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I have fallen in love if I feel attracted to someone without any need to ponder over his virtues and vices. Something is in the air and I don't question it, I just let it be.

Loving someone (as opposed to temporary phase of ''head over heels") may or may not come at later time, after wild chemical reactions taper off.
 
Couldn't tell ya never felt anything really . Just hung out til i got bored and moved on. I head its the butterflies in stomach type feeling. Couldnt that mean you just have to shit? I understand the correlation i suppose.
 
I think defining the line between infatuation and love is what makes all the difference.

I still can't differentiate between the two, i suppose love would be been able to endure years of another person's flaws and imperfections and still care for them.. whereas infatuation is that intense rush of endorphins upon meeting someone, the honeymoon phase?

I can say i've experienced that.. my heart would race whenever in their presence, not from a point of excitement or anxiety but from a point of deep connection. Never slept better in my life then when i was feeling this.. the calm and relaxation and sense of contentedness is like a warm wave of relief coming over you, your perception of time slows. In retrospect i would say that it unhinged me to lose myself to that level of intoxication.. and it destroyed me once it was over, the physical pain of heart-ache is beyond measure..

I knew then and i know now that the process is as you described, a chemical reaction.. unfortunately that provided little relief to the emotional pain. It bother's me that one person was able to effect me on such a level, and to this day no other person has come even remotely close to replicating it.

Couldn't tell you what love is, i usually tire of people or they tire of me before something more permanent can develop. ;)
 
Somebody once told me that love is putting somebody else's happiness before your own. If the two of you break up and he/she eventually starts to date somebody else, you'll be happy for him/her rather than spiteful, because you want them to be happy. That's the gist of it, at least--there's a lot of gray area area on the matter (ie. terms of breakup, terms of relationship with ex's new significant other, etc.). This resonated with me when I heard it, and that's now what I consider to be love. This doesn't apply to being in love, though. I don't know the difference between that and infatuation.

I considered myself to be in love with my current boyfriend for a few weeks, maybe a month or so. About a week or two ago I started to question my feelings, and now I'm not really sure if I am anymore. This could be due to stress (both of us have been on edge due to factors external to our relationship) and spending practically every waking hour that we're not at school and/or work together. I've also felt a bit depressed lately and have a hard time getting out of bed most mornings. Or, maybe it's because we've been dating for what feels like a really long time now and the initial excitement has worn off. I wouldn't know from experience, I've never been in a serious relationship such as this before. I know that I love him and care about his happiness, and that I enjoy his companionship. But lately I haven't felt as affectionate toward him, and my sex drive/sexual attraction to him has declined. I used to love having sex with him because of the emotional and mental aspects of the act and we have pretty good sexual chemistry, but I've avoided it three nights in a row now. Is this normal? We've known one another for well over a year now through mutual friends, but we've only been dating for roughly 4.5 months, and speaking on a level that suggested we were interested in one another for roughly 5.5 months--not a long time.
 
I don't see the difference between love and infatuation. It's just made up words. It's not real.
Anyway. Love is special in that it has capacity to fuck up your identity (that game which you are going around playing everyday). The more you love, the more your identity suffers, which is why people deem it as crazy, In reality it is sanity coming out. The friction is the craziness.

I agree with OP that it is chemicals in the brain. Everything can be reduced to this. It's a good point.

Anyway: Love is sanity. It is you.
 
Love is a choice. Your wife gets old and fat and ugly and you stay with her that's love. Has little to do with feelings or how well you get along. Everything else is just chemistry.
 
samnslumberland said:
Somebody once told me that love is putting somebody else's happiness before your own. If the two of you break up and he/she eventually starts to date somebody else, you'll be happy for him/her rather than spiteful, because you want them to be happy. That's the gist of it, at least--there's a lot of gray area area on the matter (ie. terms of breakup, terms of relationship with ex's new significant other, etc.). This resonated with me when I heard it, and that's now what I consider to be love. This doesn't apply to being in love, though. I don't know the difference between that and infatuation.

I considered myself to be in love with my current boyfriend for a few weeks, maybe a month or so. About a week or two ago I started to question my feelings, and now I'm not really sure if I am anymore. This could be due to stress (both of us have been on edge due to factors external to our relationship) and spending practically every waking hour that we're not at school and/or work together. I've also felt a bit depressed lately and have a hard time getting out of bed most mornings. Or, maybe it's because we've been dating for what feels like a really long time now and the initial excitement has worn off. I wouldn't know from experience, I've never been in a serious relationship such as this before. I know that I love him and care about his happiness, and that I enjoy his companionship. But lately I haven't felt as affectionate toward him, and my sex drive/sexual attraction to him has declined. I used to love having sex with him because of the emotional and mental aspects of the act and we have pretty good sexual chemistry, but I've avoided it three nights in a row now. Is this normal? We've known one another for well over a year now through mutual friends, but we've only been dating for roughly 4.5 months, and speaking on a level that suggested we were interested in one another for roughly 5.5 months--not a long time.
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omg I'm in the EXACT same boat! Even the time frame.... I feel like I'm stressed and that I possibly may like him more then he like me. I'm also worried bc he has kids and he sees his ex(to get the kids) and I fear he may still have feelings for her. Like I feel like I'm jus filling a void for him. I feel like I might be a rebound evn tho he swears he "hates" her and he'd "rather go to hell" then date her again. It bothers me that he has no pics of us up on social media and I mean I'm not big on social media,but I i atleast have like 2 pics up of us and the "I'm in a relationship". He has none of that! He never told me who broke up w who.... I have a feeling she's called the shots n left him and he's still hurt.... And I may suffer for this..... I hate love. I hate men
 
Love is when I can't spend a day without yearning for that person's company, when I value their friendship, their thoughts, when my heart thumps with excitement for them.

I don't love easily at all for fear of loosing that person. That comes from my son's murder, it's deep.
 
LilikoiMoon said:
Love is when I can't spend a day without yearning for that person's company, when I value their friendship, their thoughts, when my heart thumps with excitement for them.

I don't love easily at all for fear of loosing that person. That comes from my son's murder, it's deep.
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Love would mean surely mean you already dreaded the time when they were going to leave ?
 
When you can't imagine your life without them in it, even though they urk your bit, drive you crazy and make you throw plates sometimes

Oh yeah, and when you meet them for the first time, they look familiar; like you recognize them even though you know, you've never seen them before, they look like home

oh, warm fuzzy feelings
 
Funny enough, my boyfriend described love to me the other day as the definition of abstract. Something that you're not able to quite grasp as reality, but yet all consuming and palpable at the same time. It's a shape and form that changes based on the canvas (I.e. Person) that you're looking at, and what point you're at in your life when you see it.

He was completely out of his mind dancing in the sky with Lucy but out of all the gibberish that he talked for the majority of the night I've never heard someone explain it so beautifully. I'd always held to the belief that love was giving up things for the happiness of others like a few people have already mentioned. Weather it be time, money, energy or behaviors that you enjoy but causes them grief.

After listening to him talk however, I'd have to say that I almost like his definition better. Love (for me) is that moment you look at a painting in an art gallery and it makes you sad; you have no idea why the random colors and lines cause you to feel any emotion at all but it does. It almost hurts you to look at it because there's a nagging voice at the back of your head telling you that it's beautiful. Beauty is so wrapped in pain now a days that all your contious mind registers is sadness yet it's comforting. So you walk by it once a month, biweekly, once every Friday. Each time slowly encorporating it's existance into your life. You miss it when your plans change and you can't go by the gallery. The hours leading up to seeing it are exciting because it's creeping between making you sad, and making you safe. It has continued to be there whenever you needed to see it, whenever you needed to look at this abstract work and view it from a new perspective.

You start to see it every day, and now when you look at it, it fills you with joy. Just looking at it changing to fit your outlook on the day makes you happy. It doesn't have a face, or a shape that most pictures have to make it identifiable. It just is, and allows you to ask it to be whatever you need of it for that day.

Love is abstract. Because love is constantly morphing to be whatever it needs to be so that you can smile at each other, and be happy. Just because it's still there in the art gallery... Ready to accept you.
 
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