dognasher
Bluelighter
Soooo...I've been more or less clean from a 2-3 gram a day tar habit since June (slipped up a few times with coke). Why 3 grams you ask? Because I was stupid and was plugging one to two grams a day and then moved to shooting and back to plugging. Long story. Ugh. 8)
Things have been ok, I have been getting back into running again, I'm sleeping ok, but the cravings are godawful and I am a major bitch, all the time. It's like I just fried the fuck out of my receptors. I've got no love for anybody or anything. Some days I am so depressed I want to hurl myself into traffic to end it all. The few times I've slipped it was with IV coke just to feed the needle monkey and because it was the one thing I could get my hands on easily to get high and silence the fiend inside for a moment. Needless to say, it just made me feel like an asshole and if I am still going to be a sort of addict, why not just go back to what I love? Considering the fact that a heroin addiction is way more sustainable than an IV coke addiction.
Thus - I am going to get on Subs next week. In my state Medicaid pays for them, the program is like four blocks from my house, they include free counseling, and I feel like it may keep me on point and ease the brain pain a little until I've healed up. I think it would make me feel like the work I am doing here to stay sobes is at least somehow worthwhile.
My question is - I can't find much info on people getting inducted onto Bupe AFTER BEING CLEAN FOR A WHILE.
So is this the absolute worst idea I have ever had? Is it prolonging things? I just feel like I am doing everything I can - therapy, depression meds, exercise, I just got a part time job in addition to my full time job as an art teacher for a kids after-school program....so it's not like I am just doing it to be high. I just want to be normal. At this rate I am going to lose everybody and everything anyway due to being such an antisocial, lethargic cunt, so why not just be on dope?
Thoughts? Experiences? Sorry if this is the wrong place, I'm not too much of an expert on thread starting yet.
Things have been ok, I have been getting back into running again, I'm sleeping ok, but the cravings are godawful and I am a major bitch, all the time. It's like I just fried the fuck out of my receptors. I've got no love for anybody or anything. Some days I am so depressed I want to hurl myself into traffic to end it all. The few times I've slipped it was with IV coke just to feed the needle monkey and because it was the one thing I could get my hands on easily to get high and silence the fiend inside for a moment. Needless to say, it just made me feel like an asshole and if I am still going to be a sort of addict, why not just go back to what I love? Considering the fact that a heroin addiction is way more sustainable than an IV coke addiction.
Thus - I am going to get on Subs next week. In my state Medicaid pays for them, the program is like four blocks from my house, they include free counseling, and I feel like it may keep me on point and ease the brain pain a little until I've healed up. I think it would make me feel like the work I am doing here to stay sobes is at least somehow worthwhile.
My question is - I can't find much info on people getting inducted onto Bupe AFTER BEING CLEAN FOR A WHILE.
So is this the absolute worst idea I have ever had? Is it prolonging things? I just feel like I am doing everything I can - therapy, depression meds, exercise, I just got a part time job in addition to my full time job as an art teacher for a kids after-school program....so it's not like I am just doing it to be high. I just want to be normal. At this rate I am going to lose everybody and everything anyway due to being such an antisocial, lethargic cunt, so why not just be on dope?
Thoughts? Experiences? Sorry if this is the wrong place, I'm not too much of an expert on thread starting yet.
