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What's the best way to find a fuckbuddy? (without seeming desperate...)

kittyinthedark

kittyinthedark

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 23, 2004
Messages
10,887
I think the title speaks for itself, but I'll give some background, and then follow up with some specific questions...

I'm moving to a new city this week, and unfortunately, losing a good fuckbuddy in the process. And due to some current medication "issues" my sex drive is just absolutely through the roof, and masturbation just isn't cutting it!!! (Too much information?? ;)) What's the best way to find someone who you can hook up with without any kind of expectation or pressure?

[straight] guys - What can a girl do to not seem too clingy or desperate? I've often noticed that a lot of guys get scared off when I come on too strong (which I do a lot...). I'm aware that some of that is just plain old intimidation, but I know after having talked with many guys that they are all afraid of clingy girls. What's the best way to get my non-claw-digging intentions across without seeming like a slut?

[lesbian] girls - What kind of approach do you prefer? I have a horrible time trying to find girls to hook up with, and I don't know what it is that's making it so difficult. I get hit on by girls occasionally, but it's usually in a situation where I'm not about to just go home with them (like dance clubs, etc.). I guess I'm a little more reserved with females - they're way trickier than guys!!!

Gay guys and straight girls feel free to throw in your two cents as well!!! :) Obviously I'm a chick looking for either gender, so I'm sure you've got some good advice as well.

I just really need to have that simple physical and ever-so-slightly emotional attachment to someone right now. I've been through A LOT of fucked up shit this past year, and although I've never been the type to *need* an s/o, right now I really feel like I need someone in my life - and I'd prefer that someone to be no-strings-attached. If I came across the right person, I'd have no real reservations about casually dating, but I highly doubt that's gonna happen. I'm too unsure of myself right now. Basically, I just gotta get that lust issue taken care of from time to time to keep myself from going crazy, but I'd prefer to take care of things with a friend and not some random person off the street....
 
Online Dating?

Have you tried online dating sites? If you are looking for casual sex with no-strings, then maybe you could give it a shot. You can usually see a pic of the person (although can sometimes be deceiving :X ) and chat online before hooking up. That way you might not come across so strong, and you both know what you want out of the meet before you actually meet.

Just do a search in google for 'online dating' or something along those lines.
Try & be careful if you use this method; keep in mind that there are ppl with twisted minds out there :\ But i guess that is a risk you take with any new person you meet - whether it be online, in a club....etc etc.
Ciao!

~pharm_friendly~
 
Goodness me, why aren't you in Australia? ;) :(

Um, sounds like to me the main block to your success is simply fear of appearing "slutty". Well, there's not much unfortunately, you can do about how people see you. They'll take you how they want to take you, and their perceptions of you should really not be your concern. If you are not hurting anyone, and going about your business in a respectful way to all concerned, I really don't think stranger's opinions of you should mean jack shit.

I mean, I know that sounds trite (especially coming from someone who does care about these things as well) ... but really, people who are scared of a girl with a healthy sexual appetite have probably got their own issues to deal with 8)

You're certainly not going to get anywhere in your mission if you're sitting in a corner sipping your G&T and acting all coy. There comes a time in a woman's life she's got to take control and go out there and get what she wants, when she sees what she wants. ;) And if you suffer a few rejections or knock backs, so be it. You say "sorry, just thought I'd ask" and pleasantly go on your way. No reflection on you whatsoever. I mean think about it; out of every 10 people you like, at least 8 of them are going to have something else going on, it's a numbers game.

Look, may I say... I really don't understand how it can possibly take you long to find a lover.. you're hot as ;)
 
"Hey baby, recognise me from the bday suit thread" ;)

That line will work for sure :D


Other than that I don't have much advice. I agree with KRC, you're awesome, just be yourself and you'll be beating em off with a stick.

And yeah, why aren't you in Aus? ;)
 
[straight] guys - What can a girl do to not seem too clingy or desperate? I've often noticed that a lot of guys get scared off when I come on too strong (which I do a lot...). I'm aware that some of that is just plain old intimidation, but I know after having talked with many guys that they are all afraid of clingy girls. What's the best way to get my non-claw-digging intentions across without seeming like a slut?
Click to expand...

just be upfront with everything. the worst thing for me personally is to be lied to and to feel like a fool. If all you want is a fuckbuddy then make that known, timing is right, preferably after you've "clicked" socially and haven't fooled around yet. Come up with some very general guidelines and stick to them. Above all don't be jealous if that person is just a fuckbuddy and decides to go out on a date or chill with a group of friends instead of hanging out with you. This doesn't mean breaking plans, just decides to disappear for the weekend and maybe not meet up for that regularly scheduled Friday afternoon quicky.

Hope that helps.
 
In the past i've found that to have a successful fuckbuddy relationship, there must be some clear guidelines of acceptable behaviour before jumping into it. Think of it as the 'terms' of a contract. If these terms get violated there will be a good chance of disaster. Ambiguousness in these types of relationships are its main fault.
 
Flirt incessantly on BL and go to every meetup you can.

Oh wait, were you talking about serially monogamous fuckbuddies?
 
ice-9 said:
Ambiguousness in these types of relationships are its main fault.
Click to expand...

Well said.

That, and the fact that many many many folks have a habit of convincing themselves that they'll be completely comfortable with sex without emotions . . .

. . . when what they REALLY want is sex WITH emotions, but that they'd rather have sex without emotions than no sex at all . . .

. . . and by the time they discover their error, it's often too late.

Tread fucking cautiously.

*****
 
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find a guy that you think will be a good fuck.....walk up to him, and ask him if he'd like to put in an application to be your new fuck buddy. Tell him the hours he'll be working and how much he'll get paid.

When he fills out the application, review it, and hire if if he meets the requirements.

It's that simple :)

I have yet to find a girl that couldn't find some dick
 
you say you won't get attached to him....so the hardest part is finding a guy that won't get attached to you.

So more than likely you're going to need to go for the "player" type guy, because most other guys will get emotionally attached to someone they're fucking.

So be sure to take that into consideration....
 
Hmm.. Orlando Florida???? Please???

Really, just walk up to whatever guy looks like he will be good in bed. Tell him, no games, no bs, you just want some dick and you want it with no strings attached. I don't think any guy would be able to say no to that.

Jay
 
Thelazer said:
Hmm.. Orlando Florida???? Please???

Really, just walk up to whatever guy looks like he will be good in bed. Tell him, no games, no bs, you just want some dick and you want it with no strings attached. I don't think any guy would be able to say no to that.

Jay
Click to expand...

What he said. You can't go wrong with being blunt about what you're looking for. :)

And +1 to hoping you're moving to Florida. =D ;)
 
in my opinion, the key to a successful fuck buddy relationship is not to see each other too often and to keep the other person guessing.

this means
-no scheduled sex
-not more than 1-2 times a week
-don't sleep over often, and
-definitely make the other person think you're hooking up with others

this usually keeps the other person from getting attached, which ruins the whole thing...
 
Thanks for the advice everyone! There are definitely a few new things I'll try when shootin' my game ;)

I was just so very spoiled these past six months... I hope I can get back into the game without too much trouble. Having a neighbor as a smokin'-weed-an'-fuckin' buddy is just FANTASTIC! Nothing's better than having someone right across the hall when you stumble in drunk at two in the morning looking for some ass :D

For the record, i'm moving to Madison, WI. Sorry guys :) But I'll be damned if I don't get to visit Australia sometime in the somewhat near future. I've wanted to go for years! I'll let everyone know way ahead of time so we can plan a raging party!!! :)
 
L O V E L I F E said:
Well said.

That, and the fact that many many many folks have a habit of convincing themselves that they'll be completely comfortable with sex without emotions . . .

. . . when what they REALLY want is sex WITH emotions, but that they'd rather have sex without emotions than no sex at all . . .

. . . and by the time they discover their error, it's often too late.

Tread fucking cautiously.

*****
Click to expand...

I just wanted to throw this quote in again too - I think it's incredibly insightful. To anyone out there in the same boat as me, this is definitely some advice to heed. With my fuckbuddy this past year, there were certainly emotions involved, but it was just feelings of friendship, no love or "attachment" as such. Trying to have sex without feeling *anything* is just plain STUPID! Be aware of what you are really feeling inside. If you feel yourself becoming attached, BACK OFF if you know the feeling isn't mutual, and for the love of god, don't try to convince yourself that it is. You'll only end up hurting yourself if you try to "rationalize" everything.
 
im a very bad boyfriend but a great friend with advantages... i DO NOT get attached at all when we are just friends... but if we start going out i get very attached... it can get bad...

just thought id throw that in... guys who dont get attached to exist =D
 
tell your story

I think the way to do it is when you find a guy you like who seems like he might be a good fuck buddy, tell him your story.

"I just moved here, I like it and all but miss my friends.
I had a really good buddy, he was kind of like a boy friend
but without the bull shit. I guess he was really just a friend
more than a boy friend, he was totally not the jealous type and
neither am I......"

I think if you use this approach, guys who are into the idea
will respond and ask questions in a way that will keep
you talking about your previous situation. If they are not
interested they will change the subject or ask you questions
that show they are uncomfortable with the fuck buddy approach.
 
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