I've experienced addiction to h and it most definitely sneaks up on you... it's like everyday you say that will be the last time every fucking day
I can totally relate to this. As a recovering heroin addict I've lost track of the amount of "last days" I had. It's amazing looking back the mental gymnastics and self-deception that I managed to maintain. It's like you know what you're doing is wrong, so you play this silly game with yourself of convincing yourself every day is the last day, so that you can use guilt-free because "I'm quitting tomorrow so might as well enjoy today", but you repeat it every single day. And it's not like I knew I was bullshitting myself, I truly believed every day was the last, but I never voluntarily stopped, I just kept going until I ran out of money, and even then I'd start grafting and hustling trying to gather together the money for a single bag just to stop the sickness, shoot up and then fifteen minutes later start planning and executing more plots to get money for the last bag - of course, it was the last day, so it didn't matter who I was lying to or who I fucked over or what bridges I burnt, i'd make up for it when I quit, which I was definitely going to start doing tomorrow. Truly an insidious, self-deceptive game we addicts play in our own minds.
at the beginning I would think we'll this is fun but I'm not gonna keep doing it.. it's just too hard to quit
I can understand where you're coming from, and I get the impression this is how a lot of heroin addicts start. It's just immensely pleasurable at the start, and you always intend to stop until it's too late and when you try to stop you're too sick to make it through the full five days. For me it was different - I managed to chip somewhat successfully for a while, constrained by my lack of money. I'd get paid then pay all my bills and buy some cheap shitty food and tobacco, then smoke through the rest of the money, holed up in my rapidly deteriorating flat, sprawled on my sofa in smacked-out stupor, chasing the dragon day and night and ignoring people knocking the door, calling my phone, basically all responsibilities, my only goal was to withdraw money, acquire heroin then lock myself away some more. However, without fail I'd run out of money within six days, seven days at a push, then spend a couple of days feeling depressed and shitty but not really full-on sick, then feel better and get excited waiting until the next payday. This went on for three to four months, with like one or maybe two periods where through a turn of good fortune I'd managed to be able to extend the binge, but even then the longest I went was two and a half weeks, and when I inevitably ran out of money I felt pretty uncomfortable but no real sickness, no sweating or hot/cold flashes, throwing up or anything like that, literally just a nasty antsy feeling that grew in intensity for three days then faded quickly - it was uncomfortable but nowhere near unbearable.
However, this all changed on that fateful day that curiosity overcame me and I tried the needle for the first time. The first time that needled slipped into my vein and I injected the heroin solution straight into my bloodstream, I fell in love. It all changed then. I knew straight away that that is how I wanted to feel every day, at any cost. I was obsessed with that feeling, and the addiction, of which my smoking days had planted the seed, came to flower dramatically. My life rapidly went downhill - fucking over everyone, stealing, lying, cheating, committing crimes, even thieving from the people closest to me, using people, I even starting selling crack, all to get my next injection. Nothing mattered after I shot up, and nothing mattered but shooting up before it. So yeah. that's how it got me.
however, I was able to quit this mayish because I ran away to a different state and didn't know anyone; but I started smoking Tina and that was just gonna be a short term thing to help get off dope -I was also drinking a lot and taking vicodins/and a benzo starts with a "k" can't remember (I've been up for too long)
Do you mean Klonopin? And dude, at least you recognize your mistake. Maybe even permanently, but at least for a good few months after quitting heroin you have to stay clean of absolutely everything. Picking up meth...that was unwise.
anyways now I'm hooked on speed ..... never thought that could happen. .. so I think it's the person. I'm designed to keep going..... I always fall into addiction by accident all of a sudden you realize your obsessing about it, never without it, and don't feel normal when it's absent.... I'd say it's the drug but like you said I don't think many people who aren't addicts just try heroine or meth
Who knows man? Maybe you would never have been hooked on meth if you brain wasn't already "primed" for addiction by your heroin use. And that abnormal feeling without it will definitely go away, man. If you quit ALL drugs, including the so-called "softer" drugs, like benzos, cannabis, alcohol etc, and exercise & eat right (which expedite the process considerably) you will start feeling better and better and within a few months you'll be a new man.
nah its way easier to do it all when your already fucked up. Hence why I shouldn't drink... what sucks about addiction too is at the beginning I always care and try so hard to monitor myself but eventually imr too fucked up to care and everything starts slipping.... but i don't care...
Yeah this is definitely true. When you have moments of clarity where you realize that things are bad, you should capitalize on them by taking positive action to quit then. I'm sure you have it in you.
I'm at a point right now where when I am sober I hate everything and all is boring and I just wanna lay in bed forever... I know it would get better if I just waited it out, but that is real hard. So yah know I think it's a little more on the person blame factor then the drug...... cause I just imagine my dad or some sweet girl smoking meth and being like ewww. I like sleeping .. yah know what I mean? But when an addict does a drug it's like oooooooo not bad, but I kinda feel like shit, I should do more.. haha
Dude it won't just get better, I know it's hard to believe now but your life can get great, you can wake up feeling good without drugs if you stick to it. Also, I think you're wrong about people who aren't the type to do drugs not enjoying them if they end up taking them - I mean maybe they're not stim people, but if you gave them heroin they'd love it, and if they're not downer people if you gave them meth or uppers they'd love it, I don't think there's a person alive who wouldn't enjoy the experience if they ended up taking them. Anyway, thanks for your opinion, do you have a plan for the near future about quitting at all? What are you actually taking at the moment, if you don't mind me asking?
