Sorry to hear that.
I had an avoidant personality disorder, here are some of the symptoms:
- Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism
- Self-imposed social isolation
- Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships
- Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Severe low self-esteem
- Mistrust of others
- Emotional distancing related to intimacy
- Highly self-conscious
- Self-critical about their problems relating to others
- Problems in occupational functioning
- Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful
- Uses fantasy as a form of escapism to interrupt painful thoughts
I'm 20 and have never had a gf as well, but I don't care about that. Benzos didn't help me at all, I started stealing and forgetting everything, benzos has been my ticket into the psych ward twice. Now I've been going to therapy since March(It's my 3rd therapist, I bailed on the two first because they "didn't understand my pain"..) and I take Effexor 75mg. I'm much better now, I feel really chill around others, I don't care about what they think about me. I'm going to university this fall.
In therapy we mostly focus on cognitive behavioral therapy, here's what I've used to organize my mind:
Basic assumptions (BAs): These are the basic beliefs, core attitudes, beliefs or primary code of conduct that we have about ourselves and others. They're stable thought patterns that we interpret, analyze and classify our experiences with. These
BAs may be unsuitable/negative, and then they could create major problems in life. Examples of such negative
BAs might be:
The world isn't good;
Life isn't meaningful;
I'm worthless;
I can't trust others;
Everything is always my fault;
I don't deserve better and so on.
"Maxims"/Code of Conduct: Generally any simple and memorable rules or guides for living.
They're based on
BAs we have about the world and ourselves. While the
BAs are the core of our belief, the maxims are more related to situations, and are activated depending on what kind of situation you're in. These rules can be both negative and positive. This is connected with the
BAs we have, the more negative
BAs, the more negative maxims. Such rules can for example look like this:
"If someone know who I truly am, they will reject me, but if I'm anonymous and don't show my true self, I will be accepted."
"If I make mistakes people will think I'm stupid and I will be ridiculed, but if I do everything correctly I will not be criticized and ridiculed."
Automatic thoughts (ATs): When our thoughts are not clearly thought through, we call it automatic thoughts. It is the
ATs that initiates our feelings and actions. The
ATs are based on our past experiences/adventures. These thoughts are spontaneous and difficult to remember. Usually we remember only what we feel and not what we thought just before the emotions came. If you can find your
BAs you will find your
ATs (this is just my opinion). When working with these thoughts and begin to discover how thoughts, feelings and actions are interrelated, our perception will change and we can change our automatic thoughts.
Example: "Nobody cares about me"
Compensatory strategies: We maintain unsuitable
BAs and
maxims through compensatory strategies. These are behaviors or actions that we undertake to tackle the negative
BAs or
maxims. Compensatory strategies is a form of self-defense, something we do when we feel that something is attacking us and who we are.
Example: Do drugs.
Incorrect interpretations/fallacies: When studying
ATs,
BAs and
maxims, can we consider if we think in an appropriate way or interpret incorrectly. Our most common misinterpretation or inappropriate ways of thinking are:
[*=1]All or nothing. World described as black or white. People are either good guys or bad. The day is good or bad, there is never a fairly good day.
[*=1]Thinking disaster, in which all possible situations can get the worst possible outcome.
[*=1]Generalization, where one out of a single situation draws a conclusion that this must apply to all situations.
[*=1]Random thought inference, where you build thoughts on hasty conclusions, "before I heard the whole story I've already decided how it will end."
[*=1]Mind Reading where one takes it for granted that we know what others think about us.
[*=1]Emotional thinking that take feelings as evidence that something is right. "If I am afraid to use the lift then lifts dangerous"
[*=1]Personalization, where one always thinks that negative events are your own fault, or always take on the responsibility for whe something negative happens, also things where you're not involved.
Please let me know if you got any help from my advice.
(BTW, my english isn't the best.)
