What should I do??

[Zexx]

I've been doing opiates for one year now, mainly Hydromorph Contin, which is like Palladone but in Canada for those of you that don't know what it is.

I've been keeping a constant dosage at around 30-45mg a day, and recently, I've been trying to get clean (this is not the first time im trying).

I gradually tappered over the last month, but as everyone knows, some days you just feel like doing more than you actually should. But I still managed to get down to 6-12mg a day.

"Last" time I did some was last thursday, and from friday morning to monday night I wasn't able to sleep even with large doses of benzos, and I eventually decided to do just a little bit, in order to be able to sleep monday night. Tuesday and Wednesday I was gradually feeling better, but I still did some (barely 12mg a day).

Next thing I fucking learn today (thursday night), my girlfriend is tired of this shit and is leaving me while I am trying to get clean off drugs so that our relationship goes for the better. I know that I probably won't get her back as she has kept up with my shit for far too long.. but how can I focus on contiuing my efforts to quit. Right now I barely feel sick anymore, but how am I supposed to be like okay I'll keep on enduring this when my girlfriend leaves me right as I am getting clean.

Now what I'm doing is waiting for the morning to be able to get some more in order to fuck myself up and numb all these feelings. These thoughts are stuck in my head, but I was hoping anyone, one of you guys, a fucking angel coming from heaven or something, lay a miracle on me or tells me something eye opening so that I change my mind and don't relapse.

 

[Murz]

I'd say to stay strong, one day at a time, don't lose focus, blah blah blah... but then I wouldn't be being honest. If my girl broke up with me when I was sick I would relapse in a heart beat. Then I would feel terrible for screwing up. Then I'd have to start kicking all over again.

If you relapse I don't blame you, but you KNOW you will come out stronger if you don't fuck up. Seriously, if you can beat this situation you are basically unstoppable and everything will be downhill from there.

 

[Zexx]

It sucks because I have been doing this in order to make our relationship better, and now she fucks me over like this.. Right now I'm on benzos to ease what's left of my symtoms so I barely reacted to what happened I just said okay I understand what you mean you can't keep up with this shit anymore.

The only thing is why do this when someone is trying to get clean.. It's beyond me.. like she coped up with everything for 1 year and a half and now that I'm getting fine she's like ok im tired of it. I know I'll start to process what is actually really happening if I get high today, and I'll start feeling bad for having fucked up everything, but at the same time, what's left to try and get clean for? I guess any addict has felt this before.. like there was no point in trying to get clean anymore..

Just wondering if it's the right time for me to try to get clean now that all this shit happened...

First few days I didn't sleep for 3 days in a row, and my fucking restless legs have been fucking me up to the point of me wanting to literally cut them off. I don't think I'll sleep any better now that I feel fucking alone and abandonned by everyone around me.

Yeah I guess getting clean and focusing on one day at a time would be the best option, but people, even in a positive encouraging environment usually don't take the best decision.. Don't know how I'll get to do the right decision right now..

 

[John_Burrows]

Someone serious about wanting help from the forum would have created a subject line that gives people a clue.

"What should I do?" is utterly vague nonsense and you probably did it on purpose to try and be melodramatic.

The subject matter is serious and important and therefore its even more crucial that a casual reader, who may have a similar problem, can see FROM THE SUBJECT LINE that this is a thread of interest to them.

You'd think someone so serious about wanting help wouldn't leave things to chance (I.e. Someone with experience kicking opiates might just happen to click on it, whereas a subject line like "on the verge of ruin, need to quit NOW" would INSURE that sympathetic, experienced readers would see it).

"What should I do?" Start by writing a useful subject line!

 

[Zexx]

I don't even know how to change the title in the first place, and that doesn't mean that my problem is less important because the title of an internet forum thread is not as eye catching as another.

I just found this forum in the first place I'm sorry my title wasn't good enough... And why would I try to be melodramatic about this? If you were trying to kick opiates, had been sick for a week, your girlfriend had just left you during withdrawals, and you had been loosing everything worth living for because of drugs, been on benzos for 1 week straight not even remembering what you did yesterday, maybe your title might have been a little retarded don't you think?

 

[toolfan420]

Its cool zexx I think you're title is awesome, and so are you.
One time the day I came home from rehab from opiates/benzos my girlfriend came over and told me she had cheated on me and broke up with me. That night I got some OC and I plunged so much deeper than I ever had after that relapse, scoring wayyyyy too much dope in the bronx. It sucked man, it was the lamest thing ever. I didn't know how she could do that to me, but she was fucked up so whatever.

That being said the time after that I was trying to get clean I had some seriously fucked up shit happen to me, 100x worse than my girlfriend leaving me, but i persevered through it and it was so fuckin worth it. It was by far the greatest thing I've been able to do in my life so far.

The girl you were with sounds fuckin evil. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she would get off on seeing you fuck up your recovery since she left you because it would show her that she has that much power over you. Fuck that shit man. Get clean and better yourself and she will realize how dumb she was but you know what? You can find someone that is truly worth it.

Aside from this girl, you really should do this for yourself man. I've done it and many others have, I know you can too. You won't regret it.

 

[Deadhead420]

First of all there is no magic cure for opiate addiction that I know of but I was IV'ing around those same dosages of hydromorphone.

I went to rehab for 30 days. Relapsed on fucking loratabs of all things and that was enough to put me back in withdrawals. And now I'm clean of opiates. But I'm on a lot of other shit. Hallucinogenics mainly. Also valiums for a week there while I was still physically withdrawing.

I know right now you're craving really bad and I've been there. It sucks. Just don't let your girl breaking up with you be an excuse to relapse. Everything is an excuse to relapse. Life is an excuse to relapse. But life is also and excuse to get clean. If you care about this girl, get clean. If you care about your life, get clean. Do whatever you have to do just get off the damn opiates and your life will get better.

 

[Nikolai]

I understand where you are coming from. Something major personally happens and the first thing you think about doing is using some opiates. Id like to tell you thats silly, but I am the same way at times.

As far as quitting goes, tapering is a good plan, but a quick and short tapering plan, such as weeks or even a couple months, is likely not going to work. The longer the taper the better chance of it being successful. Dropping 6mg's per day is barely even a taper honestly. With your habit I would drop more like 5mg's per week which would only be a 2-3 month taper with a much higher chance of success.

If you want to keep using opiates I would first go clean for 3 to 6 months and after that I think the best way to be a recreational user is to take at least 2 days off for every day you use, never use in back to back days. Using daily as a recreational user is just stupid, it's much more fun and there are better experiences with occasional use, but of course that can be tough to stick to.

 

[OEandricearoni]

Someone serious about wanting help from the forum would have created a subject line that gives people a clue.

"What should I do?" is utterly vague nonsense and you probably did it on purpose to try and be melodramatic.

The subject matter is serious and important and therefore its even more crucial that a casual reader, who may have a similar problem, can see FROM THE SUBJECT LINE that this is a thread of interest to them.

You'd think someone so serious about wanting help wouldn't leave things to chance (I.e. Someone with experience kicking opiates might just happen to click on it, whereas a subject line like "on the verge of ruin, need to quit NOW" would INSURE that sympathetic, experienced readers would see it).

"What should I do?" Start by writing a useful subject line!

I don't go on this forum much anymore because i got clean and the last thing I need is to go online and read about people doing drugs, but i decided today I'd just check it out out of pure boredom and i remembered part of the reason why i stopped coming here. Assholes like you. Obviously this guy needs some guidance, and you come here and post bitching about what he named his thread. People on this site are fucking ridiculous, always looking for some reason to put people down. You say his thread name is too stupid for anyone to click it, yet, you yourself clicked it and bitched about how no one is going to read it. I'm sure you clicked it with the sole purpose of bitching out this guy, and then you read what it was, and it didn't deter you from proceeding with your foolish self righteous crusade. Why don't you say something useful to the guy instead of trying to find more reasons to make him feel like shit.


TO THE OP
It sucks that your girlfriend broke up with you at the worst possible time. To be honest, if i were you I'd probably feel like getting high as fuck too. Even if you do/did relapse, its okay, just try and get clean now and try to put all the bullshit in the back of your mind. If you keep getting high, things are only going to keep getting worse for you, but if you get clean i can guarantee that things are going to get better. I got clean a little over a year ago now and things are loads better for me than they were back when i was still using. I found a job, got into college and I'm happier than I ever was when i was still getting high on painkillers. It's never too late to try and get clean. I'd suggest checking into rehab or doing intensive outpatient treatment to help you cope with quitting if you can afford it or have insurance. Best of luck to you i hope you make the right decision.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

I think this is better suited for The Dark Side forum.



--->TDS