I wanted to share with everyone what finally caused me to take a long, hard look at myself and stop using drugs. I admit that I still drink alcohol, mostly on holidays or socially with friends. Everyone who is around me when I drink, though, says I'm OK; I can stop at one drink. I never had a problem with alcohol, but I had a problem with every other substance that I used.
My drug of choice was any psychedelic that I could get my hands on. I abused the hell out of them, too. I consider myself to have been addicted to psychedelics. I know that it wasn't a physical addiction. I know that I never went into withdrawal, but I look back on my life and I consider it an addiction.
The last time I used LSD, I did a lot of things wrong that day. I underestimated how strong the blotters were. I ended up unknowingly taking a heroicly stupid epic dose. I was a very, very experienced psychonaut at the time, though, having tried around a dozen designer psychedelics and having taken LSD many times before. I had always been fine. Also, I have bipolar disorder so I bet that had something to do with it. I reasoned that I would be OK because I was taking my medications regularly. That may have also played a part in it. I had always been safe. I never drove while under the influence of anything. I took precautions. I did my research. I ran into some trouble a few times, bad trips, but always came out OK. Somehow, on this day, I lost control of my ability to reason. My judgment flew out the window. I never would be stupid enough to get into my car and drive while on anything, but I did. I drove to one of my favorite parks just under ten minutes away via back roads.
I ended up tripping way, way too hard once I got there. I got there safely. A huge storm came unexpectedly and I had no umbrella. I didn't even think rationally and just wait the storm out in my car, and instead of responsibly calling my mother and telling her that I used again, that I was not having a good time, and that I needed a ride home, I got into my car. I was too terrified of admitting failure. I drove.
I drove for what seemed like forever.
I ended up seeing and experiencing the craziest things. Sheer terror. I realized that I should not be driving. I just stopped my car in the middle of a road and waited. I knew that the police would eventually come. I could hear horns blaring because I had stopped at a red light. I had no intention of driving another inch.
Somehow I got out of that without a DUI or killing anyone. Somehow I knew not to say jack shit to the police apart from that I don't feel good and have bipolar disorder. Lucky me that LSD doesn't show up in blood or urine tests. I had to wait in the "holding tank" at the hospital, the acute psychiatric services unit, for eleven hours until a bed opened in a facility that could monitor me and psychologically evaluate me. Fortunately, they let me go. I found out that I had driven out into the middle of bumfuck three townships away. How I didn't kill anyone or get into an accident I have no idea.
While I was driving, I thought that the world was ending because of the storm. It seemed like Armageddon, the end of times. I felt like if I stopped driving I would die; it would be my end. I wrestled with this for some time. It seemed like an eternity. Eventually, I realized that I had to die. I couldn't drive anymore. I was too far gone. It was the right thing to do.
When the police came, I thought that they were taking me to my end. I knew that they would kill me. When I got to the hospital, I must have just gotten completely lost in my mind. I must have forgotten who I was. I know that I was there for some time. Eventually I awoke, my consciousness somewhat returned. There was a man standing over me. I was convinced that I had died and gone to Purgatory (I am Atheist but was raised Roman Catholic). I thought that the man was God. I thought that I had died.
I couldn't even begin to explain everything that I saw and experienced. I was completely gone. I could not sleep at all the entire night and into the next day. Fortunately, at the evaluation location, they were able to give me something to sleep. I had to spend the night there. It was not until two days later that my pupils finally went back to normal.
I always thought that I was in control of the LSD. Now I know that the drugs can so easily control me. Unexpected troubles can happen at any time. This is what motivated me to get the hell off of the drugs. I had nearly died before when I compulsively took way too much MDMA one night along with two hits of LSD, just kept redosing and redosing the MDMA. My kidneys shut down. I was very lucky to have survived that. I was lucky that my younger sister found me and called 911. I am told that it took four police officers to hold me down. Even then, that didn't stop me from using.
This LSD trip was enough, though.
Please, people, if you are ever in a bad way with drugs, please phone your parents and tell them you are in trouble. It is better than potentially dying or hurting someone else. No matter how terrified you are, if you can think back to what I have said here in the future, if you are still using, remember that admitting failure and facing the consequences of your poor choices is better than never being able to live another day on this planet.
If you find yourself in a truly fucked up situation like that, you probably need to think about what you are doing with yourself.
Thanks, everyone, for listening.
My drug of choice was any psychedelic that I could get my hands on. I abused the hell out of them, too. I consider myself to have been addicted to psychedelics. I know that it wasn't a physical addiction. I know that I never went into withdrawal, but I look back on my life and I consider it an addiction.
The last time I used LSD, I did a lot of things wrong that day. I underestimated how strong the blotters were. I ended up unknowingly taking a heroicly stupid epic dose. I was a very, very experienced psychonaut at the time, though, having tried around a dozen designer psychedelics and having taken LSD many times before. I had always been fine. Also, I have bipolar disorder so I bet that had something to do with it. I reasoned that I would be OK because I was taking my medications regularly. That may have also played a part in it. I had always been safe. I never drove while under the influence of anything. I took precautions. I did my research. I ran into some trouble a few times, bad trips, but always came out OK. Somehow, on this day, I lost control of my ability to reason. My judgment flew out the window. I never would be stupid enough to get into my car and drive while on anything, but I did. I drove to one of my favorite parks just under ten minutes away via back roads.
I ended up tripping way, way too hard once I got there. I got there safely. A huge storm came unexpectedly and I had no umbrella. I didn't even think rationally and just wait the storm out in my car, and instead of responsibly calling my mother and telling her that I used again, that I was not having a good time, and that I needed a ride home, I got into my car. I was too terrified of admitting failure. I drove.
I drove for what seemed like forever.
I ended up seeing and experiencing the craziest things. Sheer terror. I realized that I should not be driving. I just stopped my car in the middle of a road and waited. I knew that the police would eventually come. I could hear horns blaring because I had stopped at a red light. I had no intention of driving another inch.
Somehow I got out of that without a DUI or killing anyone. Somehow I knew not to say jack shit to the police apart from that I don't feel good and have bipolar disorder. Lucky me that LSD doesn't show up in blood or urine tests. I had to wait in the "holding tank" at the hospital, the acute psychiatric services unit, for eleven hours until a bed opened in a facility that could monitor me and psychologically evaluate me. Fortunately, they let me go. I found out that I had driven out into the middle of bumfuck three townships away. How I didn't kill anyone or get into an accident I have no idea.
While I was driving, I thought that the world was ending because of the storm. It seemed like Armageddon, the end of times. I felt like if I stopped driving I would die; it would be my end. I wrestled with this for some time. It seemed like an eternity. Eventually, I realized that I had to die. I couldn't drive anymore. I was too far gone. It was the right thing to do.
When the police came, I thought that they were taking me to my end. I knew that they would kill me. When I got to the hospital, I must have just gotten completely lost in my mind. I must have forgotten who I was. I know that I was there for some time. Eventually I awoke, my consciousness somewhat returned. There was a man standing over me. I was convinced that I had died and gone to Purgatory (I am Atheist but was raised Roman Catholic). I thought that the man was God. I thought that I had died.
I couldn't even begin to explain everything that I saw and experienced. I was completely gone. I could not sleep at all the entire night and into the next day. Fortunately, at the evaluation location, they were able to give me something to sleep. I had to spend the night there. It was not until two days later that my pupils finally went back to normal.
I always thought that I was in control of the LSD. Now I know that the drugs can so easily control me. Unexpected troubles can happen at any time. This is what motivated me to get the hell off of the drugs. I had nearly died before when I compulsively took way too much MDMA one night along with two hits of LSD, just kept redosing and redosing the MDMA. My kidneys shut down. I was very lucky to have survived that. I was lucky that my younger sister found me and called 911. I am told that it took four police officers to hold me down. Even then, that didn't stop me from using.
This LSD trip was enough, though.
Please, people, if you are ever in a bad way with drugs, please phone your parents and tell them you are in trouble. It is better than potentially dying or hurting someone else. No matter how terrified you are, if you can think back to what I have said here in the future, if you are still using, remember that admitting failure and facing the consequences of your poor choices is better than never being able to live another day on this planet.
If you find yourself in a truly fucked up situation like that, you probably need to think about what you are doing with yourself.
Thanks, everyone, for listening.
