I've been using stims for a long time now(addy prescription for about 4 years and crystal for the past three, albeit on and off).
In dealing with the hard stuff, I've come to meet a lot of unique people over the years, many who I've become good friends with... but if there's one thing I've not been able to find, it's a "tweaker" quite like myself.
When I speed, I literally do one and only one thing: Play video games. Obsessively.
I've had ADHD my entire life-- finally prescribed at around age 19 (I'm about to turn 27). As a kid, I was socially defective to say the least, and spent most of my life playing video games... but by the time I graduated high school and went to college, I'd just lost my ability to stay focused on playing long enough to enjoy them like I used to. Growing up or something, maybe, but I do hate the fact that I just have trouble holding my interest to gaming anymore... which is the sole reason I have been taking stims ever since that first magical experience.
30 hours... 40 hours.... 50 hours at times... no rest other than to urinate or to perform necessary tasks like working (when I couldnt find an excuse to call off) or other annoying garbage. If I'm speeding, all I want to be doing is gaming. I mean I've literally convinced my girlfriends to try speed and game with me just so that I wouldn't have to be bothered to do anything else while still technically "hanging out."
Now, obviously, this is not a very fulfilling way to live... which is why I'm forced to limit my binges to once every few weeks, with a few multi-month breaks thrown in here or there when it becomes a problem (which it always does at some point).
I've lost girls, jobs, and even a home because of my ridiculous neglect for the world when I'm speeding. It's funny because in any given month I'd say I use on average maybe 3 days out of it in total, but in those 3 days I can and WILL find a way to mess something up. Thankfully I spend the other 27 days a month living a normal life, so I do have a job, a home, and a family (no kids... if I did, I'd never use again.).... but still.
All of it just to have an occasional bender of non-stop game playing.
After every single bender I think to myself... "Why the f*** do I do this?" ... and yet I'm sure I will continue to have my "weekend" once a month for the forseeable future, despite any consequences they may bring.
So, share your story: What kind of tweaker are you? What do YOU do it for?
(Side note: as you can probably tell, this post was made during that not-so-wonderful limbo period between "Well, that was fun, time for bed." and "God DAMN it why can't I just SLEEP already?!")
In dealing with the hard stuff, I've come to meet a lot of unique people over the years, many who I've become good friends with... but if there's one thing I've not been able to find, it's a "tweaker" quite like myself.
When I speed, I literally do one and only one thing: Play video games. Obsessively.
I've had ADHD my entire life-- finally prescribed at around age 19 (I'm about to turn 27). As a kid, I was socially defective to say the least, and spent most of my life playing video games... but by the time I graduated high school and went to college, I'd just lost my ability to stay focused on playing long enough to enjoy them like I used to. Growing up or something, maybe, but I do hate the fact that I just have trouble holding my interest to gaming anymore... which is the sole reason I have been taking stims ever since that first magical experience.
30 hours... 40 hours.... 50 hours at times... no rest other than to urinate or to perform necessary tasks like working (when I couldnt find an excuse to call off) or other annoying garbage. If I'm speeding, all I want to be doing is gaming. I mean I've literally convinced my girlfriends to try speed and game with me just so that I wouldn't have to be bothered to do anything else while still technically "hanging out."
Now, obviously, this is not a very fulfilling way to live... which is why I'm forced to limit my binges to once every few weeks, with a few multi-month breaks thrown in here or there when it becomes a problem (which it always does at some point).
I've lost girls, jobs, and even a home because of my ridiculous neglect for the world when I'm speeding. It's funny because in any given month I'd say I use on average maybe 3 days out of it in total, but in those 3 days I can and WILL find a way to mess something up. Thankfully I spend the other 27 days a month living a normal life, so I do have a job, a home, and a family (no kids... if I did, I'd never use again.).... but still.
All of it just to have an occasional bender of non-stop game playing.
After every single bender I think to myself... "Why the f*** do I do this?" ... and yet I'm sure I will continue to have my "weekend" once a month for the forseeable future, despite any consequences they may bring.
So, share your story: What kind of tweaker are you? What do YOU do it for?
(Side note: as you can probably tell, this post was made during that not-so-wonderful limbo period between "Well, that was fun, time for bed." and "God DAMN it why can't I just SLEEP already?!")