what is your biggest "trigger"

[Jabberwocky]

I've been using FOREVER and a DAY! I had my fair share of clean time, which was about 25 minutes (joking) but seriously, I've struggled and could NEVER really get more than 2-3 weeks over the past 10yrs aside from times I've been "away" of times where it was just not available to me.

but when truly trying to stay clean, I just cant. I am even on Suboxone nowadays and stayed away from dope for close to 6 months but last few weeks I am ALMOST back as a full time employee. I always wonder what my triggers are and really just dont know aside from WANTING/LOVING/HAVING to shoot dope. yes, around that same time every day I get that taste; 6PM comes and I can just pictures needles going into my arms. today, perfect example, dope man calls me up at 2PM and I say "all set", so I eat my Suboxone thinking all is good in the hood. 5 hours later and its 7PM and I am calling the dope man back begging for a late night buy, lol. sad but true, man. I wasted a Suboxone to shoot, and block, the dope I am about to waste more money on.

music sometimes does it to me; the TIME surly does it to me. then, of course, there are the feelings, things that happen in life, different events, etc.

everyone has a different trigger and I am STILL trying to figure all mine out; yes, a TIME of the day is a trigger to me. I used to THINK it was a certain type of music, and it still may be, but I just cannot figure it out. my trigger is money; if I have it, i want to send it on drugs - how dare I put that money away and save it!? how dare I go out w/ a girl and pay for her food. how dare I do one thing to make my life better besides put a needle in my arm and pretend I get that head rush (well, I dont pretend but you know what I mean).

triggers, man.. I just DONT understand them at times. I sometimes just dont know if I am getting offset by a trigger of is the junkie coming out of me and just saying, "fuck it, take more drugs". I dont know; I am losing my mind slowly but always wondering what makes me want, want and want more. I am wondering why/how this all came about and what continues it.

one trigger for sure is BAD NEWS! if I get bad news, I go off on a run. I know this may happen to all but some people PULL TOGETHER because they feel the bad news has come because of the bad things they have done; or maybe pull it all together because the bad news shows that they may be ruining their life and end up in a bad way themselves. well, not here. you tell me something bad and ill have a pin in my arm the next day/that night.

for someone who has been using 16/17yrs its still hard for me to understand triggers.

 

[Man in the Dark]

Interesting topic. I would say for me it is to relieve my mental anguish. The trigger for me can be stress, pain, reliving a traumatic experience, bad news and having to deal with my family which happens daily, obviously. I know that sounds fucked up but it's true.

 

[deos68]

Interesting topic. I would say for me it is to relieve my mental anguish. The trigger for me can be stress, pain, reliving a traumatic experience, bad news and having to deal with my family which happens daily, obviously. I know that sounds fucked up but it's true.

my choice atm is alcohol and valium.....yeah even my own family stresses me out to the point i cant tolerate certain members without having a drink
my triggers are pretty much the same and naw its not fucked up its life

 

[Jabberwocky]

Interesting topic. I would say for me it is to relieve my mental anguish. The trigger for me can be stress, pain, reliving a traumatic experience, bad news and having to deal with my family which happens daily, obviously. I know that sounds fucked up but it's true.

its funny because it works like this for me at times:

bad news, which relates to me, which comes back on the family, which puts them in a tough spot, which makes me feel bad, which makes me use, which puts them in a tough spot, makes them feel bad, which makes me feel bad, which makes me use. its like an on-going cycle, ya know!? rather than pick it up and say, OK, ENOUGH! you are slowing killing your family, smarten up! I say, OK, you cannot fall back on anything besides that PIN, so go shoot up and you'll feel better.

sad part is, right now.. my family does not even know its that bad. actually, its not AS BAD as it once was. they knew a lot more than they do nowadays but I am actually renting an apartment from a home they own nowadays so I am much closer, so they have their eyes on me, but they know less. my father and I own the building but I actually RENT out of it; I pay because he wants to see the cash, so he knows I am not using; I am using no where close to what I once was but its coming back; I can feel it and it scares me a bit.

these triggers, which I dont know or believe, are all happening. I was told a past health problem that I have is making a "comeback", so its scaring me a bit. I tell myself I am stronger than that and have no problems w/ it at all; therefore there is no reason for using when hearing about it. then again, after being somewhat sober the last 6 months, I am all of a sudden using since hearing this news of my health, but yet I tell myself there are NO PROBLEMS and there is NOT A TRIGGER! right? no, NOT RIGHT.. but its what I tell myself. so I must be right, right? no, NOT RIGHT, again! lol

I look at it; it all makes no sense but makes perfect sense when you truly think about. get it? cause sometimes I dont but the more I look and look, the more I can see it COULD be true. not could be, but is all true really. I was "fine" for 6 months then heard this news and BOOM, all the triggers have come about and needles are in the arms again. why do you ask? well, I THINK i just explained it, right? unless you have a better reason. ha.

I god "bad news" so I used. look, I can rhyme; I might as well become a rapper. they get to do drugs and rap, which equals money, which means more drugs. so its all perfect.

 

[SS373dOH]

What's my trigger? ...waking up lol x]

 

[maggells]

My trigger is constant pain and anxiety. I started using to manage pain over a decade ago and since then I've only found more pain. But my body and my mind tell me everyday that the opiate is helping, that I cannot live without it, that continuing to use is better than being unable to function because of crippling pain and anxiety. Some days that statement is true and I'm really in that much pain. Other days I'm sure it's my emotional pain I'm treating (masking). In the last decade, I haven't managed more than 24hrs without some form of opiod. I'm able to control the intake much better orally. I only take the bare minimum to keep me from being sick and take the edge off the pain. It's that damn needle fixation that makes me use more and more and more. I've had days where there's a needle in my arm every hour and months where I only take half of a "normal person" dose pill twice a day. But I cannot see my life without opioids, in some form or another. A life of heavy opiate usage has changed my brain's chemistry completely. I don't believe I can ever fix it entirely and that thought alone terrifies me enough most days to continue using.

As far as triggers: the smell of alcohol prep pads makes me instantly nauseous and aroused because my brain associates it with shooting up; it's an issue because I'm in the medical field. Looking at people's veins or noticing my own veins appearing more prominent and accessible. Boredom. Sleep deprivation. Stressful situations/events.

 

[Man in the Dark]

its funny because it works like this for me at times:

bad news, which relates to me, which comes back on the family, which puts them in a tough spot, which makes me feel bad, which makes me use, which puts them in a tough spot, makes them feel bad, which makes me feel bad, which makes me use. its like an on-going cycle, ya know!? rather than pick it up and say, OK, ENOUGH! you are slowing killing your family, smarten up! I say, OK, you cannot fall back on anything besides that PIN, so go shoot up and you'll feel better.

sad part is, right now.. my family does not even know its that bad. actually, its not AS BAD as it once was. they knew a lot more than they do nowadays but I am actually renting an apartment from a home they own nowadays so I am much closer, so they have their eyes on me, but they know less. my father and I own the building but I actually RENT out of it; I pay because he wants to see the cash, so he knows I am not using; I am using no where close to what I once was but its coming back; I can feel it and it scares me a bit.

these triggers, which I dont know or believe, are all happening. I was told a past health problem that I have is making a "comeback", so its scaring me a bit. I tell myself I am stronger than that and have no problems w/ it at all; therefore there is no reason for using when hearing about it. then again, after being somewhat sober the last 6 months, I am all of a sudden using since hearing this news of my health, but yet I tell myself there are NO PROBLEMS and there is NOT A TRIGGER! right? no, NOT RIGHT.. but its what I tell myself. so I must be right, right? no, NOT RIGHT, again! lol

I look at it; it all makes no sense but makes perfect sense when you truly think about. get it? cause sometimes I dont but the more I look and look, the more I can see it COULD be true. not could be, but is all true really. I was "fine" for 6 months then heard this news and BOOM, all the triggers have come about and needles are in the arms again. why do you ask? well, I THINK i just explained it, right? unless you have a better reason. ha.

I god "bad news" so I used. look, I can rhyme; I might as well become a rapper. they get to do drugs and rap, which equals money, which means more drugs. so its all perfect.

Looks like you got a new career on your hands. I'm sorry to hear about the reemerging health problem I hope it's nothing serious, you'll beat it. The problem I have with family is I cant go anywhere as mine are a wife (pain in the ass bitch) and the young child and my wife doesn't want to hear anything about my pills she doesn't even know what goes on, that's how good our relationship is. No way I can quit with her in my life as she is the biggest trigger!!

Plus I have a bunch of other issues with PTSD from the military being the main one.I wish I was able to live alone but unfortunately that's not possible. My prescribed DOC is benzos and 2 diffrent opiates. It figure the two hardest to get off of. I kicked booze, now I have to work on the rest but I don't see that happening.

 

[Man in the Dark]

My trigger is constant pain and anxiety. I started using to manage pain over a decade ago and since then I've only found more pain. But my body and my mind tell me everyday that the opiate is helping, that I cannot live without it, that continuing to use is better than being unable to function because of crippling pain and anxiety. Some days that statement is true and I'm really in that much pain. Other days I'm sure it's my emotional pain I'm treating (masking). In the last decade, I haven't managed more than 24hrs without some form of opiod. I'm able to control the intake much better orally. I only take the bare minimum to keep me from being sick and take the edge off the pain. It's that damn needle fixation that makes me use more and more and more. I've had days where there's a needle in my arm every hour and months where I only take half of a "normal person" dose pill twice a day. But I cannot see my life without opioids, in some form or another. A life of heavy opiate usage has changed my brain's chemistry completely. I don't believe I can ever fix it entirely and that thought alone terrifies me enough most days to continue using.

As far as triggers: the smell of alcohol prep pads makes me instantly nauseous and aroused because my brain associates it with shooting up; it's an issue because I'm in the medical field. Looking at people's veins or noticing my own veins appearing more prominent and accessible. Boredom. Sleep deprivation. Stressful situations/events.

Damn I feel for ya, that's a tough situation. I fully understand the opioids relieving the mental anguish. I am also a CPP and have massive anxiety and other MH issues and nothing relieves that mental pain like opiates. That's got to be a bitch being around needles and veins all day.

 

[Jabberwocky]

used again tonight; same problem.

woke up around 9AM and BOOK, Suboxone right away because I CANNOT DO DOPE TODAY! I go go the hospital to take care of problems, have my scans, get blood work, etc. was there from 10-230 when all was said and done; I had multiple meetings and multiple things to do.

anyway, I leave there, come home, and end up passing out till about 530/6. I wake up and still feel fine and take my 2nd dosage of Keppra pills (seizure pills) and think nothing of it. all of a sudden 7 rolls around and I start to think, "what should I do tonight". meanwhile, my bank account is over-drafted by about 30 bucks but I have a few hundred on me, so its best to probably drive to an ATM and deposit money, right? NOPE! I call the dopeman to swing by; he tell me he'll be by in an hour. of course, that hour feels like a lifetime to me. funny part is last night he told me he gave me a "big bag", which it was. it was a good G and good stuff. so tonight, I open the bag, and I feel its NOTHING. right away, I am complaining and he is telling me he'll never hook me up again, blah blah. well, here it is around 11:15 and I have 1 shot left. before my final SHOT I even did a cotton shot before I actually release the "goods" into me. I love this fentanyl shit but I just cannot control it; it just be all gone if its around/pin. also took 1MG benzo to go along w/ it all; this was just a xanax (alprazolam) to help ease the "pain", lol. yes, I know its a deadly combo but I only take 1MG and have been doing for years and years but I know it only takes that one time. the good thing is I buy the dope from another user; well, we get it from a dealer but usually one of us will pick u for the other if one is busy; whoever goes gets the discount as well but I dont mind paying a bit more considering I get it delivered to the steps. well, sometimes, but other times I Just have to drive 15 mins away along w/ a 5 minute wait, no big deal.

with all the bad news I have gotten lately I just feel I am going back to full blown junk mode; I dont have it financially to even do it but right now spending every damn dollar and hen some since my bank account is overdrawn and I only have about $150 on me. trying to think of what is the next best move besides shoot that FINAL shot of the night within the next 15 minutes.

HELP! I THINK, lol. did so well for 6 months steady on 16MG Suboxoen and dropped all the way to 6MG but now been abusing for a week pretty steadily which I can no longer do; so I must stop after tonight or I will truly consider checking into a program but I am in the middle of a chemo program so its tough for me. NEED TO SMARTEN UP!

 

[noone1]

Boredom

 

[pally pete]

I've been using FOREVER and a DAY! I had my fair share of clean time, which was about 25 minutes (joking) but seriously, I've struggled and could NEVER really get more than 2-3 weeks over the past 10yrs aside from times I've been "away" of times where it was just not available to me.

but when truly trying to stay clean, I just cant. I am even on Suboxone nowadays and stayed away from dope for close to 6 months but last few weeks I am ALMOST back as a full time employee. I always wonder what my triggers are and really just dont know aside from WANTING/LOVING/HAVING to shoot dope. yes, around that same time every day I get that taste; 6PM comes and I can just pictures needles going into my arms. today, perfect example, dope man calls me up at 2PM and I say "all set", so I eat my Suboxone thinking all is good in the hood. 5 hours later and its 7PM and I am calling the dope man back begging for a late night buy, lol. sad but true, man. I wasted a Suboxone to shoot, and block, the dope I am about to waste more money on.

music sometimes does it to me; the TIME surly does it to me. then, of course, there are the feelings, things that happen in life, different events, etc.

everyone has a different trigger and I am STILL trying to figure all mine out; yes, a TIME of the day is a trigger to me. I used to THINK it was a certain type of music, and it still may be, but I just cannot figure it out. my trigger is money; if I have it, i want to send it on drugs - how dare I put that money away and save it!? how dare I go out w/ a girl and pay for her food. how dare I do one thing to make my life better besides put a needle in my arm and pretend I get that head rush (well, I dont pretend but you know what I mean).

triggers, man.. I just DONT understand them at times. I sometimes just dont know if I am getting offset by a trigger of is the junkie coming out of me and just saying, "fuck it, take more drugs". I dont know; I am losing my mind slowly but always wondering what makes me want, want and want more. I am wondering why/how this all came about and what continues it.

one trigger for sure is BAD NEWS! if I get bad news, I go off on a run. I know this may happen to all but some people PULL TOGETHER because they feel the bad news has come because of the bad things they have done; or maybe pull it all together because the bad news shows that they may be ruining their life and end up in a bad way themselves. well, not here. you tell me something bad and ill have a pin in my arm the next day/that night.

for someone who has been using 16/17yrs its still hard for me to understand triggers.

You sound very similar to me, except Oxycontin and whatever Benzos I could get my hands on was my drug(s) of choice.

Still the same; Trying to work out the triggers, or at least some of them. Been a drug user for 23 Years, and for the last 6-7 I've heavily abuse Opiates & Benzos.

I'm still confused dot com

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Definately mental anguish and depression. I could break it down into more categories but those are core. This world/life sucks and I don't want to be here but until I get the courage to kill myself it's going to be opiates mostly. Although I'm addicted to large numbers of things.

 

[weekend addiction]

Anything that pisses me off or stresses me out. IE: most things.

 

[pillman1224]

before class as they made me productive. (opioids fent/morphine/oxy) plane rides i have to be benzoed out of my skull falling over mom asking if i can walk, since opiates are a no-go right now.

 

[Pilll_head]

Drum roll please....

Anxiety is a major trigger for wanting benzos, usually klon
Hopelessness/despair/depression/generally feeling worthless - just want alcohol and lots of it
Just having a generally fucked up day or week makes me want a cigarette - this one will be with me till the day I die
Music is by far the biggest trigger for opioids. Usually after I dose my pillies I sit and listen to my playlist, some songs haven't changed in years. If I ever hear one of those on the radio it immediately triggers very vivid memories of euphoria and bliss that I experience while high.

I think that covers all my substance abuse. But I don't use weed - that stuff is SUCH a crutch !! (just kidding)

 

[rayvechik7]

Hmm, acquiring a case of the 'Fuck Its', to which the only known antidote is an ILLICIT SUBSTANCE... Ha.

But ya, fairly standard list: BOREDOM, pain; at times debilitating depression, anxiety, despair, stress, dysfunctionality, insomnia; the need for ritual...any job/shitty situation/state of being that necessitates coping mechanisms a la self medication.

 

[Jabberwocky]

right now its just the depression that is getting me; thats what I've come up with.

I am going through hell w/ this chemo shit, not working, barely seeing any cash, and once I do see that cash, where does it go!? right to the dope man. its just sad.

today I got a half G cuffed; NEVER have I only got a half G but I was that desperate and wanted it; did I need it, no? but was I being a degenerate and just want and wanting more? yes, absolutely. its the fent shit so I enjoy it even in smaller batches but half G's are never something I usually deal w/ so I made my shots a bit smaller so I could get about 5 or 6 shots out of it; already took 2 and feel EH - better, of course, but that full G would have been much better.

there I am w/ my excuses. I talk to my Suboxone Dr. Saturday night and have a drug test next Tuesday or Thursday so I need to be SOBER by then; lets see if I can make it. this is my first time having a "problem" w/ using in almost 8 or so months, so lets see if I can go a week like I used to w/o a problem.

 

[rayvechik7]

^All the best man. It sounds like you have a very tough situation on your hands. But as you've said, you've managed to put it down for an extended period before. Hopefully you can draw upon the strength and strategies that helped in the past. MUCH easier said than done of course...many of us here can attest to that!
Depression is a bitch, it really is, and I can only imagine how having a serious health issue would complicate things. Do your best dude & don't be too hard on yourself, whatever you decide & however things eventuate. You're clearly self-aware & very honest; two important & potentially powerful attributes to have work in your favour.

 

[Papaverium]

Looking at the track marks on my arms.

Seeing other people shoot up.

The smell of the blue rubber ties the needle exchange gives out. (they smell like fucking chocolate)

Emotions such as loneliness, anxiety, fear, anger, hate, etc.

Life in general, lol.

 

[SirTophamHat]

my choice atm is alcohol and valium.....yeah even my own family stresses me out to the point i cant tolerate certain members without having a drink
my triggers are pretty much the same and naw its not fucked up its life

I feel that bro

Anything that pisses me off or stresses me out. IE: most things.

Yup. I've learned to replace alcohol with weed which is cheaper and healthier who would have guessed? And my roommates don't seem to mind my stepping out every couple hours to smoke. Maybe because they know i work more than either of them... Though they've been here 9 years and me, one month. So I'm definitely junior level in the household.

Cosmic triggers response is a great example of a blunt and nakedly true answer to a hard question. Drugs help us cope for better or worse.