foodcrisis
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2014
- Messages
- 1,620
i got to put a trigger warning on this cause there is stuff about self harm that i'm not sure would fit in all the forums of this site, and i'm probably going to get called transphobic and homophobic or called ignorant to people's issues, but i'm just trying to get in people's head and describe what i consider is an open mind to what i perceive these people could be experiencing from my experience.
to start, i was slow when i was five. i had just learned what sex was. i don't remember how i learned, but i moved to a new neighborhood and the neighbor a couple years older than me convinced me that it was practice for sex to press our genitals together. i realized that this was considered gay some time after, but seemed to enjoy it. my father was a huge homophobe that made made it known and obsessed with macho stuff, so i always felt out of place. i never really assumed i was gay. i mean, i always thought girls were pretty, but i generally had no idea. i was confused that when boys press their genitals together, the blood will rush because of warmth and get a boner, so i didn't know what was going on.. when my sister was a baby and i was like 7, i held my genitals against her privates so i'd also get a boner, and then later on i went through a lot of problems thinking i raped her... i don't think i really needed to go through this... i got into homophobic rap and some other music that wasn't cool with gay people as a teen, and after reading the perks of being a wall flower a book published by mtv about the character getting getting molested by his mother or aunt or something and his experience with drugs, music and high school, i always thought my story was better.... why? because i thought i was supposed to tell my story about how if a boy is what i'd consider as being molested by their neighbor in the way that i was what i think is appropriate what i think should be... from how much i believed in homophobic hip hop being better than any other hip hop was i thought that my father was right for being homophobic and not letting me just think it's okay for boys to have encounters like that. that kids shouldn't be raised to be okay with being gay, and when i was a kid, i guess i heard of sex changes, but it wasn't something that was in my face like it is with kids now... like no i definitely didn't know what puberty blockers were, and i'll describe in later paragraphs why i've thought about chopping off my balls but keeping my dick, so i definitely could see men killing there sex drive or women doing whatever they do to their body. i know both sexes do different stuff to their bodies chemicals. i'm not even sure the specifics of puberty blockers for men or women or any of that stuff. i'm sure i won't have too much of an opinion on it. that i've wonder if it is too in people's faces with the media, and i guess this definitely could be deleted as a politcal issue, so i'm going to copy and paste it into my private writing and see how posting it goes. maybe i'll bring a printed copy to my therapist and describe how egotistical i am to think i'm thought provoking and that it dignifies my fucked up life..
so i'll just cut to the chase... i'm trying to figure out why a person would get a sex change... i've said on this site and got no flack for it that i don't think a person that was a male at birth that transitions to a women on any level and also with an operation that they'll ever be accepted on a dating site by real people that aren't apart of the LGBTQ community. so maybe that's not the way it is, but what i do understand is that i'm supposed to respect pro nouns... i definitely don't respect that if it's a dating site. i don't really know what dating sites are. i don't care to go on them. i've seen some. pretty sure it was mostly just birth females on okcupid.com. i was never able to get on any other modern dating site. i'm guessing match.com and those other people going by their birth sex.
so i can honestly see why a person would want to chop their dick off. the dick is nuisance. it's not who they are. maybe it wasn't there in the person's past lives... i really don't know. also your balls produce semen and pretty much control a lot of your chemistry, so you could want to chop them off... why you'd want to make shift a vagina? from what i understand, you want to get penetrated and passionately fucked. that through the act of intercourse we scientifically don't know if there is reactions with spiritual types of what could be electricity, some type of energy. maybe some people with these vagina's are actually asexual. i'd be interested in the statistics of how many people with sex changes lead active sex lives.
so since people chop their dicks off or build make shift penises which i guess is an offensive term, but i'm not going to look up the real defintion, which could even get this thread deleted cause i'm not sympathizing, but honestly what ever you call it is going to sound funny to me regardless if it's a scientific term, so i'm not even going to look it up... but what i'm thinking is if i tell my doctor about chopping my hand off for a spiritual reason, they are probably going to try to be me on anti-psychotic meds, but they wouldn't for wanting to rearranging my privates... a pretty good reason to chop your hand off you ask? well, i was violent. i prodominantly punch with my right hand. i got violent one time and really fucked some one up. now i think the spiritual thing to do would be to chop off my right hand because i can feel the violence in my hand. my lack of hand symbolizes who i am. my desire to not be violent, but i know that i'm still violent, so i go with out a hand to never punch again.... makes perfect sense to me. not something i want to do, but it makes just as much sense to me as trans people fucking and exchanging psychic wavelengths of energy that are yet to be seen by science... like i've talked about how i think this could be real energy in other posts on this board. people pass this light back and forth between their heads and a dude could honestly want to chop their dick off and have another person penetrate them passionately. i'm not really gonna say that's wrong... but honestly, is that something kids should be thinking about? like maybe little girls shouldn't even see that women get pregnant anymore. leads to too many thoughts that they aren't mature enough to grasp. there is no sex for kids. kids can't get pregnant, why are they thinking about that or sex?, but watch the white light in this video. that shit is real. people could be gay or do whatever to themselves because of energy:
i was talking about how the band Whirr is transphobic and playing clubs in a recent thread about music, and i was surprised that so many clubs across the world are catering to that. that's what brings me to this subject. i thought the thread was about whether or not people keep their personal agendas from their music to not wreck what's going on with promoting their music and their labels. that thread seems totally politcal so i mean, i don't really know if this is okay to post. it says the mods of this forum are senior staff, so it should be pretty obvious to them if they want to let this stay... i'm just saying what i see. i don't think any body should feel hurt by what i'm saying. i get i could be wrong and assuming shit about other people's ways of thinking. like i said, maybe some people that go by different sexual identities aren't even into partners. i really don't know.. it just gets confusing to me when i'm supposed to call someone that isn't their birth sex by a particual gender.. can't get down with it.. totally cool with anybody doing whatever the fuck they want to themselves or any adults doing it however... maybe kids should wonder if they are gonna be gay and what not, and that's just part of life. i don't really know how parents should approach that..
i've actually thought about chopping my balls off because i'm sexually aroused by different girls. always felt like my dick was good for holding while i pea and kind of represents who i am, but my balls constantly making my dick hard and want to produce cum because stuff like girls wearing make up and their faces and hair... lol.. and then it'd be one thing that i like all girls, but i don't, so it seems wrong... i thought maybe i should try to stop with thinking with that part of my brain. i was also curious because anti-psychotics kill sex drive and stop people from tripping. like you'd still trip if you didn't have balls, so i thought it might be cool to do... i felt like i was molesting people in space through telepathy by jerking off on their image.. now i only jerk off on girls that i'm delusional enough to think want me to jerk off on them, or mostly porn because if some how telepathy exists, the girls will know why they are having dreams about guys fantasizing about them... some one on this board said i probably have a lot of synapses firing with my thoughts. probably.
anyways, i thought if people read into my previous posts that didn't get deleted they would think i was hinting that i was anti-trans, when i'm not... the openly transphobe band Whirr sounds pretty bad to me to. like i just don't like the sound and could name a bunch of similar stuff that just fits together a lot better. that is some bland ass shit. for them to have an agenda, it's like a government conspiracy where they are just going to see who's dumb and can't hear what's going on with music and listen to that shit.. i totally know that with some bands i listen to, a ton of the stuff, people would be like "how do you not like Whirr?" bro i wouldn't like that stuff even if i had no idea about their agenda, and with their agenda or they are writing songs about anti-trans just seems stupid to me... like i'm transmitting into space not liking them because it's honestly off some how.. like it's so much like some other music i like, but the frequency and some of what i hear as empty space in the recordiing sounds terrible and like knocked loose (not saying they are a band with any agenda) the hardcore band i kept talking about from jimmy kimmell in the metal threads their amps sound like shit. honestly not down with that Whirr the anti-trans band at all and them trying to make art out of that... like i like some homophobic rap or subjects about confusion in rap in that because it comes off as ignorance. it's not really the beauty of life. that type of music shouldn't have a political agenda.. i also relate to the band the meat shits and think their songs about not liking gay people are funny as a metal band. it's like admitting to being ignorant... like i can't say that i've been comfortable in my life having to deal with issues regarding sexuality. i really don't like it. it's uncomfortable... like whoever anybody is is cool though.. like i wrote in that thread, i like to play free jazz music, and i would play with anyone regardless of how they've altered their body... i just don't really know what people expect of me. i'm not really liking where PC is heading... so i guess PC is politics... but is that current events and politics? i don't know how much senior mods are on this board... maybe PM me as a mod if this is bad, and i'll stick to just trying to help people with drug topics... i'm just saying, my life was kind of fucked up. i've been kind of a hater of LGBTQ, but i'm trying to make sense of it, and really think science will catch up to find it's a scientific thing with energies from what i've experienced and seen.
i wrote this about an experience with a gay male on BL too... this is honestly something that i believe really possibly happened. or at the very least it's me wanting to be accepting: "i have to say too that i feel like if there is a higher, or if there are multiple higher powers there is some power that will reward people for being accepting of everyone.. in the psychward i was getting a lot of brain chemicals released from interacting with patients and the doctors... one gay dude did a tarrot reading with me and was talking to me for a few minutes, and just how chill the conversation was made my brain chemicals feel crazy good with out any drugs, and i think me being accepting of him helped me mind link with his tarrot deck and get a real result from the reading... i'm definitely cool with gay people. just seems kind of foreign to me, and in part of my life it kind of brought me down cause of having to over think things as a child so it fucked me up and brought out some bad emotions."
i kind of don't really get drag queens too TBH, like i always thought that women had styles to attract men and breed. idk. maybe anybody can have long hair. is eye shadow just for women? obviously the consesus will be no, but wtf... who the fuck wants to put on make up? seems kind of like a chore, like women put it on because they breed and that's a sign of who they are. they want to attract men. they teach their kids to put it on and attract men.. we don't have that anymore though... like i guess dudes want to wear make up and it's art... i try to just like any girl.. i can like some pretty different bland and ugly girls with out make up.. i've been thinking about trying to get dj kahled to say "gotto get that pussy" instead of "we the best" in a new add campagn for young guys to get into more types of girls other than what's stereotypically pretty. i create raps and stuff some times for fun "fat chicks, skinny chicks, all chicks fucking, fill em up with cum and teach me how to love em.." first one that came to my head right now. i thought of an anti-trans one after saying i didn't like Whirr earlier "your adam's apple's massive.. you're tits are made of plastic" i could think of lots of ways to go on, but that has enough rhythm where you could start a lot of ways... don't get at me with girls can have large adam's apples. i'm being a dick, and i've thought pictures of women were actually men. it happens sometimes. generally women tend to look a certain way and just the way their faces kind of contort, i can tell the difference between a lot of people when watching them walk and carry on, but sometimes you just don't know... so i mean, that's partially also to say "who knows what's right"... but generally women have bigger hips and asses than men whether they are skinny or not and a lot of girls have tits... idk.. usually nature doesn't produce men with tits, it happens sometimes. so who's to say that's not god's will. it's just kind of foreign. like maybe that should be a special person that everyone isn't, but then again, i don't know where everyone's spirit is at or whatever going on with people's brains... lots of weird shit in reality...
also most animals don't really practice homosexuality but some do, which further leads me to believe that people are reincarnated and experience all types of existences. like we don't know if people commiting homosexual acts carries on some type of chemical or bacteria in the air (i feel like if i say bacteria people are gonna think of it as a negative thing, but it's a positive thing, or its some electricity that helps the existance of humans.... we really don't know.. like the more i think, people being homosexual as humans will help them come back as the animals they were so the food chain doesn't die out... makes perfect sense.
you can delete this or move it to the longue if you want... sorry about this.. i feel like i've already gotten in over my head posting on this board, and this seems like the sober thing to do... a bit crazy and over the top though... honestly i could see being well recieved as a comedian. sometimes life is just funny. i'm not even joking but it seems funny. like i'm trying to be nice and accepting and am generally so tripping out that i believe in reincarnation.
to start, i was slow when i was five. i had just learned what sex was. i don't remember how i learned, but i moved to a new neighborhood and the neighbor a couple years older than me convinced me that it was practice for sex to press our genitals together. i realized that this was considered gay some time after, but seemed to enjoy it. my father was a huge homophobe that made made it known and obsessed with macho stuff, so i always felt out of place. i never really assumed i was gay. i mean, i always thought girls were pretty, but i generally had no idea. i was confused that when boys press their genitals together, the blood will rush because of warmth and get a boner, so i didn't know what was going on.. when my sister was a baby and i was like 7, i held my genitals against her privates so i'd also get a boner, and then later on i went through a lot of problems thinking i raped her... i don't think i really needed to go through this... i got into homophobic rap and some other music that wasn't cool with gay people as a teen, and after reading the perks of being a wall flower a book published by mtv about the character getting getting molested by his mother or aunt or something and his experience with drugs, music and high school, i always thought my story was better.... why? because i thought i was supposed to tell my story about how if a boy is what i'd consider as being molested by their neighbor in the way that i was what i think is appropriate what i think should be... from how much i believed in homophobic hip hop being better than any other hip hop was i thought that my father was right for being homophobic and not letting me just think it's okay for boys to have encounters like that. that kids shouldn't be raised to be okay with being gay, and when i was a kid, i guess i heard of sex changes, but it wasn't something that was in my face like it is with kids now... like no i definitely didn't know what puberty blockers were, and i'll describe in later paragraphs why i've thought about chopping off my balls but keeping my dick, so i definitely could see men killing there sex drive or women doing whatever they do to their body. i know both sexes do different stuff to their bodies chemicals. i'm not even sure the specifics of puberty blockers for men or women or any of that stuff. i'm sure i won't have too much of an opinion on it. that i've wonder if it is too in people's faces with the media, and i guess this definitely could be deleted as a politcal issue, so i'm going to copy and paste it into my private writing and see how posting it goes. maybe i'll bring a printed copy to my therapist and describe how egotistical i am to think i'm thought provoking and that it dignifies my fucked up life..
so i'll just cut to the chase... i'm trying to figure out why a person would get a sex change... i've said on this site and got no flack for it that i don't think a person that was a male at birth that transitions to a women on any level and also with an operation that they'll ever be accepted on a dating site by real people that aren't apart of the LGBTQ community. so maybe that's not the way it is, but what i do understand is that i'm supposed to respect pro nouns... i definitely don't respect that if it's a dating site. i don't really know what dating sites are. i don't care to go on them. i've seen some. pretty sure it was mostly just birth females on okcupid.com. i was never able to get on any other modern dating site. i'm guessing match.com and those other people going by their birth sex.
so i can honestly see why a person would want to chop their dick off. the dick is nuisance. it's not who they are. maybe it wasn't there in the person's past lives... i really don't know. also your balls produce semen and pretty much control a lot of your chemistry, so you could want to chop them off... why you'd want to make shift a vagina? from what i understand, you want to get penetrated and passionately fucked. that through the act of intercourse we scientifically don't know if there is reactions with spiritual types of what could be electricity, some type of energy. maybe some people with these vagina's are actually asexual. i'd be interested in the statistics of how many people with sex changes lead active sex lives.
so since people chop their dicks off or build make shift penises which i guess is an offensive term, but i'm not going to look up the real defintion, which could even get this thread deleted cause i'm not sympathizing, but honestly what ever you call it is going to sound funny to me regardless if it's a scientific term, so i'm not even going to look it up... but what i'm thinking is if i tell my doctor about chopping my hand off for a spiritual reason, they are probably going to try to be me on anti-psychotic meds, but they wouldn't for wanting to rearranging my privates... a pretty good reason to chop your hand off you ask? well, i was violent. i prodominantly punch with my right hand. i got violent one time and really fucked some one up. now i think the spiritual thing to do would be to chop off my right hand because i can feel the violence in my hand. my lack of hand symbolizes who i am. my desire to not be violent, but i know that i'm still violent, so i go with out a hand to never punch again.... makes perfect sense to me. not something i want to do, but it makes just as much sense to me as trans people fucking and exchanging psychic wavelengths of energy that are yet to be seen by science... like i've talked about how i think this could be real energy in other posts on this board. people pass this light back and forth between their heads and a dude could honestly want to chop their dick off and have another person penetrate them passionately. i'm not really gonna say that's wrong... but honestly, is that something kids should be thinking about? like maybe little girls shouldn't even see that women get pregnant anymore. leads to too many thoughts that they aren't mature enough to grasp. there is no sex for kids. kids can't get pregnant, why are they thinking about that or sex?, but watch the white light in this video. that shit is real. people could be gay or do whatever to themselves because of energy:
i was talking about how the band Whirr is transphobic and playing clubs in a recent thread about music, and i was surprised that so many clubs across the world are catering to that. that's what brings me to this subject. i thought the thread was about whether or not people keep their personal agendas from their music to not wreck what's going on with promoting their music and their labels. that thread seems totally politcal so i mean, i don't really know if this is okay to post. it says the mods of this forum are senior staff, so it should be pretty obvious to them if they want to let this stay... i'm just saying what i see. i don't think any body should feel hurt by what i'm saying. i get i could be wrong and assuming shit about other people's ways of thinking. like i said, maybe some people that go by different sexual identities aren't even into partners. i really don't know.. it just gets confusing to me when i'm supposed to call someone that isn't their birth sex by a particual gender.. can't get down with it.. totally cool with anybody doing whatever the fuck they want to themselves or any adults doing it however... maybe kids should wonder if they are gonna be gay and what not, and that's just part of life. i don't really know how parents should approach that..
i've actually thought about chopping my balls off because i'm sexually aroused by different girls. always felt like my dick was good for holding while i pea and kind of represents who i am, but my balls constantly making my dick hard and want to produce cum because stuff like girls wearing make up and their faces and hair... lol.. and then it'd be one thing that i like all girls, but i don't, so it seems wrong... i thought maybe i should try to stop with thinking with that part of my brain. i was also curious because anti-psychotics kill sex drive and stop people from tripping. like you'd still trip if you didn't have balls, so i thought it might be cool to do... i felt like i was molesting people in space through telepathy by jerking off on their image.. now i only jerk off on girls that i'm delusional enough to think want me to jerk off on them, or mostly porn because if some how telepathy exists, the girls will know why they are having dreams about guys fantasizing about them... some one on this board said i probably have a lot of synapses firing with my thoughts. probably.
anyways, i thought if people read into my previous posts that didn't get deleted they would think i was hinting that i was anti-trans, when i'm not... the openly transphobe band Whirr sounds pretty bad to me to. like i just don't like the sound and could name a bunch of similar stuff that just fits together a lot better. that is some bland ass shit. for them to have an agenda, it's like a government conspiracy where they are just going to see who's dumb and can't hear what's going on with music and listen to that shit.. i totally know that with some bands i listen to, a ton of the stuff, people would be like "how do you not like Whirr?" bro i wouldn't like that stuff even if i had no idea about their agenda, and with their agenda or they are writing songs about anti-trans just seems stupid to me... like i'm transmitting into space not liking them because it's honestly off some how.. like it's so much like some other music i like, but the frequency and some of what i hear as empty space in the recordiing sounds terrible and like knocked loose (not saying they are a band with any agenda) the hardcore band i kept talking about from jimmy kimmell in the metal threads their amps sound like shit. honestly not down with that Whirr the anti-trans band at all and them trying to make art out of that... like i like some homophobic rap or subjects about confusion in rap in that because it comes off as ignorance. it's not really the beauty of life. that type of music shouldn't have a political agenda.. i also relate to the band the meat shits and think their songs about not liking gay people are funny as a metal band. it's like admitting to being ignorant... like i can't say that i've been comfortable in my life having to deal with issues regarding sexuality. i really don't like it. it's uncomfortable... like whoever anybody is is cool though.. like i wrote in that thread, i like to play free jazz music, and i would play with anyone regardless of how they've altered their body... i just don't really know what people expect of me. i'm not really liking where PC is heading... so i guess PC is politics... but is that current events and politics? i don't know how much senior mods are on this board... maybe PM me as a mod if this is bad, and i'll stick to just trying to help people with drug topics... i'm just saying, my life was kind of fucked up. i've been kind of a hater of LGBTQ, but i'm trying to make sense of it, and really think science will catch up to find it's a scientific thing with energies from what i've experienced and seen.
i wrote this about an experience with a gay male on BL too... this is honestly something that i believe really possibly happened. or at the very least it's me wanting to be accepting: "i have to say too that i feel like if there is a higher, or if there are multiple higher powers there is some power that will reward people for being accepting of everyone.. in the psychward i was getting a lot of brain chemicals released from interacting with patients and the doctors... one gay dude did a tarrot reading with me and was talking to me for a few minutes, and just how chill the conversation was made my brain chemicals feel crazy good with out any drugs, and i think me being accepting of him helped me mind link with his tarrot deck and get a real result from the reading... i'm definitely cool with gay people. just seems kind of foreign to me, and in part of my life it kind of brought me down cause of having to over think things as a child so it fucked me up and brought out some bad emotions."
i kind of don't really get drag queens too TBH, like i always thought that women had styles to attract men and breed. idk. maybe anybody can have long hair. is eye shadow just for women? obviously the consesus will be no, but wtf... who the fuck wants to put on make up? seems kind of like a chore, like women put it on because they breed and that's a sign of who they are. they want to attract men. they teach their kids to put it on and attract men.. we don't have that anymore though... like i guess dudes want to wear make up and it's art... i try to just like any girl.. i can like some pretty different bland and ugly girls with out make up.. i've been thinking about trying to get dj kahled to say "gotto get that pussy" instead of "we the best" in a new add campagn for young guys to get into more types of girls other than what's stereotypically pretty. i create raps and stuff some times for fun "fat chicks, skinny chicks, all chicks fucking, fill em up with cum and teach me how to love em.." first one that came to my head right now. i thought of an anti-trans one after saying i didn't like Whirr earlier "your adam's apple's massive.. you're tits are made of plastic" i could think of lots of ways to go on, but that has enough rhythm where you could start a lot of ways... don't get at me with girls can have large adam's apples. i'm being a dick, and i've thought pictures of women were actually men. it happens sometimes. generally women tend to look a certain way and just the way their faces kind of contort, i can tell the difference between a lot of people when watching them walk and carry on, but sometimes you just don't know... so i mean, that's partially also to say "who knows what's right"... but generally women have bigger hips and asses than men whether they are skinny or not and a lot of girls have tits... idk.. usually nature doesn't produce men with tits, it happens sometimes. so who's to say that's not god's will. it's just kind of foreign. like maybe that should be a special person that everyone isn't, but then again, i don't know where everyone's spirit is at or whatever going on with people's brains... lots of weird shit in reality...
also most animals don't really practice homosexuality but some do, which further leads me to believe that people are reincarnated and experience all types of existences. like we don't know if people commiting homosexual acts carries on some type of chemical or bacteria in the air (i feel like if i say bacteria people are gonna think of it as a negative thing, but it's a positive thing, or its some electricity that helps the existance of humans.... we really don't know.. like the more i think, people being homosexual as humans will help them come back as the animals they were so the food chain doesn't die out... makes perfect sense.
you can delete this or move it to the longue if you want... sorry about this.. i feel like i've already gotten in over my head posting on this board, and this seems like the sober thing to do... a bit crazy and over the top though... honestly i could see being well recieved as a comedian. sometimes life is just funny. i'm not even joking but it seems funny. like i'm trying to be nice and accepting and am generally so tripping out that i believe in reincarnation.
