Relapse Well that was a disaster

[Juicewrldfan]

Went to psychiatric evaluation appointment for meds for mania today and ended up walking out with meds for Ritalin instant release and a prior authorization is being worked on for a thirty day supply of the new amphetamainenlomg acting racemic 14 hours active. Gave me the Ritalin to tie me over which I had to ask for because she was trying to give me adderral ir and the craziest thing is I came there so I get a mood stabilizer but she said the not sleeping and symptoms sound more like it’s from cold turkey quitting your adhd meds.

But I don’t want to relapse so that’s why I quit them. But I suppose trying different formulations may help. Just I came to the conclusion that an amp is an amp is an amp. I mean they said vyvanse wasn’t abusable and that’s obviously wrong.

So yeah I ended up taking all 280mg last night not by plans but I hit high and then idk what the fuck happened . Lucky I’m alive after taking them all. I didn’t mean to.

Now my therapist is definitely going to try to force me inpatient tomorrow when I see her . But it’s just one slip. I’m clean today well aside from what’s still active from yesterday. Haven’t slept.

 

[snmfmy]

Do you think maybe you did that because you knew that your therapist would try to force you into inpatient?

And technically ADHD medications are psychoactive so you're taking Ritalin or Adderall or whatever, plus all the other meds and you've been trying things out and then not trying things.

 

[Jabberwocky]

the new amphetamainenlomg acting racemic 14 hours active.

Is it called Evekeo?

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Do you think maybe you did that because you knew that your therapist would try to force you into inpatient?

And technically ADHD medications are psychoactive so you're taking Ritalin or Adderall or whatever, plus all the other meds and you've been trying things out and then not trying things.

Why would I do that? I didn’t do that anyway. They initiated all the adhd stuff. I didn’t manipulate them.

Sorry I’m sleep deprived. Why would I want her to force me? Hell no i don’t want my freedom takn. It wasn’t planned .

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Is it called Evekeo?

Dynavel XR.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dynavel XR.

I think that's the XR version of evekeo. I was prescribed that once, but it was brand new on the market back then, my insurance didn't cover it. Was like $600 for 30 pills.

Sorry you're going through these troubles man

Were you trying to get off the stims?

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I think that's the XR version of evekeo. I was prescribed that once, but it was brand new on the market back then, my insurance didn't cover it. Was like $600 for 30 pills.

Sorry you're going through these troubles man

Were you trying to get off the stims?

Yeah I asked not to be prescribed them anymore a month or so ago lol…and go figure. Same place too.

 

[kiely]

^ Don't tell her that you took all of them. She might not understand yet and try to put you in patient.

So maybe hold off on telling her or don't.

I am soo glad that you are alright !!!!

 

[Juicewrldfan]

^ Don't tell her that you took all of them. She might not understand yet and try to put you in patient.

So maybe hold off on telling her or don't.

I am soo glad that you are alright !!!!

Oh she might think I tried to OD. Thanks for highlighting that as I normally tell her everything but I can see how that would look to a person not from our world.

Really I was just so high out of my mind I was basically blacked out. Honestly dunno how I lived thru that. My brain was mush.

 

[kiely]

Oh she might think I tried to OD. Thanks for highlighting that as I normally tell her everything but I can see how that would look to a person not from our world.

Really I was just so high out of my mind I was basically blacked out. Honestly dunno how I lived thru that. My brain was mush.

So just get your other appropriate meds then and move forward. She should be able to work with you and not confine you.

She should understand when you feel much better and more appropriate. You understand that you are safe now so that

is the important issue right now. Not her protocols. But yes I think you are improving now and she should be able to see that

right now.

Stay strong. I know what a struggle it can be to overcome these obstacles. Overall keep trying and you are doing great !!

So glad you are still here. Just think it through stay calm no need to over react at this point. You made it through.

You psych needs to stay positive with you.

Hang On ! Yeah.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

You couldn't have asked for a non-stim?

 

[Juicewrldfan]

You couldn't have asked for a non-stim?

Been down all the non stims. And I either couldn’t take them like strattera due to contraindications or side effects like guancafine I get severe depression.

Or like Welbutrin which just did nothing. I know it’s subtle but it just didn’t help my symptoms. Well and I used it to OD so they won’t write for me anymore.

Still relapse is a hell of a risk still kinda confused me how that’s not seen.

I mean I could have pushed back harder when they insisted I go back in stims but I am an addict and I was manic. My self discipline was hard to access.

But I didn’t manipulate them to get it which is wild to me. Like I went in with the goal to get a mood stabilizer and walked out with two scripts for stimulants. One an amp and one a methylphenidate.

Granted helpful in prescribed doses and I can’t say I enjoyed Ritalin. Just blacked out all night. Was probably ODing unintentionally.

I just shouldn’t be prescribed atoms. And I tried to tell th multiple occasions. They still think with different formulations that they are safe.

Idk maybe it is safe since I didn’t like the high. And maybe Dynavel xr is safe because no peaks but I doubt it.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Been down all the non stims. And I either couldn’t take them like strattera due to contraindications or side effects like guancafine I get severe depression.

Or like Welbutrin which just did nothing. I know it’s subtle but it just didn’t help my symptoms. Well and I used it to OD so they won’t write for me anymore.

Still relapse is a hell of a risk still kinda confused me how that’s not seen.

I mean I could have pushed back harder when they insisted I go back in stims but I am an addict and I was manic. My self discipline was hard to access.

But I didn’t manipulate them to get it which is wild to me. Like I went in with the goal to get a mood stabilizer and walked out with two scripts for stimulants. One an amp and one a methylphenidate.

Granted helpful in prescribed doses and I can’t say I enjoyed Ritalin. Just blacked out all night. Was probably ODing unintentionally.

I just shouldn’t be prescribed atoms. And I tried to tell th multiple occasions. They still think with different formulations that they are safe.

Idk maybe it is safe since I didn’t like the high. And maybe Dynavel xr is safe because no peaks but I doubt it.

Have you tried modafinil or selegiline? Off label.

Otherwise, could you go into the appointment and say right off the bat that you don't want anything abusable? It's manipulation if you leave out things, too. In my opinion.

Curious. Dyanavel is on patent. Why did they choose it?

As an addict, you know that if you take any, you go to town. I'd let this be known. If you're honest and forthcoming, then they can help you.

 

[snmfmy]

Why would I do that? I didn’t do that anyway. They initiated all the adhd stuff. I didn’t manipulate them.

Sorry I’m sleep deprived. Why would I want her to force me? Hell no i don’t want my freedom takn. It wasn’t planned .

No but you took all the medication that they gave you in one go.

I have no idea why you might want that. But you were presented with a bunch of stimulants which you immediately went and ate all of for reasons which you yourself. Don't consciously understand.

I'm simply proposing that on a subconscious level you may want that inpatient treatment and when the opportunity presented itself to do some stupid shit that would get your doctor to probably be more likely to push for inpatient, you took it.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

No but you took all the medication that they gave you in one go.

I have no idea why you might want that. But you were presented with a bunch of stimulants which you immediately went and ate all of for reasons which you yourself. Don't consciously understand.

I'm simply proposing that on a subconscious level you may want that inpatient treatment and when the opportunity presented itself to do some stupid shit that would get your doctor to probably be more likely to push for inpatient, you took it.

It’s not like that. I didnt take them all at once. It was over the night and it was because I was blacked out. So no, it’s not that. I don’t want to go inpatient. I hate hospitals with a passion.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Have you tried modafinil or selegiline? Off label.

Otherwise, could you go into the appointment and say right off the bat that you don't want anything abusable? It's manipulation if you leave out things, too. In my opinion.

Curious. Dyanavel is on patent. Why did they choose it?

As an addict, you know that if you take any, you go to town. I'd let this be known. If you're honest and forthcoming, then they can help you.

As far as Dynavel, she said because she knows my primary concern is potential for abuse and that Dynavel doesn’t have many peaks or something about that. She basically told me it’s the safest one for me.

Personally, I find the term safe amphetamine an oxymoron for me. I’ve not found a safe amphetamine for me and all amps have abuse potential. I’m guessing it’s a kick back type thing.

Idk why I didn’t ask for modafinil. I guess I wasn’t prepared for an adhd appointment. I thought it was going to be focused on bipolar disorder. Now I’m starting to doubt I have bipolar disorder again.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

@AlphaMethylPhenyl I seemed to have forgot to ask earlier, segyline is used for adhd? I don’t know much about it. It does appear that this clinic only writes FDA approved medications for their indications. I don’t see them ever write anything off label. And when I asked about giving me Clonidine for akathasia they told me it’s not fda approved for that. They did end up writing it for hyperactivity.

What are the chances that it’s actually adhd? Slim to none I think. Only symptom I get is hyperactivity since being on T.

So I guess I shouldn’t take stims unless I can use them as prescribed which I might be able to but I might be fooling myself. But I didn’t enjoy the high from Ritalin so maybe idk.

10mg twice a day is a super low dose and I guess Ritalin is considered to be half as potent compared to adderral. And I usually am prescribed that at 10 3x a day so maybe she is being mindful of my concern of addiction.

5mg adderral is hardly a recreational dose.

Then again I’m probably convincing myself it’s safe when it’s likely not for me.

I guess I was just thinking the dynavel may be different but then we are dealing with actual racemic amphetamine. It is racemic right?

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/103/4/e43/66007/A-Comparison-of-Ritalin-and-Adderall-Efficacy-and#:~:text=This%20indicates%20that%20a%205,between%20d%2Damphetamine%20and%20methylphenidate.

 

[FindingSobriety]

You got a psychiatric evaluation for suspected BPD and manic symptoms and walked out with a prescription for a scheduled stimulant?:hypno:

Glad you’re ok…

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

@AlphaMethylPhenyl I seemed to have forgot to ask earlier, segyline is used for adhd? I don’t know much about it. It does appear that this clinic only writes FDA approved medications for their indications. I don’t see them ever write anything off label. And when I asked about giving me Clonidine for akathasia they told me it’s not fda approved for that. They did end up writing it for hyperactivity.

What are the chances that it’s actually adhd? Slim to none I think. Only symptom I get is hyperactivity since being on T.

So I guess I shouldn’t take stims unless I can use them as prescribed which I might be able to but I might be fooling myself. But I didn’t enjoy the high from Ritalin so maybe idk.

10mg twice a day is a super low dose and I guess Ritalin is considered to be half as potent compared to adderral. And I usually am prescribed that at 10 3x a day so maybe she is being mindful of my concern of addiction.

5mg adderral is hardly a recreational dose.

Then again I’m probably convincing myself it’s safe when it’s likely not for me.

I guess I was just thinking the dynavel may be different but then we are dealing with actual racemic amphetamine. It is racemic right?

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/103/4/e43/66007/A-Comparison-of-Ritalin-and-Adderall-Efficacy-and#:~:text=This%20indicates%20that%20a%205,between%20d%2Damphetamine%20and%20methylphenidate.

EMSAM is given for depression, and might be useful in ADHD.

You got a psychiatric evaluation for suspected BPD and manic symptoms and walked out with a prescription for a scheduled stimulant?:hypno:

Glad you’re ok…

Yeah I am questioning the veracity of your story, too, OP, tbh...

 

[snmfmy]

It’s not like that. I didnt take them all at once. It was over the night and it was because I was blacked out. So no, it’s not that. I don’t want to go inpatient. I hate hospitals with a passion.

Do you hear what you're saying? Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?

"I didn't take the 280 mg all at once. It was over the night"

How long was it supposed to last you? Why did you black out?

I'm not throwing any shade your way at all. I could care less how many drugs you do. But in the interest of helping you, maybe you should stop treating your doctor and your mental health professional as a drive-thru convenience store for your pharmaceutical drug shopping.

Cuz that's what it seems like you're doing. And I'm not the first person that's kind of either implied it or outright said it.

I mean if I had a mental health condition, the last thing I would be doing is taking all different kind of pills plus recreational drugs at the same time. And I include using prescription drugs in any way differently than they were prescribed or using prescription drugs that you're not prescribed as recreational.