Hi all,
I don't know what I'm asking for by posting this, maybe to know if people have felt the same, or have any encouragement - or even discouragement? Virtually no one knows about my addiction - so I guess I've come here looking for some feedback from people who understand/don't judge.
I have only just finished a short stint on bupe (just 2 days ago) with the purpose of detoxing. Today I'm fine - very minimul WD symptoms which aren't enough to bother me, yet I feel so tempted to just start it (opiate habit) all over again...
The reason I had a habit in the first place was that it was a way of coping with a complicated bereavement (which, whilst less in intense now than before - is still current and unbearable)....
I quit because the addiction was becoming an almost equal problem and stress in my life - I couldn't justify it anymore + I have goals that I want to achieve in the very near future and it seemed my habit would simply not fit into the equation. Because obtaining these goals - is just on the horizon, it was good motivation for me to go through with detox, which I have now done.
The thing is - as soon as I have no 'crutch' (opiates/bupe) is when life seems to throw the very shit at me, which would usually have me running for a double dose of opiates.
I know life is hard and big, and if I keep using a crutch I will never get strong (or so the pysche tells me) - but I'm sick of it being hard. I used to be such a strong person before the death - and now, since his death I can barely cope with anything challenging, no matter what it is.
I guess what I'm saying is - my 'goals' which were meant to motivate me to a clean life, seem to have lost their power and meaning in the face of really being off drugs and facing life's hardships again.
I want opiates
or I want back on the bupe program.
help.
I don't know what I'm asking for by posting this, maybe to know if people have felt the same, or have any encouragement - or even discouragement? Virtually no one knows about my addiction - so I guess I've come here looking for some feedback from people who understand/don't judge.
I have only just finished a short stint on bupe (just 2 days ago) with the purpose of detoxing. Today I'm fine - very minimul WD symptoms which aren't enough to bother me, yet I feel so tempted to just start it (opiate habit) all over again...
The reason I had a habit in the first place was that it was a way of coping with a complicated bereavement (which, whilst less in intense now than before - is still current and unbearable)....
I quit because the addiction was becoming an almost equal problem and stress in my life - I couldn't justify it anymore + I have goals that I want to achieve in the very near future and it seemed my habit would simply not fit into the equation. Because obtaining these goals - is just on the horizon, it was good motivation for me to go through with detox, which I have now done.
The thing is - as soon as I have no 'crutch' (opiates/bupe) is when life seems to throw the very shit at me, which would usually have me running for a double dose of opiates.
I know life is hard and big, and if I keep using a crutch I will never get strong (or so the pysche tells me) - but I'm sick of it being hard. I used to be such a strong person before the death - and now, since his death I can barely cope with anything challenging, no matter what it is.
I guess what I'm saying is - my 'goals' which were meant to motivate me to a clean life, seem to have lost their power and meaning in the face of really being off drugs and facing life's hardships again.
I want opiates
or I want back on the bupe program.
help.
