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We made it thru heroin addiction, now what ?

A

Alikat

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
70
Location
Atlanta
Me n my bf made it thru a wild heroin addiction together. He did 8 months in prison to clean up n I'm on methadone. He's about to get a great job n I'm unemployed. I've always been the better off one , now tables r turned n were in different states. I miss him n I'm worried he's gonna find someone better . Especially if I don't get off the methadone... But I still use occasionally n am terrified of full on relapse. What can I do?? I don't wanna lose him but I feel this tearing us apart :(
 
First off, a big congrats to both of you for getting clean. Even if you're on methadone, that's still a huge step and I hope you're both proud of yourselves :)

Has he actually said or done anything to suggest he doesn't want to stay with you now that he's fully sober and you're not? Or are you just imagining this? Not that you lose any credibility if it's the latter.
The best you can do if you're worried about the situation is just to focus on your recovery, on avoiding relapses and on progressively getting off maintenance. Don't lose sight of your priorities and always keep in mind your relationship has to come before drugs or heroin now. That's really all I can advise. Maintenance is precisely to enable you to live a perfectly normal life while you taper down - if you stick to it properly there's no reason it should affect your relationship too much!
 
Thanks:) he hasn't came out and said he would leave. He actually says the opposite that he WILL NEVER leave me ! But I notice we talk on the phone less, he's extremely negative about the methadone , he's always on me about getting stuff done. In my own selfish way I miss when his addiction was worse n I had the job n I was in control n he was the one who was insecure in the relationship. Now that's he's stronger I feel more insecure than ever . To make it worse out family is of course not too happy about our continued relationship. He really is a great guy n he's helped me break thru ALOT of things from my past, I think I'm just worrying too much n losing some confidence . Focusing on bettering myself really is the best solution! I need to fix me to fix "us"
 
Alikat said:
I need to fix me to fix "us"
Click to expand...

Exactly. It's normal for you to feel uncomfortable with this change of dynamic and to ask yourself questions, but try not to get ahead of yourself. If he hasn't given you a 'real' reason to doubt the fact that he wants to stay with you, then don't doubt it! Focus on helping yourself and other things will follow through naturally.
 
He'll be there for you ... you were there for him, so why wouldn't he be? Almost everyone has times when they are "more secure" and "less secure", don't worry too much about it. But work on yourself, bettering yourself :)
 
I've had personal experience with this and it wasn't pleasant as her and I aren't together.
when a person gets clean they say to change your people, places, and things. well obviously you didn't change your (probably biggest) using accomplice. when my ex fiance and I tried again, there was always a tension in the air as I could tell she was nostalgic of our using past. also you said you still use occasionally which means you may end up dragging him down. my ex was still using script painkillers recreationally and it made me want to use. if I walked in and saw her getting ready to pin, I'd have been fucked.

also seems like a hint of insecurity on your part when you felt better when you were in control. no one should be "in control" in a relationship. its supposed to be mutualistic. realistically I would think its better for you two to separate while you get your lives together as progress will be a lot slower when you're worrying about someone else. then try again down the line.
"if you love em set em free and if they come back its meant to be"
 
It's do true, if you love someone set them free.... I just don't know what office if he didn't come back
 
What office?!? :D.
I had a long term relationship that started with us doing mad amounts of dope, but eventually transitioned into both of us "recovering".
It was hard. Hard. She gave me a lot of shit for jumping to Suboxone, cause she made it through without an aid.
A few months later she was back strung out and got on methadone. I resented her because I could see that she got buzzed from her dose. I didn't feel she was truly clean and there was also a jealousy element to it.

Shit got straightened out, but it was like the past hung in the air. I don't know.
I'm not trying to be discouraging. I think I'm mostly saying to expect some substantial growing pains. It's almost like being with a different person.

If you guys were truly meant to be together, things will smooth out. If not, they won't. It's something you'll see over time.

Try not to get nostalgic for the old days. It's easy to do. To day dream about when you guys were drug buddies.
Also, if things are rough, don't start thinking a return to using will fix things. It might make shit feel better temporarily, but then you're right back to start.
 
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