Mental Health Was anyone raised by narcissistic parents/parent

[nuttynutskin]

How did you finally get your life back?

 

[Jabberwocky]

My dad is probably a narcissist - not sure if clinically diagnosable, though.

I was both the black sheep and the golden child, so he really liked me and i ended up sort of like him.

Hmm.. i think the obvious answer is to get yourself some space.

Does your parent hover over you constantly?

 

[nuttynutskin]

Does your parent hover over you constantly?

Well I'm almost 37 so not anymore, but I currently live with my dad who is a classic example of a paranoid/delusional narcissist I think. But basically I've come to the realization that I've never really lived my own life on my terms. I don't really even know what I want out of life which kind of sucks when you're not in your 20's anymore. I was never abused physically or anything but my dad was pretty much clueless on how to be a decent parent and never was proactive in my life. For the most part he was too buys with himself and his own problems. Other than that he's also seemingly succeeded in passing on some of his bad traits to me. I certainly know where my anxiety problems have come from, although some may be genetic.

 

[sonicwhite]

My dad is the same way. I have PTSD because of his verbal and physical abuse.

In 2016 my truck got stolen. I had to move. In February on 2017 I moved w him. When I was with him he didn’t physically hurt me but he verbally abused me tremendously when I was detoxing off of klonopin.

I have nightmares that involved physical abuse but when I was w him he was always in my dreams.

I could not function because of him.

I moved back to Oklahoma and I was perfectly fine getting off of klonopin.


I love my dad but that’s one thing I hate about his character. He would try to talk to women and then blame me when they wouldn’t fellowship w him.

 

[nuttynutskin]

My dad is the same way. I have PTSD because of his verbal and physical abuse.

In 2016 my truck got stolen. I had to move. In February on 2017 I moved w him. When I was with him he didn’t physically hurt me but he verbally abused me tremendously when I was detoxing off of klonopin.

I have nightmares that involved physical abuse but when I was w him he was always in my dreams.

I could not function because of him.

I moved back to Oklahoma and I was perfectly fine getting off of klonopin.


I love my dad but that’s one thing I hate about his character. He would try to talk to women and then blame me when they wouldn’t fellowship w him.

Sorry to hear you went through all that.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Yay my rent went up because I got in a fight. So sick of it being manipulated! Bad enough he has control over my finances but you don't raise someone's rent because you can't get along. Total bullshit.

What was the fight about? Just him badgering me for letting my cat in and holding the door open too long I guess. Not happy I lost my temper but you can only be picked on so much before you lash out.

 

[Jabberwocky]

That's sucks man.

The thing that always gets me about my dad, is he gets angry when I show emotion. When I get mad, he gets mad that i'm mad.

I'M GONNA TURN THIS CAR RIGHT AROUND!

Does your dad get mad when you emote as well?

 

[nuttynutskin]

That's sucks man.

The thing that always gets me about my dad, is he gets angry when I show emotion. When I get mad, he gets mad that i'm mad.

I'M GONNA TURN THIS CAR RIGHT AROUND!

Does your dad get mad when you emote as well?

Oh man can I relate. The understatement of the century would be that he doesn't like emotion to be shown. I don't think I've ever felt that I could express myself or have a serious conversation, so shit gets bottled up. And then when I lose it I'm made to look like the crazy one when in reality I think most people would eventually lash out after being picked on for years... "Agh you're running all the hot water down the drain!", "Why are you leaving the door open so long?", you get the ideal. Never in my entire life have I had the misfortune of knowing someone so petty.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Oh boy, my dad seems to be hellbent on getting sued for defamation or worse. Why is it the people that need help the most are the ones that never get it?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I find that those who are most vocal about their problems are a tad narcissistic. A good lot of people who need help express it by helping others instead.

At least, if you start a family, you'll be well aware of what good parenting isn't, and start from there.

I'm sure if you suggested therapy he would get offended, but would you two ever consider going in together? My parents and I did that once and the therapist stuck up for me and stuff.

 

[Nightrider19]

YEP and I now refuse to let my dad think he’s better than me.

Everytime now he offers to help me or something’s important it’s all about him.
So my satisfaction is doing everything on my own and I stick up for myself I had very low confidence for years and now I’m saying fcuk you I’ve tried and his loss

 

[nuttynutskin]

I'm sure if you suggested therapy he would get offended, but would you two ever consider going in together? My parents and I did that once and the therapist stuck up for me and stuff.

I'd be the first in line if I thought it would do any good, but I already know exactly how it would play out with him refusing to see any faults with himself. That, and he went to a therapist a while ago once or twice but quit because he thought they were an FBI agent. No I'm not making that up sadly.

 

[higgs_420]

How did you finally get your life back?

I am starting to.... long road. i feel the best now that i have no contact with my mom. she is a classic one. she puts on a good show for people too. i was the bad kid, everythig was my fault and she would never really like me

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

My fathers definitely a narcissist and somewhat autistic too. And being first child I too became quite narcissistic.
Thinking back to the shit Ive done and my drunken "social experiments", evidence seems to point out that the stuff that I have been most ashamed of is from the opinions that I learned as a child.
"Gay people are bad" and "only money matters" kind of bullshit.
Still got some ptsd issues going on, but since my life has stabilized a lot its good.
After growing balls I went against him in things that are close to me and basically showed him that you cant buy me, so he treats me well.
I let him blame benzos for my issues if that keeps him happy.
My relationship with my whole family is shit load of better than it was earlier tho

 

[Tireguy81]

How did you finally get your life back?

I haven't. I'm 37 and it still continues. I don't know what to do at all

 

[nuttynutskin]

I haven't. I'm 37 and it still continues. I don't know what to do at all

Same here... Hard to know how to be independent when you weren't raised to be.

Still not speaking to my father. Kind of weird living in the same house with someone you don't even want communication with but I'm not going to pretend everything's fine when its far from.

 

[Mikeybd27]

My Dad definitely is narcissistic he first cheated on my mom back in the early 90s with his secretary at work. He ended up getting caught and lost his job. We ended up moving again for the fourth time. To another state. 2 years later he was diagnosed with leukemia and a rare version. Long story short he ended up leaving my mom for his nurse after he went into remission. Moving just 20 miles away from my mom and me. And starting a new life with her three daughters and son. He actually even started a construction business with her son and spilt everything down the middle with him. I also checked his Will one time I was over and all his money is going to his new wife.
This all happened a long time ago. I try and not hold grudges but it’s has been a tough ride for sure. More than anything I have hated was he really never let me just get mad at him. Always taking me out to dinner and sending presents on my birthday and Christmas. I really feel bribed into tolerance with him. Which sort of pisses me off. I just hate thinking my head was being played up by my narcissistic dad for as long as I can remember. It really just makes me not trust him. And you can’t love with out trust.

 

[nuttynutskin]

My Dad definitely is narcissistic he first cheated on my mom back in the early 90s with his secretary at work. He ended up getting caught and lost his job. We ended up moving again for the fourth time. To another state. 2 years later he was diagnosed with leukemia and a rare version. Long story short he ended up leaving my mom for his nurse after he went into remission. Moving just 20 miles away from my mom and me. And starting a new life with her three daughters and son. He actually even started a construction business with her son and spilt everything down the middle with him. I also checked his Will one time I was over and all his money is going to his new wife.
This all happened a long time ago. I try and not hold grudges but it’s has been a tough ride for sure. More than anything I have hated was he really never let me just get mad at him. Always taking me out to dinner and sending presents on my birthday and Christmas. I really feel bribed into tolerance with him. Which sort of pisses me off. I just hate thinking my head was being played up by my narcissistic dad for as long as I can remember. It really just makes me not trust him. And you can’t love with out trust.

I can definitely identify with a lot of what you said... Especially moving a lot and being bribed essentially into "liking" or tolerance.

In other news, my dad is having surgery tomorrow and of course I'll be the one stuck here to help if he needs it. I think it's a fairly minor surgery, but it's really hard to wanna help someone who you dislike. He's literally down to one IRL person who he can loosely call a friend or that will deal with him.

Other than that, hopefully this thread semi useful for others and not just me whining. lol

 

[Lucy20]

My mother is a very cold hearted narcissist but wasn't around much, my dad was too drunk to be anything other then angry.
My grandmother raised me mainly and she's a very cold person.
I left at 15 and started drugs and drinking, only stopped this year, i never felt good enough for anything because that was all i heard as a kid, and the mistake I was.
I have PTSD from something else but it is only now that i actually trust another human, my boyfriend. He has ingrained into my head that I deserve more than I think and my value is more then i think.
Still really hard trusting people though, its its always in the back of my head that i do deserve the happiness i have now.
Parents can really mess their kids up

 

[nuttynutskin]

My mother is a very cold hearted narcissist but wasn't around much, my dad was too drunk to be anything other then angry.
My grandmother raised me mainly and she's a very cold person.
I left at 15 and started drugs and drinking, only stopped this year, i never felt good enough for anything because that was all i heard as a kid, and the mistake I was.
I have PTSD from something else but it is only now that i actually trust another human, my brother. He has ingrained into my head that I deserve more than I think and my value is more then i think.
Still really hard trusting people though, its its always in the back of my head that i do deserve the happiness i have now.
Parents can really mess their kids up

How old are you now?

And yeah parents can mess their kids up. I feel like I have had some narcissistic and neurotic qualities passed on. I'm thinking of maybe working with a therapist again but I'm not sure.