Relapse Walking the precipice of addiction and maintenance; which side of the cliff to fall off?

[LucidSDreamr]

I’ve been only on low dose methadone dependence with non dependency abuse of benzos and heavy weed use for 6 years or so.

So much every day I wrestle with the temptation to go all out (shoot oxy or heroin etc). I haven’t done these things in a decade now.

I have a very stable good life right now. Why am I considering this? I think it’ll just be a run? Sometimes I consider I should stay like that and just ride it out till death do us part.

Yet I don’t. I choose to make up things to be miserable and unhappy about. If I relapse I’ll be miserable and unhappy from it eventually. Seems like it’s shit either way.

Part of it is I miss the excitement of it all. The adrenaline of dealing with shady ppl. All the randomness. The drug street life. I was lucky in that I don’t think I ever experienced the non fun side of drug street life. Don’t get me wrong my life got fucked but street interactions and adventures never went as bad as I know they can

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Thanks for reaching out! That's a positive sign. A few things.

First, benzos have quite the habit of forming dependence. But also they can make people kind of depressed in numbing over natural experiences of feeling energized.

A lot of the time, people relapse when they're stressed. When they're facing big situations in their lives that they don't quite know how to deal with effectively. One can have a stable life and still have these feelings. There's always hope!

Yeah I know that 99.9%+ of the time, after people relapse, they desperately wish they hadn't. Might help to keep this in mind.

I get that. The life gets euphoric. Now, you have the opportunity to do so much more, though, being clean. And you don't have the tons of risks that come with the drug life. I mean, I could list a few, like overdose, bodily collapse, losing tons of money, losing friends and family, having major health complications, and getting locked up. Keeping these in mind should help.

Keep fighting the good fight. You can do it!

 

[snmfmy]

I’ve been only on low dose methadone dependence with non dependency abuse of benzos and heavy weed use for 6 years or so.

So much every day I wrestle with the temptation to go all out (shoot oxy or heroin etc). I haven’t done these things in a decade now.

I have a very stable good life right now. Why am I considering this? I think it’ll just be a run? Sometimes I consider I should stay like that and just ride it out till death do us part.

Yet I don’t. I choose to make up things to be miserable and unhappy about. If I relapse I’ll be miserable and unhappy from it eventually. Seems like it’s shit either way.

Part of it is I miss the excitement of it all. The adrenaline of dealing with shady ppl. All the randomness. The drug street life. I was lucky in that I don’t think I ever experienced the non fun side of drug street life. Don’t get me wrong my life got fucked but street interactions and adventures never went as bad as I know they can

Did you revisit an area you used to score or meet somebody that you used to do opiates with?

Many times that type of interaction can result in cravings to use or thoughts.

 

[PtahTek]

Why am I considering this? I think it’ll just be a run?

A very good question, imo.
I will entertain such thoughts to this day but 90% of the time I just hold the row and business as usual....
The last time I used a "street drug" I had to be injected with the narc. Good to see that this is no option for you. Safest anyway, ime.
I will tend to dose more if alone. There's probably many factors involved with this but I do get separation anxieties if away from loved ones and isolated. A bitch. LOL
I have cravings for different substances at times guessing I always will hell I'm almost 60 should been gone by now.
Just stay alive, yeah?
I'm trying and seems there are many others for whatever reason(s).
Be careful... Please

 

[LucidSDreamr]

I can’t beleieve most ppl out here just raw dogging life, no drugs.

This is crazy.

 

[CaptnRon]

I’ve been only on low dose methadone dependence with non dependency abuse of benzos and heavy weed use for 6 years or so.

So much every day I wrestle with the temptation to go all out (shoot oxy or heroin etc). I haven’t done these things in a decade now.

I have a very stable good life right now. Why am I considering this? I think it’ll just be a run? Sometimes I consider I should stay like that and just ride it out till death do us part.

Yet I don’t. I choose to make up things to be miserable and unhappy about. If I relapse I’ll be miserable and unhappy from it eventually. Seems like it’s shit either way.

Part of it is I miss the excitement of it all. The adrenaline of dealing with shady ppl. All the randomness. The drug street life. I was lucky in that I don’t think I ever experienced the non fun side of drug street life. Don’t get me wrong my life got fucked but street interactions and adventures never went as bad as I know they can

Do you stay busy? The only reason I ask, is that as long as I’m busy as fuck, I don’t really seem to get cravings like that anymore.
I’m only 10 months clean from opiates and all hard drugs, but the serious cravings and thoughts disappeared about 4 months ago.
But even before that I noticed that as long as I’m staying busy, I don’t notice the cravings.

An idle mind is the devils playground.

Stay good friend
Always, fair winds and following seas

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I can’t beleieve most ppl out here just raw dogging life, no drugs.

This is crazy.

Yeah dude! And eventually you come to prefer the raw dog way by far over the life of using.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Yeah dude! And eventually you come to prefer the raw dog way by far over the life of using.

I hear ppl with decades clean say almost every meeting that they still fantasize about or wish they could get high. They say their lives are miserable l, they are depressed etc despite so much clean time.

Then there’s the other cohort that swears they truly never think about it.

Both are probably telling the truth.