TDS Verbal Abuse and Being an Addict- Confusion

[Marie1010]

I don't know if I have a right to speak up since I live with my ex boyfriend, my roommate. I do everything since he is detoxing from his psychiatric medication which has been going on for a year. I know he cares but he's also vicious with his words. I do want to cut down and stop but sometimes I feel the constant cut-downs make things worse.

I'm very private, do not make noise and am not messy. I constantly hear how I'm a bad person, a scumbag and how I do not deserve something since I'm an addict. It's always so belittling and most of the time I fight it off but it's getting to me.

Do I deserve to be treated this way?

 

[ad lib]

No.

No one deserves to be treated that way and to suffer emotional abuse. You deserve a real man who won't verbally abuse you.

 

[thedawn]

the journey from self hate to self love can be tough.

you do not deserve abuse.

 

[neversickanymore]

Absolutely not.. get your self out of there.. what drug is mr abuse detoxing from.. most of the drugs that i know you need to detox from are addicting ones.. tell mr perfect to get his fuckn shit together and quit making his problems yours, stop using pathetic excuses to make you his servant and stop using psychological manipulation to break you and make you think you deserve any of this crap and to stop controlling you.. and abusive person will put you down and put you down.. they use this to break your self esteem, with no self esteem you are easier to control. If they can get you to not believe in yourself, then it is so much easier to make you do what they want.. a person who doesn't believe in themselves wont stand up for themselves and is easy to control.. by constantly putting you down he is making you believe that you deserve to do all the shit he has you do.. DROP THIS pathetic STAIN.. get out now.. because your an addict you deserve to be put down8(.. screw jobs like this make me ill We addicts are amazing people.. dont ever sell yourself short EVER.. and dont ever ever EVER let someone put you down because you have an addiction!!! guilt and shame are some of the most powerful wepons addiction uses to manipulate us to use.. he is using guilt and shame to manipulate you into thinking you deserve the awful way he is using you.. run, dont walk.. and never look back.. be aware that once you realize that you are an amazing woderful person and not only do you not deserve this but your not going to take it and leave.. then he will become the most apologetic nice lovable person... dont fall for that shit, cause its just another manipulation to fool you into letting him back into your life.. It is really common for verbal and emotional abuse to escalate into physical abuse so beware..

signs you are in an abusive relationship
1. Your Partner Blames You For the Mistreatment (humm.. you deserve the way i treat you because you are an addict )
2. Your Partner Tries to Control You
3. Your Partner Withholds Love and Affection
4. Your Partner Berates, Belittles, or Humiliates
5. Your Partner Tries to Isolate You
6. Your Partner Loses His Temper Quickly
>here<
>here<

Im so sorry you are in this spot.. get away from him.. he will not change..

Marie addicts are some of the best people on earth... clean addicts are even better you deserve and will have much better all you need to do is leave.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

I don't know if I have a right to speak up since I live with my ex boyfriend , my roommate. I do everything since he is detoxing from his psychiatric medication which has been going on for a year. I know he cares but he's also vicious with his words. I do want to cut down and stop but sometimes I feel the constant cut-downs make things worse.

I'm very private, do not make noise and am not messy. I constantly hear how I'm a bad person, a scumbag and how I do not deserve something since I'm an addict. It's always so belittling and most of the time I fight it off but it's getting to me.

Do I deserve to be treated this way?

He's not your partner any more, why are you still living with him? Take the drugs out of the equation and it's still a toxic situation to be living in.

Why the fuck does him 'detoxing' mean you're his slave? He's using you, 'Oh woe is me I'm sick. Wah wah wah'. You're not his mother, stop babying him.

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.

*I apologize in advance if I'm being harsh.

 

[neversickanymore]

He's using you, 'Oh woe is me I'm sick. Wah wah wah'.

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT Re-dist.. using another emotion to manipulate you Marie.. pity.. in a healthy relationship people dont need to use emotions to manipulate you to do something.. they usually just ask and it shouldn't be to big a problem because in a healthy relationship, both people do things to help each other out.. because the respect and admire each other and are either friends or lovers and like making each others lives better.

 

[T. Calderone]

I was about to ask the same question, he's your ex-boyfriend. I know you still have feelings for this guy. That doesn't give him the right to treat you shitty because he knows this and will keep taking advantage. Plus being that you're an addict shouldn't make a difference, though it does make you more vulnerable to his negativity.

You didn't say how long he has been off his psych medication. Yes, he may need your help detoxing but this should be overseen by his physician as well. You cannot continue to be his caretaker. Perhaps make a plan to move out on a certain date if you can.

Does he have any idea that you're unhappy with the current situation and is this a recent detox thing or has the abuse been going on for a long time? Things to consider, even if you're scared to speak about your feelings. Also go over Neversickanymore's list - signs of abuse. I checked off all of them, very sad to read and it hurts. (didn't live with him, still I felt very pathetic)

Think about where you were before all this started with him and where you really want to be. If he doesn't treat you well, there's no incentive to stay on. There must be a good reason why he is your ex right? Don't blame yourself just do what you have to do so YOU can start feeling better.

 

[herbavore]

You also have to ask yourself the hard question of why you are still putting up with this. Sometimes people stay in abusive relationships because they are self-punishing in a way. Ask yourself why this person is still in your life? If it is for purely financial reasons (can't afford to live on your own) then maybe simply finding another room with another roommate could solve that--but I suspect there is more and unless you delve into that within yourself you may find yourself repeating this relationship over and over with new guys. Addiction does not make you a bad person.

 

[Doody OD]

I ways look at each situation as unique, and try to acknowledge the subjective aspects of each persons situation and I try to avoid any type of generalisations.

However, there are something that I think can be safely say here:

No of course you should not have to put up this this type of abuse, and that is what it is, domestic abuse.

Being an addict does no mean you are a scumbag, a bad person, or not worthy of respect.

Being an addict do not confer any rights on another person to speak down to or belittle you.

Its sad that it appears that [I could be wrong] his abuse has had such an impact on you that you even have to ask the question do you deserve this treatment?

At the end of the day, you do not have to put up with his abusive behaviour, get some help. Is there any type of project or professional service where you can get some help?

You need to move away from this situation as quickly as you can, for your own health and safety.

I am sure it will be difficult for you to move away from him; but I doubt he is going to suddenly change his ways and start respecting you.

Its time to look after you.

 

[Marie1010]

Thank You everyone for your advice and support.

To answer some questions, he was detoxing from Remeron then Valium and now Clonezepam. We got a place together 2 years after we ended the relationship. I know what he's doing is not right but when I'm using I get in that zone that he wants me to be in.

I cannot thank everyone enough. I'm going to visit my mom on Tuesday for 2 weeks out of state which will give me time to recover and already have a deposit for a new apartment all by myself! Moving forward

 

[ad lib]

I'm going to visit my mom on Tuesday for 2 weeks out of state which will give me time to recover and already have a deposit for a new apartment all by myself! Moving forward

Awesome! I wish you the best. Keep us updated!

 

[neversickanymore]

Nice work!!