Unsupportive parents

[hyroller]

Well my dad came home unannounced to me having a conversation with one of my old drug buddies (who, mind you, he's never even met before).... we weren't even doing drugs, simply having a coffee in the kitchen, and this has been enough for him to order me out of the house within 3 weeks.

I'm going for good this time - cleaning out all my shit & throwing it into storage. I never want a reason to have to set foot in that house again.

The trouble is, I have to drop out of university to be able to support myself. The whole reason I moved home 2.5 months ago was to save some cash, and finish off my Honours degree. Now I have no hope of doing either, have to settle for a less-than-satisfactory office job, just so I can pay rent/bills and try to pay off my debts. To make matters worse, I lose my licence for 6 months as of April 26th. Things aren't looking very rosy at all

What pisses me off the most is the fact that I have curbed my partying/drug ingestion and everything so much over the past couple of months, and been met with no positive reinforcement or even acknowledgement of my efforts. I'm not happy being under the same roof as my father, so in a sense I'll be glad to get away... but it just begs the question: who else here can't rely on either of their parents when the going gets tough???

This is so fucked up. I had dreams of finally getting my thesis done & being school-free forever by the end of this year. Now, I have to do the one thing I have never done nor wanted to do and that is abandon my studies.... all because my family is so self-absorbed & fucked in the head that they can't find it within themselves to support me in achieving my goals.

fucken pack of jerks

someone pack me a cracky *sigh*

 

[embolism.]

my parents are alright now but i imagine i'll probably be in the same situation as you once university rolls around. i'm sure they'll grow tired of my lack of motivation and terrible study habits.

 

[graugeist]

...The trouble is, I have to drop out of university to be able to support myself. The whole reason I moved home 2.5 months ago was to save some cash, and finish off my Honours degree. Now I have no hope of doing either, have to settle for a less-than-satisfactory office job, just so I can pay rent/bills and try to pay off my debts. To make matters worse, I lose my licence for 6 months as of April 26th. Things aren't looking very rosy at all

Things may yet change. Do not give up hope.

What pisses me off the most is the fact that I have curbed my partying/drug ingestion and everything so much over the past couple of months, and been met with no positive reinforcement or even acknowledgement of my efforts.

Why would you expect others to drop what they are doing and praise you for doing something that you ought to have been doing the entire time? If you are still in school partying has no place in education and setting goals.

Now, I have to do the one thing I have never done nor wanted to do and that is abandon my studies.... all because my family is so self-absorbed & fucked in the head that they can't find it within themselves to support me in achieving my goals.

Stop blaming your family for this and do what you can to improve your situation. You are responsible for yourself. If you do not like how things are then change things.

 

[thebay420]

I understand exactly where your coming from. Im in university trying to finish and paying for everything myself through students loans, including my own housing. Although I can't say that my parents are completely unsupportive, I definitely cant say they understand my situation. I am paying for everything school wise now, I have a small part time job. I am trying to get my shit straight, we've had some problems the past year. My parents aren't very sympathetic to my situation, although i understand. What i have done i am completely responsible for. I am the reason they assume the worse I know think your dad is being a dick and overreacting about your buddy over, but think about your past and how his thoughts aren't completely unfounded based on our past actions. My parents always assume the worst, but i try not to get angry and understand that they think this way because of my decisions in the past.

 

[toolfan420]

I feel you hyroller. I'm in a very similar situation. I can't go back to school either and have to work to pay rent/bills/food. I'm about to leave my house tomorrow actually, and luckily i have a friend that will let me live with him rent-free for a little bit.

My parents are fucking psycho, I'm sure yours are too.

I've recently quit heroin and I haven't really gotten much recognition for it but I don't really care too much. I don't have much advise man and i'm sorry for that, but some times sanity comes before finances, you know what I mean?

 

[hyroller]

Things may yet change. Do not give up hope.

Short of winning tattslotto, or eating into my life savings, I really don't have any choice but to seek full-time work.

Why would you expect others to drop what they are doing and praise you for doing something that you ought to have been doing the entire time? If you are still in school partying has no place in education and setting goals.

Excuse me? My dad has never 'dropped what he's been doing' to own up to the responsibilities he signed himself up for by impregnating my mother - i.e., to provide roof over my head and to support my educational persuits (which I have paid for single-handedly since 2005)....besides the fact, I never went out & partied til I was 21/22, I'm 24 now and barely leave the house, so my "party phase" was pretty fucking short by comparison to most. More to the point, I haven't just 'stopped partying', I've been making an effort with my dad (taking him out to films, stand-up comedy, buying groceries and doing chores etc) and yet he flies off the fucking handle at the SLIGHTEST thing!

Stop blaming your family for this and do what you can to improve your situation. You are responsible for yourself. If you do not like how things are then change things.

I AM doing what I can, I've laid out my solution to my predicament in my post. It's just difficult when you are in such a precarious financial position, to have to start anew, with no support or understanding from the people that are meant to care the most. I'm just searching for some empathy, which given your no-doubt privileged upbringing, you are clearly unable to provide.

Since you cannot relate to my post or my situation, you should really just shut your pie hole if you're going to make incorrect, grandiose assumptions! 8)

All I wanted was some respite, a place to call home when all else fails - being without a steady support network is one of the most hapless feelings imaginable.

He's bringing his personal maid aka 'girlfriend' back from Thailand next month (yeah he's the kind of jackass who would prefer someone who doesn't speak English to cook & clean for him than have a meaningful relationship with another person who can think and answer for themselves), so I am guessing his mission is to have privacy for the two of them - he could have just asked nicely instead of leaving me in the lurch with my living arrangements at a crucial time in my life. Finally when I'm ready to focus and lead an earnestly quiet, sensible existence - I'm treated like a leper.

some times sanity comes before finances, you know what I mean?

yeah I know... it's just that money has a funny way of impacting directly upon my sanity; but that's okay; I can fend for myself....I've always paid my own way (despite the rather generous $$ my dad makes and won't spend on anyone - tight with the money, tighter with the soul), I guess I just wanted some sanctuary, somewhere to call home, to settle into and feel safe living in.

The dream of owning a property of my own will have to be forsaken, in exchange for joining the rental market....

I just don't understand the reaction! A junkie ex of mine ripped me off $10,000 (and of course, I was dumb enough to date him in the first place), and broke into the place when I was living there 2 years ago....but I was the only one at a loss, my dad didn't lose any of his property or personal affects... anyway, this paved the way of his rule dictating that I'm NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANYONE IN THE HOUSE

I mean why judge other people for the actions of someone else??? 8(

to be punished by an ex is one thing, but to have a father who cannot for the life of him see past his own nose....is something else.

(and no, I can't live with my mother - she was a hardcore bong smoker for many years and I haven't spoken to her much since I was 17, due to her losing the plot....)

I seriously lucked out in the parent department - both times

 

[footscrazy]

It is a really tough situation, but I'm sure you can work out a way to support yourself and keep studying. I managed to do it and while money was really tight, it is possible. First of all, I'm pretty sure your uni offers grants for people in your situation - who can't possibly live at home (Melb Uni did, so I'd imagine yours does too, iirc where you attend). Your uni can also give you an interest free loan to help tide you through. I'd strongly suggest going to see the financial department asap because those grants etc would be closing very soon if they're not already closed. They should also have a housing department - make use of these services, they're there for people in your situation.

You could claim youth allowance and rent assistance, which at around $450 a fortnight should cover your rent, then get a cash in hand job for a few hundred dollars extra a week for bills etc.

I think it's worth it living tight if you can get your studies done by the end of the year - that's only one year of renting, then you can get a job you want and start earning the money you deserve etc. Good luck

 

[hyroller]

thanks pet

just trying to get my bearings, I can withdraw without academic penalty before 30th April... not sure if I'll withdraw from the program altogether or what not, but yeah, I guess I'll have to sit down and really think things through.

I have my pass degree with distinction, so I could try getting a job in the industry. Which will be a happy medium until I'm in a position to get the qualification I ultimately want....

 

[Korn3x]

there's no reason why you should withdraw from the program if you're that close to finishing. that's the most absurd thing i've ever heard. there are student loans you can take out, or even considering joining a military branch.

my parents have threatened to pull me out of university before for partying, and i literally told them that they cannot physically do that, and worse case scenario i'll just take out a student loan or go to college through the air force or marines.

you've got lots of options, but withdrawing from your program shouldn't be one of them.

 

[hyroller]

^^^^ How do I explain... the times in my life I've ever succeeded academically, have been whilst I've lived in a homely environment with access to the resources I need.... to get the work done.
And not worry about the ten thousand other work-life stresses.

I can certainly try my hand at supporting myself and studying but the odds are certainly stacked against me for now. We'll see what happens.

 

[barnstable84]

See Centrelink to find out if you can get study allowance, rent allowance and even a healthcare card. A healthcare card may not help with study, but the benefits that come with it might help you save enough money that will be enough to enable to afford to keep studying.

Most Uni's or Tafe's will take your individual circumstances into consideration, because they are there helping you get your honors so that you can succeed in life.

I don't have alot I can say about your father, I do think that it's a bit unfair to be kicked out the way you were, but I don't know much more about your previous experiences to know what else has happened to make things tense to begin with. I'm feeling for you though, because you really do sound like you had made alot of life changes to complete your schooling and to show your parents that your study is so important, but some parents can't see things as a bigger picture without looking straight to the negatives and not seeing positives.

How much time do you have left to complete Uni?

Good luck xoxo

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

Well my dad came home unannounced to me having a conversation with one of my old drug buddies (who, mind you, he's never even met before).... we weren't even doing drugs, simply having a coffee in the kitchen, and this has been enough for him to order me out of the house within 3 weeks.

I'm going for good this time - cleaning out all my shit & throwing it into storage. I never want a reason to have to set foot in that house again.

The trouble is, I have to drop out of university to be able to support myself. The whole reason I moved home 2.5 months ago was to save some cash, and finish off my Honours degree. Now I have no hope of doing either, have to settle for a less-than-satisfactory office job, just so I can pay rent/bills and try to pay off my debts. To make matters worse, I lose my licence for 6 months as of April 26th. Things aren't looking very rosy at all

What pisses me off the most is the fact that I have curbed my partying/drug ingestion and everything so much over the past couple of months, and been met with no positive reinforcement or even acknowledgement of my efforts. I'm not happy being under the same roof as my father, so in a sense I'll be glad to get away... but it just begs the question: who else here can't rely on either of their parents when the going gets tough???

This is so fucked up. I had dreams of finally getting my thesis done & being school-free forever by the end of this year. Now, I have to do the one thing I have never done nor wanted to do and that is abandon my studies.... all because my family is so self-absorbed & fucked in the head that they can't find it within themselves to support me in achieving my goals.

fucken pack of jerks

someone pack me a cracky *sigh*

That sounds so unfortunate, and I feel really sad to hear that story. Is there any way you can talk to the people at your university about your financial situation where you can get some aid until you graduate and them pay back? How many credits are you shy of your degree? If it isn't too much, you can go part time while you work and still get your degree. There is never any limit to what you can do as long as you try. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Draigan]

Yo I can't rely on my parents either. Everything that I have in life has been through my hard work and determination. It will make you stronger in the end.

I found that the only thing that has helped me is to be a friend of myself, not an enemy of myself. I used to "not care" and "I hate myself," but that got me nowhere and was so fucking hard to see past, but eventually I did. One thing that being my own friend has helped me with is partying and drugs. When I party now it doesn't seem to disrupt me too much. I'm learning to party and have fun without fucking up other parts of my life. Its actually really great because I get all the good without all the bad

Be smart, live healthy, be creative, grow, dont put up with no shit, go ez on drugs, have fun, work hard, laugh!

Thats my creed. Works like a charm babe!! You can do it!! :D

If I were you, I would probably live on the streets and go to school before quitting it!

 

[Draigan]

I feel you hyroller. I'm in a very similar situation. I can't go back to school either and have to work to pay rent/bills/food. I'm about to leave my house tomorrow actually, and luckily i have a friend that will let me live with him rent-free for a little bit.

My parents are fucking psycho, I'm sure yours are too.

I've recently quit heroin and I haven't really gotten much recognition for it but I don't really care too much. I don't have much advise man and i'm sorry for that, but some times sanity comes before finances, you know what I mean?

Recognition comes in the form of not being sick from drugs!! Its for yourself -.-

I know its nice to get a pat on the back though! I am lucky I got a couple of pats.

 

[xxkcxx]

My parents are pretty unsupportive I guess.

My mom sees my addiction or my cutting as acts like I am doing it to make her angry and to upset her. She can't see how it effects me, or what is effecting me so much that I feel that drugs and cutting and starving are the only way to escape.

I'm trying to learn how to do what I need to do to get well and realize that I have no control over her. I've also come to realize that we just cannot live in the same house and be healthy and happy.

I know it sucks to have to leave and not get to do your school thing, but it may be for the best.

 

[simonadebisi]

My dad hasn't kicked me out of the house... but definitley is not supportive. He doesn't understand how bad I feel without opiates at all, he thinks the physical withdrawls I have are the worst part and says ill be fine. When in reality it is the anxiety and depression of not being faded on opiates that is the worst part, i go absolutley insane, I need that high.

 

[hyroller]

Yeah I don't do a hell of a lot of partying these days - I have no reason or desire to live that lifestyle.

I like my quiet life. I really do.

I don't feel passionately enough about my studies (or anything in life at this point) to delve further into debt right now. I want order & practicality in my life.....both of which can only be established through obtaining full time work.

Just because I got a swag of good grades, doesn't mean I need to keep studying endlessly in a bid to match my parents' tertiary efforts I'm about halfway through Honours at the moment. Had a problem with a teacher of a subject last semester who gave me a ridiculously poor grade (because he disagreed with me personally) and even after disputing it, it was never resolved have to go to student rights and seek a refund for the course, and lodge a complaint against the fucker for not doing his job.

At least that will effectively cover the money for the subject I'm abandoning. I will aim not to unenrol from the course entirely but to simply look into the options I have in completing it in due course.

Right now, school is not as much of a priority as living securely and contently in a place that I can feel at home in, is.......

 

[ranunky]

Stop blaming your family for this and do what you can to improve your situation. You are responsible for yourself. If you do not like how things are then change things.

That's some cold shit. I'm glad I have a family that's there for me and I think everyone else should too. Parents shoudl be there to support their kids, I feelsorry for those that don't have supportive parents.

 

[n3ophy7e]

That's some cold shit.

Do you mean that what graugeist said was cold? If so, I don't think it was. I think was more realist than anything. And from the sounds of it, hyroller was leaning more towards that attitude anyway.


hyroller, I can definitely empathise with your situation. I have also been unfairly treated by my parents, although my experience is slightly different:

My parents always placed a huge amount of emphasis on obtaining a university-level education. All 4 of my siblings went straight through university after high school, getting High Distinctions all over the place, some of them even obtained their doctorates. I, on the other hand, got in to drugs and partying in Year 12, which of course carried on until well after high school. I attempted to follow suit however, and painfully trudged through a year of university after high school (80% of which I failed). I eventually dropped out altogether. As soon as I had dropped out of uni I was pretty much disowned from my family, which of course exacerbated my drug use and further alienated me from them.

At this stage I had already moved out of home (at age 17). For the next 8 years I worked my bum off, paid my own rent and bills, bought my own car etc. All 4 of my siblings had all expenses paid while they were studying at uni: rent, bills, cars, food etc. Meanwhile I worked hard at regaining my family's respect after dropping out of uni. An example of how unfairly treated I was: my sister's friend (who was studying Medicine at uni with my sister) needed a place to live, and at the time I was living in my parents' apartment near the city, paying full rent of course. I was ordered to leave the apartment and find my own place to live, so that my sister's friend could live there, just because she was studying at uni. I had only just turned 18 when this happened.

Anyway, fast forward to today, and I am back at university, studying the course of my own choosing and with great passion, and paying my own way. And my parents have offered to pay my fees and buy my textbooks??? Well fuck that! I've earned where I'm at today, I neither need nor want their help. They can fuck right off.


Parents can make some very strange and unfair decisions at times. What we need to do, when we have our own children, is to make sure we don't make the same mistakes as they did. We need to remember the negative impact our parents' bad choices had on us and adjust our parenting techniques accordingly.

 

[toolfan420]

Recognition comes in the form of not being sick from drugs!! Its for yourself -.-

I know its nice to get a pat on the back though! I am lucky I got a couple of pats.

That's what I was trying to get at.