slightlyst00pid
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2004
- Messages
- 159
Unknown (Research) Chemical - First time - An amazing yet terrifying experience.
At the time I had no idea what I was buying or what it would do, just that "it would be amazing." Mistake number one. It was supposed to be molly and I bought two pills, one for me and one for a certain someone. The plan was to eat them at a small halloween party at a friends house. That didn't work out and we ended up going to a friend of a friends party where I knew no one. Mistake number two.
We get to the party and buy some water to swallow them down. I had the pill in my hand and started to get really nervous. I had a really bad gut feeling that this was NOT a good idea and I started to have second thoughts. I could tell my boyfriend did too, but it didn't very last long as he popped his in his mouth and gulped it down. Well, I thought "what the hell, i'm gonna have a good time" and swallowed mine. Mistake number three. Soon after a bowl was being passed around and I took just 2 hits, minutes later I got this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I had a huge smile on my face and was loving it, but I also started to feel kind of weird and anxious, so I asked my boyfriend to come sit outside with me.
Across the street the houses were swaying back and forth and changing colors. I started to get really nervous and I kept asking for someone to talk to me, but my boyfriend and someone else were talking and it was just us outside. I didn't understand why they were ignoring me and my body started moving back and forth too. I couldn't control it, I wanted to stop doing it but it was impossible, a friend came outside and asked if I was okay and I said I was fine. Then I puked on the sidewalk and started fading away from reality.
People at the party decided it was not a good idea for me to be sitting on the front porch puking all over the sidewalk and helped me inside to the back porch. As I walked inside I saw everyone sitting on the couch and I felt like it was a dream or a television show, they just seemed so fake. They all stared at me while somebody was guiding me to the back door and I heard someone say "whoa..." The last thing that was real to me was seeing my boyfriend puke. I lost touch of reality.
At first I was seeing myself laying on the ground with a flashlight next to my body as if I had fell down. It was in the middle of the street in some clean, happy, brady bunch town. People ran towards me and gathered around to see what happened. Then I was in my boyfriends kitchen, he and his mom reminded me of chinese characters from a playstation game. (I can't remember the name but it was like karate or something and some old dude who looked like an onion taught you) Anyway, then I was laying in my garden, and then in the parking lot where I work. At each place it was the same idea, people ran towards me and wondered why I was laying there.
This is when things started to get bad. I kept thinking I had ruined the "program of life." I screwed it up and now everything was messed up and it was MY fault. There were no more plants, animals, or houses. Just a big white space. I was a huge black ball floating in the middle of this white space. I was the outcast because I had ruined the program of life. Everyone in the world dropped what they were doing to see me. They gathered around me in a circle and pointed at me with their mouths open as if they were laughing at me. I ruined life.
At this time someone must have been trying to talk me down because I started to see just one person. It was just his head surrounded by fog, kind of like the wizard of oz or something. This person had one purple eye and one normal eye. I was drawn to his purple eye, there was something about it I couldn't stop looking at. I remember hearing "you just have to enjoy yourself, i've been there. just enjoy it." I wish I would have listened and thought about what he was saying at the time instead of concentrating at his eye, but I couldn't.
But then he was gone. I was now seeing myself laying on a picnic table at a party. I remember my mom looking at my body and screaming "SHE CAN'T HANDLE IT!" and crying. And then I saw the back of an ambulance. It changed again. I felt like I was dying and it hurt. I felt like everything was compressing into one tiny little dot. That's all I was, one TINY little black dot that just kept trying to get smaller and smaller and I absolutely HATED that feeling probably the most.
Change again, but this time it was beautiful. I felt amazing. I was under the impression that there was only a few things you could be in life. They were forms like people, cells, colors etc. I was the in the best form you could be. Only a 4 people at a time could be whatever I was, but rarely anyone could achieve this form. But I was one. I loved it. It's really hard to explain what "it" was, just beautiful colors, and the feeling of being higher above for achieving such a great "form."
Then of course, it changed back to the tiny ball scenerio, and I remember hearing "have you taken any drugs tonight?" and I screamed "WHAT?!?" in an annoyed kind of way.
There are so many other things that I didn't mention like the weird sounds that kept repeating over, and over. And some things that just aren't explainable. It was amazing yet one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I couldn't say the same for the people at the party though. They said this WHOLE time I was screaming at the top of my lungs, kicking, punching, knocking beer over, and spinnging around on the kitchen floor. Also they said I would sometimes talk to them, but I never saw anyone to be talking too this entire time.
Well I guess I was to much to handle and they decided after I started scratching at my face it was time for a trip to the hospital. My boyfriend went inside (while tripping face) to get help, when he came back outside I was under a bench once again scratching my face. I fought off the doctors (i'm 100lbs, 5') and they had to strap me down to a bed. My boyfriend said I kept yelling "DUDE! THIS IS SOO....." and proceed to start screaming at the top of my lungs again and the doctors would laugh at me. When I woke up, there were nurses around me and one asked if I knew why I was there. I told her it was because of a piss test I needed to get for a car accident I was in a couple months ago. (who knows it seemed right) Then she had a confused look on her face and replied "Why would you need a piss test for a car accident, especially for a few months ago?" I just said I didn't know and tried to get out of the restraints, when I realized I couldnt I asked her to get them off and she said they needed to stay on. I was really confused but let it go and fell asleep. When I woke up this time, my mother was screaming at me. I had no idea why she was being so mean, so I told her to shut up because it was just for a piss test (where I even got this idea is beyond me) A doctor came in and asked if I had taken any ecstacy. I got pissed off and said no. (and I really didn't.) . My dad very calmly told me that I didn't need to lie because they knew everything. I didn't know what these people were talking about. Until he said this, "Your boyfriends out there, we know you took something, there are cops out there with him now." That is when I finally remembered everything. I couldn't believe what just happened, DID happen. Some faggot doctor came in and said "if you were MY daughter, I would already have beaten the shit out of you." The other one came in and said I should stay overnight at a hospital 4 hours away with a toxicology unit because I might start "feeling the effects" again. I told him I knew I wouldn't and he insisted it was because of the meds they shot in me. My mother was pissed at me so she said I should go. So that is where they sent me, I slept the four hour ride and then I slept at the hospital. The next day I had a huge disgusting bruise in my arm where they stuck the needle, I looked like hell. I had scratches and brusies all over my body and face, lost a shoe and my glasses. I can't forget to mention the bruise I gave my friend, I kicked him right in the face when he was trying to get me in the car. It was a hell of an experience.
I still don't know what I took. I wish I would have had more knowledge then. After this I was grounded for a month and it took a year for my mom to start trusting me again. I have never felt the same though, and I have really bad anxiety. I'm way to scared to try any psychedelics again, but I feel like im really missing out at the same time.
At the time I had no idea what I was buying or what it would do, just that "it would be amazing." Mistake number one. It was supposed to be molly and I bought two pills, one for me and one for a certain someone. The plan was to eat them at a small halloween party at a friends house. That didn't work out and we ended up going to a friend of a friends party where I knew no one. Mistake number two.
We get to the party and buy some water to swallow them down. I had the pill in my hand and started to get really nervous. I had a really bad gut feeling that this was NOT a good idea and I started to have second thoughts. I could tell my boyfriend did too, but it didn't very last long as he popped his in his mouth and gulped it down. Well, I thought "what the hell, i'm gonna have a good time" and swallowed mine. Mistake number three. Soon after a bowl was being passed around and I took just 2 hits, minutes later I got this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I had a huge smile on my face and was loving it, but I also started to feel kind of weird and anxious, so I asked my boyfriend to come sit outside with me.
Across the street the houses were swaying back and forth and changing colors. I started to get really nervous and I kept asking for someone to talk to me, but my boyfriend and someone else were talking and it was just us outside. I didn't understand why they were ignoring me and my body started moving back and forth too. I couldn't control it, I wanted to stop doing it but it was impossible, a friend came outside and asked if I was okay and I said I was fine. Then I puked on the sidewalk and started fading away from reality.
People at the party decided it was not a good idea for me to be sitting on the front porch puking all over the sidewalk and helped me inside to the back porch. As I walked inside I saw everyone sitting on the couch and I felt like it was a dream or a television show, they just seemed so fake. They all stared at me while somebody was guiding me to the back door and I heard someone say "whoa..." The last thing that was real to me was seeing my boyfriend puke. I lost touch of reality.
At first I was seeing myself laying on the ground with a flashlight next to my body as if I had fell down. It was in the middle of the street in some clean, happy, brady bunch town. People ran towards me and gathered around to see what happened. Then I was in my boyfriends kitchen, he and his mom reminded me of chinese characters from a playstation game. (I can't remember the name but it was like karate or something and some old dude who looked like an onion taught you) Anyway, then I was laying in my garden, and then in the parking lot where I work. At each place it was the same idea, people ran towards me and wondered why I was laying there.
This is when things started to get bad. I kept thinking I had ruined the "program of life." I screwed it up and now everything was messed up and it was MY fault. There were no more plants, animals, or houses. Just a big white space. I was a huge black ball floating in the middle of this white space. I was the outcast because I had ruined the program of life. Everyone in the world dropped what they were doing to see me. They gathered around me in a circle and pointed at me with their mouths open as if they were laughing at me. I ruined life.
At this time someone must have been trying to talk me down because I started to see just one person. It was just his head surrounded by fog, kind of like the wizard of oz or something. This person had one purple eye and one normal eye. I was drawn to his purple eye, there was something about it I couldn't stop looking at. I remember hearing "you just have to enjoy yourself, i've been there. just enjoy it." I wish I would have listened and thought about what he was saying at the time instead of concentrating at his eye, but I couldn't.
But then he was gone. I was now seeing myself laying on a picnic table at a party. I remember my mom looking at my body and screaming "SHE CAN'T HANDLE IT!" and crying. And then I saw the back of an ambulance. It changed again. I felt like I was dying and it hurt. I felt like everything was compressing into one tiny little dot. That's all I was, one TINY little black dot that just kept trying to get smaller and smaller and I absolutely HATED that feeling probably the most.
Change again, but this time it was beautiful. I felt amazing. I was under the impression that there was only a few things you could be in life. They were forms like people, cells, colors etc. I was the in the best form you could be. Only a 4 people at a time could be whatever I was, but rarely anyone could achieve this form. But I was one. I loved it. It's really hard to explain what "it" was, just beautiful colors, and the feeling of being higher above for achieving such a great "form."
Then of course, it changed back to the tiny ball scenerio, and I remember hearing "have you taken any drugs tonight?" and I screamed "WHAT?!?" in an annoyed kind of way.
There are so many other things that I didn't mention like the weird sounds that kept repeating over, and over. And some things that just aren't explainable. It was amazing yet one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I couldn't say the same for the people at the party though. They said this WHOLE time I was screaming at the top of my lungs, kicking, punching, knocking beer over, and spinnging around on the kitchen floor. Also they said I would sometimes talk to them, but I never saw anyone to be talking too this entire time.
Well I guess I was to much to handle and they decided after I started scratching at my face it was time for a trip to the hospital. My boyfriend went inside (while tripping face) to get help, when he came back outside I was under a bench once again scratching my face. I fought off the doctors (i'm 100lbs, 5') and they had to strap me down to a bed. My boyfriend said I kept yelling "DUDE! THIS IS SOO....." and proceed to start screaming at the top of my lungs again and the doctors would laugh at me. When I woke up, there were nurses around me and one asked if I knew why I was there. I told her it was because of a piss test I needed to get for a car accident I was in a couple months ago. (who knows it seemed right) Then she had a confused look on her face and replied "Why would you need a piss test for a car accident, especially for a few months ago?" I just said I didn't know and tried to get out of the restraints, when I realized I couldnt I asked her to get them off and she said they needed to stay on. I was really confused but let it go and fell asleep. When I woke up this time, my mother was screaming at me. I had no idea why she was being so mean, so I told her to shut up because it was just for a piss test (where I even got this idea is beyond me) A doctor came in and asked if I had taken any ecstacy. I got pissed off and said no. (and I really didn't.) . My dad very calmly told me that I didn't need to lie because they knew everything. I didn't know what these people were talking about. Until he said this, "Your boyfriends out there, we know you took something, there are cops out there with him now." That is when I finally remembered everything. I couldn't believe what just happened, DID happen. Some faggot doctor came in and said "if you were MY daughter, I would already have beaten the shit out of you." The other one came in and said I should stay overnight at a hospital 4 hours away with a toxicology unit because I might start "feeling the effects" again. I told him I knew I wouldn't and he insisted it was because of the meds they shot in me. My mother was pissed at me so she said I should go. So that is where they sent me, I slept the four hour ride and then I slept at the hospital. The next day I had a huge disgusting bruise in my arm where they stuck the needle, I looked like hell. I had scratches and brusies all over my body and face, lost a shoe and my glasses. I can't forget to mention the bruise I gave my friend, I kicked him right in the face when he was trying to get me in the car. It was a hell of an experience.
I still don't know what I took. I wish I would have had more knowledge then. After this I was grounded for a month and it took a year for my mom to start trusting me again. I have never felt the same though, and I have really bad anxiety. I'm way to scared to try any psychedelics again, but I feel like im really missing out at the same time.
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![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
