Unable to have mental trips - worried.

[rollin_stoned]

Before i began smoking weed, i was a bit more creative, a bit more confident, and all around a bit more positive. This continued through even when i was smoking heavily, in fact when i first began smoking heavily is when i would continuously have philosophical thoughts, they would constantly be pouring out of my head. When this started I began to grow exceptionally interested in psychedelics and their mind expanding power.

Around the first time I got shrooms was also around the same time I started losing myself. The philosophical thoughts stopped and were instead replaced by blankness....even to this day it's like i'm constantly dazing out....hardly ever a thought.

I had thought the first time I did shrooms I had a mental trip, however, now i'm beginning to think I didn't. I tried shrooms again, but they didn't work, tried acid, didn't work. Than I was able to get my hands on some shrooms that definitely worked and ate an eighth (which is double what I had my first time) and had the most insane visuals, however, no mental trip was present. I remained dazed out, in fact i probably dazed out more than usual.

After this trip I came here for some help because I thought maybe I wasn't physically prepared for it because i had only gotten 18 hours of sleep pretty much within a week due to insomnia. I got some answers saying that sleep deprivation really does have an impact on the mental/spiritual apsects of a trip, so I left it at that.

Last night i got some acid from a reliable source this time and was excited to finally experience the creative, flowing, philosophical thoughts i had before but this time much more deep and insightful and this time I was back on a normal sleeping schedule, had been exercising and eating well so I was both mentally and physically prepared.

I posted a trip report of this which you can go read more in detail of what happened but all in all it was completely visual, i was still mentally numb.

I know this sounds completely absurd, but have I broken my brain?

 

[swilow]

I know this sounds completely absurd, but have I broken my brain?

No, but you may have changed its priorities. Abstain from drugs for a bit- then reconsider. Numbness or emotionless-ness is an odd state, but it does accompany some psychedelics; ketamine for example....

 

[rollin_stoned]

Im not saying im always like that, at least the emotional part.....i guess i'm comparing what you said to what a friend who went to rehab was saying about this one patient who was completely emotionless, no sadness or happiness or anything.


could this be a form of depersonalization?

 

[swilow]

^Depersonalisation or derealisation; latter being the feeling that things aren't 'real'.

Psychedelics defintely do both of those; some people find it freeing, some find it alarming. Have a read up on the wiki pages for both conditions

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

See what you think.... Sleep dep can defintely bring on weird sensations; defintely not a good set to trip with IMO...

 

[Solipsis]

I tend to zone out sober naturally but smoking dope and tripping definitely increased it. I don't worry about it myself, it's like I'm drawing a blank staring beyond everything. It's necessariy depersonalization or derealization but it's dissociation for me. I don't mind especially since it's persistent and it's like a little vacation for my overdriven head. Perhaps that is actually the reason for it happening.
During trips though I can still get massive philosophical thoughts.

Are you kind of worried since it is not normal compared to your expectations? Or do you experience it as a problem, as something that hinders you? Are you emotionally neutral?
Maybe you're unconsciously inhibiting or repressing yourself or maybe it's a conversion disorder.

Stopping with smoking weed might help since weed can actually dissociate and it muddles everything together.

 

[rollin_stoned]

Are you kind of worried since it is not normal compared to your expectations?

Yes.

It's not anything i really worry about other than after i trip, i've gotten used to it. And no, i'm not emotionally numb, just really no thoughts.

 

[swilow]

I don't mind especially since it's persistent and it's like a little vacation for my overdriven head. Perhaps that is actually the reason for it happening.

I have actually heard it hypothesised that DP/DR are vestigial remanats of the way non-human animals play dead or can get "stuck" in oncoming cars headlights. The conciousness leaves to avoid excessive trauma....

 

[jamesmartin]

I get what you get all the time ! Like someone is speaking in ur conversation group and you just can't think of some input?

 

[rollin_stoned]

I get what you get all the time ! Like someone is speaking in ur conversation group and you just can't think of some input?

OMFG YES!!!

it's especially hard when you and someone you're not very comfortable with or not a close friend are in a car ride alone......i'll literally start freaking out inside during breaks thinking to myself "okay okay think of something to say, anything."

 

[BiG StroOnZ]

^This sounds more or less like your personality and not the result of using psychedelics or smoking Cannabis.

 

[Solipsis]

Yes swilow, that is actually the 'conversion disorder' I was referring to. But there are really bizarre ways it can manifest. You can also involuntarily start to simulate something like parkinsons symptoms (but only the ones you know of!), or even simulate blindness!!
Funny thing is, despite the blindness these people still manage to make evasive manoeuvres unconsciously. They complain they can't see shit but they don't hit anything when they walk. It's still possible that they will if they start focussing on their blindness.
So what you say is surely a part of its core: the conscious process gets shut down by stress, damage or trauma while the unconscious processes remain (at least largely) unaffected.

Big Stroonz: while the above situation mentioned by jamesmartin could not be called a disorder, it is basically the same reaction: your conscious actions are strongly repressed by irrational fears only not in a pathological sense. Though you are right as well, there can be many reasons in your personality to act like this: most stem from insecurity, forms of perfectionism or lack of assertion.



One time I went to the public pool on acid and when I dove into the water the first couple of laps I could swim like a machine. It was total intuition, my body movements were perfectly orchestrated in unity instead of trying to move every limb accordingly but separately. Though when I realized what I had achieved I started thinking about it and my conscious interference wrecked the whole thing. Instead, I was now flopping around in the water like a spastic idiot. What a conversion indeed.

Needless to say the pool lady was amusingly surprised.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Derealization is always eerie to me.

I am always flabbergasted with it. 8(

 

[psood0nym]

I don't think it's uncommon for heavy cannabis use to lead to depression. Depression doesn't always manifest itself as "sadness." Often, the depressed person simply experiences "flat affect" (lack of emotion) and lack of energy and motivation--all of which contribute to impotent thought, whether amplified by psychedelics or not. It may be that the timing of cannabis's depressive effects on you and your first use of mushrooms roughly coincided, and you recall the mushroom use as the start, and seeming cause, of your symptoms because it marks a significant change in your mental history. Barring some traumatic event you haven't mentioned, your heavy cannabis use is probably the best single explanation for your complaints. Stick to weekend use or stop smoking for a few months and see how you feel. Your brain is not broken.

 

[malakaix]

The most unusual occurrence i experienced relating to this was a year or so back where for a period of roughly 2 months i experienced a 'complete deactivation' of the psychedelic's effects on various types of blotter.

To give a better idea of what im talking about.. somewhere during the peak of the trip, i would experience a 'trigger'.. weather it be a song, something someone said or something visual. And the result of this trigger would reset my mind into a sober state of mind, my visuals returned to normal and my mental state was that of a sober person.. i had no thoughts apart from what i would usually have while sober. It took about 30mins for the effects to come back.. but if i experienced that trigger again.. it would go back to how it was.

It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced on a psychedelic, i still cant explain it. It was almost like my mind had associated a certain trigger to that of been sober.. and although i was still under the influence of a psychedelic, it re-created the state of mind i would be in as if i wasn't on anything.

I havn't been able to re-create this experience since.. nor has it unexpectedly occurred, it was more frustrating then anything, imagine peaking and suddenly the trip ends instantly. It did however concern me a great deal as to what was actually happening with my brain though.

 

[rollin_stoned]

It may be that the timing of cannabis's depressive effects on you and your first use of mushrooms roughly coincided, and you recall the mushroom use as the start, and seeming cause, of your symptoms because it marks a significant change in your mental history.

In response to this and bigstroonz, I am not claiming that the mushrooms are what caused this. I'm saying that around the first time I did shrooms is when I first started experiencing this and that what I thought was a mental trip at the time, really wasn't one at all. Saying that I had this before I did the shrooms.

It's going to be very difficult for me to quit smoking weed. Although I've only been doing it for 2 and a half years, I've grown quite a habit. I've even tried a few times in the past to quit with no success. The last time I tried was actually directly because of what I'm experiencing along with my short-term memory loss, but again, no success.

But than again, I'm starting college this fall and I need all the mental capabilities to succeed so maybe it is best for me to abstain from marijuana. Not to mention I'm growing very nostalgic of all that creativity and philosophy i had naturally and would very much like to see what level psychedelics can bring me to in those fields.

 

[Nwalmaer]

I can relate abit

I used to be very philosophical and was quite excited by the potential mind expanding possibilities of psychedelics only to experience very visual trips entertaining but not quite what I wanted.

Personally I think I was over think expecting something from a trip is a sure way not to receive it.

I tend to find that I dont really feel much these days But I think its related to my increasing cannabis and alcohol usage (been a heavy smoker for years and the past few months an alcoholic) Ive abstained from psychedelics for a lil while because I found I was trying to hard with my thinking

Now ive hit a stage of trying to lil instead blotting it out with drugs Im sure theres a middle ground somewhere

 

[BiG StroOnZ]

The issue may not be the drugs themselves (possibly moderation is needed - habitual Cannabis use for some people limits their function), but philosophy and understanding doesn't come from the use of psychedelics or entheogens only. You also have to read books, watch documentaries, do research, etc.

What exactly is it that intrigues you? What were the topics you remember thinking about prior to this mental limitation manifesting? If you can answer these questions, then you should start researching whatever that one specific topic was (or numerous topics) that once came to you naturally. You have to stimulate your mind, and as a result your mind will again begin to flow with ideas - especially when you read books - and then ponder to yourself other possible connections that you can make with the new information you're receiving.

I agree with the below post as well.

 

[psood0nym]

This is a re-post because I accidentally posted under 'psoodonym' (prior to BiG StroOnz last post) instead of 'psood0nym.'

In response to this and bigstroonz, I am not claiming that the mushrooms are what caused this. I'm saying that around the first time I did shrooms is when I first started experiencing this and that what I thought was a mental trip at the time, really wasn't one at all. Saying that I had this before I did the shrooms.

It's going to be very difficult for me to quit smoking weed. Although I've only been doing it for 2 and a half years, I've grown quite a habit. I've even tried a few times in the past to quit with no success. The last time I tried was actually directly because of what I'm experiencing along with my short-term memory loss, but again, no success.

But than again, I'm starting college this fall and I need all the mental capabilities to succeed so maybe it is best for me to abstain from marijuana. Not to mention I'm growing very nostalgic of all that creativity and philosophy i had naturally and would very much like to see what level psychedelics can bring me to in those fields.

I think a combination of moderating your cannabis use and starting college may bring back those scintillating experiences you miss. There's no need to quit something that gives you joy unless the only way you can continue it is chronically. Try just using once a week or so first. I genuinely believe occasional use of cannabis and psychedelics is beneficial for most psychologically healthy people.

The term "psychedelic" means "mind manifesting," and I've found this to be a pretty literal translation. You miss philosophical thoughts? Well, how often do you read philosophy these days? Do you pursue new ways of thinking and feeling in your personal development? If you think yes, ask yourself, "how and when exactly?"

The initial vigor of the psychedelic(ish) drug experience comes from experiencing yourself from new perspectives for the first time. What is new about you, lately? Heavy cannabis use often results in being OK with the same old faded, easy, things. For the most part, we are the ones who expand our minds, not drugs--and we do it, slowly and largely without awareness, by engaging in new and challenging experiences. Psychedelics shimmer again when we provide them with shiny new terrain to illuminate.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Moderation is truly the key here.

 

[rollin_stoned]

wow, thanks much big stroonz and psood0nym.....that's some very helpful advice. it really made me question what I really HAVE been doing for the past 2 years....NOTHING. I guess over the past years i've become the stereotypical stoner I used to always have my nose in a book, drawing, and was able to maintain a high gpa fairly easily. However, as my use increased I became much more lazy...all I really do now is get high, watch tv, listen to music, and go on the internet. I'm not saying cannabis made me stupider, but it definitely made it a whole lot harder to maintain my GPA because my memory got worse and worse and so did my concentration.