Ugly Duckling Syndome or UDS

[tyranarus]

So after a bunch of bullshit between me and this girl and me having poor confidence i missed my chance and didn't work up the courage to ask her anything until it was to late. After analysing the entire situation ive come to the fact that i have UDS (ugly duckling syndrome sounds stupid but makes sense right?) i was pretty depressed, had poor hygiene, was very apathetic and thought i was unattractive for almost all of my school life now im almost done my senior year and im just finding now that im becoming more confident, Im also sure im attractive now (based off events that have transpired) however im still quite shy and not very social. So was wondering if you guys had some advice on how i could overcome this and get out and meet some people like me, Preferably how the hell to talk the random ass chicks that obviously are interested in me

 

[fieryslash]

I used to be shy when I was little so I knew I had to change in order to fit in social situations. The older you grow, the wiser you get so don't force something that comes naturally. You'll know what to do when the time comes and how to react to a situation when it arises; don't put yourself down because that will only fuel the problem. Today's generation really doesn't matter how attractive or good you look because what matters is who you are deep down inside. I believe that you will find another girl that likes you for who you are and you will like her back for the acceptance of your ego and nature. Keep it real my man.

 

[tyranarus]

But the problem is is ive missed so many opportunities and there are so many times when people will just talk to me and i wont really know how to react, like hell even just keeping conversation going.

 

[rangrz]

What I've learned... is who cares! Say what ever comes to mind that is halfway relevant. Either they will find it interesting and keep talking, or find it inane, and excuse themselves. In the first case, you gained a chance, in the second, you ended up with the same outcome as if you did nothing.

 

[highhooked]

The best thing to do is to just come off as kinda "out there" starting with your first impression. I love doing this. I just say totally off the wall things and then just laugh at my self and then i will sometimes bring it in and be serious for a little. Laughter eases everything. Do not worry about having a serious conversation. Just be kind of different ya know, and people will enjoy your presence.

I tried to explain that as best i could, i do not know if any of it will amke

 

[pofacedhoe]

What I've learned... is who cares! Say what ever comes to mind that is halfway relevant. Either they will find it interesting and keep talking, or find it inane, and excuse themselves. In the first case, you gained a chance, in the second, you ended up with the same outcome as if you did nothing.

so fucking true, just speak and say what you want to say. talk about what you find interesting but relate it to what is happening at the time, then ask them what they think

 

[K-Dazed]

You have to realize pretty much everyone goes through this, but to varying degrees. Like others have said, just be yourself and do your best to keep the conversation flowing. If you say something you deem to be awkward or odd, don't sweat it. Just keep talking as if nothing happened, or laugh it off. Eventually you get to that "Just don't give a fuck" stage where you don't give a fuck what others think (and this isn't in a bad way either - just not letting others hold you back).

One thing that really helped me out when trying to talk to girls is to not expect something out of it. I used to go to parties to try and hook up with women, but now I go simply to have fun and meet people. Once you take away the expectations it's much easier to keep it real, and to not be worried about what you're saying/not saying. It'll all come with practice though. Just keep being yourself, talking to everyone/anyone, and be friendly (both verbally and body language - body language is just as important!).

 

[Jblazingphoenix100]

I used to be shy when I was little so I knew I had to change in order to fit in social situations. The older you grow, the wiser you get so don't force something that comes naturally. You'll know what to do when the time comes and how to react to a situation when it arises; don't put yourself down because that will only fuel the problem. Today's generation really doesn't matter how attractive you are .............Keep it real my man.

That's bullshit(except for the bit about not pushing yourself down, and keeping it real = real talk). Talk to the middle aged nerds in the world, that play wow or warhammer 40,000 because they're too scared to truly live life, and meet women.

I highly recommend forcing it, but still remaining yourself.

All you need to know, OP, is that confidence wins, so work on your confidence; and you need to be passionate about something to draw the right kinda people - whether it be maths, dance, art, physics, engineering, or whatever - if you're passionate about something, someone who is right for you will be drawn to that energy, and this is how you keep your own identity.