Ugh.... trying to cold turkey after 2 years

[QuasiStoned]

I've been using poppy for almost 2 years now and due to various reasons I really must stop. I'm only 22 and my parents sort of caught on to *exactly* what I was doing - drinking this tea to get high as a kite mostly as a relief from life and and disguising under the thin veil that I "need" it for pain relief. The pain is getting tolerable and thanks to rocker sole shoes (I have a lot of pain from arthritis in my feet) I have relieved probably 50% - 60% of my pain.

My mom talked to our family doctor and told him the kind of pain that I'm in and he told me to come in and see him, he thinks he can relief my pain by at least 50% - 60%. I think he might have antidepressants in mind because they seem to help with chronic pain, I don't know if he is thinking of pain meds of any kind and if he is it's likely to be nothing more unique than percocets.

I want to be clean when I go to that doctor appt. so here I am at the 48 hour mark. It used to hurt like hell at this point but it seems like thanks to the benzo phenazepam and JWH-073 I've been able to actually sleep, one of the biggest problems for me. It still does hurts though, just not as bad I have to work tomorrow which will be the 3rd day clean (there will be minimal benzo use this day, I don't want to get fired 8 I will probably use a lot of lope though.) ) and then I have off Monday so on the 4th day I can go pretty crazy with the benzos if I'm really suffering.

I have goosebumps racing like fire up and down my arms and my legs seem to hurt a lot even though I haven't walked on them much.. But I am determined to see this through. I want to feel the return of at least *some* of my endorphins and I want to know what I can expect if I ever fuck with opiates like this again. I'm very thankful for the benzo though, it relieves my pain from withdrawal a lot. It seems to relax me and elminate some of my fear of withdrawals. I don't know how long I should expect to suffer, but I hope that by 7 days I'm feeling better. It's been a long time since I *really* quit.

Ugh...work is going to be hard tomorrow. I'm going to try and get some more sleep, just wanted to rant because I think I might be in sobriety from opiates for a while now. (Ugh do my legs ache though ).

 

[Mr Blonde]

^ Have you tried going clean off poppy pods before? If I remember right, the WDs can be longer then with H and that kinda thing...

I hope you pull through it brother, and once your through the WD I hope your appointment helps with your pain. Remember to find something to help you stay clean... I never give myself a reason to get clean and so never get clean.

 

[QuasiStoned]

^^^
Yeah man I've went clean off of them before, only difference is I have phenazepam to help this time. There's another thread about how I overdosed later that morning though so I drank a normal dose of tea before work. ODing and going cold turkey are two things that I couldn't do at the same time

I'm at the 36 hour mark and have the yawning and goosebumps starting again. The phenazepam helps, but I still feel kind of restless. I wonder how I'll feel in a week from now, only one way to find out...

 

[dirkduck]

Hi QS,
I've always found your posts elsewhere interesting to read. Please keep us updated on your situation here!

 

[Mr Blonde]

Yeah QS I read your other post, sounds like a nasty and weird experience.

The WD is going to be shit, do you have a support network to help you out in real life? And remember that we are all here to give you support on BL the best we can brother.

 

[hyroller]

Dude, I admire your testicular fortitude.... no way known many of us could just up and quit without tapering off something after 2 years

Congratulations are due. and the very best of luck....

 

[seducedsoul]

Hey man! I read that terrifying account of your OD.... oh man! I am probably going to sound really dumb if it's obvious to everyone, and I am just not getting it... but what was the drug/med you overdosed on? Was it an RC? [which then I am so unfamiliar with all those] Tried googling, but i'd rather hear it from you or someone here.

I am wishing you the best with these w/d's. Never w/d'd from pods as you know, but opiates are opiates are opiates. It must feel awful, but just think- a week gone by... you'll be DONE. Not accounting for PAWS and not always f eeling 100% but even as you write this, I feel like you are looking forward to clearing out your mind and not relying on the pods, and I think you'll enjoy feeling clean for a bit.
As simple as it sounds, for me, for pain that returns [pain that's always been there not associated with w/d but is not helping when you do try to w/d] i take up tp 800mg of ibuprofien.
Or an aleve. [aleve is pretty amazing for arthritis, my father has it and he's taken opiates for it, and says aleve TRULY takes away the pain. I agree to that testimony as it works so well for al ong period of time when I am feeling pain AND sick]

And um I am honestly sure you know all that, but just relaying my experience.

I am wishing you the best of luck dude! Update us on your progress [if that will help ]

Feel better

 

[QuasiStoned]

Dude, I admire your testicular fortitude.... no way known many of us could just up and quit without tapering off something after 2 years

Congratulations are due. and the very best of luck....

Well, I've got benzos for the first time (phenazepam) so I'm trying to spend as much time as possible toughing it out cold turkey. I have changed my plans due to the OD and decided to taper for a few days to get the phenazepam out of my system, I don't want an addiction to that too

Yeah QS I read your other post, sounds like a nasty and weird experience.

The WD is going to be shit, do you have a support network to help you out in real life? And remember that we are all here to give you support on BL the best we can brother.

The WD's are indeed going to be shit. This all started because I ran my car (which is in my dads name) into a ditch when I stormed out of the house early in the morning hours after argruing with my mom. I was on the magic phenazepam/1,4BDO combo that nearly killed me only this time I fell asleep and drove off into a muddy ditch. I immediatly woke up and tried to get out for a whiile. I fall asleep eventually 8) and some guy drives me home. I get my dad and he tries to pull the car out of the mud with his truck, then the State police arrived. I could have been arrested, my pupils were blown from the benzos/1,4 BDO and they knew I was intoxicated in SOME way, but they let me go with a "dangerous lane change" or something similar. Then my dad and I get into a fist fight while drunk and he is charged with simple assault and I am harassment. Part of his bail was that he apparently couldn't see me (and he's not mad at me, just worried about the drugs). My mom called him when she found me and he told her to immediatly call 911 but wasn't allowed to be around when I was revived due to the whole assault thing.

So my dad can be of no support until this court shit blows over, but my mom is supporting me even though I'm usually very grumpy while I'm in deep withdrawal.

Hi QS,
I've always found your posts elsewhere interesting to read. Please keep us updated on your situation here!

I'll do my best and I'm glad you find my posts interesting.

Hey man! I read that terrifying account of your OD.... oh man! I am probably going to sound really dumb if it's obvious to everyone, and I am just not getting it... but what was the drug/med you overdosed on? Was it an RC? [which then I am so unfamiliar with all those] Tried googling, but i'd rather hear it from you or someone here.

I am wishing you the best with these w/d's. Never w/d'd from pods as you know, but opiates are opiates are opiates. It must feel awful, but just think- a week gone by... you'll be DONE. Not accounting for PAWS and not always f eeling 100% but even as you write this, I feel like you are looking forward to clearing out your mind and not relying on the pods, and I think you'll enjoy feeling clean for a bit.
As simple as it sounds, for me, for pain that returns [pain that's always been there not associated with w/d but is not helping when you do try to w/d] i take up tp 800mg of ibuprofien.
Or an aleve. [aleve is pretty amazing for arthritis, my father has it and he's taken opiates for it, and says aleve TRULY takes away the pain. I agree to that testimony as it works so well for al ong period of time when I am feeling pain AND sick]

And um I am honestly sure you know all that, but just relaying my experience.

I am wishing you the best of luck dude! Update us on your progress [if that will help ]

Feel better

You're not dumb, I don't think a lot of people know much about 1,4BDO. It is basically a prodrug for GHB, but it feels kind of weird to me like there is something else going on there, I've had events where I woke up to a deep breath like I had been deprived of breath or something. So I basically overdosed on a moderate dose of phenazepam and moderate to high dose of GHB. I thought I would be okay because I could barely feel the phenazepam but I think that's due to it's long half life. Thanks for the advice, I've always shunned NSAIDs as bullshit but I decided to give some excedrin back and body a chance today before work see if that helps at all.

I have to work the rest of this week until saturday so I think I'll actually be tapering (taking just under the amount of pods I need) and giving the phenazepam a break, that shit has a 60 hour half life and I don't want a benzo habit when this is all done. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to sleep this saturday away cold turkey and use my phenazepam.

Anyway thanks for all the support guys, I'll keep you guys posted. My only goal at this point is to right a song about overdose while the experience is still fresh in my mind.... a song like Southern Rock by alkaline trio if there are any trio fans. Anyway, gotta get to work I'm feeling okay right now because I had a sip of tea so work shouldn't be too bad (or too much worse than usual ).

 

[Draigan]

wheres the OD post? Me wants to read. I dunno what to say man. Cold turkey is actually kinda simple it just hurts like hell. I don't understand why you don't just start taking maintanace doses(i.e just enough to keep say 50 percent of the sickness away.

Why do you need to be off it for the doctors appoitnment, exactly? I cold turkeyed a crazy fucking habit once. It hurt a lot, but in the end man, pain is just pain. It passess.

The thing to remember is that it will be over soon. Even if 2weeks, thats not too long in the scale of things.

Good for you my brother! It feels nice to be sober and happy. Its hard to get to the happy part, but once it comes its a lot easier to hold onto

Just like its hard to stop drugs, its hard for me to stop enjoying my life now! I like being sober more than being high, but I get high off booze weed mdma shrooms, shit like that, once in a while!

All i am saying is that I feel good sober and I believe its worth it. I hope thats encouraging.

 

[Mr Blonde]

^ The OD thread is in this forum, it's called 'I died this morning'.

That shit with your dad sounds tough brother, I hope it works out between you two. Keep us posted about your WD as well brother, it's tough but you can get there.

 

[QuasiStoned]

^^^^
I'm really glad to see your return to Bluelight Mr Blonde, I aways thought you were helpful and knew your shit. Good man.

Anyway, The morning of the 1,4 BDO overdose I was in bad withdrawals and made a 6 pod tea because I was so distressed by what happened. This morning I drank a tiny bit of tea, enough to get me towards maybe 70% normal and such small doses don't last long. I was fine at work but the withdrawals are coming back now and I'm getting the goosebumps and feeling sort of anxious. The only sleep I've had was after consuming phenazepam, and I've made a nightly routine of it. I've been using it a lot though and it's a potent (albeit not very noticable for me) benzo.

I'm thinking of going a little heavier on the pods (whenever they arrive) and keep myself comfortable for about 3 days so I can get some of this phenazepam out of my system. I don't really want to get rebound anxiety/insomnia or anything when I stop the phenazepam and using it daily the effects get seemingly unnoticable about a day after dosing, but in reality there's still a lot of phen there if it really has a 60 hour half life.

Anyway tonight my plan is to try and relax with the benzo, ignore the chills and leg pain and smoke cigarettes and JWH-018 until I get drowsy from the benzo. I took some diphenhydramine so hopefully that with the benzo will make me hit the sack soon. Just starting to get sick, tomorrow I'll be feeling really bad. I'm waiting on a poppy shipment for tapering and it's going to be about 2 or 3 days later than I expected so I have limited resources - loperamide (which I only use higher doses of in a pinch), a couple of stems and knobs, and enough tea in the fridge to get me through work tomorrow without so much trouble. I'm going to practically be forced to detox before my "tapering" pods even arrive.

After 2 years, I must admit that the cravings are insane, much more than they used to be. My mind keeps going down this path where I keep on using the pods to get high and trying to fool my mom I'm tapering and milking this for as long as I can so I buy another case. Then my other worry is that I'll clean up and get all my privileges back and get a fucking UPS mailbox so I can discreetly order my pods and either eat them or buy a small coffee pot and try to hide my use and use "occasionally." I know it's probably impossible but I feel like I need to find out for sure that I can never use again a couple of weeks after this blows ove. It's fucking pathetic but god damn for a few hours at work all I could think about was
PPT and how I wished I could go home and make a large dose.

 

[Mr Blonde]

After 2 years, I must admit that the cravings are insane, much more than they used to be. My mind keeps going down this path where I keep on using the pods to get high and trying to fool my mom I'm tapering and milking this for as long as I can so I buy another case. Then my other worry is that I'll clean up and get all my privileges back and get a fucking UPS mailbox so I can discreetly order my pods and either eat them or buy a small coffee pot and try to hide my use and use "occasionally." I know it's probably impossible but I feel like I need to find out for sure that I can never use again a couple of weeks after this blows ove. It's fucking pathetic but god damn for a few hours at work all I could think about was
PPT and how I wished I could go home and make a large dose.

I hear you brother, being obsessed is what keeps me addicted. Some people don't take my addiction seriously 'cause it's codeine but fuck at 1.8 grams a day it sure as hell can give nasty WD symptoms after you quit, and after three years the habit is hard to shake. Usually getting through WD isn't too hard for me, it's afterwards when I'm craving some codeine that I relapse. Falling in love helped for a while, but it's a very complicated relationship that I won't go into about right now, add to that my mental illness and it's hard to resist getting doped up. When codeine gets rescheduled here next month I'm afraid I'll move on to something stronger and really fuck everything up.

I remember when I did get clean for about two months once, it was due to suddenly finding all this joy in life; being in love, having a plan on how to get ahead, knowing what I wanted to do with myself. Then my anxiety problems came back up and instead of getting help for that I slipped back to codeine.

I don't know why you became addicted, all I know is in my situation it was due to anxiety and depression and finding out that I could feel normal when I was doped up. And in my mind, codeine is now irreversibly linked to that feeling of peace and tranquility and it's hard to give up. Before I can get clean, I need to get treatment for my mental health issues and after being in the psych ward last week, I am now starting to get treated.

I'm really glad to see your return to Bluelight Mr Blonde, I aways thought you were helpful and knew your shit. Good man.

Cheers brother, it's good to be back and see familiar users here still. I had a very fucked up year while I was gone, sometimes I longed to come back on here for help but I was basically a paranoid shut in. It's good to be able to talk openly on here, I don't have much of a support network or friends in reality, but I can talk to people on here and that helps.